Anxious soul: Not feeling ready for grad school, but being pressured to apply

[Kaede]

Hi everyone! I need advice from people who aren't my professors.

I'm a rather accomplished bio undergrad and am about to enter my final year. Thus far, I have had two summer research experiences, a few presentation awards, and a Goldwater scholarship. I say all this not to brag, but because I feel like I'm not ready yet.

I still have no idea exactly which field I'd like to pursue (Genetics? Cell Bio? Neuroscience? Physiology? Bioinformatics???) and tend to not do well on standardized tests (I'm scoring low on GRE quant).I started looking into graduate programs and felt overwhelmed by the options and trying to find professors whose research I liked, who could also be good mentors, and have funding on top of that. This is overwhelming and it is making starting the process very difficult.

I'm leaning toward doing a year long research-focused postbac program, but am having a few problems:

1. My professors have highly advised me against taking a year off and suggest I just start applying now
2. They also suggest that if I really want a postbac, I apply to postbac and grad school programs at the same time
3. I feel like most postbac programs won't take me because of my accomplishments since I am rather competitive, even though I desperately feel like I need some time off to focus on applications

I'm really not sure what to do. I know I am in a great position academically, but personally, I feel that things are moving too quickly. Would appreciate any advice at this point since I am at a loss for how to continue.

 

[Cheshire_Cat]

You need to drill down on why you are anxious about continuing your education. If you do not want to be in school anymore, then don't do it! Grad school is not like undergrad. You have to be very self-motivated to complete it, and if you're not, then it is hell.

However, if you are just nervous about the application process, then that is very common. Gather more information on what you want to do and go for it. You do not know how well you will do until you try. Michael Jordan once said "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."  

[Kaede]

15 minutes ago, Cheshire_Cat said:

You need to drill down on why you are anxious about continuing your education. If you do not want to be in school anymore, then don't do it! Grad school is not like undergrad. You have to be very self-motivated to complete it, and if you're not, then it is hell.

However, if you are just nervous about the application process, then that is very common. Gather more information on what you want to do and go for it. You do not know how well you will do until you try. Michael Jordan once said "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."  

I appreciate your comment, and will definitely think about it more. My hunch right now is that I'm not anxious about continuing my education - more that I would just like more research experience before diving into a Ph.D, and would like to think about the process during a research-filled gap year rather than during my senior year (where I'll be focusing on GREs, writing my senior thesis, and taking a very heavy load while working two jobs).

[rageofanath]

I skipped several years between undergrad and even THINKING about grad school and it was both good and bad.

Good in the sense that leaving undergrad, I was pretty lost as to what kind of program I even wanted to look for. My senior year was extremely busy and stressful and I had no time to even think about grad school, much less make headway on researching and applying to programs. I feel that if I had rushed into a program at that point I may have made a mistake, as looking back now I can see that my career path as a whole is unconventional so I am very happy I didn't jump into a grad program. I also had student debt that I wanted to start paying off, and wanted to get a sense of what life was like outside of academia so by the time I got back into it, I'd be actually interested in doing things like going to class and studying, which I was NOT anymore. Now, I have experienced a lot of 'real world' stuff so academia is more 'in context' for me, and I'm a better student than ever before because of the perspective I gained. I also taught a bit so getting experience from the other side of the lectern where I was not just a TA but 100% in charge of everything from creating a syllabus to arranging field trips helped me to re-evaluate the student experience and how to approach academic problems. 

But the bad... I really only intended to take maybe 3 years off, max. I'm currently on year 5 and just started the application / search / research / GRE process, so it will probably be 6-8 years after undergrad before I start when all is said and done, and by the time I complete a degree I will be over 30. This pushes things back a lot, and keep in mind the short time off could end up being a lot longer due to all kinds of life circumstances. It can be harder to get back into 'student mode'. You might end up putting down roots that are harder to tear up than you think, and not WANT to move across the country or to another continent for school. Any life landmarks you want to hit (marriage, house, dream job, kids, dog, 401k, picket fence) will get pushed around with the delay. Not to say some of those things can't happen in grad school or around it, just not everyone wants to juggle those things, so you have to decide what's important to you and what you can and want to handle. This is especially true if grad school for you is a PhD and not a Masters'. 

Some people hit the point I have and don't go back. Keep in mind that "a year off" may end up being more than that.

Edited June 5, 2016 by rageofanath

[spectastic]

I think you should find out why the professors advise you to jump into a PhD. Professors are people too, prone to bias. I think the most important point here is that you should strive to further understand yourself, and ask questions like "what do I want to do 5-10 years from now?" "What gets me out of bed in the morning?" "what type of work environment will I thrive in?" "what are my strengths and weaknesses?" These are questions that only you can really answer, and they're important life questions to understand in general, and applies to not only grad school.

