Made a Bad Impression

[Benzene]

This is more a vent than anything. My advisor inquired about my status with a school, and I made a bad impression during the interview/email process. I came across as entitled and cocky, apparently. I would really describe myself as, well, awkward, so it's a bit of a shock that I came across that way. While I can think of a couple things I said in person that may have been taken the wrong way, it is such a strange thing to hear!! So now I'm mentally combing through the very short meeting I had, and re-reading emails...But mostly, I just asked questions, and totally normal grad applicant questions at that...

Long story short, I suppose, watch your wording!

[Phenomenologist]

Bummer.

[Safferz]

How do you know you left a bad impression?

[Benzene]

POI told my advisor what I'd said above, so that we would be aware and I could avoid doing so in the future.

[Anoushka]

Hey, sorry to hear, but of course interviews are not everything!

It would be really helpful if you could give a few details about phrases you said or questions you asked that you think were taken the wrong way. I'm about to do an interview, and so I would like to know what I should avoid...

[MoJingly]

Hey Benzene, sorry to hear this! But you are still waiting for you actual admission decision, right?

Nerves can do crazy things to us (you didn't necessarily say you were nervous, I know). Do you know how people make comments about how they act when they are drunk? Like, "I'm a mean drunk." "I'm a sad drunk." I think we should start making comments about how we act as nervous interviewees. "I'm a cocky interviewee." "I'm a spastic interviewee."

Me, personally, I'm an overly enthusiastic interviewee.

[Benzene]

I did inadvertently insult the state the school is in..ha! It just came out wrong, and I was too nervous to correct myself. So don't do that. I was hoping the POI would chalk that up to nerves, or honesty - it's not a well known program. I did follow it with how great him and his program was, but eh. But aside from that, honestly, I searched questions on here, picked good, typical ones, and just asked them. My advisor and I are thinking perhaps I asked too directly, or, I think perhaps I asked too many in a short amount of time. The only other thing I could think of is that perhaps he or his students overheard me telling my friends how well I thought it went, which was more an attempt to convince myself than anything, but I could see how it could come across as cocky.

Mojingly, I was dying of nervousness! The entire process of meeting up with the POI was a ridiculous comedy of errors and I was convinced I blew it based on my inability to get to the right place at the right time multiple times...However, I *love* the idea of owning my 'cocky interviewee' label. I am slightly impressed with myself that I can even come across that way!

[franks98]

I did inadvertently insult the state the school is in..ha! It just came out wrong, and I was too nervous to correct myself. So don't do that. I was hoping the POI would chalk that up to nerves, or honesty - it's not a well known program. I did follow it with how great him and his program was, but eh. But aside from that, honestly, I searched questions on here, picked good, typical ones, and just asked them. My advisor and I are thinking perhaps I asked too directly, or, I think perhaps I asked too many in a short amount of time. The only other thing I could think of is that perhaps he or his students overheard me telling my friends how well I thought it went, which was more an attempt to convince myself than anything, but I could see how it could come across as cocky.

Mojingly, I was dying of nervousness! The entire process of meeting up with the POI was a ridiculous comedy of errors and I was convinced I blew it based on my inability to get to the right place at the right time multiple times...However, I *love* the idea of owning my 'cocky interviewee' label. I am slightly impressed with myself that I can even come across that way!

Ha! I spent much of my interview insulting the state... well, at least the crazy politics of the state because it deals directly with some of my research. I think I laid that out pretty well in my SOP, and that it was one of the major factors in me getting an interview. The faculty was all in agreement with me, though, so it seems that I played the "insult the state" card pretty well

[waddle]

OP, I empathize. I'm pretty sure I screwed up my interview, too (which probably led to the unpleasant news later on ).

MoJingly, I'm an under-enthusiastic interviewee (I'm not too expressive anyways, and tend to be socially awkward, especially when I'm under scrutiny). Bleh. I guess I might be too blunt sometimes; I should really start paying attention to what comes out my mouth.

Off topic: Anybody ever find that when someone asks you a yes/no question, you automatically respond randomly with either of the choices, then take a moment to digest what they said, and correct your response thereafter if necessary? I tend to do that all the time--is it just me?

[Zouzax]

I'm totally learning the importance of word choice. I have a tendency to talk quickly without paying attention to the words I'm using, and its gotten me into trouble a few times. For example, last week I did a presentation on my thesis research & I said the word "Should" instead of "Could" (thus making it look like I was TELLING people what to do, not RECOMMENDING) and I swear one of my professors launched an attack on me like it was WWIII as she thought I was telling her how to do her job.

Another example is that I was describing the field I'm in to a friend & I meant to say one of the things we study is literature for the LGBT community ... but I said "we study gay literature" which my friend informed me was offensive. I had no idea .. and then I remembered I had said the exact same thing in an email to one of my POIs. Maybe thats why I was rejected from that school .

But seriously, word choice is very, very important. Especially during things like interviews, presentations, and emails, where what you say during that short period of time represents who you are to that person. I had an interview two days ago & I made sure to talk more slowly, to think about his questions, to pay attention to his reaction to what I said to see if further explanation was necessary (I tend to be very long-winded, which is another problem because the more I talk the more I insert my foot into my mouth) and to be aware of what I was saying at all times.

I also re-read my emails once or twice before sending them to make sure they aren't making sweeping generalizations or saying things that could be taken as offensive. It takes a little work, but it's worth it in the end.

[beanbagchairs]

OP, sorry to hear that. Now I also worry about my interviews . I am very excited about their programs; that made me even more nervous.

Off topic: Anybody ever find that when someone asks you a yes/no question, you automatically respond randomly with either of the choices, then take a moment to digest what they said, and correct your response thereafter if necessary? I tend to do that all the time--is it just me?

I used to do that! Now, I take my time before answering any question. It also helps that I am a teacher now. I practice answering questions every day

[ringo-ring]

This is more a vent than anything. My advisor inquired about my status with a school, and I made a bad impression during the interview/email process. I came across as entitled and cocky, apparently. I would really describe myself as, well, awkward, so it's a bit of a shock that I came across that way.

I don't think there is any of your fault or anything you could do better - all in all, it is impossible to make everyone love you, there will always be some people who find you cocky, entitled, etc. regardless of what you do! You and the POI who had interviewed you are probably just very different people who won't understand/appreciate each other, just because they're different, that's it.