Going to grad school AND have a family??

[pea-jay]

Most posters on this forum are single or at least kid-less. Nothing wrong with that, I was once like that too. But I want to hear from those individuals with children (with or without a S.O.) on how they are handling the pressures of raising a family and staying focused on classwork/research and so on. Also how did you cope with the loss or lowered income when you were out of the workforce. Was your spouse/SO on board with the process or apprehensive? Did you look only locally or consider all locations?

I'm mid thirties with two elem-aged kids. My plan was always to get a grad degree (required for more advanced level and managerial positions in my field and recommended by my last two supervisors) but my wife gave me the shove needed to start it in 2010-she wants out of this area. The fact that I cant find work outside of this state (for professional reasons) without a degree also played a part. When I found out that the NYC-area schools and eventual job market were a good fit for me educationally and professionally, the rest of my family was far more enthused than even I was, so much so that I think they will be more let down than I will be if I dont get in anywhere. And I am the only one with family in the city and that part of the country... What gives me some pause is how financially this will work out (she's got in-demand teaching certs that school districts go out of their way to hire, but it's still one income plus loans/assistantship/savings that we will try and live off of) Like to hear how others dealt with it.

Also for those full timers how much time did you get spend with your children? I looked at the class schedule at one of the schools and while it offered many open slots, homework, research and other school related work would likely consume a great deal of time or so I would imagine. Hence the term trade-off.

How was (or is it) for you?

[captiv8ed]

Me!!

I will read your questions more closely tomorrow, but tonight I want to get more GRE studying in before bed.

But quickly:

I have three elementary and middle school-aged boys. I am in school fulltime and so is my husband. He is working parttime as a restaurant server. We are poor but we have always been poor and that is why we are in school, to turn it around.

I am in my fifth year of undergrad. Full time the whole time. My first two years I did through a community college online. I homeschooled my boys during that time as well. The fist year my hubby was in school also, the second year he took a break.

I am applying for next fall and I am applying widely. My dh will still be in school next year as well. I am applying and then when I figure it out he will either apply to a school in the area for the fall or he will apply for the winter if he has missed cutoff.

It is super scary to think about moving and affording it all. SO many of the schools are in high cost areas. But with older kids (and three of them) married housing isn't always a great option. And we do have two little dogs.

It drives me up a wall when academics say "Just find the program that is the best fit and go for it" When you have a family, it isn't as easy as that.

[captiv8ed]

Oh and one more thing. While it totally sucks when you are in school and you feel like you have no time for them, it works out okay. Because you get breaks. We have spent whole summers together. And grad school will be different and busier, but I still believe there will be concentrated amounts of time together.

[rising_star]

I don't know what it's like, but I'm the child of someone that pursued a PhD after having her third child. Whenever I complain about grad school, my mom points out that she always made time for us and that I do have time for things, I just manage my time poorly. So, time management is key. It helped that my father was working full-time and making good money when my mother went for her PhD (and also that they had been making less a few years before when my mother was working full-time while my dad went to law school). Also it helped that she had a supportive dissertation advisor and a fellowship for her coursework years (later she was an RA for her advisor, who is still a family friend). That said, my mother did only apply to one graduate program because it wasn't possible for our family to relocate. She actually wrote her dissertation as a single mother (long story, it was a rough year), which certainly delayed completion.

FWIW, I think fathers and mothers face different issues when it comes to graduate school, in part due to "traditional" parenting roles and perceptions of which parents should be the primary caregiver.

[acup313]

I am just now going through the application process, but I am married with our first child expected this December. Things are quite a bit different in my field compared to others though. There are a couple programs that provide enough money that it will not be much of a decrease from what I am making now. Also, the time constraints of being a grad student are similar if not better than what I face at work now. So, it seems like to me grad school will be a slight improvement in those areas. Our plan is actually to get in to some debt as my wife plans to get her undergraduate degree while I am getting my PhD. She only lacks a couple of years, so she will either take a lot of hours to finish quickly or still take a full load and spend quite a bit of time at home with our baby. Either way she won't be working, which is why we will probably get in to a little debt. We both decided it would be better for me to get my PhD now instead of waiting because if I put it off until our baby was older I may never do it. Hopefully in a few months I will have more information as to how the process is going.

[Jennszoo]

I'm in the application stage. I have an elementary aged son, a preschool aged daughter and a 1yo. I currently stay home and work very PT so I am daunted by the idea of paying for school and childcare. My program is 3 yrs, the first being mainly classes to catch up because I have the wrong undergrad, the second (when my middle will be in kindy) will be 1/2 classes, 1/2 clinicals. The 3rd will basically be full time clinicals. Once I graduate my kids will all be in school FT and I hope to work in a school, so life will be great then. Its just the next 3 yrs that I worry about.

