Posting your acceptance on facebook

[crazygirl2012]

After watching me doubt myself for so long and struggle for so many years, everyone in my life seems genuinely happy for me. They know that I'm not an arrogant person and that I have a hard time celebrating my successes. I'm good friends with a lot of the other seniors in my department, we've talked about this issue, and we've decided that we want to know what's going on. My friend who hasn't gotten any interviews yet phrased it perfectly: "I'm happy for you and it's really awkward when you guys try not to talk about it." So i've gone ahead and posted it on Facebook, but I make sure I tell my parents and close friends first.

[cafe americano]

It seems pretty clear that this is a question of each person's preferences. It's also pretty clear that people use facebook pretty differently, and that has an effect on the appropriateness of talking about your future plans via facebook. Personally, I've been accepted to 2 schools so far (one with a funding offer, the other hasn't made funding decisions yet) and have an interview at a third. I haven't felt ready to be "facebook" public about it yet, not because I'm worried that other people I know who are applying will be hurt (most of these people actually know already, I think) but because I feel like I want to make my own decision in relative peace. I've told the people I'm closest to, but I don't want to field a stream of inquiries from people who don't understand this process when I don't yet have all the information about my options at these three schools. There's also some potential for family drama about which state I will be moving to (I'm not close to my family, and have kept them out of the loop about my applications), and I don't want to induce said drama before I've made a decision.

Thus, I will post to facebook, eventually, when I'm good and ready. I don't think it's inherently bragging to inform people about your good news and express your excitement. Such things can be bragged about, but I think that's different.

I like to make an analogy with people talking about their family. As I said, I'm not close to mine, and sometimes when somebody posts on facebook something like: "I have the best parents/siblings/family in the whole world!!! They're so supportive/loving/generous!!!! I'm so blessed!! They paid for my vacation/co-signed for my car/ threw me a party/whatever!!!", my immediate thought can be "F*ck you! Quit bragging about your privilege!" Then I realize they're not necessarily bragging; the truth is, I'm jealous of their situation, and it really hurts that I don't have what they have. So I talk myself out of being mad, and realize that they have every right to be happy about their great family.

I think that all of us have the right to be happy about our successes in our applications, and express that happiness, and that those who aren't successful are going to find every reminder painful, but will cope with in their own way.

[oseirus]

more feedback please?

[laviola]

Probably not.. I'm very private on facebook, and I hate most people on my facebook anyway.

I'll definitely tell everyone I love/like in person though, and post it on twitter or wherever.

A classmate of mine just posted hers, and I congratulated her, but I thought it was kind of annoying that she did. I sound like a hater in general haha, but I really don't understand people that use facebook to expose every bit of their lives.

Edited February 26, 2012 by laviola

[oseirus]

I've stopped with the "any day now" rantings

[abc123xtc]

I have, but mostly because I find it the easiest way to tell everybody without having tell them all individually... I guess I'm really lazy.

[oseirus]

I have, but mostly because I find it the easiest way to tell everybody without having tell them all individually... I guess I'm really lazy.

yeah but the inbox flooding w/inquiries is getting too much

[CarlieE]

I splashed my acceptance all over fb when I got it a few weeks back. Not gonna lie, I enjoyed the attention and the support from my friends. But, again, most of my friends and family live overseas and we use fb to convey news of this sort frequently (births, weddings, pregnancies, divorces, etc)

However, since then I have kept it quiet - mostly because so far no one else in my circle who applied has gotten accepted and the situation has become dismal... I got a rejection from my 2nd choice but I opted NOT to post it, since it seemed rather heartless and somewhat disingenuous, given my acceptance into my 1st choice.

[LCBucky]

@anthroDork: you make a good point. I've already been accepted to my first choice (which I posted on Facebook...I honestly see zero reason NOT to post awesome news on YOUR Facebook.) I was rejected from my second choice and also opted not to post it

[amywhoisawesome]

I'm definitely the kind of person who will post my acceptance to Facebook. For one, a lot of my friends are also applying to graduate school, and it's kind of a way to show our support for each other—if one person posts that they got accepted somewhere, we all 'like' their status and congratulate them, and it happens with everyone. I figure, we're all going through the same things right now and it's nice to know that there's people out there who are excited for you too, even if only for the split second they read your status and 'like' it If there are people out there who don't care about my acceptances, they can just ignore me or hide my status updates from their feed. Frankly, I know I have a lot of friends who I maybe don't talk to as often as I'd like but who would want to know about my success, just as much as I'd want to hear theirs, and Facebook makes it all easier

When I heard my first acceptance, I definitely posted it to FB (as "who got into grad school? this girl!!!" except with more caps-lock and exclamation points, because I'm that person). Now whoever gets accepted anywhere gets a big ol' "congrats!!" from me

[JElliott]

I'm posting my accepts/rejects/whatever as I go. There's only four. My close friends, family, and people I know at programs I'm applying to seem interested enough in knowing where I'll go, and they all know I'm applying, so I don't see any harm in it. Like people before have said, I hear about their new jobs/houses/cars/babies/marriages/etc. all the time, and I'm happy for them about that, so if they can't be happy for me about this, then off they go.

