Impostor Syndrome

[MathCat]

Is anyone still completing their undergrad with a conditional offer now completely slacking off? It's so counter intuitive but I have a serious case of "senioritis"!

I'm not slacking off, but I was tempted to...

[Chiqui74]

Yes, yes, yes. I look at the CV's of the grad students already in the program and wonder how the          I ever got accepted to this place. 

Me too! 

[ToomuchLes]

I've known about Impostor Syndrome since junior year of my undergrad, and I've watched a family member go through it during his grad program. My question is: If I know what it is, and I don't experience, does that mean I am in denial, and/or overconfident? A follow-up question would be, is it necessary to experience it?

 

To me, I.S sounds like a period in the "maturing" stages of grad school, but it also sounds very unpleasant. Its like puberity all over again. 

 

I haven't started my MA program yet, so I have no knowledge/experience in I.S and I could have a completely wrong impression of it. 

Edited April 23, 2015 by LeventeL

[Dedi]

I started doing my research this summer and I'm starting to get I.S. full swing. It's a bad feeling, and it doesn't help that I have depression (but in recovery mode). Luckily I have a very understanding supervisor that won't see me in a bad light if I go in for therapy. So I'm going to do that. Anyone have good experiences with dealing with counseling for I.S?

[shinigamiasuka]

I'm going from a locally known but internationally unknown undergrad school to a top 10 and internationally top 20-30 program and I'm already feeling it. It's why I've been taking free online courses/MOOCs, but have now come to realise that I need a break. I haven't truly stopped studying or taken a proper vacation since I finished my undergrad thesis in September last year. It's one of those times I pity myself and yet can't help it either.

[Cheshire_Cat]

I had really bad impostor syndrome before starting college (but, to be fair, I had never been taught in a classroom or taken tests, so it really could have ended badly.) and I have it again now.  I'm also trying to take a lot of free courses and such, but I'm also working full time and stuff, so I don't think I'll nearly know the stuff I need to.  And I don't want to quit sooner than I have to because I'll be broke and have nothing to do but worry then.  Added to that, I haven't been in school for three years, so everything is a little fuzzy anyways.  What if I've forgotten how to study? Then I remind myself I never learned how to study in the first place, it was innate, and since I left college, I've had to study and pass five standardized tests, so I haven't really stopped studying...  Doesn't really work, but oh well.  What works better is talking to my friend who's a post doc.  He is surprisingly good at listing to my worries and allaying them.

[firewitch]

I had it really bad last January when I was trying to write my personal statement to get into the PhD program at the same school were I am finishing my MA. I was reading examples of a good personal statement for my field, and thinking "I am definitely not functioning on the level these people are!"

 

I got a post-doc friend to help review my statement, as well as allay my fears, and turned it in. Not only did I get admitted to the program, but I ended up getting a fellowship!

 

When you think about it, to question your own status as a graduate student is to question the competence of those who have admitted you into the program, those who have given you 'A's on your exams, those who have allocated funding to you, and those who have written your recommendations. Don't insult them - just remember you owe it to them and to yourself to keep doing your best.

[Nanolol]

I had this when I started my MA - I was convinced that the only thing that got me in was because I applied. 

[MathCat]

Is it weird that my imposter syndrome seems to be coming from people saying positive things about me? The program I'm attending was very flattering in their recruitment of me, and it makes me feel like I must have been oversold, or they must have misunderstood my application package in some way, etc. Even my current professors' encouragement just makes these feelings more intense. It's making me pretty anxious, feeling like I have to live up to this inflated expectation of me.

[Dedi]

Is it weird that my imposter syndrome seems to be coming from people saying positive things about me? The program I'm attending was very flattering in their recruitment of me, and it makes me feel like I must have been oversold, or they must have misunderstood my application package in some way, etc. Even my current professors' encouragement just makes these feelings more intense. It's making me pretty anxious, feeling like I have to live up to this inflated expectation of me.

 

No, not at all weird. Having the same issue. No one has said anything bad about my application, and a lot of people say that my academic record is very strong (not just grades, but research experience).

