first generation students

[Stories]

Damn straight!

I do get very tired of the assumption that you must be a rich snob if you went to school or went to a certain school, though. Even if you tell them "no, I busted my ass in high school, and I got a partial scholarship, and I took out loans, and I worked part-time jobs the whole way through" they still don't let go of the first impression... I try to laugh it off as academic penis envy, but it does get to me sometimes.

It's amazing when you tell folks that live around you (not in the same city as the school is located) that you went/go to XYZ school. They automatically assume you're rich and got pampered. When really, it's just a lot of hard work in high school.

People seem to forget that the educational system rewards perseverance.

Although I'm happy to say that I'm a first-generation college graduate, master's graduate, and future PhD student

[leetchisgod]

Add me to this list. Indian born, US raised, parents with nothing more than a high school education, and now a grad student. Father was a taxi driver, some of the kids at my school would make fun of that fact, mother still is a clerk at the local stop and shop. I always hated how people looked down at her while she was working, I went to school in a fairly snobbish school district, at least now she can say her son is a grad student doing a PhD, I'd like to see the look on people's faces when she says that. Been a tough road. Dad started switched into real estate before I began college, business failed during the summer of my first year. Second year, he was diagnosed with cancer. 3rd year finally realized I didn't want to study business. Got myself accepted to the Boston University summer abroad program, studied politics in London loved it. Decided that I would do that from now on, against dad's wishes who thought that Wall Street people were the only successful people in the world, having driven them around for a while. Worked with my dad after that, on commission, as well as a call center. Decided to go do a masters in the UK, a bit hard when you're coming in with a 2.78/4.00, luckily I had great references, got in, with some money. Worked at the book store while there, got my masters at Surrey got a 3.90/4.00. My supervisor, and the awesome staff there, no one was up their own ass, encouraged me to do a PhD, something I always wanted to do. Told me to apply for some top schools, but I didn't think I'd fit in with the toffs, plus the critical IR/constructivism is more based in Canada. So, my first choice was Alberta, I got in, don't think there will be too many stuck up people there. It should be fun. But yea, when I get this completed, I'm so going to take numbers and kick ass, even if my parents don't completely understand why I want to do this, and they think that there's no money in it.

[lotf629]

Me too. Not first-generation (mom has a college degree; dad only has a high school degree) but low-income.

Failed out of Ivy league school while working three part-time jobs (kudos to those who stayed above water). Two years ago, while I was in my MA, my dad was homeless...living in his truck. I was trying to figure out how to fly home, how to pull together money to pay an apartment deposit for him if necessary, etc., while everyone around me was only worried about language requirements. Currently I'm chipping in about $800 a month to various family stuff, but like a previous poster, I'm going back to school and I'm just not going to be able to do it anymore, and I feel guilty as hell sometimes. And scared.

Doing all the Ph.D. meet-and-greets, I kept running in to 22-year-olds--charming, intelligent people--who made me feel really, really lonely. I'm entering a Ph.D. program at 29 because it took me so long to make it work financially: five years of pulling myself together, funding an MA to make up for my poor grades in undergrad, then getting ready for a Ph.D., chipping in for my family's well-being. I know I want to be in a Ph.D. program, and it's taken me a long time to get ready for one.

I'm glad to have found this thread...it reminds me how many of us are in the same boat.

[areese07]

Wow this is a very powerful and encouraging thread. I think sometimes it is easy to put yourself in a corner/box and think no one else struggles with what you struggle with. Mom...single parent...six children....worked several jobs to provide for us...high school education.

I went to a prestigious and costly undergraduate institution, mainly due to very generous scholarships. I am determined to get my PhD no matter what. My family baely understands what it will take for me to get there, but they are most certainly proud of me! I am the one who was "always going to make it" according to them! My sisters and brothers have all done well for themselves: 2 older sisters: nurses; 1 brother: paramedic; 1 brother: trained/licensed barber; and my younger sister: graduating undergrad this year! Not bad for a single mother with a high school education!

But I think I am working on erasing the stereotypes and stigmas from my own brain because I think sometimes I think people see inadequacies/deficiencies in me because of race/class, but in reality, I am the only person who sees it.