I hope to get an assistanceship, which will help with the $$ but take more time from the kids. I've also considered on campus childcare for the youngest, so I can at least see her a bit more if I have long days at school We'll see how it goes. My kids are all in bed by 8ish, so I definitely plan to use the evenings for study and what time between classes for the kids. Its my husband who might not see me for 3 years.

Oh and relo is not an option, so I am limited to the 2 schools that offer my program that are within commuting distance. One is 45 mins w/o traffic, the other is 1hr15mins w/o traffic. Considering that each only take 20-30 people/yr, I am pinning a lot of hopes on small chances.

[UnlikelyGrad]

I am married with four children. I spent 15 years as a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom. Now I'm in grad school while my husband homeschools the kids. So I'm not exactly a fount of info on childcare. Our children are one of our highest priorities (after our marriage) and we definitely didn't want grad school to interfere with that.

Since I could only find one of my old profs who could/would write me a LoR, I decided that a good way to get my foot in the door again was to take classes at the local state U. This was actually a good thing for my family, because it allowed my husband and me to try out our proposed role swap. Needless to say, things went well enough that I'm now a full-time Ph.D. student.

Pros:

* My kids see me study. This has helped their attitude towards school work. In particular, my oldest son, who's in community college, studies really hard because he finds it humiliating to have a worse GPA than his mom.

* My husband now thinks I'm the smartest person in the whole world.

* I am really enjoying myself.

* It's really good for teenage boys to spend a lot of time with their father. This didn't happen when my husband was working 60-hour weeks.

Cons:

* It sucks being poor. My husband can do some work from home, but makes maybe 25% as much as he did when he was a high-powered, very-in-demand Silicon Valley engineer. That, plus what I make as a TA, gives us a reasonable income for Colorado. Had we stayed in California, money would have been a lot tighter. At least I'm making money though--during my "trial year" we just had his income to live on.

...actually, that's about the only "con" I can think of.

[LifeIsGood]

I've got three kids (4, 6, and 13), and am in my second year of my MA. I'm applying to Ph.D. programs for next year. For us, it works because we own a business. My hours have always been flexible, while he's the one working the crazy hours, but we often work at home instead of at the office. If I get into my top choice, it's a cross-country move, but back to where I grew up, so my parents will be there. We'll rearrange his work so that it can all be done remotely. Another option is the top public uni in our current state, for which we'd move, but just to the other side of the city. In that case, his work will stay the same. If we didn't have such a flexible arrangement and were working 9-5 for other people, I don't think I'd have decided to do it.

[t_ruth]

I have two children. One is four and the other is under 2. My husband, kids and I all moved across the country (from one coast to the other!), which was a great leap of faith, especially considering the economy...my husband is amazing. We had some temporary help from family, but none that lives nearby on a permanent basis, so we are about to start the kids in full-time preschool/daycare. My husband found a job in two months, which is further testament to how amazing he is, but the cost of living here is very high (and childcare costs are high as well).

As for the schedule, things are a lot more difficult than I expected! I've always been the kind who didn't have to try too hard for top grades, but between my classes, work (as a grad research asst), my own research, and a little bit of time to work out (which I view as very important), I'm out of the house for eight+ hours a day on the weekdays and then work at home most of Sunday. Luckily, my husband works very close to home and we were able to arrange our schedules to where the kids will be in daycare almost the same number of waking hours that one or both of us spends with them (during the week), so when considering the weekend, we definitely spend more time with them then childcare providers.

When I was applying for schools, I decided I was tired of shoveling snow and bundling up small children, so only looked at warm places. The closest was a three hour flight away and the furthest was...well, where we ended up. I'm so happy we made the decision to come out here! It's a little difficult fitting in in what is sometimes a plastic land and a bit lonely, especially now during winter break - only knowing other grad students who mostly go 'home' for the holidays, but the quality of life is fabulous and I adore my program.

I'm determined to do great work because we've uprooted our lives, and also because I'm so happy I'm no longer a stay-at-home mom, lol. I love my kids, but I think a happy mommy will be great for all of us in the long run

Good luck with your adventure! Feel free to PM if you have any specific questions...I think there is also an old thread from last year if you search.

[a fragrant plant]

Can fellow grad students (especially female) share your experiences of becoming parents when you're doing your PhD? What's the most difficult part?