But, to put things in perspective--The program has seen many applications and their academic history while, for the most part, we only know ourselves.

 

In some ways, I.S. pushes us to say "I do not know everything." That statement is not the endpoint--it encourages us to know more and to keep the imposter at bay. Right now I'm taking a Coursera class on epigenetic control because I want to learn more about the work that I will be doing.

[bsharpe269]

Is it weird that my imposter syndrome seems to be coming from people saying positive things about me? The program I'm attending was very flattering in their recruitment of me, and it makes me feel like I must have been oversold, or they must have misunderstood my application package in some way, etc. Even my current professors' encouragement just makes these feelings more intense. It's making me pretty anxious, feeling like I have to live up to this inflated expectation of me.

I can relate to this. I spent a lot of time on my applications and put tons of time into research during my masters. It paid off in knowledge, publications and LORs and I got into great PhD programs.

This summer I'm working full time in my masters research lab, finishing up some papers. I'm making slower progress than I'd like to because 1) these are my first 1st author papers. I've done plenty of grant proposals, posters for conferences etc... But this is different. It's a lot harder. Especially one of the papers. I love the work and feel like it makes progress in the area I'm passionate about. This paper is my baby and I want it to be perfect. 2) I'm about to move away form family so I've been spending evenings/weekends with them. 3) I'm nervous/sad to move and it's making it harder to work. 4) I have pretty bad ADHD that I've been managing well for a few years but I think that all of the stress I have right now is making it harder to focus. It's making me worry that I'm not going to be able to control the ADHD during my PhD. It's probably normal to struggle to focus with the stress of a big move but it's freaking me out and making me wonder if my meds aren't working any more or something.

Between all of the above, I'm disappointed with the progress I've made on my papers over the last 6 weeks. I've been starting to worry that I'm less cut out for phd programs than I thought. The PI I'm rotating with first recruited me hardcore. He's a new professor and my masters work prepares me perfectly for his lab so Im able to jump into this lab with w couple years of grad level knowledge already. I'm worried that he is excited that I am coming and then I'm going to get there and be a major disappointment. I really want to live up to his expectations (or surpass them). I move in 6 days and then start work mid July so all of this is just around the corner!

[ravyn]

I too worry if I am doing the wrong thing by attending a PhD program this fall. I think it's Imposter Syndrome, but I am not sure. I could be a good PhD student... I could NOT be good. I won't know unless I give it my best shot.

 

However, do I want to give it my best shot? I worry that obtaining a PhD can seem a bit pretentious for someone like me. It's not about hating research (edit:: I really like what I am learning and I've always wanted to study something more based in neuropsychology ...even my sister said I should have studied psychology-related stuff because it's more natural for me) ...it's about hating that PhD people IN GENERAL focus A LOT on getting a ton of awards and recognition. Sure, I understand that applying to fellowships, awards, scholarships and the like is how we fund ourselves in the world of research.

 

But constantly thinking if people are admiring me or praising my work... that's something I don't want to handle.

 

The last time I got awarded for being a good "tutor" I cried, lol. I mean I LOVE helping/teaching people and I admire the PhD student in my current lab who takes the time to explain things clearly ...not because she wants me to do everything perfectly or thinks I am stupid and therefore HAS to take her time, but genuinely likes to engage people and explain what she knows in a way that you feel comfortable with the material w/o making the concepts seem "holier than thou". I really appreciate that. She is the kind of person I want to be like. Someone who genuinely wants to help and relate to humanity.

 

What I don't want to be is the PhD student/future researcher who is always chasing "cutting edge" research for the sake of being popular/well-known. I hope being a researcher isn't going to be a popularity contest...  

 

My question to you guys is... should I run away from my program before it's too late and never ever ever apply to another one? I am sorry that I sound so lost...

 

Please help.

Edited June 30, 2015 by ravyn

[Cheshire_Cat]

Quick, without Googling it, do you know who Shelby Hunt is?

