Your #1 tip for young students?

[isilya]

Thought I would start a thread on this since there is one for older students

 

Assuming I get accepted this application cycle, I'll be 21 when I start a PhD program (I'll turn 22 a few months in). It seems like a lot of first-year PhD students seem to be at least a bit older and have some amount of real world experience that I just don't have. Super young PhD students, what was your experience? Is there anything I should be prepared for as a young/inexperienced person?

[Education292]

Hello!

I was 20 when I began my M.Ed. Program and I'm 22 now (I will enter the PhD program I've been accepted to in the fall 2015 term). I am definitely the youngest person in my current cohort and I anticipate that I will be again in the fall. First I would say to you that if you are accepted it is for a reason, and thus your age is just a portion of who you are and what you bring to the table. If they accept you on the graduate level, they are confident that you can contribute to the program in some way, so hold dear to the fact that you belong just as much as the older students! Your perspective will be different, but it is still valuable.

When I first began my program, I tried to hide my age. I felt very conscious about it, and rather awkwardly changed the subject to avoid talking about it whenever the topic arose in conversation. Eventually, one of my birthdays fell on a class day and I was ousted. To my surprise everyone was shocked at how young I was, remarking that they never would've known I'm light of my maturity level and how I contributed to class discussions. I felt very supported by most of my cohort.

However, wasn't always this way. A few members of my cohort made jokes about not being able to go to dinner together because I couldn't drink, or made snide remarks about my lack of experience. After a while the jokes died down and people forgot about the age difference. Now, most people find it admirable that I am so young and have progressed so far in my education.

Bottom line, there are moments when its awkward to be a young grad student. Some people will be jerks about it, but most won't care. On this level, it really shouldn't matter. After all, each of you are sitting in the same classrooms, right?

[Kleene]

Join the club. I will turn 21 just after the start of my PhD. I am now doing a MSc. It came up in a few conversations, which surprised me because it has been a long time since anyone cared about it. I have not received any negative remarks about it, though. Obviously, nobody knows how old you are unless you tell them or look so young people ask you about it.

Edited January 17, 2015 by Kleene

[ERR_Alpha]

Thought I would start a thread on this since there is one for older students

Assuming I get accepted this application cycle, I'll be 21 when I start a PhD program (I'll turn 22 a few months in). It seems like a lot of first-year PhD students seem to be at least a bit older and have some amount of real world experience that I just don't have. Super young PhD students, what was your experience? Is there anything I should be prepared for as a young/inexperienced person?

I was the same, turned 22 in November. My biggest piece of advice: don't compare yourself to your older, perhaps more experienced peers. Most of my cohort had already been in industry and therefore had a bit more of a skill set that I lacked.

Also don't let people age shame you. There's an a**hole in my cohort who always makes sure I remember he's six years old than me... And I want to respond I WILL BE YOUR AGE WHEN I GET MY PHD!! (Which I know is mean and people of any age can be successful... But this guy is mean!) Most people will be perfectly fine with it.

[TMP]

Age doesn't really matter but immaturity can shine in an awful light and it's more prevalent among younger graduate students.  First years regardless of age come in fairly naive about a lot of things and that's perfectly acceptable.  However, to horse around, be loud or recounting awful Tinder dates (when you say in the same line that you're looking for a relationship) in the TA room are some examples that can annoy others who are treating their PhD as a job and/or meeting with students (who themselves see their TAs as "adults" and not undergrads like them).

 

Within the classroom, no advice as the professor facilitates the discussion and is age-blind (usually....).

[dr. t]

Continue to work on getting older.

[Pitangus]

I took a gap year after undergrad and was 22 when I started my grad program. It hasn't been a thing at all: no one asked how old I was when I started or said anything to suggest they thought my age mattered. I didn't even know how old my lab mates were until recently (one is my age and the rest are 3 - 5 years older). 

I guess my advice then would be to not worry about it because it is common to have a variety of ages in a cohort, and 21 is not an unusual age for most programs. Only an insecure person would bring up age in any sort of negative light. 

Edited January 20, 2015 by Pitangus

[SymmetryOfImperfection]

Age doesn't really matter but immaturity can shine in an awful light and it's more prevalent among younger graduate students.  First years regardless of age come in fairly naive about a lot of things and that's perfectly acceptable.  However, to horse around, be loud or recounting awful Tinder dates (when you say in the same line that you're looking for a relationship) in the TA room are some examples that can annoy others who are treating their PhD as a job and/or meeting with students (who themselves see their TAs as "adults" and not undergrads like them).