I'm kind of in the same boat as you, because I'm still trying to understand what's all out there, what life do I want to live, and how will a PhD help me get there? Time is the most important commodity, and the drawback to a PhD is that it's ~5 years straight. Half of the people who come out of a PhD don't end up doing what they had originally intended to do, and that's also scary. I think it's wise to have some reservation about making a large commitment like this. So my advise is to find out more about yourself, reach out to people who live the life you want to live, start your job search NOW to see what's out there, read about different industries. These will help you make a more informed decision.

[St Andrews Lynx]

Most academics don't have much in the way of "real world experience". I suspect that nearly all of them went straight from undergrad to grad school. If it worked out for them, why shouldn't it work out for literally everybody else? Similarly, since grad school worked out for them, they tend to advise people to go for a PhD because they really don't have any idea of what the other options could be. 

Stupid question. Did you enjoy the research experiences? If you didn't...then I'd advise you against pursuing a research career. Did you enjoy bits of the research experience? Then maybe think about the bits you liked and see what other careers you could follow that would have those things. If there are bits of the research that you didn't like (too much time spent in front of a computer running calculations, group too large, PI too hands-on, etc) then you can formulate a better plan for what you could pursue in grad school and the PI that would be the best fit for you. 

I've seen people go into grad school just because their advisors said "hey, why not consider a PhD", or because it seemed like an inevitable next step. In general it is better to have good motivation and career plans (in which the PhD will help you get where you want). 

[Apogeee]

15 hours ago, Kaede said:

I'm really not sure what to do. I know I am in a great position academically, but personally, I feel that things are moving too quickly. Would appreciate any advice at this point since I am at a loss for how to continue.

 

Do you want a career that requires graduate school? If you do, then take the advice of your professors and apply now, because you are more competitive now than you will be a year from now. You will have some time to refine a thesis and gather a team for the PhD, as this is a good 4-5 years down the road, and perhaps 7-8 years away. I believe that you are putting the cart before the horse, to some extent. That being said, graduate school is a high-pressure environment. You seem like the kind of person who puts a lot of pressure on yourself. If that's true about you, you're being wise to pull back. Maybe academia isn't for you, and that's okay. On the other hand, if you decide to take the advice of your advisors (who have nothing to gain or lose by you going to grad school, so their advice is utterly neutral) choose 10 schools to apply to. Think about what you, the right now you, wants to work on in terms of a thesis. It's subject to refinement later, and you're not going to be locked in unless you lock yourself in. Think about books you've read that fascinate you, the now you, and look to see who is writing with those items in the bibliography, and who is writing on those topics. It's not all going to happen at once. Don't be so anxious!

[knp]

12 hours ago, Agrippina said:

 If you do, then take the advice of your professors and apply now, because you are more competitive now than you will be a year from now.

Although I have no bones to pick with Agrippina's advice in general, I strongly disagree with this sentence. Maybe that's true if you spend your "gap" year working retail or fast food—personally, I don't think that would make you a less competitive candidate, but if it did, the only reason it could have that effect would be because some academics at some programs are terrible people. If, on the other hand, no matter what you did in your "gap" year, you wrote a stronger statement of purpose than you would have before your research interests were clear in your own mind, I think you'd be far more competitive as a candidate than you would be now, with a higher level of fuzziness in your statement of purpose. (Anecdotally, despite an interesting resume, I have been mostly unemployed since August; I'm still going to my second choice PhD in the fall, to which I was admitted because of the clarity the years of thought since graduation brought to my admissions essays.) Moreover, regardless of the effects working fast food might have on your resume, that's not even what you're talking about—and a research-filled gap year will only make you a stronger candidate, if you decide you want to follow that path.

I have no other advice on what you should do, really—don't go to graduate school before you're ready, of course, but "ready" is a pretty subjective benchmark—but if you want to escape your professors' pressure to go to graduate school now, I might try emphasizing the "I don't know what field I want to go to graduate school in" argument. I mean, if they're willing to write your three or four different letters for three or four whole different fields' worth of programs, I suppose you have nothing to lose by applying to all the fields you're interested in now now. But as somebody who applied across two and a half fields (and is getting a PhD in something very different than she expected just after graduation), it is HARD to get professors to support that! It is so much more effort than applying in one field! So I wonder if you pitch it as needing more time to figure out your preferred field of research, if that would get more encouraging results from your professors.

[TakeruK]

I echo some of the thoughts of others above. It is important for you to find out what is the root cause of your anxiety. Are you worried that you are not going to be able to do a good job at applying to grad school? And that you want to be in grad school but are afraid that things are moving too fast and now you're in over your head?

