Going crazy.

[crazygirl2012]

I feel like I've finally reached my breaking point with the waiting game. I do have one acceptance, but I'm waiting on my dream school to contact me after my interview. My POI promised to tell me as soon as she had information, but interview day was 12 days ago and I cannot deal with this. Is anyone else seriously questioning their sanity? I do nothing but stare at my email (like 9am-2am, at least, except for when I'm in class). I broke down crying in the lab in the middle of the day today. My whole body feels heavy. My friends, family, and professors are supportive, but I hate how much I burden them with my existence these days. The only relief I get is from helping others with their work nonstop, while I mostly avoid the little coursework I have as a second semester senior (undergrad). I don't know what to do with myself. I would sleep all the time, but I'm not good at that.

[cokohlik]

I feel exactly the same way as you, especially this part:

I do nothing but stare at my email (like 9am-2am, at least, except for when I'm in class). I broke down crying in the lab in the middle of the day today. My whole body feels heavy. My friends, family, and professors are supportive, but I hate how much I burden them with my existence these days.

I'm sorry. You're definitely not alone.

[BlueCamel]

man i applied to 9 schools, 1 official rejection, and only had 1 interview (and was waitlisted)... im already going crazy...

[steeloatmeal]

I was checking my email from 7AM- 3AM. I spoke to a POI in January and decisions can go on until April. So today I woke up and went for a bike ride. Just go do a physical activity like biking, walking, wheelchairing etc. It will help you get your mind off your application, enjoy the city/town/weather, and realize how many better things there are to do than staring at a computer screen... especially when you don't have a computer screen to tempt you.

Edited March 7, 2012 by steeloatmeal

[Hillary79]

Oh god, I thought I was alone. My classmates are ready to murder me because I just keep talking about my concerns and analyzing my interview over and over.

[crazygirl2012]

Oh god, I thought I was alone. My classmates are ready to murder me because I just keep talking about my concerns and analyzing my interview over and over.

Message me whenever you want to! Seriously. I'll listen. My classmates are probably going to hurt me soon too. I can hardly blame them!

[Sigaba]

Keep it together, everyone. I understand that you're under a lot of pressure and the anxiety is tremendous. But keep it together.

The stress you're experiencing now is nothing compared to what you'll encounter when a professor decides to use you as a chew toy or when you're taking your qualifying examinations or when you're writing your dissertation.

Use this moment to prepare yourself for the challenges that await.

[psychdork]

You are definitely not the only one! I'm waitlisted at 2 schools, and basically have yet to hear from 7...which I am pretty much taking as a bad sign. Meanwhile my friends seem to be getting acceptances right and left (I'm happy for them, I swear I am, and it's to different programs, but still it stings). I seem to be on the edge of tears all the time. Things that I would usually just brush off are leading to me sobbing my eyes out. And on top of it all, I'm so concerned I won't get my masters thesis done in time. I'm so behind in it. I just feel like I'm failing... My real life friends keep telling me to be positive but it is so hard, and they really don't get it, and I really don't expect them to until they go through this.

I do agree that exercise helps, and I have been running every other day. But of course, right when I really need to run I'm taking a few days off do make sure I'm not aggravating an old injury...

[psychdork]

Sorry everyone, didn't mean to completely vent here. It's just been a very long, rough day. Sigaba's post about being a prof's chew toy kind of resonated with me as I'm starting to feel that way with my advisor (I'm a masters student...). I've been through this before (the grad apps process) and we all will survive even if it doesn't feel like it now.

[JFRA24]

I would gladly murder someone for an acceptance letter right about now. Come on Satan, lets do a deal!!!

[RKS]

I would gladly murder someone for an acceptance letter right about now. Come on Satan, lets do a deal!!!

LOL this is bang on... i know how you feel...minus the Satan bit. hahaha

[rio-ne-ru]

I'm also in the same boat, and this thing really drives me crazy. Fortunately, I have a friend who give me a good advice "Let God do the rest." One advice from me, listen to The Beatles song "Let It Be."

[JFRA24]

Let go and let God, one day at a time, keep it simple, progress not perfection, easy does it...

[sweetnighter]

There should be a twelve step group: Graduate Applicants Anonymous.

God grant me the serenity to accept the rejections I cannot change, the courage to not compulsively check my email, and the wisdom to know the difference between being rejected and being waitlisted.

[rose1]

I really need to be busy right now so that I'm not thinking about all the schools I haven't heard from, so of course this week is Spring Break (I work at a University). Nothing to do but sit in my office and freak out. At least I'm getting paid. I started the Hunger Games series at work on Tuesday and I'm already on the third book. Headdesk.

[rmgerdes]

What is working best for me is keeping busy. I'm actually bit terrified because Spring Break is next week for me... I have papers to grade, but still...

