The Grad 35+ club

[shosho27]

Hi - I'm 38, with 3 kids under 5 years old and was accepted to a PhD program for this Fall. The last time I took a course was in 1998, so it will be like culture shock, but I can't wait to start. The school told me in my interview that my 15 years of work experience was an asset, especially after I explained how organized I have to be now to work full time as an executive and find time for my family. Most of the students are a lot younger, but that doesn't worry me. Good luck to everyone - it's totally possible!

[margarets]

Hey, I belong in this club! I'm 44, but single, no kids, actually about as footloose as your typical undergrad. However, having lived overseas (changed cities three times in 4.5 years), I have no desire to quit my job, pick up and move my whole life to yet another place. Plus I really, really like my apartment and don't want to give it up.

So, I'm staying here and applying to programs in this city, for Fall 2013. I had a mini-freakout on another thread about having an up-and-down academic history going back 20 years, but other posters were very reassuring on that front.

Is anyone else going through this: Researching programs and career paths seems to inevitably lead to comparing myself to other people at my stage of life and it's .... making me feel bad. Like I haven't lived up to my potential or kept pace with my peers. Yet I'm comparing myself to other people's surface (e.g. their LinkedIn profile) and don't really know the truth of their situation. I know that's a bad idea, but it's hard to switch off in the midst of career planning. A year ago this wasn't really on my mind and now that it is, it's taking its toll.

Do any of you have these feelings and what do you do about them?

I'll add that a chronic problem for me is getting other people to see me as intelligent and competent, with something to contribute. (Interestingly, I did not have this problem in university, it's only in the work world.) It's really strange, because it's not like I don't have accomplishments on my resume, or never initiate anything or make suggestions or successfully complete a project. And I'm VERY certain that my manner, dress, demeanor, etc are professional. At 44, I'm not a kid, and it's obvious. So I don't know what it is. Part of my reason for getting a master's is the idea that I'll be taken more seriously once I have it.

[new_to_kin]

I'm 33, but I have many of the same issues as the rest of you because I have two kids - almost 2 and 3.5, plus a house etc etc etc.

If all goes to plan, I'll be starting my PhD in Sept.

[OldGrad2012]

@new_to_kin

That really cool. I admire you for having a family and a house and at the same time, you will start your PhD. May I ask what universities are you going to? I must admire you because with a family and house, how can you support yourself when you start your PhD. It will be very hard financially right?

[new_to_kin]

I will be going to UWO. I feel very lucky that I'm in the position that I am. My husband is a prof (Asst) there so we are financially stable enough that it won't impact us. In fact, my funding is actually slightly more than what I currently earn, plus my older child will begin school in Sept, so we will probably we better off!! That said, we're not exactly rolling in it - it's just that we will be in pretty much the same place.

[FoggyAnhinga]

^{I'm 35 turning 36 in one month. So far I have been acepted into 1 program (applied to 5). I am anxious to attend visiting day and see who else got into the program. I am really hoping for a little diversity in age. I would hate to be the only one over 30 among a bunch of 20 year olds.}

Hahaha where I am currently (I'm finishing up my master's which is ending in couple months), I'm the only grad student in my program in early 20s. Everyone else is in their early to late 30s (only several are in late 20s). I actually don't mind being the only early 20s student among bunch of 30s, since they have lot of advice to offer from their past work experiences, etc

Edited March 20, 2012 by FoggyAnhinga

[ANDS!]

A couple of years ago I was whining about getting my BA at 30. This older woman, who was getting help from my advisor, came up and said:

"Yanno, I'd rather be 50 with a PhD than not. . ."

[wippen]

hey, what do you guys think about having kids while in grad school. I've been told it's the way to go, but only from people without kids.

I'm 36, in grad school and have a 1.5 year old. First 8 months = crazy nightmare. Next 8 = no problem. I say do it, for 8 months of nightmare, you get the best thing that ever happens to a person.

[Business2Biology]

What a great thread! I'm 43, will be 44 by the time the fall semester and MY PROGRAM (wheeeeeee!) starts.