Your description of your profile tells me that you are well qualified for graduate school. I will say it again, because it's very common for people, even accomplished ones, to feel "imposter syndrome" and think they do not belong. So, here it is again: If you want to go to grad school, then you should apply. You don't have to worry about whether or not you're "ready" for it (it's so hard to judge it for yourself anyways). If you want this, you can do it. I know it sounds like a cliche "you can achieve all of your dreams" but I feel the need to say it because it's so common for qualified people to feel unqualified.

On the other hand, if you are seriously doubting how much you will enjoy graduate school and research and academia, then I agree with the others that taking time to figure out what you want could be a good idea. Entering a graduate program simply because you don't know what else to do is usually not a good idea (however, many people are still successful in grad school in this way). 

I think that's the first most important thing. Why are you anxious? If it's uncertainty in your ability, then don't let this get in the way of your potential. You can get into grad school. You are ready. If it's uncertainty in what makes you happy, then I think this is a good reason to pause. But the good news is that applications don't start until the fall. Spend the summer really thinking about what you want and you can have this figured out before you start senior year.

-----

Okay, if you think you want to pursue graduate school, now it's time for some "tough love":

As for taking time to apply for schools, no you do not need extra time. Maybe you are being a perfectionist about your applications and your senior year and this is holding you back. In graduate school, you cannot be a perfectionist, so you might as well learn now. Most people applying to grad school are not taking time off from other responsibilities to do it. Instead, it's a matter of time management and prioritizing. How much time are you spending on your courses etc? It would be worth it to reduce your time spent on coursework by a few hours each week so that you can spend that time on applications instead. Also, it sounds like you are going to be pretty busy with 2 jobs (that must be hard) so take advantage of the summer now to get things like the GREs out of the way. Again, you don't need the best score possible, just a decent one. 

You can't think of the applications process as a "distraction" or that it's something that will get in the way of your senior year. Instead, just think of the applications process as another course you have to take---it's a part of your college experience. If you have enough credits, one time management strategy is to take one fewer course even so that you can devote that time to your applications. 

In my opinion, if after thinking about what you want, you still have a small amount of desire to continue in academia, I would highly advise applying to both graduate programs and non-graduate program alternatives at the same time (whether these are the post-bacc programs or just research positions in your lab). Maybe if you discussed your uncertainty with your professors further, you would be able to find a year long research position in their lab next year. I do think that if you do not find something useful to do during your year off, you would be disadvantaged in future grad school applications.

-----

Finally, I just want to say I sympathize a lot. In Canada, we have a nice system where you do 2 years of a MSc and then 3 years of a PhD (both MSc and PhD are funded and you generally must do a MSc before a PhD). I did the MSc first (then moved to the States for a PhD) and I really liked having the shorter 2 year program first because it is much easier to commit to grad school when there is a "easy"/clear path out after 2 years if it turns out to be terrible. 

[maelia8]

On 6/5/2016 at 8:26 AM, St Andrews Lynx said:

Most academics don't have much in the way of "real world experience". I suspect that nearly all of them went straight from undergrad to grad school.

@St Andrews Lynx I'm surprised this has been your experience, as nearly every person in my Ph.D. program took at least a year off (and most two or three) before starting the program. At least among humanities students, it's very hard to get in straight out of undergrad as we generally lack sufficient research experience, and some folks haven't even written an extended research paper that they can submit as a writing sample by the end of undergrad (not all . Most of us have taken at least a year off to travel or work overseas (usually as journalists, writers, or ESL teachers), work a dead-end job at home to save up some money, or gotten into some sort of competitive program (like Fulbright or JET) to improve our credentials. @Kaede, I know that you are a scientist, but maybe it makes you feel better to know that among humanists, taking at least a year off to pursue a short-term post-bacc opportunity or even just to travel or save money is very common and considered totally legit, and is even believed to give you "seasoned perspective" and strengthen your application.

 

[St Andrews Lynx]

In the sciences (which I'm part of) very few of the professors in my Dept have done any kind of job outside of academia (no years working in industry or teaching, for instance). Their CVs suggest that they took no gap years. What I've seen is a correlation between academics advising their undergrads against taking time off, and having avoided taking any time off themselves. The point for the OP is that their advisors might not be basing their advice on what is best for the OP, but rather what worked well for the advisor. 

The grad students themselves? Sure, plenty of them have real world experience, and have taken several years between their undergrad and PhD. 

[maelia8]

Aaah, I see what you mean. I think this is something that we're going to see more and more change in as the generations shift. Until the 90s it was possible for folks in my field to get away with that sort of gapless, streamlined professional life, but by the time the oldest professors have retired and the folks who are my age are becoming tenured professors, I think the majority of the CVs will start to look quite different.

[Kaede]

A massive thank you to everyone for your input. All of your replies prompted much-needed self-reflection as to where my anxiety was coming from.