[LaurenA]

Can fellow grad students (especially female) share your experiences of becoming parents when you're doing your PhD? What's the most difficult part?

I'd also love to hear about these experiences, esp. from ppl who became new parents in a science/research-related field. I've heard from faculty that they best time to have kids is in the latter part of your PhD program (i.e., open schedule, can work from home, etc.), but the thought of being pregnant and therefore having to kick my caffeine habit while writing my dissertation....egh

[alexis]

I'd also love to hear about these experiences, esp. from ppl who became new parents in a science/research-related field. I've heard from faculty that they best time to have kids is in the latter part of your PhD program (i.e., open schedule, can work from home, etc.), but the thought of being pregnant and therefore having to kick my caffeine habit while writing my dissertation....egh

Ditto, I've heard the same thing..also been wondering about this.

[hogmommy]

I am the mother of two girls, four and six, and have put off graduate school until they both enter elementary school. (My youngest will be in kindergarten in August.) Much like others in this thread, I am limited to only one choice for graduate school that also happens to be my undergrad alma mater. I've been a stay-at-home mom since my girls were born so, obviously, my husband is the breadwinner in the family and his career and the things it provides for (the mortgage, car payments and, basically, the necessities of life) depend on him staying in the same job in this area.

From the time we decided to have children (he was 30, I was 23) it has always been "the plan" for me to go to grad school. And although my husband works full-time, his position and seniority allow him flexibility so the understanding is that grad school is "my time" and its demands will come first in the family. (We'll have to see how that actually works out!)

It's nice to see people in similar situations. Until I found this site yesterday, I was feeling like I was the only one!

[NervousNellie]

I am in the application stage, and am reading these responses and taking notes. My thoughts right now are almost entirely on finances.

I have a 3 and 4 year old (will be 4 and 5 this spring) and I currently am the sole "breadwinner" in my family. Which means I work fulltime. Even if my wife was working, she does not have an undergraduate degree so there is a cap to earning potential while I am in school. I do not know what things will look like when I go to school. I am waiting to see what offers come in and from where.

We have two major complications. One is that my children have special needs and despite having public school IEPs (individualized education plans), I don't think their needs will be met in public school. I am currently homeschooling my daughter and my son is going to a private Montessori program that is currently funded through some special needs related funding. The other is that we just bought a house a couple of years ago and because of current home values, would lose all of the savings that we put into a down payment if we sold our house for schooling reasons. That would be a big loss. But our mortgage makes for a crazy big fixed expense (it is a humble home but there is a high cost of housing here), and I don't think we could make near what we pay monthly for it by renting it out.

I am applying to four programs:

1. Program one is about 45 minutes to one hour away and is great for working and commuter students (they even have commuter housing!!), so I could remain both. They condense all classes, from what I understand, into a two-day intensive each week. The rest of the week students do their reading, writing, etc., which I know will be intensive but can at least be done on my own time. There are a number of parents attending the program, and a solid community of families (actually, I wish we could sell our house and move on campus because that's when those benefits would really start to pay off). However, this school has very limited funding to offer, and while I feel I am a great candidate for a full scholarship, there are no guarantees and the school certainly won't be offering a stipend. I don't feel comfortable getting saddled with a bunch of student loans given the limited income potential and low number of jobs available in my chosen field. So my ability to attend this school is in question.

2. Program two is an hour away in good traffic, two or more in bad, but there is limited commuter train service (the hours would be the big problem with that option). They require students to attend full-time and are an especially academically rigorous program, so unless I can get an exemption to the full-time requirement (which would limit available funds), I'd have to quit working. Fortunately, they are known for generous funding including stipends, and certainly I would meet their requirement of demonstrated financial needs.

3. Program three is two hours away but rarely would I face the issue of traffic, and they too have potential limited commuter train service. They are also extremely academically vigorous, but they don't require full-time attendance. They do, however, offer generous financial aide including pretty limited stipends with demonstrated financial needs...for those students attending full-time. I could see continuing to work on a very part-time basis if attending at this school, MAYBE.

4. Program four is very unique. It is several states away, but is a "modified residency program" that would require me to do intensives for the classes/lectures two months per year. During the rest of the year, I would be working on my reading, writing, etc. So basically I'd fly out there in January and perhaps July, but be available back home the rest of the time for working even though I'd have classwork on top of it all. It was designed for people like me. It, however, has the least funding of any of the programs.

