What you think the adcoms are saying about your application

[beelz]

I feel like they're going to look at my GPA and say: "The mediocrity is making my head hurt."

And look at my SOP and say: "This is almost too sad to laugh at..."

[Sheepi]

...and then what did they say?

POI said "We'll see what happens."

THANKS! Back to square one!

[ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ]

"Well, this certainly did include an application fee."

[wanderlust07]

"Well, this certainly did include an application fee."

Lulz. One of my students once asked about essay grades before I'd had a chance to do anything more than take them to my office and look at them guiltily. I said, "Well, so far they are very white. Many of them have staples."

[comehome]

This is probably what they will say:

"Poor the girl. How shockingly brave." (a moment of silent and tosses my 1000 hour prepared application into the trash bin) "How dare she apply to our school? (angrily) Next!"

[NoleGirl]

adcomm: Is that another application?

secretary: Nope, it's just trash. *tosses application in the recycle bin*

this made me laugh thank you.

[Matilda_Tone]

I’m thinking...

“Great LOR’s, good marks...but dear God, does she really think that the research proposal and writing sample are up to par? Ha!”

And also:

“Who wants to study old dead white guys nowadays!? That is SO last century! I hope she knows that she’ll never get a job...”

(I’m keeping my fingers crossed that they decide to admit me anyway...based mostly on my recommendation letters. A girl can dream!)

[Jason Morrow]

I think the greatest thing is we can all jokingly say how pitiful our chances are.

[Ignatius_J_Reilly]

On a more reasonable day: "Well, she's not the flashiest applicant...but her work is solid, interesting, and easy to fund, she'll get through the program on time, and she won't embarrass us at a national conference. We could use more people like that."

Yeah - I, too, worry about not standing out enough. I'm guessing it will go something like ..

"Hmm, Good GPA (3.83 in Major) but who couldn't do that at this small liberal arts college? Decent GRE scores, but we have much better. Excellent LOR's, but who are these Professors?? And his SOP stands out like a piece of straw in a haystack. NEXT!"

or a more likely scenario -

"GRE's aren't over 1400 [crumpling of app]"

[CauchyFan]

What I hope:

"Well, he bombed the subject GRE and his transcript up until the past 2 years or so is a nightmare, but his SOP and letters of recommendation are spectacular, and we really think he would be a good fit for our program."

What I fear:

"He made WHAT on the subject GRE? And he's only been a good student for two years!? I don't care how many classic books he's "read" or will read, or how badly he wants to study under so-and-so here. This doofus wouldn't get in here in a million years. GOOD DAY SIR!"

[Boat Meadow]

These are some of my thoughts:

"....moving on... does anyone even want to discuss this final application? Anyone? I didn't think so. Have a good night everyone."

"There is one more application, but the T wasn't crossed on the application so we can't even consider it. Too bad - looked like a perfect match."

[Regeneration]

LOL I always think about this

"Hmm....look at these horrible organic chemistry scores"

I hope they at least look at the fact that I am writing up manuscripts for publication and finishing my master's.....organic chemistry scores aren't everything dammit!!!

[brunch]

"A 4.0 undergrad GPA? Ooh-la-la! Oh wait, it's from Stupid Idiots R Us University. Getting a 4.0 there is like managing not to poop yourself!"

"But oh, look, she did interesting work with a prestigious foreign university!"

"Yeah, but she's never been published. If her work there were so great, she would've gotten something publishable out of it. And look, her GRE scores are just okay. They'd probably fly at Stupid Idiots R Us University, but not HERE where we're GOOD AT STUFF."

"Well, her recommenders seem to love her! But... I've never heard of any of them. Are they really professors, or just her uncles?"

"And her SOP is just paranoid ramblings. Did she even edit this? Is this a Livejournal entry or something? Plus, she thinks that living in a foreign country is even worth mentioning! It has nothing to do with her field of study! And she jumped majors like the Fonz jumps sharks! Plus, she studied three languages, but she's not good at ANY of them! We need someone more focused than this!"

"And look, her research interests don't REALLY match up with those of anyone working here. Why did she even apply here? Does she even know who we are? Does she even know who SHE is? Are we all just figments of her imagination, tormenting her in a waking nightmare?"

"Hmm. Let's just put her at the bottom of the 'waitlist' pile and not tell her. If by some horrible twist of fate we actually accept her, we won't give her any funding. We certainly don't want her teaching impressionable undergrads or messing up anybody's research, either."

Edited February 7, 2011 by brunch

[adinutzyc]

"So-so GPA from an OK (that is if they actually heard about it) liberal arts college (wait, liberal arts college? for CS? uhm..); average GRE scores (well amazing verbal score considering she's not a native English speaker, but we don't really care about that); great LOR, decent amount of research experience - no publications?! Just coming out of college? And her SOP talks about this idea that would only be useful to 5% of the population? Who would fund that? Does she really know what she's doing? And what's with all these fancy words, she's international and applying for computer science!! Next." Didn't have time to actually worry though. I ended up getting responses fast and now I'm just worried about picking a program... and about funding...

[secretly_yes]

AdComm Member 1: Ok. Minority kid. Speaks three languages. Good grades.

AdComm Member 2: Good grades, good GREs, good letters of rec

AdComm Member 1: WTF Was she drunk when she wrote this SOP?

AdComm Member 2: Seriously. And way too overconfident. All that grad work and teaching doesn't make up for her completely unrelated undergrad degree and crazy career history.

AdComm Member 1: Try to think of something nice to say. We don't want people to think we are discriminating.