As I was interviewing at various programs, I kept my antenna up about how I felt about the other recruits and the current grad students. I certainly don't FEEL old, and with my life experience, I (and probably all of us in this group!) understand the importance of "colleagues" and "peers". I rejected one program largely on the basis of the other recruits - these being the pool of people who would make up my cohort and be my peers... they all just seemed so very, very "young". At some of the other programs, the people were just as young chronologically, but seemed more mature.

Isn't it bizarre to be this old?!

On my 40th birthday, I loudly (and often) insisted that "I demand a recount"!

Edited March 27, 2012 by Business2Biology

[Business2Biology]

Is anyone else going through this: Researching programs and career paths seems to inevitably lead to comparing myself to other people at my stage of life and it's .... making me feel bad. Like I haven't lived up to my potential or kept pace with my peers. Yet I'm comparing myself to other people's surface (e.g. their LinkedIn profile) and don't really know the truth of their situation. I know that's a bad idea, but it's hard to switch off in the midst of career planning. A year ago this wasn't really on my mind and now that it is, it's taking its toll.

Do any of you have these feelings and what do you do about them?

I'll add that a chronic problem for me is getting other people to see me as intelligent and competent, with something to contribute. (Interestingly, I did not have this problem in university, it's only in the work world.) It's really strange, because it's not like I don't have accomplishments on my resume, or never initiate anything or make suggestions or successfully complete a project. And I'm VERY certain that my manner, dress, demeanor, etc are professional. At 44, I'm not a kid, and it's obvious. So I don't know what it is. Part of my reason for getting a master's is the idea that I'll be taken more seriously once I have it.

"Fake it 'till you make"

I was terrified too, and really didn't think that even through I knew I could do this, I would not be able to convince others. I read the websites and got caught up in this idea of "The Ideal Candidate" and how far away I was from that. I started thinking about my SOP and read Graduate Admissions Essays, by Donald Asher and had a SERIOUS meltdown. I was lucky in that I had a large cast of cheerleaders - a combination of people who know me really well + people who know grad school (current PhDs who regularly review CVs, application packages, and SOPs) - and was finally able to accept that:

1. They are NOT looking for the cookie cutter

2. My experiences, while totally unrelated to what I want to do, are at the same time totally applicable!

3. What I DO know - about life, myself, how I work, what motivates me, etc - are things that can NOT easily be acquired by someone without less life experience

4. What I DON'T know - lab skills, research methodology, etc - are things that CAN be acquired much more easily...

The challenge is to pick apart what you have done for the last 20 years and distill out the themes...

[edit: sorry, having some user-keyboard interface issues!]

Edited March 27, 2012 by Business2Biology

[badmomrising]

I'm 33, but I've got two kids, pets and a mortgage, and I've been out of school and at home for 7 years, so this thread resonates. I got into the only program I applied to but I have replaced the anxiousness of waiting for my admit with fretting about how I'm going to make everything work. I'm moving cities before September, so sorting out schools, childcare, housing etc. is now freaking me out--not to mention "grad school impostor syndrome" has hit big time! It's making it hard to focus on my work (I'm completing prerequisites by online study, which I loathe.) So keep the posts coming--it is great knowing I'm not the only crazy one!

[new_to_kin]

I'm 33, but I've got two kids, pets and a mortgage, and I've been out of school and at home for 7 years, so this thread resonates. I got into the only program I applied to but I have replaced the anxiousness of waiting for my admit with fretting about how I'm going to make everything work. I'm moving cities before September, so sorting out schools, childcare, housing etc. is now freaking me out--not to mention "grad school impostor syndrome" has hit big time! It's making it hard to focus on my work (I'm completing prerequisites by online study, which I loathe.) So keep the posts coming--it is great knowing I'm not the only crazy one!

Are we the same person, LOL? Also 33, also 2 kids and a mortgage and a cat. Been out of school 5 years.

[Michelleelleh]

Do you think I can get a mortgage while I'm in school? Ha! (maybe?)

[margarets]

Thanks Business2Biology

Actually what I was getting at was being taken seriously in the work world, not academia. My last stint at university was pretty successful.