Regarding anxiety: I know I want a Ph.D. My anxiety stems mostly from the fact that I am unsure which field to pursue a Ph.D in, and secondarily that I am unsure what I would like in a supervisor.

I started feeling anxious when I was looking at the departments of schools. I know people recommend you read papers to get a good idea of who is leading the fields, but they also say you should only apply to schools where you like at least 3 of the PIs, so I was trying to find a good 'fit.' I quickly amassed a list of 60 school/departments that I cut down to 10 schools based on my familiarity with research. So much research doesn't sound interesting to me simply because i haven't been exposed to it, but once I do it becomes fascinating. What if I am ruling out a subject I would adore simply because I haven't taken a class in it?

Now, my list is mostly prestigious, crap-shoot schools with departments all across the board: genetics, neuroscience, physiology, cell biology, "biosciences," etc. I just can't help but feel that I am doing this incorrectly. Considering I've only ever done research in physiology (and it was OK, though I feel it is not the field I was destined to be in) and little if any genetics/neuro work, I am not even sure how I am supposed to tailor my SoPs to these prestigious programs. I think @knp said it best: I am feeling very fuzzy.

I'm trying to remedy this by applying to schools with interdisciplinary departments and rotations, but you still have to apply to one department.

And then, on top of ruling schools out based on interest, worrying about whether a supervisor will be a good fit or even have enough funding...

I'll be applying to postbac programs as well, but most of these programs are for students who aren't competitive. And I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I feel that I may be a bit too competitive for the programs because of my awards. And if I end up applying to a postbac and getting in, wouldn't it be better to apply to graduate school then?

All these thoughts are very anxiety inducing!

On 6/5/2016 at 11:26 AM, St Andrews Lynx said:

Stupid question. Did you enjoy the research experiences? If you didn't...then I'd advise you against pursuing a research career. Did you enjoy bits of the research experience? Then maybe think about the bits you liked and see what other careers you could follow that would have those things. If there are bits of the research that you didn't like (too much time spent in front of a computer running calculations, group too large, PI too hands-on, etc) then you can formulate a better plan for what you could pursue in grad school and the PI that would be the best fit for you.

Of course! Otherwise I wouldn't be applying. I'm just unsure as to whether I've had the diversity of experiences necessary to really know what I'd like in a supervisor or in a lab.

On 6/4/2016 at 9:50 PM, rageofanath said:

Good in the sense that leaving undergrad, I was pretty lost as to what kind of program I even wanted to look for. My senior year was extremely busy and stressful and I had no time to even think about grad school, much less make headway on researching and applying to programs. I feel that if I had rushed into a program at that point I may have made a mistake, as looking back now I can see that my career path as a whole is unconventional so I am very happy I didn't jump into a grad program. I also had student debt that I wanted to start paying off, and wanted to get a sense of what life was like outside of academia so by the time I got back into it, I'd be actually interested in doing things like going to class and studying, which I was NOT anymore. Now, I have experienced a lot of 'real world' stuff so academia is more 'in context' for me, and I'm a better student than ever before because of the perspective I gained. I also taught a bit so getting experience from the other side of the lectern where I was not just a TA but 100% in charge of everything from creating a syllabus to arranging field trips helped me to re-evaluate the student experience and how to approach academic problems.

This is exactly how I feel, though I suppose if I did a postbac I wouldn't exactly be leaving academia. You're right about the time issue though - I definitely wouldn't want to spend more than a year off.  Looking back, how do you feel about your decision?

On 6/5/2016 at 2:08 AM, spectastic said:

I think you should find out why the professors advise you to jump into a PhD. Professors are people too, prone to bias. I think the most important point here is that you should strive to further understand yourself, and ask questions like "what do I want to do 5-10 years from now?" "What gets me out of bed in the morning?" "what type of work environment will I thrive in?" "what are my strengths and weaknesses?" These are questions that only you can really answer, and they're important life questions to understand in general, and applies to not only grad school.

I'm kind of in the same boat as you, because I'm still trying to understand what's all out there, what life do I want to live, and how will a PhD help me get there? Time is the most important commodity, and the drawback to a PhD is that it's ~5 years straight. Half of the people who come out of a PhD don't end up doing what they had originally intended to do, and that's also scary. I think it's wise to have some reservation about making a large commitment like this. So my advise is to find out more about yourself, reach out to people who live the life you want to live, start your job search NOW to see what's out there, read about different industries. These will help you make a more informed decision.

You're right, I hadn't thought about that. Thank you for your perspective. I hope all goes well with your decisions as well.