And for a little perspective, I applied last year and didn't get in. It was awful. I really let myself believe everything was over--I was worthless! And then, after a month or so, I picked myself up and started working on apps for this year. In spite of five more rejections, I finally got an acceptance (so far, just one, but I have four more schools to hear from). You only need one.

As corny as it sounds, use this really difficult time to figure out coping mechanisms. If you don't get in this year, there will be next year. If do get in, there will qualifying exams, your defense, job interviews, someday applying for tenure.... The point is, this is a profession with a lot of really stressful, really difficult waiting. You've got to build the skills to get through it, and without falling into major insecurities (seriously, I work at a university now... some of the profs are so insane, because they have deep-seated insecurities... dude, we all know you're smart, calm down!).

[H20gal]

There should be a twelve step group: Graduate Applicants Anonymous.

God grant me the serenity to accept the rejections I cannot change, the courage to not compulsively check my email, and the wisdom to know the difference between being rejected and being waitlisted.

I love this! Living by these words for the next few weeks for sure.

[Hillary Emick]

I am a neurotic mess. I can handle rejections, it is the feeling of my entire life being up in the air that is making me a little whacko right now. I do ok with not obsessing on the weekends, but during the week I work on a computer all day and ALL I can think about is when the answer is going to come, one way or another. I would feel a lot crazier if it wasn't for all the folks here in the same boat reacting the same way. I am glad I have you all to obsess with so I don't drive my husband as crazy as I am.

[mcdonaad]

I've driven my partner completely 'round the bend. I'm surprised she's still living with me!

[rafealnadal]

Oh god!! Please reject me immediately... Im done with the waiting game

[morningdew]

At least most of you guys have one acceptance.... I'm waiting for one more and that's my top school choice.

I don't know what I will do if I don't get this one. Doesn't it suck when you feel so surely that this is your path but after each rejection, you doubt your ability and future to the max?

Also, whenever I have that "1" in my gmail, I'm like "Oh my god, this is it". And it happens to be a junk mail.

I'm dying inside little by little each day... Ugh...

Let all of us hear some good news this week!!!!

[laurissimo]

At least most of you guys have one acceptance.... I'm waiting for one more and that's my top school choice.

I don't know what I will do if I don't get this one. Doesn't it suck when you feel so surely that this is your path but after each rejection, you doubt your ability and future to the max?

Also, whenever I have that "1" in my gmail, I'm like "Oh my god, this is it". And it happens to be a junk mail.

I'm dying inside little by little each day... Ugh...

Let all of us hear some good news this week!!!!

\

Good luck, Gracie! Fingers crossed for you... and definitely seconding the checking the gmail thing. I did get an admit, but its for a MA program with no funding, which for me is almost a death sentence, so those emails from the other schools are much anticipated.

At this point, we're bound to hear news soon one way or another, so that's good... and remember to always look on the bright side of life! /whistles

[crazygirl2012]

As corny as it sounds, use this really difficult time to figure out coping mechanisms. If you don't get in this year, there will be next year. If do get in, there will qualifying exams, your defense, job interviews, someday applying for tenure.... The point is, this is a profession with a lot of really stressful, really difficult waiting. You've got to build the skills to get through it, and without falling into major insecurities (seriously, I work at a university now... some of the profs are so insane, because they have deep-seated insecurities... dude, we all know you're smart, calm down!).

Wise words!

[Canadianlinguist]

I may be nuts. I check my e-mail at least fifty times a day, and the real mail three times, and every time my boyfriend calls or texts (its spring break and hes with his family on this trip) I catch my self whinning. I burst into tears today for no reason, and worry myself literally sick. I applied to seven MA programs one, was defered from last year and therefore its an acceptance, however its the last place I want to be, and I hazve no fudning, but am currently applying for assistantshop postions there, but have a really good reason for not wanting to be there. The other six schools would be GREAT but I have heard from noen of them, yes 0.....Now, of those six, one that will probably accept me, doesn't fund MA students, which I was unaware of when I applied. I am Canadian, and my family is middle class, but it is hard to get loans to study in the U.S (I did my undergraduate degree here, as a divsion two athelte on a very small scharolship)There are waaaay more jobs in teh states then in Canada and also more grad programs. ANyways point is....I really need to get my tution covered whereever I go, my family seems to think I can find some smaller loan for the rest if needed....so I have like my whole entire future, riding on the schools decisions, and this waiting is beyond hard....my life is here, my boyfriend (although I won't be near him anways), my education has been here, and my career prospects are most ceritanlly here......arrrggg lol

[sweetnighter]

Also, whenever I have that "1" in my gmail, I'm like "Oh my god, this is it". And it happens to be a junk mail.

When my future children and grandchildren ask me, "Sweetnighter, what was life in March of 2012 like?", this is what I will recall.