Program 2 and 3, if I got accepted, would be an awful shame to pass up because they have quite the reputation. Plus, there is more funding. Program 1 and 4, however, would allow greater flexibility in me continuing to work, but they wouldn't offer the funding of programs 2 and 3.

Honestly, though, I'd just be grateful to get into any. And I'd also accept a deferment if they accepted me but needed some students to hold off for a year (I know program 3 did this last year due to the high number of matriculating students who actually accepted the school's admittance offers).

This wasn't what I originally anticipated in terms of timing. I was going to wait until I had four kids and they were all older (middle, high school, or even young adults). But I absolutely have long looked forward to doing this. Last year some issues around timing came up and I realized it may be better for me to do this sooner. Now it doesn't have quite as much urgency, so I'd be happy to wait a year but probably unwise to wait too many.

[Medievalmaniac]

I went back to graduate school when my firstborn daughter was two, working full time and attending school part time. The following year, I gave birth to daughter number 2 in the middle of a term. I took off the week of the birth and was back in class the week after; back at work full time 6 weeks later. The following year, I gave birth to my thesis, graduated with an MA in medieval literature and a 4.0, and skipped my graduation to give a paper based on my thesis findings at the international conference in my field. I'm still working full time, and have now applied to doctoral programs.

All of this is a DECADE after my first master's attempt, with no kids, back in 2000.

I think as long as you are doing the program you want to do and are happy, your family will also be content. This has been the case for me. YES, it's hard as heck, especially in terms of time (I'm in literature, after all!) There's never enough time to go around. BUT, in the end, if you're happy you can always make things work out - have you ever noticed how that goes?

I'm very worried about money - in other words, no fellowship/assistantship, no PhD work - it's that simple for us. But if I get in somewhere and am funded, we are going to go for broke. Because it's better for my family - especially with two daughters - to have me reaching for my goals and fighting for my dreams than to have me bitter and disillusioned and harping on how unfair things are for women with kids. I never want for a second to be able to look at my kids and think "if it weren't for you I would have..." - so I don't. I just press forward and chase down my dream, and they are very happy, bright, funny and well-adjusted girls, so I guess we're not screwing up too badly, yet (of course, they're only 5 and 3...! lol)

My philosophy on having a family and going for the PhD is: there will NEVER be a good time to have kids, not if you are a woman. If you want them, you just need to go ahead and have them. (preferably not at the very beginning of the program, and not during your thesis/dissertation defense, or orals, lol). But really - you can wait until post-tenure (good luck with that) or wait until you have your degree - but in the end, when is it really going to be convenient to have the family?

I refuse to compromise my dreams. I wanted a family - I have a family. I wanted the MA - I have the MA. God willing and up to the funny bunch of squirrels in the admissions offices, I'll get the PhD as well.

I'm very lucky, in that my husband is extremely supportive of me. But don't fool yourself - he's not bending over backwards to accomodate my schedule, it's vice-versa most of the time, with me doing the majority of childcare/chauffeuring duties, etc. etc. He takes them out on Saturdays and I read like a maniac and grade papers. It works - but it only works because I want it badly enough to make it work and I'm willing to compromise on sleep and have no social life. That's OK. I have the MA, and I'll hopefully get a PhD, and then I can research and teach and write books for the rest of my life. Getting paid to read books and talk about them.....ah, heaven. Hugs and kisses and singing my girls to sleep, and baking brownies....ah, heaven. Hugs and laughing with my husband....ah, heaven. Put them together and for me - that's the greatest life I can live.

[Medievalmaniac]

Can fellow grad students (especially female) share your experiences of becoming parents when you're doing your PhD? What's the most difficult part?

I am waiting for my PhD admissions results, but I received my MA last spring, with a 4 year old and a 1 year old. I entered graduate school when my 4 year old was 2 and had my second child in the middle of fall term my second year.

There are 4 things that were tough for me -

1. I was working full time, parenting, and going to graduate school - always overextended and exhausted.

2. As an English major, I never had the time to read - I am lucky that my husband took the girls every Saturday to give me some down time. While I was working on the first draft of my thesis, my in-laws took both girls for a full week (ten days) so I could focus solely on work and the thesis. Without this, I doubt I would have done as good a job as I did.

3. parent guilt. The girls did not really NEED me - they were too young to care who was playing with them/rocking them/feeding them/dressing them. Getting past my mommy guilt was a tough road. I know now that it was a great idea to get it done while they were younger, because they need me, MOMMY, more now than they did as young'uns, and that will increase with age....but I have two girls. Might be different with boys.