On 6/6/2016 at 0:42 AM, knp said:

Although I have no bones to pick with Agrippina's advice in general, I strongly disagree with this sentence. Maybe that's true if you spend your "gap" year working retail or fast food—personally, I don't think that would make you a less competitive candidate, but if it did, the only reason it could have that effect would be because some academics at some programs are terrible people. If, on the other hand, no matter what you did in your "gap" year, you wrote a stronger statement of purpose than you would have before your research interests were clear in your own mind, I think you'd be far more competitive as a candidate than you would be now, with a higher level of fuzziness in your statement of purpose. (Anecdotally, despite an interesting resume, I have been mostly unemployed since August; I'm still going to my second choice PhD in the fall, to which I was admitted because of the clarity the years of thought since graduation brought to my admissions essays.) Moreover, regardless of the effects working fast food might have on your resume, that's not even what you're talking about—and a research-filled gap year will only make you a stronger candidate, if you decide you want to follow that path.

I have no other advice on what you should do, really—don't go to graduate school before you're ready, of course, but "ready" is a pretty subjective benchmark—but if you want to escape your professors' pressure to go to graduate school now, I might try emphasizing the "I don't know what field I want to go to graduate school in" argument. I mean, if they're willing to write your three or four different letters for three or four whole different fields' worth of programs, I suppose you have nothing to lose by applying to all the fields you're interested in now now. But as somebody who applied across two and a half fields (and is getting a PhD in something very different than she expected just after graduation), it is HARD to get professors to support that! It is so much more effort than applying in one field! So I wonder if you pitch it as needing more time to figure out your preferred field of research, if that would get more encouraging results from your professors.

Your post really hit the nail on the head and made me realize that the lack of clarity is what I was missing. Despite that, professors and mentors are saying I'm competitive enough. I just can't help but feel that they're wrong, or that I'll end up in the wrong place.

It sounds like you were happy about your decision to take a gap year. How did you navigate asking them for letters of recs from 2 or 3 fields, even after the clarity you received from a gap year?

On 6/6/2016 at 11:33 AM, TakeruK said:

Your description of your profile tells me that you are well qualified for graduate school. I will say it again, because it's very common for people, even accomplished ones, to feel "imposter syndrome" and think they do not belong. So, here it is again: If you want to go to grad school, then you should apply. You don't have to worry about whether or not you're "ready" for it (it's so hard to judge it for yourself anyways). If you want this, you can do it. I know it sounds like a cliche "you can achieve all of your dreams" but I feel the need to say it because it's so common for qualified people to feel unqualified.

-----

Okay, if you think you want to pursue graduate school, now it's time for some "tough love":

As for taking time to apply for schools, no you do not need extra time. Maybe you are being a perfectionist about your applications and your senior year and this is holding you back. In graduate school, you cannot be a perfectionist, so you might as well learn now. Most people applying to grad school are not taking time off from other responsibilities to do it. Instead, it's a matter of time management and prioritizing. How much time are you spending on your courses etc? It would be worth it to reduce your time spent on coursework by a few hours each week so that you can spend that time on applications instead. Also, it sounds like you are going to be pretty busy with 2 jobs (that must be hard) so take advantage of the summer now to get things like the GREs out of the way. Again, you don't need the best score possible, just a decent one. 

You can't think of the applications process as a "distraction" or that it's something that will get in the way of your senior year. Instead, just think of the applications process as another course you have to take---it's a part of your college experience. If you have enough credits, one time management strategy is to take one fewer course even so that you can devote that time to your applications. 

In my opinion, if after thinking about what you want, you still have a small amount of desire to continue in academia, I would highly advise applying to both graduate programs and non-graduate program alternatives at the same time (whether these are the post-bacc programs or just research positions in your lab). Maybe if you discussed your uncertainty with your professors further, you would be able to find a year long research position in their lab next year. I do think that if you do not find something useful to do during your year off, you would be disadvantaged in future grad school applications.

-----

Finally, I just want to say I sympathize a lot. In Canada, we have a nice system where you do 2 years of a MSc and then 3 years of a PhD (both MSc and PhD are funded and you generally must do a MSc before a PhD). I did the MSc first (then moved to the States for a PhD) and I really liked having the shorter 2 year program first because it is much easier to commit to grad school when there is a "easy"/clear path out after 2 years if it turns out to be terrible. 

Thank you for this post - I really needed to understand why people were telling me to apply now. Unfortunately I can't reduce my coursework since I will not be able to graduate on time if I did so, so my plan would be to figure out which schools/departments to apply to by the end of the summer, which is also contributing to anxiety. What do you suggest with regards to applying to so many different departments because of the fact that I have no idea which field I'd like to go into? Thank you again.

[Sigaba]

On 6/4/2016 at 5:12 PM, Kaede said:

I feel that things are moving too quickly. Would appreciate any advice at this point since I am at a loss for how to continue.

 

Could you extend your undergraduate career by a year, ostensibly to compete for honors in your major or to qualify for a second major?

Could you reach out to graduate students in your intended field of study at your UI and ask the same questions you have askedhere? (You may get answers that are more apples to apples.)

