DONE. Ugh. Anyone else done?

[antecedent]

I read this topic weeks ago and thought to myself "WHY AM I NOT DONE, AAAAUGH"

Well, I'm done now, and keep getting anxiety flashbacks. For example: "WHY WAS MY SOP SO AWFUL??", "MY REFEREES ARE GOING TO SAY HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT ME" and "I BET YOU I SPELLED SOMETHING ELSE WRONG."

But I'm done, and I know I'm done, because I can veg out and rewatch Firefly and knit the big fluffy cowl that was MY carrot for the last few weeks.

High fives to all you early finishers and best of luck to those still crawling (or racing) towards the finish line.

[darjeelingtea16]

I know what you mean about worrying about references. Last year when I applied, I had a reference say that she'd be happy to write me a strong letter of support. When I asked her to write for me this year, she told me all the reasons why she couldn't write me a strong letter of support, which I wish she would've told me last time! Needless to say, I found someone else to write me a letter, but the whole experience has made me very nervous.

And yay for Firefly! I've been watching X-Files haha

[Timshel]

I know what you mean about worrying about references. Last year when I applied, I had a reference say that she'd be happy to write me a strong letter of support. When I asked her to write for me this year, she told me all the reasons why she couldn't write me a strong letter of support, which I wish she would've told me last time! Needless to say, I found someone else to write me a letter, but the whole experience has made me very nervous.

And yay for Firefly! I've been watching X-Files haha

Wow. What changed between last year and this year? That seems odd. So does that mean she didn't write you that strong of a letter last year? Why would she do that?

[darjeelingtea16]

I think she might just be mean lol. I really don't know. Nothing changed at all. My MA program ended and I asked her to write me a letter, which she gladly did, and then when I asked again, suddenly there were all these reasons why she should not. Which makes me wonder what she said in her letter for me last year. I'm going to assume it wasn't a bad reference letter, but if it was a dud, that's just a bad, ya know?

[Timshel]

Okay, so although I am no where near being done, I just submitted my UC Riverside application, so that makes 3/10 done. Hey, it's something!

[yank in the M20]

I think she might just be mean lol. I really don't know. Nothing changed at all. My MA program ended and I asked her to write me a letter, which she gladly did, and then when I asked again, suddenly there were all these reasons why she should not. Which makes me wonder what she said in her letter for me last year. I'm going to assume it wasn't a bad reference letter, but if it was a dud, that's just a bad, ya know?

It seems that she probably just felt that she'd done her duty in submitting LORs last year and didn't want to do it again. I worried about that with my letter writers but they're clearly much nicer/more professional than she is because they've done them again, no groaning. I mean, it's not like you want to have to do your PhD apps again, either--she could be more understanding of the application process. She was there herself at one time, after all.

[lolopixie]

I'm just waiting for my AW scores to come back from my GRE from yesterday so I can complete the applications. Then it will be a round of submitting 4/5 at once. LSU isn't due until January 25th and I will need to add about 5 pages to my writing sample for them. So they will be the school I'm holding off on submitting. I'm so looking forward to having everything submitted and knowing that I did more work than I could have imagined for these applications! Then the wait begins...

[darjeelingtea16]

It seems that she probably just felt that she'd done her duty in submitting LORs last year and didn't want to do it again. I worried about that with my letter writers but they're clearly much nicer/more professional than she is because they've done them again, no groaning. I mean, it's not like you want to have to do your PhD apps again, either--she could be more understanding of the application process. She was there herself at one time, after all.

I'd like to think the best of her, but honestly, given how she has been with some other students as well, I'm hesitant to say that she wasn't just being mean. It's partly my own fault too, for asking her to begin with. I had some doubts, but she seemed keen on doing it the first time around, so I figured she wouldn't screw me over. Of course, I have no idea if that's what she did, but I'm still ultra suspicious of the letter she wrote me.

[perrykm2]

I have ALL of my applications complete and uploaded now, but I have to wait for my paychecks to roll in so I can pay the fees. SO ANNOYING.

[Jbarks]

I finished today. Now it's up to my references to do the work. Blah.

[ecritdansleau]

I have ALL of my applications complete and uploaded now, but I have to wait for my paychecks to roll in so I can pay the fees. SO ANNOYING.

Ahh, I know! I have six apps due all on one day this coming week so it's a lot of money to be putting up all at once. $530 in application fees alone for Dec 15th. I actually really appreciate the programs that aren't accept scanned transcripts, because everything really adds up.

[darjeelingtea16]

Ahh, I know! I have six apps due all on one day this coming week so it's a lot of money to be putting up all at once. $530 in application fees alone for Dec 15th. I actually really appreciate the programs that aren't accept scanned transcripts, because everything really adds up.

I had a similar issue, and 'cause I get paid in freaking peanuts, it was particularly painful. I finally decided to calculate all the costs (why? I dunno. To torture myself, apparently) and including transcript fees, testing fees, test score report fees, application fees, visiting fees, etc, it came out to about $1500 this app season. PAINFUL. SO. PAINFUL.