[dentafryian]

Being the child of first generation immigrants, I am one of the relatively lucky ones. My father got a BA back in China, my mother dropped out of middle school to support her three younger siblings. I don't even want to describe the incredible difficulties they had to go through to even establish a life for us here in the United States. As a result, my father had to give up a pretty comfortable lifestyle back in China to be the owner of a liquor store here, working 10-12 hours a day. The reason I say I'm lucky is because my parents have never burdened me with the stress of having to cover living expenses the entire time I was an undergraduate (I currently go to a public university so I only have around 10k debt for the past 4 years of tuition). I did not have to work part-time jobs to support my family, thereby allowing me to explore my options in college and concentrate on my grades. Sometimes I wonder how I could have made it through as a undergraduate with so little money-managing skills. Props to those on this forum who have overcome so much more (mentally, financially and psychologically); you have my deepest respect.

I guess I just wanted remind ourselves of the effort and hard-work our parents have put in to set us on the paths that have led us here. With that said, however, it was pretty damn difficult having parents who spoke little to no English. Like so many of you, I had no help whatsoever when it came time to apply to colleges. My parents knew of Harvard and Stanford, and their idea of the realm of education consisted of "you be a doctor, you no speak good for a lawyer." To this day, I am not so sure my parents understand what my majors mean - economics just means "accounting" and they simply gave up trying to pronounce "statistics." I feel that I could have easily sidestepped many of the academic potholes if I had just a little bit more direction. Entering college intent on the political science major, it was not exactly a smooth transition to math/stat/econ, having almost failed my lower division courses here and nearly given up along the way. But when I got received the funded offer for a Ms/PhD, all that seemed to have melted away. I think I may even have waltzed a little.

But I guess that is what really unifies us under this thread. We have always been on our own. We don't go running back to our parents, lamenting our woes, not because they don't care, but because they simply don't understand. We can't fall back on our rich uncle Jack for jobs/money because we don't have relatives who speak English. We can't discuss career options with our parents because, well, their choices were limited back in [insert underdeveloped country]. At the same time, we feel as if we are it, the solitary array of hope from our family. Our parents' sacrifices add pressure to the need to justify them with our success. I am fortunate to not have been embittered by the number of times my friends would talk about their Europe trips or their impressive internships at daddy's firm. Sometimes my friends would tell me that I work too hard, or that a B is really not that bad of a grade. But then I think about my father getting up at 5am to open shop, and those words just don't seem to resonant.

All I can say is "holy crap" to those of us who have made it to our goals; it sure took an incredible amount of resolve and, whether or not we would like to admit it, luck that we should be grateful for.

[Nytusse]

I went to visit my family for Easter this past weekend. Boy, was that a miserable experience. I felt like I was speaking an entirely different language.

I am currently at an Ivy League school after going to a state school for undergrad. I am getting scholarships now and looking toward PhD programs. Ideally, I would like to stay at my current school because I have a condo and do not want to move. My uncle says, "Well, if you want to stay there, just do it then, and don't complain about it." I was trying to explain that getting accepted to a prestigious PhD program is like winning the lottery. :roll:

Then my family went off onto a scary Rush Limbaugh-induced quasi-racist rant. Yeah, THAT was uncomfortable. :oops: How do you argue with someone when they don't even have the facts right to begin with?

Whenever I'm stressed, I also get the "Oh, I'm sure you'll get all As again like you always do." Nobody has a clue how hard it is to leap from undergrad to grad, and from state school to freaking Ivies.

[bibliophile23]

I'll add myself to this list.

My dad failed out of college and joined the military; later he started his own business. My mom dropped out of college to marry my dad. She went back later, when I was a kid, and I think she got as far as about a semester away from having a B.A. in elementary ed., but then she just. . . stopped. I don't know exactly what happened. It didn't seem to be a money thing, and she knew she'd earn more at her nursery school job

[smiley2009]

I'm so glad that somebody was brave enough to broach this subject because at this moment I am feeling kind of out of place when it comes to going beyond the B.A. I am a the first in my family--probably the only one in my family--who will get a college degree, now as I will go into a Masters program--I will be the only one in my family with a professional degree. Im also a first generation Mexican-American. Going to school these last four years have been difficult since in my home I have been the "head" of household for awhile now...so making decisions for others while away from home has kind of been really tough to accomplish. Also I feel like I wont fit in with fellow grad student-and I still dont know how I made it into an M.A program since I didn't do any internships or anything big while in college (I spent all of my summers working hard to pay for tuition). Anyone who has already undergone the transition, does this ever change?

