Got my 3rd rejection...

[dumpling]

So I just got my 3rd rejection this morning.  I could have waited, but the waiting is kiling me (I am sure everyone on this board understands), so I send an email to ask, and got the "sorry" email this morning...  My fault... or is it?

 

I am 3rd time applicant, everyone around told me I have good chances.  Now think about it, maybe they just love me and can't be rational about my application. 

 

I am just so lost, devasted, and don't know what to believe in.  I've got a job, not good not bad.  Life could be just like that, like forever.  But I just can't bear the idea of not doing a PhD.  I really don't know what I need to do to make things right...  None of my friends will understand such feelings maybe...

 

This is my last chance.  If I fail again, I might find another job, doodling for a couple years.  Then maybe I will want to apply again, maybe not.  Maybe I'd have kids, maybe I grow old and forget what I was passionate about before.

 

We all have dreams.  For me, it might just be the wrong one.

[tiarabun]

im really sorry your dream hasnt come true YET

but it doesnt mean it wont

 

do you still have more pending applications? do you know what your weaknesses are? if you really really want to go to grad school, you can work on them and make a better application next time

 

i understand your frustration, totally

im sure everyone would understand why it sucks and everyone would feel like giving up if we were in your shoes

but the world needs another passionate human being who cares more than just living an unchallenging life!

[St Andrews Lynx]

I'm sorry to hear about the rejections. I know how hurtful they can be, especially when repeating an application cycle. 

 

There's always multiple paths to the same dream, perhaps failing for the 3rd time around is simply a sign that you've been pursuing your dream in a way you're just not suited to. 

 

What is it you want out of grad school? Intellectual challenge? Finding out more about something that interests you? A qualification to further your career? There are other ways to get these things out of life. Quit your current job and find a better one. Take night classes, find a hobby or a volunteer position in your field of interest. Go travelling for 6 months and see where you end up.  

 

Please don't waste whole years of your life i. consumed by PhD applications ii. regretting things. Getting a PhD isn't worth that.

Good luck and take care of yourself.

[uromastyx]

We all have dreams.  For me, it might just be the wrong one.

I can't believe that pursuing one's dream will ever be the wrong choice.

I'm a 2nd time applicant. I know the sting of failure and the loss of identity. Sometimes you just have to persist and remain committed.

Applying to grad school is a major test of character. Many people simply couldn't handle it, let alone continue to face it with the shadow of rejection. You must decide if it's still the right pursuit, but if it is your dream then give it some time and determine a new plan of attack.

I wish you the best of luck.

[buttercup17]

just got my first grad school rejection letter, from my dream school to boot, and i'm feeling fairly incompetent and worthless. how do you cope with rejection? 

[queenleblanc]

Just remember that if your application was rejected .... try not to take it so personally.  They rejected what THEY saw on paper.  It is so difficult to represent yourself in one little application, even with an SOP or any other submissions.  So, take it as your PAPER application wasn't what they were looking for THIS time.  

 

I say that, and I can tell you that rejection still hurts.  I am a teacher who has experienced countless budget cuts, has had to job-hunt 4 out of 5 summers being employed as a teacher ... and every interview that goes well but turns into a "no" hurts. A LOT.  I was applying for jobs with shortages in the field, against 20 to 30 other applicants for one spot.  That is similar to many grad school programs now.  Remember that you are still you, and if there is anything you could take from that experience going forward, maybe your paper version of yourself wasn't the person that they were looking for.  Maybe the paper version of yourself didn't represent YOU adequately (even though at round 3 you probably are pretty darn close).  

 

The mistake I used to make in interviews early on was trying to "fit me" to them.  What you need to do is actually be YOU, and you'll find the right place.  Is the PhD dream something that will become reality?  Maybe one day.  I used to think after I finished my MAT in teaching music, I would teach for a few years, get my national board certification, then go for a PhD program and teach music ed at the collegiate level.  DID NOT HAPPEN.  Not in a long shot.  My dream to pursue a PhD died when my music ed career changed and kept kicking me out (thanks, bad economy).  

 

I found a NEW dream.  And that's totally possible.  I'm pursuing speech-language pathology now.  From my conversations with professors, it seems like a PhD in this field is actually more well-fitted for me, and my background in music can help me.  So, maybe there is another way to pursue that elusive PhD and live passionately with or without the PhD.  No guarantees I'll even make it to the point of applying for PhD programs, but as long as I am passionate about the career, I have a feeling that it won't matter as much.  Can you find the career that helps you retain your passion?  

 

Whatever you decide to do in the future, whether you keep applying, or re-adjust the dream, be sure that your full heart is into it.  Ask for help from people who know the field and can help represent you on paper.  Jumping full-force into a dream can also hurt, but it can also lead to amazing things.  Don't give up! 

[dumpling]

just got my first grad school rejection letter, from my dream school to boot, and i'm feeling fairly incompetent and worthless. how do you cope with rejection? 

I don't know... I am pretty bad with it.  Drinking and crying, lol...

