Don't sweat the post-decision blahs

[ComeBackZinc]

I've made this point in years past, but I saw someone express this kind of anxiety recently, so it bears repeating: it's perfectly natural and quite common to not feel happy or excited after you decide what school to choose.

 

When I heard back from the program I'm attending, I knew I should feel ecstatic. It was my top choice, by a wide margin. I had worked to get into grad for ages. I also had the daily experience of reading people here who hadn't gotten in to the schools they wanted or anywhere, sometimes. I expected to feel fantastic. And then I just... didn't. I felt guilty for not feeling anything. Why didn't I feel happier? But when I shared that feeling here and with other people I knew, I found it was quite common. I think there's a variety of reasons for that. First, there's just the mental and emotional drain of the process. You spend all this time working, and then all this time stressing, whether it's about getting in or choosing your school, and then it just... stops. Which might make you feel really happy, or might just make you feel a little numb or exhausted. Second, no program can ever be as exciting as the promise and potential of any program. It felt good to know where I was going. But before you choose, there's limitless potential. You could end up anywhere, which is exciting and invigorating. No matter how happy you are with your choice, it can't contain all the potential of all the schools you applied to. Finally, I find that unless they get into all or almost all of the departments to which they apply, many people can feel somehow unsatisfied or rejected even if they get into their #1 choice or a school that they are very happy to attend. I know I've talked to different people who have said, "I would have chosen the program I'm in even if I got into those other schools... so why does the rejection hurt so bad? Why do I wish I had gotten in so much?"

 

If you don't feel this way, all the better. But if you aren't feeling as good as you thought you would, don't sweat it, and don't feel guilty. It's natural and happens to a lot of people.

[Sherlocked2013]

Thanks, I really, REALLY needed that tonight! 

[kayrabbit]

This is awesome, and so true. After the madness of applying and then obsessing over application results, even a good outcome can feel like a bit of a let down. And I don't know what to do with free time anymore. Not working on something gives me anxiety about all the things that I surely should be doing and have just forgotten.

[thatjewishgirl]

Thanks, I really, REALLY needed that tonight! 

 

I just straight up squealed at your username.

[khyleth]

Thank you so much.

 

I think for me, another compounding reality is that August seems pretty far away. I announced my acceptance to all my friends (who were very excited for me), but now I've turned into "the guy who's leaving." I think people pull back a little when they know that you won't be around long. I don't blame them at all, but it's going to be a long four months!

[ProfLorax]

First, thank you ComeBackZinc. I didn't realize how much I needed to hear what you said until I read it. I'm glad I'm not alone!

 

 

Thank you so much.

 

I think for me, another compounding reality is that August seems pretty far away. I announced my acceptance to all my friends (who were very excited for me), but now I've turned into "the guy who's leaving." I think people pull back a little when they know that you won't be around long. I don't blame them at all, but it's going to be a long four months!

Yes! I've noticed this too. Also, whenever I tell people that I'm moving for a PhD program, I sound like I am already saying goodbye... but I'm not leaving for months! It's a struggle trying to stay present while also planning for the near future. 

[Cactus Ed]

I'm glad I found this. I'm definitely experiencing that bit of let-down, plus a big case of the "what-ifs." Not the paralyzing, "I made the wrong decision" kind, but I feel somewhat guilty for turning down one offer for another. 

 

So thanks, Comebackzinc. 

[Porridge]

You know what I am petrified of? That the university will rescind their offer. I'm finishing my MA next month and my fear is if I don't get the perfect grad on my thesis, I will be rejected. Am I irrational?

[Taco Superior]

You know what I am petrified of? That the university will rescind their offer. I'm finishing my MA next month and my fear is if I don't get the perfect grad on my thesis, I will be rejected. Am I irrational?

 

Normal, but irrational.

[Sherlocked2013]

I just straight up squealed at your username.

  

Ahah, have you been sherlocked, too? 

[thatjewishgirl]

Ahah, have you been sherlocked, too?

Oh god, yes. It's getting sad. Right now I'm at the point where I try to go as long as I can without bringing up Sherlock Holmes in normal conversations. But one of the other teachers I work with is as crazy for Holmes as me, and we feed off each other!

We watch the BBC series, read fanfic (a GREAT distraction while waiting for program notifications), just watched The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes the other day, and now we're into the Jeremy Brett series. Oh, and my husband and I pop in the Robert Downey Jr films on a rainy day (like today). I read all the stories over winter break, am in the middle of writing three academic articles on Sherlock Holmes novels and adaptations, my students just read A Study In Scarlet and wrote papers over it, and I'm going to the Sherlock Holmes conference at the University of Minnesota in August.

So yes. Totally sherlocked!

[ComeBackZinc]

bump, just in case anybody needs to hear it

[smellybug]

This should be bumped this year and every year around this time...

[ArthChauc]

I agree with this bump. I've been accepted to a place that is good and where I think I would be happy, and I was excited for a while...until I realized that I had yet to hear back from eight places and then locked in on one of them that showed interest. Now, I feel like I won't be happy until I get into this new school. It's all very weird and kind of sad. 

[ComeBackZinc]

In seven or eight months, you'll be at a program you love, and it will all be worth it.

[despejado]

I'm just glad that as of now, I have no choice to make. I kind of hope it stays that way, honestly.. decisions aren't my strong suit.

[Fiz]

Thank you so much.

 

I think for me, another compounding reality is that August seems pretty far away. I announced my acceptance to all my friends (who were very excited for me), but now I've turned into "the guy who's leaving." I think people pull back a little when they know that you won't be around long. I don't blame them at all, but it's going to be a long four months!

ARGHHH! This is why I dont wanna leaveeeee

[iExcelAtMicrosoftPuns]

ARGHHH! This is why I dont wanna leaveeeee

I've been the "guy who's leaving" before - and I'd rather be the guy who leaves than the guy who stays.

[bhr]

Right now I have one admit (with nebulous funding) and it's been like three weeks since I've heard from them. Everyone I told assumes that grad school is a done deal, but until my money is locked up I still am full of anxious energy. Heck, on duty the other night I started emailed ResLife offices at half the schools in the country to see if anyone is hiring, as I figure I can do an unfunded MA application still.

[VioletAyame]

I love this post so much! Not in Lit but I can totally relate and it has lent a hand to help me achieve my inner peace about this whole decision process so to speak. I vote for it to pinned or at least reposted each year for the Decisions, Decisions subforum!

 

I've been the "guy who's leaving" before - and I'd rather be the guy who leaves than the guy who stays.

But you've never been the guy who stays before, how can you compare? I don't like to leave, but for some reason I've always ended up as the one who's leaving. My friends aren't behaving weirdly since most of us are international students and we've always known someone will stay and someone will leave. But still, it sucks to leave it all behind.

[ComeBackZinc]

It's that season again, so *bump*

[Imaginary]

I am feeling really good about my decision. I declined my other serious offers a few days ago, and have mostly gotten over the regret.I like that I know where I am going.

[despejado]

I feel pretty good about my decision too. Even more so now that I've gotten to visit the campus and meet the faculty in person.. No blahs here, thankfully, although the moment of turning down an offer does sting for a few hours beyond the act.

[dmariebelle]

This is so timely. I also feel like I can already feel the 'chill' of friends who don't quite get it. I've had a MUCH more enthusiastic response from  my colleagues (work at a uni) than from my best friends of the past 15 years.

 

This is going to be tough.

[ReadingLisa]

^Definitely can relate.