Application Anxiety Thread

[autismadvocate]

Let me tell you, I've been seriously stressing out this past month or so, and I know I will continue to be anxious until I finally get the acceptances or rejections from my schools (after which point I will either be desolate or elated). I figure I can't be the only one with this application anxiety, because I have pretty good stats and experience and I'm STILL freaking out.

 

So I figured this thread could be a place for people to come and vent and support each other while we finish off this application season. Share your stories and take the application anxiety poll!

 

I'll start. Here's my story:

In all the schools I looked at (even the ones I decided not to apply for) the highest acceptance rate was 36%. Which means the least competitive school I'm applying to still rejects 64% of its applicants. Wow. That is really scary and I can't help stressing about whether or not I'll get in to any of my schools. A year off doesn't have to be a terrible thing...but I've already taken a year off and exhausted what generosity my family was willing to show me, so if I had to go into a second year, I don't know what I'd do.

[Sunshine5535]

Let me tell you, I've been seriously stressing out this past month or so, and I know I will continue to be anxious until I finally get the acceptances or rejections from my schools (after which point I will either be desolate or elated). I figure I can't be the only one with this application anxiety, because I have pretty good stats and experience and I'm STILL freaking out.

 

So I figured this thread could be a place for people to come and vent and support each other while we finish off this application season. Share your stories and take the application anxiety poll!

 

I'll start. Here's my story:

In all the schools I looked at (even the ones I decided not to apply for) the highest acceptance rate was 36%. Which means the least competitive school I'm applying to still rejects 64% of its applicants. Wow. That is really scary and I can't help stressing about whether or not I'll get in to any of my schools. A year off doesn't have to be a terrible thing...but I've already taken a year off and exhausted what generosity my family was willing to show me, so if I had to go into a second year, I don't know what I'd do.

Autismadvocate, I feel your pain, believe me.

 

Not to freak you out even more but this is my third time applying for Speech programs and I have come to really associate the months of January through March/April with basic anxiety, waiting by the mail, waiting for my emails type of thing. 

 

I am an out of field applicant. My undergraduate degree is in Media Studies and Communications, so no where near related to Speech. I went back to school while I was working and took 5 pre-requisite classes for Speech and did very well. My undergrad GPA is average, my pre-req GPA is in the 3.8 range. So I felt more confident once those classes were done. In the past I have applied to schools mostly in NYC and NJ area (close to where I live), and schools in DC and Boston, which I found later to be SUPER SUPER competitive. I probably didn't do enough research because I probably should have aimed for schools that don't for example need all of the pre-reqs done, or for students to already have an undergraduate background in Speech (not me!). Anyway fast forward to right now, last summer I applied to 2 schools in Florida which are said to be "less competitive" but I chose them for their good reputations and because they have a higher acceptance rate and fill more seats than local schools. This fall season I applied to more local schools but was really choosy about which ones I went for, i.e. take students w/o a background.

 

Sooo although I am no stranger to waiting, this time around the anxiety is still there BUT a little less. I tell myself its not the end of the world and something will somehow work out!!!! And you should too!!!! I found another profession I am interested in also which I have applied for so hopefully 1 of the 2 will work out for me. It's always a good idea to explore ALL of your options. I was very stubborn and feel like I wasted 2 years when maybe I coul dhave explored something else and been happy too. I got a lot of new experiences these last 2 years working in classrooms with kids with Learning Disabilities and really love being in this setting. So I figured maybe this happened for a reason for me? No matter where I end up I will be happy because I tried my best. At least I can't scold myself for being lazy. Of course hoping its SPEECH ! Best of luck DONT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF!

[Arcanelady27]

You guys are not alone. I am really stressed  out because I am limited to certain schools because of money and  employment.

Sunshine, I also have my BA in Media Studies and Communication. I also have MS  in Communication Studies. 

My GPA in my prereqs is only a 3.53 and my GRE scores are nothing to run home and talk about...