[margarets]

It might help to break this down into smaller problems/issues.

 

Why do you need a PhD to pursue your dream?

 

Is there another path to this dream?

 

Do you have other dreams that might be more within reach?

 

Why this dream?  (It's not uncommon for people to find that their dream job is actually pretty horrible, once they're in it.)

 

Do you know why you have been rejected three times, and is it something you can improve?

 

It's pretty rare for a human being to be passionate about the one thing for which they are completely ill-suited.  When you're ready, try thinking broadly about your options.  You probably have lots.

[Crystal Gayle]

Hello! I'm new here. So, here goes. I have worked in sales for 6 years, so rejection is definitely something I'm use to. In sales, you learn that it takes so many no's to get to a yes. So, that's how I am approaching this process. I'm a first time applicant with an EXTREMELY LOW GMAT score applying to get my Phd in business/organization behavior. It has been my dream to be a professor since before I received my bachelor's degree over 10 years ago. Since then, I've received my MBA and look forward to being accepted into a Phd program. I finished my 11th application last week and have already received 2 no's and found out one of the schools doesn't offer the specialization I want. Here's to enough no's to get  to a yes... even if it's gonna take 15 and two years of applying!

[jwu]

So I just got my 3rd rejection this morning.  I could have waited, but the waiting is kiling me (I am sure everyone on this board understands), so I send an email to ask, and got the "sorry" email this morning...  My fault... or is it?

 

I am 3rd time applicant, everyone around told me I have good chances.  Now think about it, maybe they just love me and can't be rational about my application. 

 

I am just so lost, devasted, and don't know what to believe in.  I've got a job, not good not bad.  Life could be just like that, like forever.  But I just can't bear the idea of not doing a PhD.  I really don't know what I need to do to make things right...  None of my friends will understand such feelings maybe...

 

This is my last chance.  If I fail again, I might find another job, doodling for a couple years.  Then maybe I will want to apply again, maybe not.  Maybe I'd have kids, maybe I grow old and forget what I was passionate about before.

 

We all have dreams.  For me, it might just be the wrong one.

 

NEVER GIVE UP!!!

Life is so unpredictable, and that is why it is worth living! 

[child of 2]

I heard that letters of recommendation might be a key indicator if someone's getting nothing but rejections year after year. Judging by your screen name, I'm going to take a wild guess that you're international. Perhaps your professors aren't very well known, or something like that. In addition, it may also indicate that grad school isn't necessarily the right choice. I've been thinking about lab technician positions. If you're a science/engineering major, this might be worth a consideration. As far as I know, they work 12 month contracts, and you get to work closely with the professor and get some serious in person exposure. If all goes well, I think this could be a great chance to get into a school, because they're not going to take someone they've seen only on paper over someone that they know will be a good addition to the research group.

My old roommate applied several times to ISU's stats program, which is in the top 5. This was while he was doing a PhD in physics. God knows why... But I read his SOP, and it wasn't stellar by any means. But I know that he has worked with professors in the department, and got in and enrolled after completing his physics PhD, despite two rejections in previous years. I mean of course he got rejected. How does one justify doing a physics and stats PhD at the same time??? that's dumb.

Edited February 12, 2013 by child of 2

[GuitarSlayer]

If you have been rejected, why not email your POI or the department to ask, "How can I improve my application?"  Not "Why did you reject me?" -- that's not constructive, and that'll just batter your self-esteemed further.  Also, step back.  Are these schools that actually fit you?  Or are they schools that you'd like to attend based upon factor xyz and not necessarily fit? 

 

If you're going straight from bachelor's to PhD, why not do the master's first?  I think schools prefer that because it shaves 2 years off the time you need to be there, hence a shorter term funding package.  Yes, it'll likely be at a cost, but it'll keep your feet in the game and grow the resume.

 

Keep in mind that with a master's, you can teach at the community college level and also publish -- you may need a PhD to do the whole university thing, but all doors are not closed to you if you have to take a break between the master's and the doctorate.  Take the time to grow your resume, do conferences, and write.  So with the master's you're still further ahead than someone with just the BA. 

[Andean Pat]

I agree with everything said, let me add on one little thing.

 

I don't know in your field, but in mine, rejections are seen as not suitable fits. Let me put it this way: I imagine advisers admit students like parents adopt children. Especially where I applied (fully funded programs), they REALLY want to be sure they are adopting the right candidate. A rejection should be seen as an opportunity to find THE place. Of course, POIs can be wrong as well. Clearly, there is something in your applications that you should do differently. 

 

Let me add some other questions for you to think about:

 

* Have you asked anyone to read your SOP/writing sample? I asked two grad students and a friend of mine who has recently earned her PhD and now works at a school, reading lots of apps. Their comments were terrific. 

 

* Have you worked with your recommenders? I am international and professors/employers here tend to give general recommendations, which can be devastating for an application in the US. So I explained all my recommenders what were the ad comms looking for in their letters, what information was expected and what type of evidence they could provide. Moreover, I looked for samples and websites to help them in the process. 