It's more about what has happened since. E.g. a question was raised recently about my "email skils", i.e. my ability to draft an appropriate email requesting some info from some colleagues. I wish I were kidding, but this actually happened. I've got other examples like that, where someone is concerned that I will massively screw up some simple task, despite having NEVER screwed up such a task before.

I honestly don't know where this doubt about my abilities is coming from. Well, it may partly have to do with some of my work experience overseas. As in: Oh, that's OK for over there, but not here, so it doesn't count. (Even though "over there" is a perfectly fine country very similar to this one.)

Anyway, I think I'm in danger of hijacking this thread. Sorry!

[OldGrad2012]

I am glad to know that there are others out there that are going back to grad school while in their late 30s and 40s. It made me feel that I am not alone. Before this thread, I thought I was the only one craziest enough to go for my PhD at this age. Now that I have companies, knowing that there are lots of middle age person going back to grad school rather than the typical 22 years old superstar (sorry guys) would convince me to go for grad school and quit my day job too. I am more convince that I am making the right decision in going back for grad school and quitting my job. There should be another thread about quitting a regular job for grad school, right?

[callista]

I found this thread while looking for something else.  Let's see if we can restart it!

 

I'm 40, married, 2 senior cats, with house.  I got my MA when I was 25.  Had thought that I would reapply to PhD programs in anthropology (that was the original plan, but I was rejected everywhere since I didn't know what I was doing.)

 

Time passed... I developed a career in public behavioral health.  I work for a state agency and I love my job.

 

Personally, it took a long time for me to evolve to the point where I don't feel the need to define myself by how smart I am.  If I get into grad school - great!  But if I don't... well, I will be fine.  Maybe I'll try again, or maybe I won't.

 

Does anyone else feel this way?

[CP3]

I turn 30 in a few weeks, got married 8 months ago, I'm scared to death of not getting into a PhD program, I can't really do much in music without a doctorate. I want to start a family in a few years, if I don't get accepted this year, it will really throw off my life plans. Uggghhh...

[PanicMode]

I'm 40 and I've been working towards getting into a Phd program for many years. In that sense I'm almost overqualified and I think that's counting against me.

[callista]

I'm 40 and I've been working towards getting into a Phd program for many years. In that sense I'm almost overqualified and I think that's counting against me.

 

Yeah.  I actually supervise 2 PhDs (and 1 PhD student) in my job so it's kind of weird.  Not in my intended field of study, but still.  My hope is that the adcom will see me as a "low maintenance" student.   

[Panama Slim]

I am in this club, at 43. This will be my second bite at the grad school apple, as I already have a JD and an MBA. But this time... It's personal. I get to study what I love and not just what pays! Wishing everyone good luck!

Edited February 11, 2013 by Panama Slim

[Ely]

I'm 37, finishing up my UG, and will be starting a PhD program in the fall.  Still not 100% sure where I'll end up, as I've only heard back from one of the eight programs to which I have applied.  I am in the process of getting a divorce right now, which will hopefully be final shortly after the start of my grad program. (Yay, for extra stress.)  I have a 13 year old son who will be coming with me to whichever program I end up attending. 

 

I have been completely honest about my family situation with the schools to which I applied, even though I know it could end up hurting my chances of acceptance.  Ultimately, though, I didn't want to hide the fact that I was a single mom.  I'd much rather be denied admission than to omit the truth and get into a program that was not supportive of graduate students with families.  So far it has played in my favor, which has surprised me a bit.

 

Best of luck to everyone who is still waiting to hear back from programs.  I feel like at this stage in my life it is going to be a huge change, but one that I'm very excited about making.

[LMac]

Just turned 35 on Feb 2nd. First time applying to PhD programs after spending 3 semesters taking additional UG classes (graduated in 2001). Glad to know that I'm in good company!

[MammaD]

I'm 39, will be 40 this spring when I graduate with my MPH.

I've applied to 2 PhD programs at the same school and my 3 kids (10, 8, and 5) will come with me. My husband has a few years left in the Army unless an early retirement option is offered. I'm a Veteran of 17 years (Army), myself.