 

No?  He was one of the top marketing researchers of the past 50 years.  They are considering renaming the top marketing award after him because of how much he contributed to the marketing field. (He was also my dad's POI)

 

Guess what?  No one outside his industry would know him from Adam.  It isn't like we are really superstars.  I mean, some people think it is cool if you have Dr. in front of your name, but they don't really know what you do.  And inside your industry, just be who you are.  Now, there are a lot of people who do get puffed up, but most of the time that only leads to bitter disappointment.

 

We need more people in academia who don't do it for the praise of others, and who realize they are not a god.

[shinigamiasuka]

My question to you guys is... should I run away from my program before it's too late and never ever ever apply to another one? I am sorry that I sound so lost...

 

 

No, the world needs more genuinely humble people like yourself and the PhD student you described. Constantly check if you're starting to have feelings of arrogance in the way you deal with matters in your daily life. Always be grateful with everything you have, and moreso for the progress you've made.

 

We need more people in academia who don't do it for the praise of others, and who realize they are not a god.

 

I may be a bit naive here, but I thought we're doing it to advance, learn more of, and work in the kind of field we're interested in? And speaking of academia, that also means passing the knowledge and equipping future generations to carry on working and advancing.

[Cheshire_Cat]

 

I may be a bit naive here, but I thought we're doing it to advance, learn more of, and work in the kind of field we're interested in? And speaking of academia, that also means passing the knowledge and equipping future generations to carry on working and advancing.

 

That is why we do it.  But I think some people get lost along the way and think that they are smarter and know better than everyone else because of the knowledge they have.  We have to realize that we aren't the end-all be-all, and no matter what new and exciting discoveries we make, someone else may come behind us and invalidate them.

[firewitch]

To Ravyn: 

 

In sociology, we have a term "referent", which is a similar to a role model - a person whose behavior you emulate, or at least use to know how what behavior is socially appropriate. I suggest you start identifying people - PhDs - that you admire for their conduct, and if possible develop relationships with them. Having such people in your life will not only help you stay true to your ideals, they can become allies for you in your career.

 

Believe me, there are people in higher ed who are getting the grants and publications because they are really producing work that will help other people in the long run.

 

We all change as we learn and grow older. You will change, too, whether you stay in the program or not. Don't let your fear of change cause you to sell yourself short.

Edited June 30, 2015 by firewitch

[ravyn]

To Ravyn: 

 

In sociology, we have a term "referent", which is a similar to a role model - a person whose behavior you emulate, or at least use to know how what behavior is socially appropriate. I suggest you start identifying people - PhDs - that you admire for their conduct, and if possible develop relationships with them. Having such people in your life will not only help you stay true to your ideals, they can become allies for you in your career.

 

Believe me, there are people in higher ed who are getting the grants and publications because they are really producing work that will help other people in the long run.

 

We all change as we learn and grow older. You will change, too, whether you stay in the program or not. Don't let your fear of change cause you to sell yourself short.

 

Thank you so much for responding, firewitch. Didn't mean to freak out; change is indeed scary for me if it's not either familiar or within my fantasy plan lol.

 

Change will happen no matter what I do, but I do hope I can find my ....zone. whatever it may be.

[attackonthedoctor]

I haven't experienced Impostor Syndrome in all its glory yet.  But I'm sure once I'm actually doing good work in my lab, it'll hit me like a freight train with no brakes.  I'm more anxious about the whole, "Living outside my state for longer than 5 months and no guarantees that I'll ever come back," thing I've got going right now.

[Adelaide9216]

I've read that most people who end up pursuing graduate studies, were top-performers in their classes at the undergraduate level and even before. I tend to believe that it is often true. How do you guys deal being with equally strong students at the master's and doctorate level? I have a feeling like I am going to feel like an imposteur or not smart enough, especially since I am a first generation undersity graduate in my family.

[cowgirlsdontcry]

On ‎8‎/‎4‎/‎2017 at 1:25 PM, Adelaide9216 said:

I've read that most people who end up pursuing graduate studies, were top-performers in their classes at the undergraduate level and even before. I tend to believe that it is often true. How do you guys deal being with equally strong students at the master's and doctorate level? I have a feeling like I am going to feel like an imposteur or not smart enough, especially since I am a first generation undersity graduate in my family.

