WINE, WAIT, AND WHINE THREAD

[nevermind]

24 minutes ago, teacherM7 said:

...and it's nice not to be the only person over 30 applying (which is how the grad coordinator made me feel when I talked to her in September...). 

You're definitely not the only one over 30 applying! I'm (almost) 34 and will hopefully be starting my Ph.D. this fall. Hopefully the extra life experience plays in our favor! :-)

[Neist]

21 minutes ago, nevermind said:

You're definitely not the only one over 30 applying! I'm (almost) 34 and will hopefully be starting my Ph.D. this fall. Hopefully the extra life experience plays in our favor! :-)

I'm 32 here (will be 33 when I begin). Married with kid.

I think there's more of us over 30 than one would probably guess. I feel that age helps build the discipline necessary to begin a rigorous education. Sure, plenty of younger people can handle it, but I think many more older people can.

Edited February 8, 2016 by Neist

[The Interdisciplinarian]

Yes, I'm 40, married, no kids, but I feel like our mortgage is a kid. That'll be the thing we have to figure out if I get into this program, because it means that (at least I) will have to move, and selling a house in this market might be kind of dicey. My target program is only two hours away, though, so one idea is to just get a place during the week that is so cheap it might as well be one of those Japanese capsule hotels and live back at home on the weekends. If I got really insane, I could always *dies a little inside* drive 4 hours a day *cringe* *sob*. The spouse is freelancing now, so he is uber portable. It's just that damn house. Grr. I suppose that'll be one comforting thought if I get rejected: at least I don't have to sell my house yet and can take a little more time weighing market options.

In terms of being older on the PhD app rounds, I think the benefits/drawbacks vary a little by discipline. I have a colleague getting her PhD who'll be about 50 by the time she finishes up, and there were people in their early 60s in my MFA program. For humanities, I truly don't think it's a huge deal unless you really wouldn't have any time in the field much at all between graduation and retirement. I've estimated that if I'm at all reasonably speedy with this degree, I would still have a good 20+ year career on the horizon. My father is an academic as well and isn't retired at 70, just because he's still sharp and still loves it.

More than anything, though, you do need a supportive and flexible partner if you aren't single. The younger folks who aren't yet in permanent relationships do have that advantage. My husband used to be ensconced in a very location-dependent job, and that wouldn't have been the best time to make this jump, so I would've probably been looking at different programs. I still might have had to take a job away from him at some point, but we've always maintained a "go where somebody's got the best deal" rule for long-term job commitments, which I think is extremely fair. For lots of couples, though, there are years of living far apart and/or resentment over cross-country moves that spell the death knell for the relationship. I'm just fortunate he's not also an academic; that does make these sorts of things a little easier.

 

[Neist]

1 minute ago, The Interdisciplinarian said:

Yes, I'm 40, married, no kids, but I feel like our mortgage is a kid. That'll be the thing we have to figure out if I get into this program, because it means that (at least I) will have to move, and selling a house in this market might be kind of dicey. My target program is only two hours away, though, so one idea is to just get a place during the week that is so cheap it might as well be one of those Japanese capsule hotels and live back at home on the weekends. If I got really insane, I could always *dies a little inside* drive 4 hours a day *cringe* *sob*. The spouse is freelancing now, so he is uber portable. It's just that damn house. Grr. I suppose that'll be one comforting thought if I get rejected: at least I don't have to sell my house yet and can take a little more time weighing market options.

Ugh. Mortgage. I knew I was going to apply to graduate programs, so we sold our house about a year and a half ago now. It was a very long and messy process. I really feel for you.  

Have you considered getting a hyper cheap tiny house?

I've seriously considered looking into this specific house if I had to commute to make my graduate life possible. The video was posted three years ago, but back then this house only cost $6500. Crazy, right?

 

[sjoh197]

@The Interdisciplinarian

We are currently tied to my partner's job... which is wonderful. But if I don't get into this grad program, the market for my field here is shitty. I am really hoping that if I don't get in I don't end up resenting moving here with him.  At least he bought me a kitty. 