 

Within the classroom, no advice as the professor facilitates the discussion and is age-blind (usually....).

 

There's been a few younger grad students and I relate to them better than to the 29-30 year olds that already got married with kids and talk about back pain, mortgages and insurance.

[isilya]

Age doesn't really matter but immaturity can shine in an awful light and it's more prevalent among younger graduate students.  First years regardless of age come in fairly naive about a lot of things and that's perfectly acceptable.  However, to horse around, be loud or recounting awful Tinder dates (when you say in the same line that you're looking for a relationship) in the TA room are some examples that can annoy others who are treating their PhD as a job and/or meeting with students (who themselves see their TAs as "adults" and not undergrads like them).

 

Within the classroom, no advice as the professor facilitates the discussion and is age-blind (usually....).

Haha, luckily I am not like that

[Bleep_Bloop]

Also don't let people age shame you. There's an a**hole in my cohort who always makes sure I remember he's six years old than me... And I want to respond I WILL BE YOUR AGE WHEN I GET MY PHD!! (Which I know is mean and people of any age can be successful... But this guy is mean!) Most people will be perfectly fine with it.

 

 

I've also had my share of age-shaming. It's not really all that prevalent, but it happens. Sometimes older students like to remind you of the fact that you're younger than them, and I mostly see this as being driven by a sense of insecurity. Despite your difference in age, you're colleagues and the professors will treat you as such. For someone who was previously working in the private sector for a while that would be a strange transition, suddenly they're competing with people much younger than they are. It's true that older students come in with experience that you don't have, but don't let that intimidate you because that experience doesn't necessarily translate into being a better scholar.

 

There will be some older students who treat grad school like a job: show up, do your work, go home to the family. And that's fine. But recognize that younger students are important because they bring life and energy into a department. They interact more with the undergrads and can relate to them better. Furthermore, a lot of ideas come from talking about your work over drinks outside the seminar room, or other social events that usually just attract the younger crowd. An older student once told me that he wished he had gone my route and started grad school straight out of undergrad because he feels he lacks the energy we have to work so much. Time is certainly in your favor, so don't sweat it. First, when you finish your PhD you'll probably still be younger or at least the same age as your older colleagues were when they started. This means you have the upper hand later in the game, and will likely have a more productive academic career. Second, you have more time to dedicate to your work while you're in the program because you're (most likely) not married, don't have kids or a house, etc.

 

Do the work and be yourself (but don't be so immature that you get drunk and make out with someone at the department's holiday party), and don't let yourself be age-shamed or intimidated by older students.

[The Wayfarer]

I'm 24 and by 10 years the youngest member of my cohort. I'm closer in age to most of the faculty members...

 

My advice is that while at first it may seem like an issue once you prove yourself your colleagues will be more impressed than anything else. And frankly, it is an advantage on the job market from my standpoint because employers know you're in it for the long haul. It also helps if you find a faculty member who went through the same situation as you who can offer you some pointers on how to muddle through the department politics.

[Monochrome Spring]

I didn't turn 21 until a few months into my PhD program. I don't bring up my age with anyone, because I don't think it really matters. If anyone tries to make you feel badly about your age, remember that you're ahead and they are probably insecure/jealous. But on the opposite end of the spectrum, don't try to get a bunch of attention for your age, because that won't win you friends either. No one in my program really cares about age, because we all respect each other for research over anything else. But we also recognize that a 21 year old is at a very different spot in his/her life than a 30 or 40 year old. The biggest difficulty is finding other people in your program at similar life stages and being able to form relationships outside of work/school.

[Demeter]

The biggest difficulty is finding other people in your program at similar life stages and being able to form relationships outside of work/school.

 

As someone who started grad school shortly after turning 21, I agree with this statement. As the youngest person in my cohort, I have not been able to do this with ease, or even successfully. I have been able to connect with my cohort, and maintain a few relationships with UG friends, but it isn't the same thing as having friends in the cohort, you know? I often feel out of step with my former peers, because they are out of school and we no longer have the same lifestyle or concerns. Within my cohort, many of my peers have families and formerly established careers. As much as I like them, I often feel a bit isolated. I work hard to combat that, but I do feel that way sometimes.