I too am a first generation Mexican-American so I understand the pull that one gets from family to continue helping at home. My dad has been very encouraging since he quickly learned once we moved here that the more letters you have behind your name the better off you're going to be. My mom on the other hand is having a harder time with my moving far from home. It's going to be difficult, but I'm hoping that it will be worth it in the end.

[poetaguerrera]

yup first generation and low income too here.

[portraitinflesh]

I am first generation and low income as well. Has one here ever participated in the McNair Program? I was in it as an undergrad, and found it to be so valuable to me, helping me apply to grad school (and get in) and have a support network to talk to about concerns with.

[js42]

And I do occasionally wonder if maybe I -- the oldest child, the most ambitious, and the one with the most pressure put on me -- was supposed to go out there, get educated, get rich, and save the family from poverty.

I think about that all the time!

Luckily I am close to my siblings. There is plenty of rivalry from both of them, but my brother has me convinced that I have inspired him to commit to his art the way I'm committed to academic life. This and the idea of participatory research help me integrate my two worlds.

[js42]

I am first generation and low income as well. Has one here ever participated in the McNair Program? I was in it as an undergrad, and found it to be so valuable to me, helping me apply to grad school (and get in) and have a support network to talk to about concerns with.

I was in the McNair Scholars program and then worked for it. I have a few close (and probably lifelong) friends as a result. It was an atmosphere of constant motivation, not to mention, I think it made grad school seem tremendously easier (I'm just finishing my first year). There is still the unavoidable stress of a hefty reading list and lots of papers to write, but nothing is unexpected and for that I am grateful. I highly recommend it to any prospective grad students perusing this board.

[BruBru]

I was in the McNair Scholars program and then worked for it. I have a few close (and probably lifelong) friends as a result. It was an atmosphere of constant motivation, not to mention, I think it made grad school seem tremendously easier (I'm just finishing my first year). There is still the unavoidable stress of a hefty reading list and lots of papers to write, but nothing is unexpected and for that I am grateful. I highly recommend it to any prospective grad students perusing this board.

I was also a McNair Scholar. It is a wonderful, life-changing program. Like stated above, if any prospectives are browsing these boards that have the desire to attend grad school, there is no better avenue to take for underrepresented students. Find a school that offers the program, take part, and you will not be sorry.

[ms1986]

Wow, I am so glad I found this board! I am a first generation student...no one in my family, and I mean no one, has a college degree. I also come from a low income family, but I am able to attend college with the assistance of grants, loans, and scholarships. I will be graduating summa cum laude in December from a state university and I am currently in the process of applying to grad scool. I am applying to 2 ivy league universities and a few other top tier schools, but I must admit I don't feel very encouraged simply because I don't come from the "proper" pedigree and I am coming from a state school. My undergraduate academics are stellar, but sometimes I feel like I won't have anything in common with students at ivy league schools and I will just be clueless. My family is supportive, but I get frustrated because they don't really understand why I need to go to graduate school. I am open to any advice anyone has on how to make the adjustments from undergrad. to grad. and how they manage to get by being the first person in your family to go to graduate school.

[portraitinflesh]

I will be graduating summa cum laude in December from a state university and I am currently in the process of applying to grad scool. I am applying to 2 ivy league universities and a few other top tier schools, but I must admit I don't feel very encouraged simply because I don't come from the "proper" pedigree and I am coming from a state school. My undergraduate academics are stellar, but sometimes I feel like I won't have anything in common with students at ivy league schools and I will just be clueless. My family is supportive, but I get frustrated because they don't really understand why I need to go to graduate school. I am open to any advice anyone has on how to make the adjustments from undergrad. to grad. and how they manage to get by being the first person in your family to go to graduate school.

