First Year Freak Out

[ERR_Alpha]

I've been lurking hoping someone would post this but I figured id just do it...

So my big move is in three days and thinking about it makes me want to cry/vomit. I have so much anxiety about moving and starting my program! I'm confident I'll be to do it... I'm just a big bundle of nerves right now. Anyone else in the same boat? Let's commiserate

[geographyrocks]

I go back and forth. One minute I'm convinced that this is the most brilliant thing I've ever done and my research will change the world. The next minute I'm convinced that I can't do this and I'll be a total failure.

Needless to say, I feel ya.

At least the moving part is over off me. Moving across the country with three cats probably shortened my life by about 10 years!

Edited to add: I forgot to mention the class/TA freak out. I'm taking 9 credit hours and teaching three labs. :-S freak out city!

Edited August 7, 2014 by geographyrocks

[Threeboysmom]

Moving across the country with three cats probably shortened my life by about 10 years!!

Oh I can imagine this.

[iphi]

I'm ok with starting the program, but moving is daunting to me. I've moved a lot in my life, but either with my parents or with an SO (or I guess to undergrad). Now, despite the fact that my SO and I built a perfect little apartment together a few years back, I have to start from scratch (I'm moving across the country and he can't follow til he's done with his PhD). He has work obligations so can't come help me, and none of my family lives in the U.S. so I'll basically be on my own in apartment with not even a bed in it! So the thought of moving and doing all the work by myself while not knowing a soul in a new city seems pretty scary.

[Munashi]

I'm looking at this thread from the enviable position of having already moved.  My SO and I drove 2,600 miles in a rental truck with a car carrier/trailer attached (neither of us had ever driven with a trailer of any kind before).  In the days before, I was so stressed out it was ridiculous.

 

But you know, it wasn't really that bad.  It's like anything else - once you're actually doing it, it goes smoother than you think (and we DID have a few hiccups picking up the rental equipment, so it didn't go perfectly but was still fine in the end).  If we can survive, I'm confident all of you can do it too!

iphi - I've been in your shoes before too, the last time I moved about 2 years ago (SO wasn't able to move with me initially).  I sympathize with the intimidation, but again, all things are possible and I know you can do it.  

 

ERR_Alpha - if I remember correctly, we're going to the same campus.  I think you'll like the area, I've been here since the end of June and it's been great here so far!

[geographyrocks]

Anyone else feel woefully unprepared by their undergraduate institution? 

Seriously...the methods I learned are like 5 years out of date...

[GeoDUDE!]

When I first started my masters program 2 years ago I worried a bit; I was a physics major teaching intro to geology without ever have taken any earth science/geology except 1 geophysics and 1 ocean physics course that no real mention of geology. That was relieved the first day when I saw how stupid 95% of college freshman and sophomores are. They really know so little, so its very easy to teach them a lot, and that makes the job so much easier than you think. Imagine being a professor and teaching some advanced methods course to 3rd year graduate students! Now that's when you have to be prepared. 

 

I wasn't really worried about class; while I hadn't taken any earth science classes, I came from a SLAC, where I took many classes outside my major all the time, even as a jr and sr, so I knew I would be able to adapt. 

 

And listen, its really really hard to get less than a B in graduate school. Its not as if the professors don't know that giving you a C would hurt you as a graduate student much more than it would hurt an undergrad (straight Cs get you kicked out).

 

And if you suck at teaching, they probably wont fire you. They might assign someone to help you learn how to teach better, observe you ect, but they wont fire you after 1 semester or 2 of bad teaching.  And again, its not even that hard; I'm pretty sure the first class I thought, "The World's Ocean" for the first few weeks was the worst class ever. But eventually, the students start giving you feedback, telling you what they need, and you start adapting your lesson plans to help them. No one expects you to be Richard Feynman on your first day.

[astroyogi]

I'm ok with starting the program, but moving is daunting to me. I've moved a lot in my life, but either with my parents or with an SO (or I guess to undergrad). Now, despite the fact that my SO and I built a perfect little apartment together a few years back, I have to start from scratch (I'm moving across the country and he can't follow til he's done with his PhD). He has work obligations so can't come help me, and none of my family lives in the U.S. so I'll basically be on my own in apartment with not even a bed in it! So the thought of moving and doing all the work by myself while not knowing a soul in a new city seems pretty scary.

 

 

Same situation here! It's so hard leaving behind a home. It feels like settling down, and uprooting it for what feels like, for me at least, "no reason" -- there's no reason in the relationship to leave. Very torn. 

Edited August 7, 2014 by astroyogi

[astroyogi]

I'm looking at this thread from the enviable position of having already moved.  My SO and I drove 2,600 miles in a rental truck with a car carrier/trailer attached (neither of us had ever driven with a trailer of any kind before).  In the days before, I was so stressed out it was ridiculous.