I'm in a financially good place and my kids are ready for the move if we have to make one. We really love where we are but I've heard where we might be headed is a great place to raise kids. Hopefully, we won't be without my husband for too long before he can either get out or get reassigned closer to us -- we'll let a year pass before starting to actively pursue reassignment (at that point he'll have 3 years left).

I'm eager to get admissions decisions either way because of the kids ... getting registered for school, finding a church, selling this house, buying another, getting them settled, finding before-and-after-school care if I'll need it, etc.

Part of me wishes I could have done this school journey without kids (back in my 20s), but the rest of me knows I'm only here because I had my kids -- the field I'm pursuing wasn't even on my radar before I became a mother.

Good luck to everyone! I hope you all get into great programs and have bright futures!

[rockmsockm]

@ Ely

 

Congrats on your acceptance. I, too, am a single parent (2 daughters, 9 and 2) and applying for doctoral programs in the sciences, neuroscience to be specific. If accepted this round, I'll be 32 when I start my PhD. A little over a year ago I decided to pursue this, so I enrolled in some additional coursework and have been volunteering as an RA in a psych lab ever since. I keep a couple part-time gigs to pay the bills.

 

About 2 weeks into my return to school and starting my position in the lab, my daughters' father and I split up and embarked upon a pretty nasty separation. However, getting through that while staying focused on my goal and holding onto sanity has given me tremendous confidence in myself and knowing my girls and I can get through whatever comes our way.

 

The past year has been the busiest year of my life, but it has also turned out to be of the highest quality too. Because my time has become so precious, I've learned how to be absolutely present during my time with my daughters and if that was to be the only thing I could take away from this experience, that would be ok (but I really, really do want to get into grad school too!!).

[Goobah]

This is very similar to my story  I'm just graduating this Spring with my bachelors -- I have 5 different universities on  my transcript.  I'll be 39 when I grad and I'm applying to MSW programs for this fall.  Husband is in the Air Force, and I've been an off and on civilian DOD employee throughout the moves.

 

My husband was going to retire this summer, when we got orders to the base where we originally met.  All my family is there, and I would love for my son to experience what it is like to have grandparents close by.  We had decided he was going to retire so that I could apply to any and all programs I had ever dreamed of.  However, the idea of him getting his full pay for the two years while I was in grad school won over and we decided to go ahead and take the orders instead of retire.  He had to move this November, so I stayed behind to graduate and let our son finish out the school year.  Oh. And sell the house   It has certainly been an adventure.

 

Bless my husband's heart, he wants to career change so badly.  Even with that, we're both glad we'll have full pay for 2 years haha.  I knew I'd be reducing my chances when I would be geographically limiting myself, but it was a chance I decided to take.

 

I am eager to hear back for all the reasons you listed.  I'm patient, I just don't like being in limbo.  I also can't hate the journey I've been on, as I didn't even truly know about the career field I'm going into until I'd experienced it  

 

It is great to hear all the stories of people moving on despite their hardships -- truly I think most people in the world are in this boat rather than the, "I know exactly what I'm doing from the age of 5" category.  You guys rock and it makes me proud to be non-traditional and going back to school

 

 

I'm 39, will be 40 this spring when I graduate with my MPH.

I've applied to 2 PhD programs at the same school and my 3 kids (10, 8, and 5) will come with me. My husband has a few years left in the Army unless an early retirement option is offered. I'm a Veteran of 17 years (Army), myself.

I'm in a financially good place and my kids are ready for the move if we have to make one. We really love where we are but I've heard where we might be headed is a great place to raise kids. Hopefully, we won't be without my husband for too long before he can either get out or get reassigned closer to us -- we'll let a year pass before starting to actively pursue reassignment (at that point he'll have 3 years left).

I'm eager to get admissions decisions either way because of the kids ... getting registered for school, finding a church, selling this house, buying another, getting them settled, finding before-and-after-school care if I'll need it, etc.

Part of me wishes I could have done this school journey without kids (back in my 20s), but the rest of me knows I'm only here because I had my kids -- the field I'm pursuing wasn't even on my radar before I became a mother.

Good luck to everyone! I hope you all get into great programs and have bright futures!