I don't have any advice to give in regards to dealing with being in and Ivy league setting, but I just wanted to tell you not to worry about coming from a state school, you deserve to be accepted to an ivy league school, because you worked really hard as an undergrad, and that's what admissions committees will see. I come from a really similar background as you, and I got into the one Ivy I applied to and was waitlisted at the other (in the end I chose a small state school, because they offered full funding). You should be really proud of yourself, for what you have already accomplished, and if you end up in a program with a bunch of snooty rich kids, you will be safe in the knowledge that unlike some of them, you earned the right to be there!

Congratulations and good luck!

[RNadine21]

I'm so happy someone decided to bring this up.

I consider myself a first generation and low-income student (people on my dad's side have undergrad degrees but they haven't been in my life in a long time emotionally/financially, so I don't consider them family) I had some help with college; my family was really excited for me and wanted me to do well.

It's a lot more lonely now. I'm the only person (on either side) applying to grad school, so I've been leaning more on my friends and advisor. My family has actually been more annoying than anything. On top of the stress I put on myself, I'm constantly getting questions of "Have you heard anything yet?" "What are you doing with your furniture?" "How will you find somewhere to live?" Sometimes I want to yell at them to back off, especially as I can't do anything more until I get decisions. I'm also starting to feel that my family misses me and wants me back home. My entire family is back in my hometown, so it's difficult for them to slowly realize that I'm probably not coming back other than for visits, especially my grandma who helped raise me (Oh yea, I come from a close, loud, immigrant Hispanic family)

Overall, it helps knowing that everyone seems so proud of me for getting me this far. It really gives me hope

[StrangeLight]

first generation college student here. my mom has a high school education and my dad only finished the 10th grade. my dad's sisters did one year of college and failed out. my cousins went to college, my brother went to college, but i'm the first in the family to go to graduate school.

i find i'm losing my ability to relate to my parents. i study history in pittsburgh. my dad once told a group of people, in front of me, that i study geodegy (no, i don't think that's an actual discipline) at harvard in new york. i think he likes the idea of me in graduate school because he can show off to his friends and tell them i'm going to be a "doctor."

my mother thinks that because i was the best student in my 8th grade class (debatable), i'm the best student in my university. the best student at any university, for that matter. she assumes that everyone else in my courses must be beneath me. and when i say, "no, there are a lot of really bright people here that frequently say things i never would have thought of," she brushes it off and says, "you don't give yourself enough credit." how is recognizing the capability and intelligence of my peers a bad thing?

she hasn't read a book in well over a decade (not an exaggeration) and she's never read an academic or theoretical text, but she weirdly insists that what i do should be easy, that it shouldn't take me 60+ hrs a week, that i should be out every weekend having fun and finding a husband (i'm 23). her having no idea what i do wouldn't bother me if she didn't try to micromanage my life from a distance, but she has these insanely unrealistic expectations and she just loads on the pressure instead of helping to relieve it.

it's disappointing because we were always very close and she used to be someone i could talk to about anything, and now i talk to her like she's a stranger. "oh, everything's good (lie). yep. work's fine (lie). classes are good (lie). yeah, i went out last week (lie). there's a lot of snow here (true). oh really, ellen's the new judge on american idol? weird choice. yeah, the baby from the e-trade commercial is really cute. i can't believe you won at bingo again. no, i didn't buy a lottery ticket."

it sucks. we just can't relate to each other anymore. that probably has to do with a lot more than me being in graduate school. /endtherapysession

[liszt85]

it's disappointing because we were always very close and she used to be someone i could talk to about anything, and now i talk to her like she's a stranger.

it sucks. we just can't relate to each other anymore. that probably has to do with a lot more than me being in graduate school. /endtherapysession

At least your mom didn't go to college/grad school. Mine did and I feel the same way! She objected when I decided to do a PhD in Psychology (after a masters in Physics) saying that I wouldn't get employed anywhere.. guess she's never heard of the word "interdisciplinary". She's always been pulling me back.. she wanted me to apply to local (crappy!) community type colleges when I wanted to write the entrance exam to get into the best program in the country (for Physics, and in one of the best engineering universities in the country). I tore up the application forms she brought home and told her I'd rather not study than go waste my time in such colleges. Thankfully, I got into the university (after a rigorous entrance exam that has an acceptance rate of 2%. 200,000 students took the exam that year and 4000 got admitted). So yes, its been a struggle but its been fun to come out on top and that's what keeps me going.. if things were easy, this would be no fun.