 

But you know, it wasn't really that bad.  It's like anything else - once you're actually doing it, it goes smoother than you think (and we DID have a few hiccups picking up the rental equipment, so it didn't go perfectly but was still fine in the end).  If we can survive, I'm confident all of you can do it too!

iphi - I've been in your shoes before too, the last time I moved about 2 years ago (SO wasn't able to move with me initially).  I sympathize with the intimidation, but again, all things are possible and I know you can do it.  

 

ERR_Alpha - if I remember correctly, we're going to the same campus.  I think you'll like the area, I've been here since the end of June and it's been great here so far!

 

I really needed to hear this right now, thank you

[Vene]

Anyone else feel woefully unprepared by their undergraduate institution? 

Seriously...the methods I learned are like 5 years out of date...

That's actually something I'm not worried about, I figure that I'll learn it as I go. Then again, I graduated in 2012 with a biology degree and then spent a year doing chemistry research so I had to adapt to a new field. I was familiar with it, but there was still so much I didn't know. I think the point of undergrad is that when you start doing real work you're able to figure it out as you go and know where to hunt down the resources needed.

[VioletAyame]

This. So much this. I'm so glad to have a place to commiserate. I'm also moving in 3 days and I'm having so many similar thoughts and feelings - going back and forth between excitement & anticipation and fear & nerve, wanting to start the program but WITHOUT moving, and thinking this is either the best or the worst decision I've ever made. My cousin is helping me with the move and we're making a road trip out of it, but when I get there I'll be alone and knowing no one in a strange city - a really daunting task it seems for someone who is introverted and doesn't like changes like me, so I'm a little bit envious of those who move with their SO.

 

Anyone else feel woefully unprepared by their undergraduate institution? 

Seriously...the methods I learned are like 5 years out of date...

Methods? What methods? I'm coming straight from undergrad and what are those methods you're speaking about? But seriously, I've been assured by my temp advisor that they will teach me this and don't expect me to automatically know everything. And just think of all the people who are switching fields - we'll be fine (I hope).

Edited August 7, 2014 by VioletAyame

[ERR_Alpha]

Thanks everyone! I feel much less like a psycho... My SO is one of those people who doesn't show any emotion so I feel like I've been feeling for both of us.

I think I'm going to feel so much better once I'm in my apartment and the whole moving furniture thing is over.

Munashi- Yup, I'm moving to State College on Saturday! I'm confident I'm going to like it there... A little nervous about making new friends haha. Afraid I'll fall into being with my SO all of the time.

[geographyrocks]

When I first started my masters program 2 years ago I worried a bit; I was a physics major teaching intro to geology without ever have taken any earth science/geology except 1 geophysics and 1 ocean physics course that no real mention of geology. That was relieved the first day when I saw how stupid 95% of college freshman and sophomores are. They really know so little, so its very easy to teach them a lot, and that makes the job so much easier than you think. Imagine being a professor and teaching some advanced methods course to 3rd year graduate students! Now that's when you have to be prepared. 

 

I wasn't really worried about class; while I hadn't taken any earth science classes, I came from a SLAC, where I took many classes outside my major all the time, even as a jr and sr, so I knew I would be able to adapt. 

 

And listen, its really really hard to get less than a B in graduate school. Its not as if the professors don't know that giving you a C would hurt you as a graduate student much more than it would hurt an undergrad (straight Cs get you kicked out).

 

And if you suck at teaching, they probably wont fire you. They might assign someone to help you learn how to teach better, observe you ect, but they wont fire you after 1 semester or 2 of bad teaching.  And again, its not even that hard; I'm pretty sure the first class I thought, "The World's Ocean" for the first few weeks was the worst class ever. But eventually, the students start giving you feedback, telling you what they need, and you start adapting your lesson plans to help them. No one expects you to be Richard Feynman on your first day.

It's not the teaching. I was an UG teaching assistant so I'm fine with the idea of teaching.  I'm more worried about having enough time to do research.  And I can't even really start on research until after I take Matlab this fall because my UG was sooooo backwards that they didn't offer it.  I'm sure it'll all be okay...but I still have my moments of panic. 

 

 when I get there I'll be alone and knowing no one in a strange city - a really daunting task it seems for someone who is introverted and doesn't like changes like me, so I'm a little bit envious of those who move with their SO.

Another introvert/antisocial person.  I've been trying to decide whether I should take my SO to the graduate meet and greet for my department since it's at the house of one of the current graduate students.  If he doesn't go, I'll be forced to mingle (or panic who knows!) and if he does go, I might end up only talking to him the entire time.  Social anxiety sucks, but I'm going to force myself to be more social.  It's just too unhealthy to never socialize.  I found that out during my last year of UG.  So just repeat to yourself, "Not hanging out with people is REALLY unhealthy".  That's what I'm going to be saying to myself. 