It's also maybe different for me: I'm Canadian, I'm applying in Canada, and I don't think we really have an Ivy League. There are some bigger names in schools, but I'm not applying to any of them, because none of them had a program that worked for me. In any case, because of that, it really doesn't come off to me as bragging, especially if I'm not saying "I GOT SOO MUCH FUNDING AND IT'S BECAUSE OF MY HIGH GPA GUYZ"

I have a few friends going through the same process, but in maybe two cases did we apply to similar programs, and where we did, they posted about it first, so I figured it was fine (and we've all been supportive of one another, since...we came from the same very friendly department).

[oseirus]

It's also maybe different for me: I'm Canadian, I'm applying in Canada, and I don't think we really have an Ivy League. There are some bigger names in schools, but I'm not applying to any of them, because none of them had a program that worked for me. In any case, because of that, it really doesn't come off to me as bragging, especially if I'm not saying "I GOT SOO MUCH FUNDING AND IT'S BECAUSE OF MY HIGH GPA GUYZ"

Well you Canadians are so polite and so nice ... y'all should bottle it and sell it!

[laviola]

Can you bottle poutine?

JElliott - what are the bigger named schools you speak of? U of T and where else?

[oseirus]

Can you bottle poutine?

JElliott - what are the bigger named schools you speak of? U of T and where else?

wouldn't you rather have that in a to-go box?

[abc123xtc]

I can't wait to try genuine poutine.

[oseirus]

I can't wait to try genuine poutine.

Let me know when McDonald's has a version then I'll know they've truly arrived!

[shaxmaty1848]

I honestly can't believe this is a real concern for people. One thing I hate about living in America (and there isn't much) is the obsession with intellectual modesty.

When I'm accepted, where ever it may be, I will announce it and be proud of it, and if someone thinks I'm bragging then they should take a good look at themselves and their own insecurities. Honestly. People need to stop being so petty. I'm going to live my life and be happy about what I've accomplished. You should have people around you that love you and celebrate your accomplishments along with you. Anyone who doesnt feel that way can get over it.

Feel free to message me if you got into your top school and brag all day long about it, if you feel too shy. I'll crack open a bottle of Blanc and put on some jazz and drink to it with you.

[oseirus]

I honestly can't believe this is a real concern for people. One thing I hate about living in America (and there isn't much) is the obsession with intellectual modesty.

When I'm accepted, where ever it may be, I will announce it and be proud of it, and if someone thinks I'm bragging then they should take a good look at themselves and their own insecurities. Honestly. People need to stop being so petty. I'm going to live my life and be happy about what I've accomplished. You should have people around you that love you and celebrate your accomplishments along with you. Anyone who doesnt feel that way can get over it.

Feel free to message me if you got into your top school and brag all day long about it, if you feel too shy. I'll crack open a bottle of Blanc and put on some jazz and drink to it with you.

what would you define as intellectual modesty?

[shaxmaty1848]

Worrying if people will think it's rude to announce your grad acceptance on facebook? That's a good place to start.

[oseirus]

Worrying if people will think it's rude to announce your grad acceptance on facebook? That's a good place to start.

But I don't get where the intellectual aspect of that comes into play here. You aren't hiding your smarts per se, you are looking for a way to inform people w/o making it an obnoxious sort of announcement, I think is the gist of this thread. That isn't intellectual modesty, at least from my understanding, that is just basic decency. I have had friends excited that they graduated Barber collee and posted a status update about it and it was done in tasteful manner and I have had friends graduate from community college where they went over the top with it. The point, I think, is to find that fine line where you post your info w/o being too exuberant.

[applyingfromtexas]

I think a lot of you guys are seriously over analyzing something that most of your fb friends will barely appreciate (see: "shit people say when you're applying to grad school" thread)

[oseirus]

I think a lot of you guys are seriously over analyzing something that most of your fb friends will barely appreciate (see: "shit people say when you're applying to grad school" thread)

Welcome to PhD World! Over analyzing things most people will barely appreciate.

[CarlieE]

The point, I think, is to find that fine line where you post your info w/o being too exuberant.

I think the word we're looking for here is "bragging"... While we all want to be recognized for our accomplishments, we don't want to be marked as a braggart and arrogant. It's a subjective choice as to where that line is drawn. So, for me, I walked right up to that line...and then crossed it with my big fat "I GOT ACCEPTED INTO ____ !!!!". Hahahaha

I think it depends largely on one's ciricle of friends (fb or otherwise) and what's acceptable in your circle. I have some friends who are status "one liners" and then I have other friends who LOVE caps lock and have an arsenal of hearts and symbols and all kinds of text-flowers and banners. Interesting to note that regardless of my friends' personal fb status choices I got likes and supportive comments all the way around.

Edited February 27, 2012 by anthroDork

[oseirus]

I think the word we're looking for here is "bragging"... While we all want to be recognized for our accomplishments, we don't want to be marked as a braggart and arrogant. It's a subjective choice as to where that line is drawn. So, for me, I walked right up to that line...and then crossed it with my big fat "I GOT ACCEPTED INTO ____ !!!!". Hahahaha

I suck at making points so thanks for making it for me

[slate]

Schools in Canada with bigger names are probably U of T, McGill, Queen's, Waterloo, UBC, McMaster. It depends on the program, really. I think Canada's universities are all pretty darn good, just depends on your area of interest.

Can you bottle poutine?

JElliott - what are the bigger named schools you speak of? U of T and where else?