[kent shakespeare]

I'm from a lower income background. My dad had an Associate's degree from a state-run correspondence school, and my mom didn't even get her HS degree until she was an empty-nester. I spent 9 years prt-time working on my own useless AAS while working full-time; I had serious money hang-ups and completely resisted the allure of the student loan. After years stuck in crappy jobs, I've taken the plunge and am up to debt to my eyeballs, but I finished my BA at age 40, summa cum laude at a decent state U. Now in an MA prog in Canada.

years ago, I largely stopped measuring myself against others. HS classmates of more middle-class families are now hotshot lawyers and the like. I've always had U classmates who flew here and there for spring break (my only SB trip was a grant-funded research trip for my senior thesis... to Edmonton, in wintery mid-March). C'est la vie. We all have our tracks in life. I struggle with depression and basic survival matters that my classmates have family to fall back on. I don't; I fly by the seat of my pants. That's life; I'm doing the best I can with it.

[pea-jay]

My mom is a HS grad and while she definitely understands the value of an MPA degree (as opposed to my earlier interests in pursuing a Geography MA/PHD), she's still negative on it especially the need to move part. It's more subtle, outwardly encouraging "I hope you get in" but consistently backed up with negative qualifiers like "but you're going to pay $5K for a shoe box apartment and have tens of thousands in debt." Yes, I've thought about things like that but in some cases she's got her facts wrong or doesnt quite get how it all will work. Now the "I don't believe it until I see it" comment got me more peeved. Blah.

[schoolpsych2]

This is awesome because I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels like that!

When I go home, my family for the most part supports me as with everyone else, but they don't really understand I guess. I get it worse from my fiance's family because they encouraged him not to get his BA so it seems they cannot fathom why I would not surpass getting my Ph.D. for having babies and avoiding all the debt since I'm finally out of college. I get the comment CONSTANTLY "Don't think you're better than us because you have some fancy degree" (from both families). I was basically drilled about why I would want to spend 5 more years in school, and I'll be in debt forever, etc. It kinda takes away from the excitement of getting into a program when the odds have been stacked against you from the get go.

But we all have to remind ourselves from time to time that what we are doing is awesome, and it is something to be really proud of even if people really dont understand/are excited as you are

Edited February 18, 2010 by schoolpsych2

[schoolpsych2]

double post.

Edited February 18, 2010 by schoolpsych2

[SisypheanStones]

What an uplifting post thread!

I'm not actually in grad school, nor will I be there anytime soon. But I want to be there one day.

I actually lived in a very affluent town growing up, and we weren't poor by any means. My parents had a business, a record store, that paid the bills, but didn't bring in a lot of money. We owned our house upfront, so we had that under control. When I was in high school, my parents finally split. My mom took over the business, but my dad refused to sign a lease to keep our store, and things got bad. Meanwhile, our property taxes were so high that they were higher than most mortgages and getting higher.

Neither of my parents had a degree. My mother did not take high school seriously, and looked down on 'nerds.' My dad was one, and got into college. His parents sent him elsewhere, and he acted out. He failed out of one school and got kicked out for drugs from another.

We alway had more than a lot of kids I knew, but we were never very stable. After the divorce, I was petrified to seem like my dad (growing up my mom and brother teased me for being like him).

I wanted to go to state school, my mom thought it was too dangerous (......ugh......). I loved school, and emotionally grew into a person, but a lot of the growth came at a heavy price. I lost my scholarship when I got mono. I was afraid of having 'trouble' after my mom sacrificed so much to send me. I was terrified of ringing up hospital fees or spending the money to home for a long weekend. I was terrified if I wasn't working 25 hours or more. I was terrified to take that extra semester that would have made things so much easier. After losing my scholarship, I stopped caring about my grades. I was weak, and let it beat me.

Now that I'm done with school, I still live at home. My mom keeps talking about practical strangers kids getting their master's paid for. And marrying rich guys. I think she sent me away so I could meet my husband. I never dated anyone.