FWIW, after my junior year, I participated in a summer program in which graduate students mentored undergraduates. We got to hear a very in depth conversation about the advantages/disadvantages of going directly to graduate school. Those who took time off were generally appreciative of their experiences out of the Ivory Tower BUT many spoke of the difficulties of making the transition back to being a student. The challenges ranged from going from having a job to being perpetually broke, to having authority in the work place to the infantalizing head games that professors sometimes play. 

IRT the guidance being given by your professors, I would assume a posture of paranoid good faith: they're probably trying to do right by you BUT might any of them be vindictive if you pick a post bac program over graduate school?

[TakeruK]

50 minutes ago, Kaede said:

Thank you for this post - I really needed to understand why people were telling me to apply now. Unfortunately I can't reduce my coursework since I will not be able to graduate on time if I did so, so my plan would be to figure out which schools/departments to apply to by the end of the summer, which is also contributing to anxiety. What do you suggest with regards to applying to so many different departments because of the fact that I have no idea which field I'd like to go into? Thank you again.

You can figure out which schools/departments to apply to before the end of the summer. I understand your anxiety about not knowing which field to specialize in. You are right that it's not a good idea to choose fields just because you are familiar with the research---it's sometimes a good idea to try a new direction!

It's okay to not have everything figured out at this point. When picking schools, find the programs that will fit what you need in order to succeed. For example, many programs in your field will be for the "generalist" and not accept you specifically into a lab. Instead, you will enter the program and then rotate through several labs to decide what you'd like the most. This is how it is for students in your field at my school (I'm not in that field but I know people who are---also my own program in a different field works in a similar way).

To me, since you want some flexibility, I would recommend looking for strong programs that both 1) will give you the ability to try out several labs and 2) have interesting/strong research programs. I would avoid programs that are smaller and want you to specialize into a group right away, unless you know you will be happy in that group! 

When applying to these "broad" and "general" programs, you would follow a different application strategy. You would not write about how you are great in field X and how you will want to work on leading problems in field X. Instead, speak to your strengths and interests as a generalist (for now). Perhaps you can focus on things like specific research skills that are transferable from one subfield to another. By picking programs correctly, you will find programs that will value the traits and attributes that you yourself value and have developed. You can infer that if a program wants students to diversify their research interests and work in different labs on different subfields that they would likely value a broad education and an open-ness in research interests.

I also sense that you feel anxiety about picking a subfield because you have not experienced enough to know what is the right one for you. What if you rule out a subfield that you would love just because you were not familiar with it??

My answer is that I don't think that each person has only one sub-field in which they will be successful / happy in. So don't worry if you miss out on a potential subfield---in the end, when you complete a PhD, you can only be a specialist in one sub-field, so you will have to rule out many other subfields that are good for you anyways. Instead of trying to figure out what is the best and most optimal path, just find a path that is good for you. One way you can do this is take the above approach and find schools that will let you explore. Another way is to do what Sigaba suggests---if you have the ability to do so, take an extra year and spend more time figuring out what you would like (It's better to spend an extra year now than to spend many more years in grad school realising you are unhappy). Or, spend even more effort this summer talking to people in various subfields and getting a sense of what it is like. I think one summer is enough time to talk to professors, postdocs and grad students in various subfields and find out what works for you. Remember to ask about things like job prospects and other factors important to you!

[knp]

There's a lot going on here, so I'm just going to tackle a couple aspects!

1 hour ago, Kaede said:

Despite that, professors and mentors are saying I'm competitive enough. I just can't help but feel that they're wrong, or that I'll end up in the wrong place.

Yeah, so, I strongly disagree with the premise lurking in there that competitive has to mean ready. It absolutely sounds like you're competitive, but I'm not sure that you feel ready. Are you still taking classes? I'd try to give yourself at least three weeks to recuperate between the end of your last class and when you start thinking about this more seriously; enforcing that "not now" boundary with your research always lets me bring a clearer head to it, personally.

1 hour ago, Kaede said:

It sounds like you were happy about your decision to take a gap year. How did you navigate asking them for letters of recs from 2 or 3 fields, even after the clarity you received from a gap year?

So I actually took three years "off," which sounds like maybe more than you need, but it worked for me. Can I also express my surprise that your professors aren't encouraging researchy jobs for you/seem to think that's uncommon? To be fair, I basically know nobody in science at this point, but I do have some dozen friends in medical school, and probably 60-70% of them seemed to work in labs during a year off. Is there no overlap between that sort of research assistant position and the ones that would help somebody in cell bio, for example? I really have no idea, but just throwing it out there.