[teacherM7]

@sjoh197 Kitties rock. That's no small comfort! @Neist and @The Interdisciplinarian the fact that we have a mortgage is a plus here - rent is so astronomical. There are some really awful living setups near campus, garage/shed type things. 

 

Also @nevermind I wish I thought life experience mattered to the committee, but I worry they either don't care or that it will count against me (even though of course I think it helps and agree that it can better prepare us for the challenges ahead). 

I need a good distraction. My teething baby is trying his hardest to keep me from my inbox but it's not working...

[sjoh197]

And I have to go to the dentist in the morning... my stress levels are escalating beyond compare. lol

[Pink Fuzzy Bunny]

5 hours ago, pterosaur said:

I got into my top choice! It's taking all my willpower not to immediately accept and wait until I visit there and my other options. I'm super excited, but no one in my lab office right now seems to care.

Also, I don't have an academia.edu page to track, but I have a personal website that I listed on my CV and applications. I can definitely tell that people have been looking at it, particularly at one school. Also, inexplicably, someone in Texas spent a lot of time on my site.

Congrats!!!

[Foreveronward]

@teacherM7 In my discipline the entire cohort is ~30. The information page on the website lists the average age as 32. I had to ask if I was too young. I'm sure you're fine.

[aulacrimosa]

How do those of you with mental illnesses deal with the waiting period? I feel my depression and anxiety levels escalating like crazy, as all of my applications are now out of my hands. Still waiting on 7 decisions......at least nobody else has heard anything from the programs I applied to yet. 

[Neist]

2 hours ago, aulacrimosa said:

How do those of you with mental illnesses deal with the waiting period? I feel my depression and anxiety levels escalating like crazy, as all of my applications are now out of my hands. Still waiting on 7 decisions......at least nobody else has heard anything from the programs I applied to yet. 

I really wish I had some good advice, but how I deal with my anxiety is pretty boring (and not necessarily very effective). Drink of lot of chamomile tea. Do things I enjoy. Remove things around me that I do not enjoy. Meditate. Take a walk. Exercise. None of these eliminate my anxiety if it flares up badly, but they help. 

I just try to keep myself really busy. Doing things that I like, or at least occupy my mind. Like I said, kind of poor advice.  It's like saying, "Don't have anxiety." I'm just not sure what other advice to give.

 

[Foreveronward]

Just now, Neist said:

I really wish I had some good advice, but how I deal with my anxiety is pretty boring (and not necessarily very effective). Drink of lot of chamomile tea. Do things I enjoy. Remove things around me that I do not enjoy. Meditate. Take a walk. Exercise. None of these eliminate my anxiety if it flares up badly, but they help. 

I just try to keep myself really busy. Doing things that I like, or at least occupy my mind. Like I said, kind of poor advice.  It's like saying, "Don't have anxiety." I'm just not sure what other advice to give.

 

I'm with Neist on this one. I haven't found a good way to deal with the anxiety and trepadition that comes with grad school applications. I know other people have suggested limiting your gradcafe results checking visits to once a day. I'm trying to do this, and I check at night after all the acceptances for the day should be logged. Fresh air helps a bit, and it helps me to know that come hell or high water, there will be an end to this. (For me, it's March 3rd, when the program I applied to sends out rejections). You've made it through a minimum of 20 years of life. Two months more will be stressful and it might feel like much longer, but I know we can all do it. Have you tried scheduling some time to hang out with friends so they can distract you? I've also considered picking up a hobby in the interim. Best of luck, @aulacrimosa.

 

[artsy16]

I wasn't as nervous or anxious during this process as I thought I'd be. What helps me not freak out is telling myself all the things I've accomplished in such a short life, what I like about myself, etc. Easier said than done, though.