It's my own fault for effing my up my opportunity, but it's hard to explain to friends that I can't do certain things. Example, I'm trying to get some experience by volunteering at an aquarium, but I have open sores all over my legs. I don't want to get sick or get any animals/kids sick, but I can't go to the doctor. I was always afraid to admit I had a problem with something. I would hide hospital bills, not tell my mom about illnesses or anything else, because I didn't want her to worry. Worry is killing her as it is. I have terrible anxiety, but have never had it looked into, but my dad had it. She always worries that i'm going to be just like him, but I like people. He is a depressive person. I'm happy when I'm depressed. He is emotionally abusive, and I am not. He spends money he doesnt have an heroin, I spend money I don't have on dinner out with friends.

Ugh. It's hard to explain that I can't get this treated, or this treated, or this treated. And it would be smart to, but I dont have the cash for it. I can't keep numbers straight when I do math, but I never had to cash to get tested for anything. I mean, I could have, but i'd have to give up the things that get me through life happy.

sorry for this. i've never felt like i could say these things before, and they are spilling out

[gsams]

I am a first gen GRAD student. My Dad went to college and got a Bachelor's in accounting. He is a banker. My mom is just now getting her BS and she works in engineering and has for the past 30 years. I barely have any debt from undergrad - 20k of which about half is from spending a year abroad in another country and and another 5k will be "flow" money towards buying a car and other things for my apartment for grad school. My parents were BIG on education. My mother struggled with a learning disability that was NEVER diagnosed until my sister was diagnosed with dyslexia when she was 15. So, for all those years, she struggled without any reason. Now, I am helping her to get past some of these barriers with her coursework in econ. I am a tutor and specialize in students with learning disabilities. I would really love to continue working with these students in grad school in some capacity. Regardless, my mother was really well read. She got past it and reads slowly, but has a vocabulary that would put most of you 700+ on the GRE Verbal to shame. My Dad isn't a reader, but her memorizes things and is clearly intellectually gifted. I am gifted and don't feel ashamed to say that, but I think more than being gifted, I am a HARD WORKER. I will kill myself to accomplish something and don't half-ass anything.

My parents are both from working class families. My mother's family was Catholic and very large. Her Dad was an artist and did not hold down a job for long, mainly out of having few skills and bad health. Her mother was the best damn cleaning lady around and she was the bread winner. With 5 kids, it was hard. My Dad's family was better off. His parents were both factory workers. He attended Indiana (my university) based on scholarships, jobs he worked in the summer, and his father's social security benefits (he died when my Dad graduated from high school). My Mom's family was not supportive of any education above high school other than seminary. She didn't even get support for high school because she was a girl and her mother never finished high school. My Dad was clearly gifted and got tons of support from his family. His father said again and again that he wanted him to finish college and left him a small savings to do so with. My parents wouldn't have allowed me to go community college because I was a much stronger student then that and it was obvious. I had to pick a state school and I chose IU because it was not Purdue, was my favorite basketball school, and had a top-30 poli sci program. My Dad wanted me to do science or business. I had shown great aptitude in both chem and bio, but I didn't love it, so I chose poli sci. He was upset at first, but by now fully supports me. My mom didn't care what I did. Both my parents fully support my decision to go to graduate school and have offered to help me with some bills, but I feel they should focus on my sister who starts her UG at IU next year. I'm an adult and I can pay my own bills!

Like many of you have said, certain family members have made mentions that I will "forget where I came from". I come from a very small city in Northern Indiana. People are conservative. A lot commute to Chicago and have good jobs. A lot, however, worked in factories and are bitterly now on unemployment. When I mention to certain relatives that I will get a PhD, I get responses like, "Oh,so you're never going to get a job and do anything with your life." Or, "Oh, well, those of us in the real world will continue to do stuff that matters." I think most people don't understand academics. Even the poli sci majors I tutor mostly are confused by academic careers, so it is understandable. We mainly target kids towards law school, much to my dismay as there are lots of talented prospects here! I try to explain things, but it doesn't make sense. The only thing my grandmother cared about when I said I was going to get a PhD was the fact it would take 6 years and that my eggs would "be bad". Never mind I wasn't going to have kids anyhow, but it is pretty hurtful. I know they don't mean it, but this is something I really am passionate and so very excited about, yet people don't "get" that. They just make you feel bad. Any suggestions on how to deal with that?

[bhou]

you're a very eloquent writer. it's striking. have you thought about writing a book?