 

My advice? Be aware of comparing yourself, and try to put it into perspectives that work for you. For me I know that I cannot allow myself to compare my accomplishments personally and professionally to people who are 5, 10, and 15 years my senior. That way lies madness. What I try to do is put it in perspective, but it doesn't always work. I think about what I have been able to do in 5 years and try to think about what I may be able to do. I will do different things, but it isn't as though I will stop developing. Celebrate those differences, and your uniqueness, and be mindful of them in a way that is empowering, if you can. 

 

I have experienced some age shaming, yes, but only really because people are looking for something to say. I don't allow my age to become A Thing. I don't hide it, but I don't advertise it. I would recommend that path to you. I didn't go around saying that I was 21, barely, but if someone asked, I disclosed that fact. If they made an issue of it, I did try to say things like, "Oh, it just worked out that way…" or something banal, and changed the subject. Once in a while, somebody won't let it go, but it hasn't happened in my cohort. I think it became a non-issue because it doesn't impact my abilities as a scholar or as an agriculturalist. For what it's worth, after a time, people did forget my age. No one really remembers. Last month, someone asked me what I did for my 25th birthday. I blinked and played it off. 

 

I considered it an interesting occurrence. I hold out hope that I will have some age-peers in my PhD cohort, or more to the point, some peers that are in the same stage and phase of life as I am. It's nice being close with all sorts of people, but there is something to be said for having some of those commonalities, I think. 

[MidwesternAloha]

My advice for young students would be not to compare yourselves to different age groups of students. You're like apples and oranges. I've seen a lot of young students dive straight into grad programs and they are generally more driven and self work harder at school because they aren't committed to a spouse, family, whatever other obligations the older students tend to have. That being said, there is an air of ease that exists among older students, so, whatever you do, just don't try to be or fit in with your peers if you simply do not have commonalities. Learn to exist professionally and you'll be treated with respect by your cohort. It's how I became a manager of PhD candidates and teaching their lab skills when I was 22 and only had a BA. Most of them were in their thirties. They could tell I was young, but they didn't know how young. It'll all work out. Age is nothing but a number.

[Kleene]

...

 

My story reminds me of how glad I should be for being in a European grad program. Here it is fairly standard to go on to grad school straight out of undergrad, with people occassionally taking a year out. I started my MSc around my 20th birthday and the people in my cohort are 1-15 years older. The people I hang out with are 2-4 years older and there is no noticable difference. I think it is harder for older students with spouses or even children to relate to the cohort. I agree with you that is it about being in a similar stage of your life, rather than having the same age.

[thr0waway]

Nobody cares how old you are (unless you look noticeably older or younger).  You probably look about their age anyway, so they'll never suspect unless you tell them.

 

 

Most people in my cohort started grad school when they were 22 or so.  So your age difference would be negligible.  And the older you get, the easier it will be for you to relate to people of all ages.  (I noticed I could relate to a lot more people once I started grad school.)

[juilletmercredi]

My advice is don't assume that the students who are older than you are somehow fundamentally different from you.

 

Don't assume that you are more energetic and lively than the students who are older than you; don't assume that the older students are less likely to go out and have a drink with you or participate in some kind of social event; don't assume that the older students have families and children; don't assume that you will be more productive because you're younger (or because you don't have a spouse or child, if that's the case); don't assume that you are more driven and/or will work harder because you are younger. But also don't assume that you know less, or are less mature or valuable, because you are younger.

 

I knew some seriously hard-working and productive doctoral students with spouses and children. I had some older doctoral friends who could drink you under the table and would stay out later than anyone. I had some older doctoral friends who were on first-name basis with the night shift janitors because they worked in the lab all the damn time. I had older doctoral friends who had spent years in our field working towards their goal of a doctoral degree.

 

Just...don't assume. Make friends with everyone; invite everyone out for drinks or pastries, chat up all of your cohort. Be mature and act like an adult when it comes to interpersonal matters, but be yourself, too. Nobody is really going to care how old you are. The few who bring it up repeatedly actually don't care, either - they bring it up more because of personal insecurities, but it really has nothing to do with your actual age. They'd find a way to be insecure regardless. With that said, the very vast majority of older graduate students are not going to care about how old you are. They might not even know until you say something that makes it clear ("Last year in college..." or "Oh yeah, I remember where I was during 9/11 - I was in the third grade...")