This strategy will be put to the test this week, as I'll be hearing from all 4 schools I've interviewed with starting as early as tomorrow, and definitely all by Friday (have 1 more interview later this month, but will cancel if I hear good news this week). I'm also waiting to hear if I got this summer job, which pays $7-8k (definitely will help with grad school moving expenses! Also new dog expenses ). 

Edited February 9, 2016 by artsy16

[nevermind]

3 minutes ago, Foreveronward said:

I'm with Neist on this one. I haven't found a good way to deal with the anxiety and trepadition that comes with grad school applications. I know other people have suggested limiting your gradcafe results checking visits to once a day. I'm trying to do this, and I check at night after all the acceptances for the day should be logged. Fresh air helps a bit, and it helps me to know that come hell or high water, there will be an end to this. (For me, it's March 3rd, when the program I applied to sends out rejections). You've made it through a minimum of 20 years of life. Two months more will be stressful and it might feel like much longer, but I know we can all do it. Have you tried scheduling some time to hang out with friends so they can distract you? I've also considered picking up a hobby in the interim. Best of luck, @aulacrimosa.

 

YESSS!!! Get off TGC!!!

I've been getting back into things that I enjoy doing (e.g. rock climbing, running, yoga, cooking/eating better), but put all of these off during November/December (because of preparing for apps). Learning the art of self-care (not dirty) is extremely important--not only now, but once you're *in* grad school and feel a lot of demands, stress, and uncertainty. Rock climbing, for me, is extremely therapeutic because when I'm bouldering (climbing about 15 feet high without a rope...a relatively short distance), it's just me thinking through the next move, pushing through fear/frustration and trying not to fall or injure myself. Guided Meditations (there are some great ones on YouTube) are also great to take a mental break of thinking about things and just relaxing. Maybe take this time to develop a new hobby (art class, music lesson, language lesson...etc.) that you can become good at and has no real impact on your future success as a scholar.

[Delirium]

Binge-watching reality shows helps the time go by faster for me--am I the only person who watches Vanderpump Rules? 

What time have most of you received notifications from schools? I get so disappointed when it's 1 pm (I live in California) and realize that it's very unlikely that I'll hear back from anywhere after that time.  

[Foreveronward]

32 minutes ago, nevermind said:

Maybe take this time to develop a new hobby (art class, music lesson, language lesson...etc.) that you can become good at and has no real impact on your future success as a scholar.

I really really want to get into Spencerian calligraphy myself. It has a modest startup cost (35$ or so), but I'm honestly afraid if I get rejected I'll associate calligraphy with the rejection or I'll stop practicing and find a hard time starting again. While I decide, I'm busy reading the book my PoI suggested. I recommend it to everyone, if you have an interest in improving your academic writing skills. It's called "They Say/I Say: The moves that matter in academic writing. It's written in a surprisingly conversational tone and it gives concrete examples of how to structure sentences to persuade readers that you've considered the current literature and that you are going to add something of your own. It even has examples from non-academic(!) sources. He also recommended "The Sense of Structure: Writing from the Reader's Perspective" but it's too expensive for me to buy right now It's like, mini-textbook priced. Grr!

[iloveOM]

Unbelievable thing happened to me today ! I just finished cleaning my dishes and then came back to check my email. One email showed up (8pm) with title : PhD Admission... I just clicked into it and read the first two lines: We are impressed with your credentials bla bla.... Because I am waiting for a school result which I did my interview almost 3 weeks ago ( and I am also still full from my dinner), I just thought that I got rejected. However, when I calmed my mind and read the email again, I just realized that it was an interview offer from Northwestern... Oh my god .... This school is super, super reach to me; I just applied here because my brother stays in Chicago. In addition, I saw someone's interview posted on result's page nearly one week ago, so that I thought I was never offered interview and got rejected. Interview may happen tomorrow. I feel both nervous and excited as hell..