AdComm Member 2: Ok. How about this? We put this app at the bottom of the pile and pretend we never got it.

AdComm Member 1: Genius!

Voice Over: Except that Michigan State already did that when she applied for undergrad. AdComm people are not so smart after all...

[Tiglath-Pileser III]

What I hope:

"This guy's sharp. He has two published articles. He has lots of valuable skills that we need (the guy's both an artist and a computer programmer). His GRE scores are excellent. His graduate grades are excellent from well-known professors who have given him top-notch recommendations. And he will have 3 masters' degrees by the time he arrives on our campus. His research topic fits with our interests. I think he will be an excellent fit for our program."

What I dread:

"On the surface this guy looks good, but look at his undergrad GPA, 2.5. What the heck is he thinking? Sure, his undergrad degree may be 15 years old and before rampant grade inflation, but we have a ton of freshly minted undergrads that have 4.0s and that just looks better on an application. Next, he's old. Too old in my opinion. Also, he doesn't have enough Egyptian to get into the program. He would need at least 10 years of Old, Middle, and Late Egyptian as well as Coptic, Hieratic, Demotic and 3 years of Akkadian, Aramaic, Sumerian, Ugaritic, Luvian, and Moabite to even compete with the other applicants. When I look at his application, he only has French, German, 2 years of Middle Egyptian, 1 year of Late Egyptian and Akkadian, Greek, and Hebrew. He clearly does not have the language skills to cut it. Besides, we have 500 applications this year for 5 spots so we can afford to be picky."

[eklavya]

'aww dude, not again!'

[DrPepper-olic]

Best Case Scenario:

A: Aw, cute! She thinks she's done research...but that's definitely sociology, not economics. And sociologists don't care about that topic either.

B: And what's this in her SOP about the fashion industry? Did she take Confessions of a Shopaholic to heart? We don't need any ditzes...

A: But her GRE score...How in the hell did someone from Mississippi get a 760 on the Verbal?

B: Maybe she wasn't born there?

A: No, look at the transcript. All 4 degrees come from a state school. Looks like she couldn't leave home.

B: Eww, look at 2005. She let Katrina interrupt her studies. That wouldn't have been a problem if she hadn't done undergrad at a party school.

A: Is that a...How dare she send us a transcript with an F on it! Toss her ap in the recycling bin before we waste any time reading the LORs!

[lydibird]

Bad Day:

(Looking at my GREs, transcripts, etc) "Hm. I think she accidentally applied to the wrong program."

After reading my SOP "Why on earth does she think she's qualified? No library experience whatsoever? REJECT!"

Good Day:

"Let's get some diversity! A biochemist mixed in with all these historians and literature fiends will be an interesting social experiment!"

[mooncake]

"Would it make us look bad if we admitted this person from Unimpressive University? Hmm. She also studied at Enemy College with Professor Unlikeable... But you know what, LET'S DO IT. This move will prove we are cutting-edge mavericks in our field. With this student, we can rub our diversity and open-mindedness in Competition School's face."

[SimilarlyDifferent]

Adcom Member #1: Meh, she isn't published and we have a ton of better applicants that didn't go to a second rate state school.

Adcom Member #2: Great GPA, she has a good fit with our program, and she's gotten several academic awards.

Adcom Member #1: Did you see her GRE? Epic fail.

Adcom Member #2: Yes, her GRE did sort of suck but did you see those LOR? She's like the queen of the department.

Adcom Member #1: Big fish, small pond.

Adcom Member #2: I think we should let her in, give her full funding, and a stipend!

Adcom Member #1: Fine, she can come, but no money.

Adcom Member #2: I'll thumb wrestle you for it...

... and thus my fate is decided by the strength of my POI's thumb.

[rainbowworrier]

:blink:My present fear is that they will decide to inform me of rejection on my birthday, which happens to be in a few weeks...

[HappyCat]

Best scenario:

Adcom 1: "Although her GRE scores are horrible, she's done a lot of conferences, she has a clear research proposal which is new and innovative, has lots of work and teaching experience, and a strong GPA. Does a timed test that measures words you know and not your ability to write really mean that much to us?"

Adcom 2: "Remember when we did this stuff? I hated that stupid test."

Adcom 1: "Me too. Accept?"

Adcom 2: "Definitely."

Worst Scenario:

Adcom 1, squinting and turning GRE report upside down.

"Maybe if I look at it THIS way..."

Snatching it away, Adcom 2 glances at the scores and guffaws.

"No, maybe if you added ALL the scores from ALL THREE EXAMS this would be acceptable. Next!"

[Logodaedalus]

Adcom 1: "Looks promising...but kind of on the line. How are we going to resolve this?"

Adcom 2: "I believe the flashcards are in order."

Adcom 1: "Oh right. Of course."

[phone call]

Me: "Ye-yes?"

Adcom 1: "We've decided to let you in."

Me: "WHOOOOHOOO-"

Adcom 2: "IF! ...... IF."

Me: Wait, what?

Adcom 2: "If you can...let me just shuffle these...ah yes. Whittle us a replica of...La Pieta, from...your own tibia."

Me: I....I....

Adcom 2: "This is a multi-disciplinary program, Mr. Smithwick. Your talents must reflect that. Are you backing out?"

Me: No, I suppose not....tibia......

Adcom 2: "Have it on our desk tomorrow. If it looks good, we'll let you know what's required for financial aid."

[InquilineKea]

"Why does this kid have a 3.26 GPA and a near perfect GRE? Is he really lazy or something?"

lol