I did not feel like an imposter as an MA student, perhaps because I knew everyone (it was my BA university). However, now that I'm entering a PhD program, I feel insecure about what I know and whether it will be enough. I think most have these feelings, as they came/come into programs; they simply do not admit it. As for outspoken, strong people,I had a career as a paralegal prior to doing the grad school thing; therefore, I do know how to deal with forceful personalities and when I feel confident my introspections are correct about a textual analysis, I have no problem revealing that. One thing I have learned as a parent that is useful in dealing with others--pick your battles carefully. Otherwise, you could get swept up into every petty argument going on in the department and lose valuable time, better devoted to your own work.

[maxell1313]

I'm about to enter my first year of grad school and while I'm excited about the things I'm going to learn and the people I'm going to meet, I'm terrified as well.  The I.S. is strong in this one and mainly is due to the fact that I've been out of school for so long.  I got my bachelor's over 15 years ago and when I decided to try for a MA I had great support and encouragement from former profs that I'd kept in touch with.  It was a great honor to be accepted to the program (I got my BA here), but now I'm absolutely panicking that I'm going to let everyone down, that I won't be able to keep up, that my experience in the "real world" won't help me a jot now, and that the academic world is a foreign language I'll never learn.  I'm worried that I'm going to be spending so much time trying to study, or helping out profs in the department (I'm also going to be a grad assistant for four professors...how that happened, I'll never know), that I'm going to drown.

I'm trying to be proactive about certain things; namely, I do suffer from depression so I've spoken with my physician about adjusting my medication and I'm also looking into seeing a therapist at the campus health center.  I also joined a gym in order to exercise some stress away (that has started to help me already).  I'm trying to get as organized as I can, as well as speaking to my profs early to get to know them and what they are like.

Is there anything else I can do to help minimize the anxiety I'm feeling?  Or is it just one of those things where I'm going to have to walk into the fire and see if I've got fireproof underwear?

Edited August 19, 2017 by maxell1313

[Dwr]

I do not understand enough to even ask questions or ask for help. 

Edited September 6, 2017 by Dwr

[Islamahmed]

It seems like the Imposter Syndrome is alive and well.

[Adelaide9216]

LOL. I am currently reading on all of these philosophical theories in research and those big terms (ontology, epistemology and so on) and even if I've encountered those words before without really knowing what they meant, I kinda feel like an idiot that I don't fully understand what they actually mean because I cannot attach a concrete example to those words for me to understand them better. Wow.

[samman1994]

I had this feeling in my undergrad when I joined a research lab of entirely grad students. I joined my sophmore year, and I was still in general chemistry at the time, so I knew nothing about the project, research, lab, chemistry or biology (and it was a biochemistry lab). I had what I guess you could say was severe imposter syndrome because I literally understood nothing. I didn't understand the language, any of the concepts, anything we did in the lab, or any of the computer programs. I remember my PI told me to analyze some data we had collected, I stared at the screen for 30 minutes before I realized I had no idea what I was even looking at. Then one of the grad students explained it to me, and I still had no idea what I was looking at, or what they even said lol. One final thing that made it difficult was, all the grad students were so used to working with each other and at someone their level (someone who actually understands basic bio/chem), they didn't even know how to really help me, and thus primarily found me annoying initially. So now I looked like an idiot, and didn't know what I was doing in a lab I had just joined.That being said, 2 years later, I learned all the concepts (via personal and classes I took), and ended up becoming the guy everyone (including those same grad students) was asking questions to. 

I was initially worried as well when I thought about going for a PhD, because the general consensus is smart successful students go on for PhDs, and I definitely academically was not (3.00 final cumulative GPA). However, if there's one thing I learned in my undergrad is, determination and motivation beat intellect (if you define intellect by your gpa). The way I look at it, there is no way it could be worse than my undergrad, I didn't even know how to google properly or read research papers back then. I definitely think it'll be tough, but I look at as, I will persevere no matter what obstacle or difficulties come in my path during my program.