However, I did get an interview in one of the schools to. Since I got to where I am reapplying. I know it was my interview for that blew it for me. I am working on sharpening those skills to hopefully have a different outcome if given a second shot.

[PsycD]

There should be a 6th voting option:

 

6 - Heart-attack imminent...

[ImpulsiveNixie]

I feel like the 3 most necessary things to remain calm are: 

 

Marathons of Doctor Who and Mindy Project 

A constant supply of comfort foods (Freshmen 15 - HA!! - more like Application 15)

and

Candy Crush (although I am most certain this adds to my anxiety)

[kbell]

Yes! Another fan of The Mindy Project! Haha.

But on a more related note, I am def. an uncomfortable mix of perplexed and anxious right now. Perplexed because I don't know how to reconcile my pessimism with friends, family etc trying to be supportive and saying "of course you'll get in somewhere!" and me thinking "but they don't KNOW that I will!" Anxious because ... well, the lack of certainty and the possibility that my hard work won't pay off in the way that I hope it will (that is, a grad school acceptance).

I joke with my friends that February is going to be the month of drinking my anxiety away. Hopefully though it'll remain 75% a joke!

[Persis]

Autismadvocate, I feel your pain, believe me.

 

Not to freak you out even more but this is my third time applying for Speech programs and I have come to really associate the months of January through March/April with basic anxiety, waiting by the mail, waiting for my emails type of thing. 

 

I am an out of field applicant. My undergraduate degree is in Media Studies and Communications, so no where near related to Speech. I went back to school while I was working and took 5 pre-requisite classes for Speech and did very well. My undergrad GPA is average, my pre-req GPA is in the 3.8 range. So I felt more confident once those classes were done. In the past I have applied to schools mostly in NYC and NJ area (close to where I live), and schools in DC and Boston, which I found later to be SUPER SUPER competitive. I probably didn't do enough research because I probably should have aimed for schools that don't for example need all of the pre-reqs done, or for students to already have an undergraduate background in Speech (not me!). Anyway fast forward to right now, last summer I applied to 2 schools in Florida which are said to be "less competitive" but I chose them for their good reputations and because they have a higher acceptance rate and fill more seats than local schools. This fall season I applied to more local schools but was really choosy about which ones I went for, i.e. take students w/o a background.

 

Sooo although I am no stranger to waiting, this time around the anxiety is still there BUT a little less. I tell myself its not the end of the world and something will somehow work out!!!! And you should too!!!! I found another profession I am interested in also which I have applied for so hopefully 1 of the 2 will work out for me. It's always a good idea to explore ALL of your options. I was very stubborn and feel like I wasted 2 years when maybe I coul dhave explored something else and been happy too. I got a lot of new experiences these last 2 years working in classrooms with kids with Learning Disabilities and really love being in this setting. So I figured maybe this happened for a reason for me? No matter where I end up I will be happy because I tried my best. At least I can't scold myself for being lazy. Of course hoping its SPEECH ! Best of luck DONT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF!

What is the other profession you applied to?

[Sunshine5535]

What is the other profession you applied to?

School Counseling for elementary school

[ImpulsiveNixie]

Yes! Another fan of The Mindy Project! Haha.

I joke with my friends that February is going to be the month of drinking my anxiety away. Hopefully though it'll remain 75% a joke!

 

Seriously - she had a wine "rack" in the Christmas episode! A WINE RACK!!! 

 

You might as well invest in one of those for February. I feel that it may be an acceptable solution to the waiting game. 

[Persis]

School Counseling for elementary school

That is good too.  Are there  a lot of jobs in it?

[plmgis]

Yes! Another fan of The Mindy Project! Haha.

But on a more related note, I am def. an uncomfortable mix of perplexed and anxious right now. Perplexed because I don't know how to reconcile my pessimism with friends, family etc trying to be supportive and saying "of course you'll get in somewhere!" and me thinking "but they don't KNOW that I will!" Anxious because ... well, the lack of certainty and the possibility that my hard work won't pay off in the way that I hope it will (that is, a grad school acceptance).