4. letting go of perfection and embracing "good enough" in my life - especially in terms of deadlines, housekeeping, bills paying, etc. etc. etc. There's no way to do it all, you have to prioritize. For me the priorities because kids, husband, grad school, work - sometimes grd school on top of the list. It varied in terms of what needed more of my attention, when - but in the end, I learned how to be flexible and to adapt to situations and think on my feet, which was invaluable.

Feel free to email me if you want to know more, I've written a book already! lol

[fadeindreams]

My wife and I both are applying for the same four programs for Fall 2010. We are expecting our first child in June! We figure that it's now or never. It'll be difficult but it will be worth it.

We were both accepted to the same program earlier this week. Now we know for certain that we will be attending grad school this fall. Just waiting until the end of March for all decisions to be in. Funding, we figure, likely plays an even bigger role in our decision of which school we'll attend than our peers. The school we were accepted to did not provide any funding. All the same, we'd be able to attend if we weren't offered admission elsewhere.

We thought that being poor with a newborn would be easier than being poor with a child that would remember it. The two of us work well together and have been together for more than 6 years. We've been poor before (while in undergrad) so we know how to make a dollar stretch. Heck, even now, while well-employed we budget constantly. It's just something we're used to.

I didn't answer anyone's questions but I just thought I'd join in. I wish everyone the best in their pursuits.

[jeffatkins]

I started back last year with extra course work because I was switching majors (I have a BA in Literature, but am applying to Ecology/Env Science programs). We have a two year old. It's been weird going back into classes and everything. Things were compounded by the fact that the sweet job I had working as a contractor for the state in the school system got cut. But you adapt and you make due and you find crappy jobs when you need to.

We are waiting to hear back about grad school admissions now. You just do a lot of work when they are in bed for the night and do the best you can. Most of the places we are applying are far away. In picking schools to apply to, there was some elimination of school choices, despite being excellent programs, based on the needs of our family and what we want for our child. They're are just some areas that one person or a couple could handle, that I just don't want to put my kid through. It's just not in the plan. But, you change and you adapt. Hopefully it will all work out.

[pea-jay]

I started back last year with extra course work because I was switching majors (I have a BA in Literature, but am applying to Ecology/Env Science programs). We have a two year old. It's been weird going back into classes and everything. Things were compounded by the fact that the sweet job I had working as a contractor for the state in the school system got cut. But you adapt and you make due and you find crappy jobs when you need to.

We are waiting to hear back about grad school admissions now. You just do a lot of work when they are in bed for the night and do the best you can. Most of the places we are applying are far away. In picking schools to apply to, there was some elimination of school choices, despite being excellent programs, based on the needs of our family and what we want for our child. They're are just some areas that one person or a couple could handle, that I just don't want to put my kid through. It's just not in the plan. But, you change and you adapt. Hopefully it will all work out.

Yep, this is the position I find myself in. Waiting for word on admissions and keeping a nervous eye on the how we are going to pay for it/support ourselves issue.

[speaktoyou]

Our first child was born when my husband started his masters. I was a Stay-at-home parent, we had some financial support from his grandma, and we lived off of what we had saved the three years we worked between UG and grad.

He started his PhD last summer. It is a program where classes are given in 2 week seminars. We live 2 hours away and he stays on campus when he takes a class. He currently is part time with 2 classes per semester.

And, I am now working full time. So he is the at home parent, caring for our 2 year old and the 2 who are in school (6 and 8). Hw does his studying and writing during nap time for the 2 year old while the older 2 are at school. It is working very well for us right now. He is incredibly organized, which helps.

Add to this that I start an online Masters program this fall. I will continue working too. We may be crazy, but it is our crazy and I am sure it will be fine.

2 years for my Masters degree, then I will need to keep working for at least 2 years to pay off loans. My husband will probably still be working on his PhD. When he is done and working and our loans are paid off (no funding for either of us!) I will very likely start my own PhD. Hard to say for sure at this time, of course. I will be fine in my field with a MS, but I am very interested in research.

[NELCy]

Without getting into my story, I've found this supposedly enlightened bastion of thinking to be completely steeped in patriarchy. The odds are so against women succeeding, if not in grad school, once you get to the real deal. Achieving tenure while mothering is difficult. I could go on and on, but it would be unfair and depressing.

[janitor]

I posted this in another forum about having kids, so I'll just copy it here:

I'll share my experience with children and grad school--hopefully it will help or at least illuminate.