 

* Have you contacted people in your programs? I contacted POIs in June/July last year and got several skype interviews with them in August. Some were in my country so I went out for coffee with them. I also met/e-mailed with grad students who can be very kind and REALLY helpful. POIs, at least in my experience, were very honest with me. There was one that suggested not applying because there was not enough funding for international students. Another directly told me "excellent topic, would love to work with you, but I am not admitting anyone this fall because last year I admitted to many students in my field". 

 

DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!! 

[TeaGirl]

I think you got lots of good advice from other commentators about tackling different points in your application and not giving up on your dream. However, I wanted to add something.

 

Keep pursuing your dream and don't give up, BUT do not put your life on hold for it. What you do everyday should not just be something to pass the time year in year out. Until you get that acceptance, invest yourself in whatever you are doing, or find something else to do wholeheartedly. I really can't stress this enough because I know the temptation to just check out of your own life until that *thing* in the future happens. Find something fulfilling to do and focus on the life you are living now so you don't miss it while you wait for that next thing.

[hiroshiman]

I too just received my third rejection, and it is not pleasant. I have an interview later this week at my top choIce so I still have some hope. A post interview rejection would be devastating, though.

[Seeking]

It looks like you need to critically assess your application profile and rectify the drawbacks.

 

You may need the help of a professional Graduate education advising service to refine your application profile.

 

If you have more applications waiting, that means you still have a chance, so you don't have to lose hope. Otherwise you can get your application assessed by a counselor or by a Professor you may know and trust. 

[dumpling]

professional Graduate education advising service, is there such thing?  I've never heard of that...

 

It looks like you need to critically assess your application profile and rectify the drawbacks.

 

You may need the help of a professional Graduate education advising service to refine your application profile.

 

If you have more applications waiting, that means you still have a chance, so you don't have to lose hope. Otherwise you can get your application assessed by a counselor or by a Professor you may know and trust. 

[NeuroTU]

Rejection sucks but don't give up! One day that acceptance will come and you will be stronger for it. Find a fun event to channel your energies and keep on keepin on. Laissez les bon temps rouler! 

[selecttext]

given your lack of success the previous 2 times, i'm surprised that your referees were willing to write letters for you this time without giving you specific feedback on your application. did you even ask? i also wonder whether or not they are writing good letters. If you don't get in this time, I suggest you take as many graduate level courses as possible before reapplying and possibly volunteer as an RA some place. There must be something seriously wrong with your application or qualifications if you can't get in 3 years in a row. Your referees could be the problem and you should make an appointment to discuss your app with them ASAP. Many universities, particularly in Canada, are still taking applications. If you can identify the weakness in your application, it is not too late to apply to more places. If your dream is graduate school, forget your top choices.

Edited February 13, 2013 by selecttext

[GuitarSlayer]

While I think selecttext's post may be a bit blunt, it is certainly valid.  There may be something amiss with the application material itself.  We also need more info -- again, as I mentioned in my post, if you're only applying to PhD programs from a BA three years in a row, that might indicate that you really need to get the master's first for your desired field.  Some people get lucky and go straight through, but most of us get the MA first.

[DarlingNikki]

So I just got my 3rd rejection this morning.  I could have waited, but the waiting is kiling me (I am sure everyone on this board understands), so I send an email to ask, and got the "sorry" email this morning...  My fault... or is it?

 

I am 3rd time applicant, everyone around told me I have good chances.  Now think about it, maybe they just love me and can't be rational about my application. 

 

I am just so lost, devasted, and don't know what to believe in.  I've got a job, not good not bad.  Life could be just like that, like forever.  But I just can't bear the idea of not doing a PhD.  I really don't know what I need to do to make things right...  None of my friends will understand such feelings maybe...

 

This is my last chance.  If I fail again, I might find another job, doodling for a couple years.  Then maybe I will want to apply again, maybe not.  Maybe I'd have kids, maybe I grow old and forget what I was passionate about before.

 

We all have dreams.  For me, it might just be the wrong one.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your tough times this round. I understand how frustrating that can be. I wouldn't suggest you sacrifice your dreams and become complacent. If you don't get a favorable answer that suits your needs I would suggest contacting the departments and inquiring about their decision. Hopefully, they can provide some advice and direction.

[Seeking]

Dumpling,

 

Check your PM.

[CP3]

This is my first time "around the block." (applying to PhD programs) I received my third rejection today. I have 5 more schools to hear from---I am already thinking about how I will make my applications stronger for next year. Think ahead, that's my new motto 

[foucaultmania]

My friend, never give up trying. Life consists of disappointments, pessimism and decisions.

 

If you believe that what your dream is the truth for your life, go for it. Otherwise, as Theodor Adorno says wrong life cannot be lived rightly!

[GodelEscher]

I don't know... I am pretty bad with it.  Drinking and crying, lol...

Ditto on that one....