I joke with my friends that February is going to be the month of drinking my anxiety away. Hopefully though it'll remain 75% a joke!

 

This literally could have been written by me.  Every time someone asks me about my plans for next year I am nervous to say "grad school" because it still feels so uncertain.  And when I get the "don't worry, you'll definitely get in somewhere" I get a knot in my stomach from the mix of anxiety/excitement/dread/anticipation of waiting for decisions.

 

It's gotten to the point where I'm excited just to get an email like "your transcripts have been received" because at least it feels like something is HAPPENING, which is better than being in limbo with no news for yet another day.

[tchris]

I was wondering if I was the only one feeling like this.  I've submitted most of my applications (still waiting on 1 LOR to be received by 2 schools), so that pressure is off.  However, I'm already checking my status at each school, knowing full well I won't be hearing anything until February at the earliest.  I've even been checking this board every time I sign on the computer, just to see if anyone has heard anything.  My routine when I sit down to the computer: email, gradcafe, grad apps, email again just in case I missed something.  It's driving me crazy!  At least I'm happy to see some activity on here so I know some people that are in the same boat.

 

I decided I'm going to try training for a 10k or a half-marathon so I can have something to keep my mind off things until I start hearing something back.  But until the weather warms up a bit, I'll just have a glass of red wine.

 

Good luck to everybody!

[trejsi]

I definitely know what you guys mean.  I'm working full-time right now, and when I tell my coworkers that I've applied (this isn't my first time around applying too), they all say, "You're smart, you'll get in!"  It's not quite that simple... and then they're so surprised when I say I've already applied and didn't get in last year.  (In a way, it's a nice compliment, but it doesn't make me feel any better.)

 

It especially sucks, because on average, the Canadian schools (which is where I'm applying) only accept about 10% of the applicants, if that... everything's so competitive here. I keep telling myself that it's out of my hands now, but there's points of time during the day sometimes when I think, "I wonder if they're looking at my application right at this moment... please let me in!!!"

[Sunshine5535]

That is good too.  Are there  a lot of jobs in it?

The job prospects are complicated but once your in a school - you are set. Tricky part is getting in. But even if you don't find a position in a school right away, you an always work at a university for counseling with the college level students too There are some options.

[Sunshine5535]

I was wondering if I was the only one feeling like this.  I've submitted most of my applications (still waiting on 1 LOR to be received by 2 schools), so that pressure is off.  However, I'm already checking my status at each school, knowing full well I won't be hearing anything until February at the earliest.  I've even been checking this board every time I sign on the computer, just to see if anyone has heard anything.  My routine when I sit down to the computer: email, gradcafe, grad apps, email again just in case I missed something.  It's driving me crazy!  At least I'm happy to see some activity on here so I know some people that are in the same boat.

 

I decided I'm going to try training for a 10k or a half-marathon so I can have something to keep my mind off things until I start hearing something back.  But until the weather warms up a bit, I'll just have a glass of red wine.

 

Good luck to everybody!

LOL That's my routine too!!! I feel crazy! I need this harsh winter to end so I can spend more time outdoors, busy with no time to think and most importantly - AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER! haha

[autismadvocate]

Okay, PsycD - definitely agreed on the whole needing a "heart attack imminent" option. I tried to update the poll to add that, but it wouldn't let me. Might I just say, though, I am ridiculously envious of those two people who aren't really nervous. Whatever you guys are doing to accomplish that, please share it with those of us who are in the 'heart attack imminent' category!

 

I am so stressed about applications, it's not even funny. You guys who didn't make it in previously, yes, those are exactly the kinds of stories that freak me out and prompted me to reach this level of anxiety in the first place. (You should totally keep venting, btw, don't take that as me telling you to stop, I'm just venting, too.) Unfortunately, my reaction to stress is procrastination because I just get so nervous about things that I can't touch them. I'm pretty good at countering that reaction, as demonstrated the grades I pulled in college and the fact that I've finished 2/4 grad apps, but it's still painful and a battle for me to so much as think about my grad apps, much less work on them. It sucks....