As for me, I now have very focused research interests; they just happen not to fit well in one academic discipline. So dealing with my recommenders on that was kind of a "Look, chums, I am interested in using X method on Y subject, and since many X programs do not have any faculty on subject Y and vice versa, I will be applying to programs in both X and Y (and one interdisciplinary thing)."  That was fine, although it still led to some "you sent the X letter to the Y program???" hair-pulling moments for me (I had a much stronger background in one field than the other), which were eventually all resolved successfully. (Department administrators: they have a lot of power.) The professor who knew me the least sent the same letter across all the fields to which I applied, but I wouldn't have wanted to navigate the other two professors through more than 2.1 fields. 

[juilletmercredi]

I'm a big advocate for taking time off between college and graduate school, even though I personally didn't. In fact, it's because I personally didn't. If you are unsure about your subfield and what you want to study, I think it's the best option - take some time to think about it, potentially work in one or two of those fields to help you narrow it down. You can certainly think about it over the summer, but you don't want to put pressure on yourself to decide quickly. And sure, there are many subfields that can suit you - but different subfields have different job prospects and approaches, and I think it's good to think about it a bit systematically rather than just selecting one and hoping for the best. There's a pretty big difference between genetics and bioinformatics, for example.

To be quite frank, most professors have never done anything besides academia. Many of them don't really have a good sense of the kind of careers that are out there in their fields other than academia, and some of them have really odd ideas about what the non-academic work world is like. They just assume that the smartest and most capable of their undergrads should absolutely go to graduate school, because that's just what really smart people do. Then there's the whole concept of generativity - the idea that the field has a responsibility to generate more junior academics, which many professors take pretty seriously and take great pride in. They may be advising you not to take a year off for a good reason, but I'd put my money on them pushing you go to now so you don't change your mind in the interim.

That doesn't mean you have to let them pressure you into it - graduate school will always be there, and you can come back around to it in a year or three or however many if you are ready later.

Examine your feelings. Do you feel like you're not ready because of imposter syndrome (you really, really want to go into a science career, but you just have this vague sense of not measuring up)? Or is it something deeper, that you're not even sure that you want a science career/career in research? If it's the former, then I would say push through it, because everyone feels that - it's pretty normal. But if it's more than just imposter syndrome, there's absolutely nothing wrong with waiting until you feel more ready and deciding to do a post-bac instead and not apply to any graduate schools.

If you do decide the latter, just present the choice to your professors as your decision and not up for debate. If they protest, you can say "I understand your concerns, I really do! And I appreciate you looking out for me. But I've decided that this is the best option for me right now." Someone with as much experience as you must have multiple people who will write for you, and in the very unlikely case that one of your professors refuses to write for you because you are only applying to postbaccs, you can always ask someone else.

[Nightly]

I didn't even know you could take a year off. Watching this.

[rageofanath]

On 6/9/2016 at 10:26 PM, Kaede said:

 

This is exactly how I feel, though I suppose if I did a postbac I wouldn't exactly be leaving academia. You're right about the time issue though - I definitely wouldn't want to spend more than a year off.  Looking back, how do you feel about your decision?

 

Whew, that's complicated. I guess the short version is that I don't regret it, but I sometimes rather seriously wonder where I would be now if I had jumped in earlier, and am occasionally a little jealous of alternate-universe me that already has a master's.

However, there are still a few problems with that alternate-me; they'd be able to take higher-wage adjuncting jobs with their degree, but would have more debt from the master's, which most likely wouldn't have been funded. There's also no guarantee they wouldn't be in the same place I am now. I straddle two very disparate disciplines, and up until now have been pro in one and amateur in the other. Working towards a grad degree is working towards being pro in both disciplines, moving toward some kind of hybrid grey area. So maybe I'd have a masters in the one I've already got a bachelors' in, but would still want the masters or phd in the second field.  Taking the time to decide I wanted to take a nosedive into the grey area rather than dabble has been worth it. Maybe I'd resent the higher level of debt from the grad degree that may or may not be "needed" : some of my classmates haven't got a grad degree yet and have been moving along just fine in their careers. Alternatively, some of my classmates who didn't skip a year or two are in the stages of wrapping up a PhD now and have yet to experience life outside academia and are a bit... scared... at the prospect of graduating for good.

I haven't been particularly excited by programs in the field I've already got my bachelors' in, so its hard to say if I would have found a program I liked by now if I was looking harder. I also have found myself a little "trapped" by a job that I REALLY LIKE and don't want to leave, so if I do an advanced degree I want to do it in a pretty close region to home so that I can keep the job (there are NO work from home or mobile options). I also don't want my current relationship to become a LDR for a while to go to school, especially since we've talked rather seriously about moving / buying in the area. That's kind of what I mean about roots suddenly being harder to tear up than expected. I value both these things pretty highly and things would be very different if I had either gone straight through or went back after only one year. Maybe good different, maybe not. I like where I am now, either way.