I didn't decide to go to grad school until I had worked for several years, and then it took my husband and me a couple more years to tie up loose ends, sell our house, quit our jobs, etc. before I applied and got accepted with funding to a MA program in English. At that time I was 27 years old and had been married five years. We planned on children, but not until I finished my coursework (I intended to go on for my PhD after my MA).

Six weeks into my first semester, I found out I was pregnant. Oops.

It took some adjustment, but we made it work. There are a few things in particular that worked to our advantage: first, in selling our house (right before the bubble burst on the housing market, thank god!) we made a profit, so we had some money put away. Second, my husband decided to stay at home to care for our daughter, who was born in June, just weeks after my first year ended. Finally, my program was really family-friendly and flexible, so I always felt supported and understood.

Cut to two years later. I've finished my MA. My daughter is now 1 1/2. I spend that fall teaching full time as an adjunct faculty member and applying to loads of PhD programs. Our plan is to wait until I'm done with PhD coursework to have kid 2 (always our plan to have two kids). I was fortunate enough to be offered funded places at four schools. I visit a few of them, and make a decision (influenced by a last-minute first-year non-teaching fellowship offer). I accept the offer from this school on April 15. Less than a month later, on Mother's Day no less, I find out, once again, that I'm pregnant.

This one was a little trickier. My son was born two days after Christmas. That second semester, when I was just two weeks postpartum, was really really difficult. At least I wasn't teaching. But I spent many late nights reading critical articles and 19th century novels while breastfeeding and rocking the new baby, and tried to research and write after both kids were in bed.

Now I'm almost finished with coursework and I have a three- (almost four-) year-old and a fifteen-month-old. My husband still stays home (bless him). I am gone on average about 5 hours each day on campus (teaching, reading, office hours, etc.) and my kids seem to handle it okay. I also spend almost every night reading, grading, and lesson-planning. We get by financially with the help of assistance programs like WIC and food stamps.

It's hard--I can't deny that. However, I know that in two-three years when I'm on the job market, my daughter will be in school and my son will be in preschool. I won't be worrying about maternity leave while I'm trying to get tenure. I won't be trying to mask pregnancy-induced nausea during my first year of teaching at a new school. All in all, even though my pregnancies were unexpected, I am glad it has worked out this way.

[wordslinger]

I am also the parent of a 7-year-old heading into full-time grad school mode in the fall. My twist is that I'm a single parent, and I'm definitely not seeing too many people like me around here. Although I would love to chat if you are!

I did my MA in English Education while working full-time and parenting full-time. It was very difficult. I really had no choice but to work, especially until he reached school age. Now, I will definitely be taking a pay decrease to go to school full time next year, but honestly I am feeling like it will be easier in many respects. Because of my previous experience, I am excellent at time management and do not expect the work load to constitute a problem. Also, my son is in school, so no daycare costs or even after school care will be needed next year (although I will need babysitting while I attend classes three times per week).

My biggest worry is unexpected evening and/or weekend "stuff." Unlike childless people, I cannot simply drop everything and leave home at the drop of a hat. Do you all think that will be a problem?

[captiv8ed]

I am also the parent of a 7-year-old heading into full-time grad school mode in the fall. My twist is that I'm a single parent, and I'm definitely not seeing too many people like me around here. Although I would love to chat if you are!

I did my MA in English Education while working full-time and parenting full-time. It was very difficult. I really had no choice but to work, especially until he reached school age. Now, I will definitely be taking a pay decrease to go to school full time next year, but honestly I am feeling like it will be easier in many respects. Because of my previous experience, I am excellent at time management and do not expect the work load to constitute a problem. Also, my son is in school, so no daycare costs or even after school care will be needed next year (although I will need babysitting while I attend classes three times per week).

My biggest worry is unexpected evening and/or weekend "stuff." Unlike childless people, I cannot simply drop everything and leave home at the drop of a hat. Do you all think that will be a problem?

I think you might miss out on some social things, but overall, it should be fine. Are you able to bring your child to events? Mine are pretty good at sitting outside of a class or a lecture, so I always have that option.

I know two single moms in grad school (I am sure there are more, but I know two personally). One has three girls and has been doing great, and the other has one special needs child and is also balancing the whole act quite well.

good luck though, it is not an easy road to hoe!

[wordslinger]

I think you might miss out on some social things, but overall, it should be fine. Are you able to bring your child to events? Mine are pretty good at sitting outside of a class or a lecture, so I always have that option.

How old are your children? I hadn't thought about it, but he is a well-behaved child and capable of excellent focus, so this can be a back-up plan for emergencies.