 

Overall, glad I started this thread! It's one thing to logically think you can't be alone in freaking out about apps, and quite another to actually have confirmation. I feel so much less alone now, and that's nice.

 

I'm going to be so very happy when this is over...

[SLPamy]

I think the main source of my anxiety is that I'm not done with my applications yet! I am forcing myself to spend the next 2 days writing my final statement since my last app is due Feb 1 (exactly one week from today!!!). I have no idea what it is - and I've talked about it on here before - but I completely and utterly DREAD the whole process of writing statements. This is also why I have waited until the last possible minute to start my last one. I over-analyze and second-guess everything, and I feel so much anxiety until the moment I hit submit on my app. I can't even go back and reread previous statements because it makes me feel so anxious. When I was writing/editing my last statement, I literally bit off all of my nails to the point that they were bleeding. Before that, I hadn't bit my nails for like 3 years. Now I'm sad because I can't paint them, haha.

I really think that after I finish my last app, I will feel a huge weight off of my shoulders and I will be able to put graduate school out of my mind for a while. But I'm sure come March, I will be freaking out once the notifications start coming in.

[autismadvocate]

SLPamy,

 

I'm not done yet either, and I too have a February 1st deadline, so it's really stressing me out. Actually, I've been procrastinating on one app the past three days, so I can really relate.

 

I have a lot of the same anxiety issues you do, it sounds like, and though I don't bit my nails it takes its toll on my body in other ways. A small suggestion, from my experience: find a friend, loved one, anyone supportive of your grad school endeavors. And just have them sit near you while you work. They don't have to say anything (in fact, they shouldn't say anything), just be a soothing presense and someone to make you feel accountable for getting work done (because they're watching - again, they shouldn't actually say or do anything). For me that gives me the push I need to confront my anxiety, and it makes me feel calmer to have them close. A lot of my friends use this method, too, and it really helps them.

 

Also, try not to think of it as "I have to write a personal statement" if you're having trouble working. Try to take it line by line. Give yourself permission to stop working after you've finished a line. So, for instance, right after you read this you'd go open a Word document and write one sentence (or do something constructive, like make an outline). After that sentence, give yourself permission to stop working, but ask yourself, can't I just write one more sentence? It's just one sentence after all, not threatening. And then, if you write the next sentence, ask yourself, can't I write just one more? Keep going like that for as long as you want. And really do allow yourself to stop work if you want to - giving yourself permission to leave takes a lot of the anxiety away. You're not sitting down to write the whole thing, you're just writing one sentence. That is another of the many ways I personally overcome anxiety that would otherwise be crippling, and it might help you, too.

 

PM me, btw, and we can talk about this. Once you get it written, I'd be happy to edit it for you. I'm actually a writing tutor and I've helped many students edit application essays successfully and would be happy to help you (for free, of course). And that way you wouldn't be doing the editing and would have an outside person to reaffirm that it's a good statement and help you not second-guess). Heck, any of you guys that are feeling crippled by anxiety, PM me. I think it would be really constructive - a way to support and encourage each other.

 

Also, partially to reassure myself, and partially for you guys, know that having this anxiety doesn't reflect on us in any bad way. It means we care about this, and that's a good thing. It doesn't mean we'll be nervous wrecks in grad school or anything (or, even if we were, it doesn't mean it'd negatively impact our performance - personally, my anxiety comes from perfectionism, so it's actually a symptom of the fact that I over-achieve).

 

I think posting progress reports here would also good for those of us who are so anxious we're having trouble working.

 

Here's my progress report:

I managed to email a professor and let her know the address of a school she needs to send my letter to! One small step, I know, but I have a fair amount of inertia in the right direction now, and I'm going to go finish my Texas State app after I post this.