Edited February 9, 2016 by iloveOM

[nevermind]

14 minutes ago, iloveOM said:

Unbelievable thing happened to me today ! I just finished cleaning my dishes and then came back to check my email. One email showed up (8pm) with title : PhD Admission... I just clicked into it and read the first two lines: We are impressed with your credentials bla bla.... Because I am waiting for a school result which I did my interview almost 3 weeks ago ( and I am also still full from my dinner), I just thought that I got rejected. However, when I calmed my mind and read the email again, I just realized that it was an interview offer from Northwestern... Oh my god .... This school is super, super reach to me; I just applied here because my brother stays in Chicago. In addition, I saw someone's interview posted on result's page nearly one week ago, so that I thought I was never offered interview and got rejected. Interview may happen tomorrow. I feel both nervous and excited as hell..

That's awesome! Congrats and good luck!

[Pink Fuzzy Bunny]

16 minutes ago, iloveOM said:

Unbelievable thing happened to me today ! I just finished cleaning my dishes and then came back to check my email. One email showed up (8pm) with title : PhD Admission... I just clicked into it and read the first two lines: We are impressed with your credentials bla bla.... Because I am waiting for a school result which I did my interview almost 3 weeks ago ( and I am also still full from my dinner), I just thought that I got rejected. However, when I calmed my mind and read the email again, I just realized that it was an interview offer from Northwestern... Oh my god .... This school is super, super reach to me; I just applied here because my brother stays in Chicago. In addition, I saw someone's interview posted on result's page nearly one week ago, so that I thought I was never offered interview and got rejected. Interview may happen tomorrow. I feel both nervous and excited as hell..

Wow, congrats!! Best of luck!

[iloveOM]

Thank you guys for your nice word! I am considering staying through the night to prepare for the interview T___T . The fun part is, I never drink coffee and I rarely stay up late, unless for gaming purpose which you do not need any coffee at all. Any suggestion for non caffeinated drink to keep me awake ?

[nevermind]

1 minute ago, iloveOM said:

Thank you guys for your nice word! I am considering staying through the night to prepare for the interview T___T . The fun part is, I never drink coffee and I rarely stay up late, unless for gaming purpose which you do not need any coffee at all. Any suggestion for non caffeinated drink to keep me awake ?

Don't do that. Get some rest. They'll ask you things about your research--stuff you should already know. Maybe brush up on their program / their work, but you don't need to stay up all night and that could work against you. Come up with a list of questions you want to ask them, so you're prepared for that. They are contacting you because they already think you're a promising candidate--not because they want to see you fail. Just present yourself professionally and talk more in depth about what you wrote in your SOP. You've got this.

[iloveOM]

Just now, nevermind said:

Don't do that. Get some rest. They'll ask you things about your research--stuff you should already know. Maybe brush up on their program / their work, but you don't need to stay up all night and that could work against you. Come up with a list of questions you want to ask them, so you're prepared for that. They are contacting you because they already think you're a promising candidate--not because they want to see you fail. Just present yourself professionally and talk more in depth about what you wrote in your SOP. You've got this.

Thanks for the suggestions, nevermind! They are very reasonable and I will follow them.

[raaawr]

I slept late last night, slept in this morning. Checked my email and still no interview. I feel like I died and  got up to my own personal hell. Ahhhh! The anxietyyyy!the depressionnnn!

[iloveOM]

4 minutes ago, raaawr said:

I slept late last night, slept in this morning. Checked my email and still no interview. I feel like I died and  got up to my own personal hell. Ahhhh! The anxietyyyy!the depressionnnn!

Good luck with the application, @raaawr. I think that we will have more news within this week. And today is just Monday ... 4 more days til the end of the week, and we have been rolling on nearly 1/3 of Februgatory . Time flies both so fast and slow

[raaawr]

2 minutes ago, iloveOM said:

Good luck with the application, @raaawr. I think that we will have more news within this week. And today is just Monday ... 4 more days til the end of the week, and we have been rolling on nearly 1/3 of Februgatory . Time flies both so fast and slow

My mistake is that I only applied to 1 school. Yup. I'm going crazy x100 cause I have so much feelings riding on this one application and I still haven't gotten an interview. So scaryyyyy!