[lolopixie]

I feel like I have finally started to enter the arena of progress! Miami SOP - done. Purdue SOP - done. KU SOP - out for final edits. Transcripts uploaded to KU - done. All other transcripts received - done. 2 LORs completed for each school - done. Ole Miss app fee paid - done. I still have to tweak the SOPs for Ole Miss and LSU, finalize my 15 page writing sample, send a "reminder" email to the prof pending LOR submission, wait for my GRE score to update online for AW, and then bulk my writing sample up to approximately 20 pages for LSU, but I feel somewhat accomplished at this point in time. It is going to be a busy few weeks. Good thing LSU's deadline is January 25th!

[lolopixie]

Addition: Ole Miss SOP - done! I'm on a roll tonight!! Needless to say they were pretty much done already, but the finishing touches and realizing I am done is a nice sigh of relief.

Edited December 11, 2011 by lolopixie

[antecedent]

I've discovered a horrible new side-effect of completing my grad applications: the fear that I won't get in anywhere and the urge to temper that fear with MORE APPLICATIONS. Seriously, I've considered starting two more applications just because I'm terrified about having only applied to four schools. Is anyone else having this unexpected reaction?

[lolopixie]

Yes, I am only applying to 5 schools. I keep thinking I should apply to more programs, but I applied to 10 last year and didn't get in anywhere. While anxiety of only applying to 5 schools scares me, I also remember that more doesn't mean your odds are higher.

[woolferine]

I've discovered a horrible new side-effect of completing my grad applications: the fear that I won't get in anywhere and the urge to temper that fear with MORE APPLICATIONS. Seriously, I've considered starting two more applications just because I'm terrified about having only applied to four schools. Is anyone else having this unexpected reaction?

Ugh, I am having this same unexpected reaction/issue...but I already applied to 13, so I feel really ridiculous even entertaining the thought of more! (Writing it out feels particularly ridiculous.) It's impossible financially as I stretched to apply to as many as I did, and I realize that any urges I'm having to apply to more are coming from a profound fear of getting 13 rejections. (I think part of me is also feeling weird about being "done" with applications, as this has been my life for the last 7ish months...my mind is like, "What, the misery of applying cannot be over!") Anyway, I commiserate.

[lolopixie]

13 programs would seriously break my budget! I would be living in my car next month.

[woolferine]

Yep, basically, haha. I took on a lot of extra work that added up, so while I may not have had a social life this semester, I scraped by with enough to apply to grad school!

[darjeelingtea16]

I keep fighting the temptation to apply to more schools as well. Thing is, the other schools I'm thinking of applying to are probably not really good fits for my research, but I think part of me thinks 'if I apply to enough schools, ONE is bound to accept me!' Hah. I applied to 5 schools last year--all in NYC (except one--Cornell), all super competitive. This year I applied to 8 schools, some more competitive than others, and more comp lit programs instead of English ones. They get so much less people applying (like 50-150 vs. the 200+ for a lot of the English programs I looked into), and they're great programs!

And yaaaay for your progress lolopixie! Feels damn good (and frightening!), don't it?

[antecedent]

Yes, I am only applying to 5 schools. I keep thinking I should apply to more programs, but I applied to 10 last year and didn't get in anywhere. While anxiety of only applying to 5 schools scares me, I also remember that more doesn't mean your odds are higher.

I have to keep reminding myself of this. It continues to boggle my mind how little the numbers game actually works when it comes to grad school. It's like...this wacky factors cocktail that I can't figure out the ingredients to. All I know is it tastes lousy and feels like a punch in the back of the head, and leaves you with a wicked hope hangover.

But I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in this. I was freaking out to my dad about this the other day, and it got the point where I was wondering if I was actually becoming delusional. Glad to hear that if I am, it at least appears to be normal!

[poeteer]

Is anyone else holding onto applications until, like, a day before the deadline just because they're too nervous to send them? I feel like I could send all of them now, but then I keep feeling like I can make things better, but then I think I shouldn't touch anything so as not to ruin it, and so I'm just in this limbo until the last minute. Annoying.

[Grunty DaGnome]

Is anyone else holding onto applications until, like, a day before the deadline just because they're too nervous to send them? I feel like I could send all of them now, but then I keep feeling like I can make things better, but then I think I shouldn't touch anything so as not to ruin it, and so I'm just in this limbo until the last minute. Annoying.

Yes, but I keep fooling with my SOP. It's probably a bad idea, because I'm liable to make a type at the last minute.

[ecritdansleau]

Yes, but I keep fooling with my SOP. It's probably a bad idea, because I'm liable to make a type at the last minute.

Yes--this. And like poeteer, I have a hard time letting go of the app by submitting it: it feels too important not to give it all I have by...thinking about it and changing it till the last possible day?? It doesn't make sense because I worry about typos and the like, but I want the application to be as fully developed as it can be before I submit it. I am already kind of mourning for my retrospectively "sloppy" first two applications in early December and how I *think* I've NOW improved my SOP/WS. Hopefully I am just my worst critic.

[pinkrobot]

Yes--this. And like poeteer, I have a hard time letting go of the app by submitting it: it feels too important not to give it all I have by...thinking about it and changing it till the last possible day?? It doesn't make sense because I worry about typos and the like, but I want the application to be as fully developed as it can be before I submit it. I am already kind of mourning for my retrospectively "sloppy" first two applications in early December and how I *think* I've NOW improved my SOP/WS. Hopefully I am just my worst critic.

Commiseration re: this. The first app I sent, one paragraph in my WS was missing a period, and the thing had the most dullsville title known to man because I just couldn't think of anything better at the time. These are small things, I know, but they grate nevertheless!