[skeener687]

It's awesome that there are forums like this where we can all talk to others experiencing the same issues and feelings! I just mailed in my last application, and I thought that I would experience some relief, but I actually feel even more stressed! The waiting and wondering is the hardest part. Hoping I didn't forget something, even though I checked the envelope several times. Or wondering if my SOP could have been better. It's my second time applying as well, and the encouragement from well-intentioned family and friends really doesn't help! It's hard to feel confident when so much is on the line!

[SLPamy]

Autismadvocate,

Thank you so much for your comforting words and advice. I am definitely going to try working on my statements in the company of my boyfriend and dog... I really think that would help lessen my anxiety. It sounds so dumb/pathetic, but when I do feel extra stressed, it helps to stop what I'm doing and hug my pup for a while. And you're right, by telling myself I have to write the whole thing at once I make the task seem so much more daunting. I know that I work better when I take lots of breaks, or at least give myself the option to take a break. I will have to keep reminding myself of this.

Thank you for offering to look over my statement! That is so kind of you. Fortunately, my sister is a writer so she's been so helpful with editing my statements. I'm also lucky enough to have a wonderful woman at my school who looks over personal statements as part of her job. She works very closely with the speech-language pathology department, so she helps me a lot with making changes to the content of my statements. I have a meeting with her on Tuesday, and I have to send my finished statement to her by Monday which is partly why I'm trying so hard to finish it today or tomorrow. I would love to have you look over my statement too, but I don't want to take away any of your time that could be spent working on your apps. But If you wanted to swap statements, I would totally be up for that.

Thanks again for your comment and for making this post! It really helps!
 

[autismadvocate]

SLPamy,

 

It doesn't sound dumb at all. I don't have animals myself, but I know that when I'm petting a cat (or an older dog that will actually stay still to be petted), I suddenly feel much less anxious.

 

You won't be taking time away from my statement. I'm still battling procrastination, for one thing (although I did take care of my transcript issues today!). For another, I have always found helping others as one of the best ways to help myself, as strange as it may seem - I can't explain it, but it does seem to work. Actually, after giving you the advice I went and got a lot of work done on apps which I wouldn't have done otherwise. And your situation, with the anxiety, sounds very similar to my own and I relate to what you're feeling quite strongly and want to help. My own statement is already done (I submitted it to two schools already), but I'd still be happy to read over yours if you haven't changed your mind.

 

Also, I'm sure you're aware of this already, but WOW that's awesome that you have a woman at your school whose job is to help with personal statements!

 

My progress report: Okay, so while I'd intended to get a new app done, I had a fright when I realized I'd only sent the transcripts from ONE of my schools out, but not from my other school. So I spent my time frantically ordering transcript copies. I'll try to get some more work done on the app I'd planned to do tonight...

[emikate51]

I am totally freaking out! I only applied to 3 local schools and am getting married in June. I have no idea what I will do if I don't get in to one of them!

[autismadvocate]

Finished my third application! Gah! I was so freaking out about it and getting all perfectionistic, so I just pushed "Submit" because I knew it would never be perfect but it was already quite good and I wanted to get the app in with plenty of time to spare to allow room for application technical glitches or whatever else might pop up. Glad it's done! Next up is sending out recommendation letter requests (they just have a simple form that needs filling out, so I'm just going to email it to my recommenders) for that app, and then finishing up with my last application. The last one has been taking longer because it's mostly a paper application, strange as it may seem. I have never submitted a paper application before, so I'm out of my comfort zone there....

[argslp]

Although I knew that I wasn't the only person experiencing such awful anxiety, it's nice to have somewhere to vent about it where people actually understand! I feel bad for all of my Twitter followers lately... it's all I post about.

[autismadvocate]

argslp, yes, it does feel nice to get reassurance that you're not the only one worrying about this whole process - I know I was relieved. (I shouldn't be, of course, because that means you guys are suffering, too, but at least I don't feel so alone...)

 

And, oof, emmikate, I feel for you. It's got to be nervewracking! But three schools can totally be enough - it just depends on your stats and your schools. If your stats are very good and/or your schools are very not competitive, you have a great chance of being successful.

Edited January 26, 2014 by autismadvocate