[dat_nerd]

My advice is don't assume that the students who are older than you are somehow fundamentally different from you.

 

Just...don't assume. Make friends with everyone; invite everyone out for drinks or pastries, chat up all of your cohort. Be mature and act like an adult when it comes to interpersonal matters, but be yourself, too. Nobody is really going to care how old you are. The few who bring it up repeatedly actually don't care, either - they bring it up more because of personal insecurities, but it really has nothing to do with your actual age. They'd find a way to be insecure regardless. With that said, the very vast majority of older graduate students are not going to care about how old you are. They might not even know until you say something that makes it clear ("Last year in college..." or "Oh yeah, I remember where I was during 9/11 - I was in the third grade...")

 

Nobody cares how old you are (unless you look noticeably older or younger).  You probably look about their age anyway, so they'll never suspect unless you tell them.

 

Age doesn't really matter but immaturity can shine in an awful light and it's more prevalent among younger graduate students.  First years regardless of age come in fairly naive about a lot of things and that's perfectly acceptable.  However, to horse around, be loud or recounting awful Tinder dates (when you say in the same line that you're looking for a relationship) in the TA room are some examples that can annoy others who are treating their PhD as a job and/or meeting with students (who themselves see their TAs as "adults" and not undergrads like them).

 

^ Definitely agree. I started grad school in my teens and after the first semester or so, I don't feel like I was treated any differently based on it.

 

Don't bring it up incessantly. Don't assume that it makes you (or your cohorts) any different because of the age difference. The same quality of work will be expected of you, and as long as you are on par with that, nobody else will bring it up either.

 

It does get a bit more complicated if you're under 21 obviously, but otherwise don't let the age difference affect who you socialize with.

[brown_eyed_girl]

I'll be 25 when I start my program so I'm not exactly in your shoes, but I am very petite and look young, and I've found that (in various professional scenarios) putting a little extra effort into dressing in a way that's polished and pulled-together makes a big difference in how you're perceived. And finding a flattering hair style and doing regular upkeep on it (for either gender) and wearing a little understated makeup (if you're female). Nice shoes and a nice jacket are very helpful in getting taken seriously/not looking 15, for either gender, even on a day when you're just wearing jeans.   

[angellily0330]

Been reading through this thread, and some great advice so thanks for that! I'll be starting a PhD program in the Fall, and I'll be 22. I look really young, which kind of worries me, but nothing I can do about that. I don't really know the ages of other students in my program, although from what I've seen, I'll definitely be on the younger side. 

[anabeldm9]

I just came across this thread tonight and agree with what everyone has been saying about staying low key about age and not assuming things about people of any age. I would extend that to race, ethnicity, ability, gender, etc. Try to be as open to people as possible- they will surprise you the more you get to know them.

 

And a caveat- don't constantly bring up how young you are. I have a colleague who is 22 and she brings up her age almost everyday. When a professor talks about some bill passed during the Nixon administration, she'll say "I wasn't even alive yet!" and she draws attention to it on other people's birthdays, too. It's constant and irritating and probably a sign that she is insecure about something. Which is silly because she's very smart and I don't think anyone would say she shouldn't be there. So there you go. Just be yourself.

[eeee1923]

Honestly at that stage of your scholastic career - people don't tend to harp about age (I guess I would be curious if there was a 15 yr old kid in my cohort, but I wouldn't go out of my way to ostracize the person). Focus on making could networking connections and doing good research - that's what most people are in grad school to do anyhow. 

[sqrwtrmln]

I'll be 23 when I start my MPH, but I am regularly mistaken for a high school (and sometimes even middle school!!) student. Obviously people in my cohort won't think I haven't graduated yet because otherwise I wouldn't be there, but does anyone have advice on trying to look older? I'm not even short... but this is a CONSTANT issue in my life and I feel like a lot of people don't respect me because I look so young.

Edited March 23, 2015 by sqrwtrmln

[_kita]

Remember that everyone is there to be a professional and to learn. I have been age shamed a lot because I look younger. I dealt with it simply by being mature in the office (and out), ignoring their antics, and just getting the job done. It doesn't make friends, but it gets respect. Others in your cohort with be attracted to that, and the unique perspectives you can bring to the program. 

[Marst]

I am surprised that people are actually being treated differently for looking young. That's ridiculous. I had a couple of inquiries after my age because I look pretty young, but fortunately no one ever treated me any differently for it.