The other advantage, is that currently I'm a better student than I've ever been. I was always a good student (summa cum laude /deans list blah blah all that overachiever junk), but its unbelievable to me how much BETTER I am at it now that I'm applying new skills from outside academia, incredible level of time management, and how much better I am at figuring out what is worth spending my energy on... as well as a more realistic perspective on things like homework, tests, asking questions, and talking to the professor/TAs. I've heard similar things from people who've taken time off. And this alone does make me feel a bit better about the decision since I'm the sort of person who wants to get 110% out of any experience.

I do recommend trying something outside academia -- it doesn't have to be a job. It could be a (non-academia based) research program, some travel time, volunteering, something totally out there like WWOOFing, whatever. I have always had a foot firmly planted in academia -- the job I like is in a university, I teach summer classes -- but I've done things like residencies to the arctic and 'regular' jobs and met people that expanded my idea of what is possible and what I want. So, a lot of what I'm doing is because of the time I spent outside academia and the people I met there.

It's also a good idea to go to some professional conferences as soon as possible, and you can sit in on lectures about research you think sounds interesting, talk with people in potential fields to learn more about the work they do, get recommendations for papers to read or people to email or schools to apply for, etc. You can also talk to people in industry there to see more options for careers and how to get there -- especially if you go to one for any biotech field since they're well represented with industry positions. The people at a conference can probably give you more directed advice than we can as well. The conferences I've been to have been well worth the money, especially if you can use your current-student status to get a student rate.

So yeah, I feel a lot of things about it, and I imagine things will be complicated for you too since you've got so many options for potential fields. Hopefully these thoughts give you something to think about. I think TakuruK is spot on with no-gap advice, and it sounds like you could definitely do it and get into a good program if you want to. But "Do you WANT to?" and "Do you want to RIGHT NOW" are the important questions.

[Kaede]

Just wanted to update the thread. After an informative summer and a rough semester, I decided to go through with applications and am very happy I did so. Being at interview weekends and speaking with other students really put into perspective where people are at when they are applying to graduate school, and I agree with @TakeruK's previous point that this was definitely coming from Imposter Syndrome rather than an actual deficiency.

If anyone so happens to come upon this thread in the future feeling the same way, I'd like to make a few recommendations that have helped me substantially. First, if you're unsure, apply - and if you get interviews - go! You'll hopefully come to know where that insecurity is coming from. And if you chalk it down to Imposter Syndrome, don't listen to that voice.

Also, I recommend taking an earlier load senior year if possible, and then doing nothing productive over the summer. My easier load has already started to feel like a gap year, and I feel like all I'd need is a few months of chilling before I'm ready to continue forward.

Thank you again to everyone who responded to this thread with your insights. It was very much appreciated and helped immensely.

Edited February 4, 2017 by Kaede

[TakeruK]

Thanks for the update, it's always nice to hear how things turn out  Glad that things are going well now!

[DogsArePeopleToo]

On 6/5/2016 at 6:20 AM, rageofanath said:

But the bad... I really only intended to take maybe 3 years off, max. I'm currently on year 5 and just started the application / search / research / GRE process, so it will probably be 6-8 years after undergrad before I start when all is said and done, and by the time I complete a degree I will be over 30. This pushes things back a lot, and keep in mind the short time off could end up being a lot longer due to all kinds of life circumstances. It can be harder to get back into 'student mode'. You might end up putting down roots that are harder to tear up than you think, and not WANT to move across the country or to another continent for school. Any life landmarks you want to hit (marriage, house, dream job, kids, dog, 401k, picket fence) will get pushed around with the delay. Not to say some of those things can't happen in grad school or around it, just not everyone wants to juggle those things, so you have to decide what's important to you and what you can and want to handle. This is especially true if grad school for you is a PhD and not a Masters'. 

I realize the relevance of my response in this thread has expired, but for posterity's sake, let me add my two cents:

I absolutely agree with everything in this post (quoted). I am in my seventh year out of undergrad, and while I absolutely love what I've done in this time, I'm also pushing 30. And part of me seems to have wanted to get a higher degree before turning 30. That's impossible now. I'm on track to start a degree program this fall, though, but everything the poster above said applies to why it took me so long to get back to student mode.

Good luck with your decisions!

[Le Chat]

I started a Master's program the fall after graduating undergrad while also working full time. I ended up quitting the Master's program after realizing I wanted so much more from my graduate studies, and that I was ready to take a bigger leap. 

This gap year has helped me define EXACTLY what I want out of my program and after graduating. I've had a remarkable amount of clarity and I'm so excited to start in the fall. I'm very ready for a change and to be back in academia (which I love.) 

And FWIW, I've had a very challenging year after graduating undergrad, but that's helped me know exactly what my purpose for grad school is. For me, it's fulfilling my life's calling.