 

PS. I love this thread.  It's a nice release to get the panic out of my head by sharing it with others. 

Edited August 7, 2014 by geographyrocks

[Vene]

I think I'm going to feel so much better once I'm in my apartment and the whole moving furniture thing is over.

I can tell you that getting my stuff moved in the new apartment was a huge relief.

[GeoDUDE!]

It's not the teaching. I was an UG teaching assistant so I'm fine with the idea of teaching.  I'm more worried about having enough time to do research.  And I can't even really start on research until after I take Matlab this fall because my UG was sooooo backwards that they didn't offer it.  I'm sure it'll all be okay...but I still have my moments of panic. 

 

If your program is anything like the others i've seen, you won't need peliminary results for your prospectus. Matlab is a breeze, especially if you have programmed before. I learned matlab myself, but its great there is a class on it. You should be fine, no one expects a dissertation in a semester, year, or even two. 

 

Graduate school is 90% effort.  Don't compare yourself to others. Just put your head down, work as many hours as you need (40-60 weekly), and relax. Remember, the USA is a PhD mill, many others graduate, you all can do it to!

Edited August 8, 2014 by GeoDUDE!

[weymiller]

My SO is also staying behind until we sell our house.  It is so hard to leave and not know when I will see him next or when he can join me.  It's nice to hear that others are doing the same and that I'm not crazy to leave him behind.  Thankfully I do have family that I'm staying with in my new city, so I know someone and I'm not paying housing expenses for two places.

[LAKingsMaverick]

You're not alone! I'm freaking out too! I came back to Virginia for grad school after 4 years in Wisconsin (Marquette) for undergrad. I don't know very many people in Virginia and I'm freaking out about school starting. I have a part time job and play in adult baseball and kickball leagues. Everyone is telling me that's way too many things to take on and that I'm not going to have anywhere near that much free time. That REALLY scares me. I'm in a two year program and they told us to expect to hit the ground running with classes and internships. Definitely starting to feel the anxiety.

[maelia8]

If it makes anybody feel better, I arrived in my new city for grad school yesterday and spent half of today at Ikea buying furniture and the other half cleaning the room I'm moving into … floor is covered with baking soda to cleanse the rug and everything smells like ammonia, but hey, I managed to put my desk, chair and bookcase together and find the box with my sheets in it! Just think of everything in terms of baby steps

[VioletAyame]

Today is my last day in California and I'm feeling so sentimental about the move. I've been here six years and I just feel like I'm leaving a lot behind, hopefully for something worthwile, but as Monica said, "It's the end of an era!".

 

Another introvert/antisocial person.  I've been trying to decide whether I should take my SO to the graduate meet and greet for my department since it's at the house of one of the current graduate students.  If he doesn't go, I'll be forced to mingle (or panic who knows!) and if he does go, I might end up only talking to him the entire time.  Social anxiety sucks, but I'm going to force myself to be more social.  It's just too unhealthy to never socialize.  I found that out during my last year of UG.  So just repeat to yourself, "Not hanging out with people is REALLY unhealthy".  That's what I'm going to be saying to myself. 

 

PS. I love this thread.  It's a nice release to get the panic out of my head by sharing it with others. 

 

Thanks to the visits I've learned to mingle and talk to people (in small doses of course). If all else fails, you can always stand and listen intently to the conversation, nod, smile and occasionally chime in - that has always worked for me I find making friends to be much harder. It's always nice to have someone you can share things with and rely on; that's why I was envious

[ERR_Alpha]

Yes other introverts! Luckily for me I was an RA in undergrad which taught me how to make small talk and fake enjoying being around people.

Tomorrow is the big move for me! I'm actually feeling more level headed today than I have the past few days... Maybe because everything is packed up. Best of luck to everyone moving this weekend! We can do it! *deep breaths*

[VioletAyame]

Yes I'm on the road today too. Sure we're gonna be fine and, the move is gonna be a breeze and the new city will be great *The power of positive thinking*

[NavyMom]

I am hunkering down today, to start working on my fist paper.  :/   Kinda nervous.  My son's girlfriend is starting her first year as an undergrad, next week.  I am freaking out that school starts in just over 3 weeks.  Where did my prep-time go!!!!???

[adela]

I just got to the new city after a very big move. Just realized that classes start in two weeks.

 

AAAH.

 

Kind of getting to the freak out point now. 

[Vene]

I just got to the new city after a very big move. Just realized that classes start in two weeks.

 

AAAH.

 

Kind of getting to the freak out point now. 

It can almost be better for things to start soon as sitting idle gnaws at you. Two weeks should be enough time to get at least a little situated. You can get the apartment set up, learn a little bit of the city's layout, figure out the best route for getting to the university, change your address for various services, and if you need to get a new ID.

[WriteAndKnit]

I have a week and a half until classes begin. One more week of half lazing around, half getting stuff done, all bugging the cat.