Venting Thread

[VirginiaWoolf]

(saw another section of the forum had one of these and felt compelled to make my own) 

Feeling very disheartened today after failing to hear from UCLA, Brown, and Stanford. Brown in particular hurts...it's my "dream" school and I was even waitlisted there for undergrad so rejection x2 is very lame...

I know it's all part of the process and maybe some magical thing will happen where I receive an offer next week etc...But right now I am wallowing in the feeling of seeing "accepted" for my dream schools and looking at an empty inbox

Others, please share your vents!!! 

[anxiousphd]

I have 2 rejections, 5 implied rejections, and no word on my other 5 schools. I really don't think I'm going to get in anywhere, and I feel like a complete failure. The only schools I have left where I realistically even have a shot are lower-tier, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to get a job. There are plenty of other things I could do with my life, but nothing else that I want. I would give anything for this.

[jackdacjson]

1 hour ago, VirginiaWoolf said:

 Brown in particular hurts...it's my "dream" school and I was even waitlisted there for undergrad so rejection x2 is very lame...

I also was waitlisted from Brown for undergrad. I was really excited by their program, and it was the first school whose decisions have dropped that I felt like I would have been a good fit with. Berkeley and Chicago are both great programs, and I think I would have done well in either, but seeing Brown's acceptances dropping today caused a much deeper level of sadness.

 

37 minutes ago, anxiousgrad said:

I have 2 rejections, 5 implied rejections, and no word on my other 5 schools. I really don't think I'm going to get in anywhere, and I feel like a complete failure. The only schools I have left where I realistically even have a shot are lower-tier, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to get a job. There are plenty of other things I could do with my life, but nothing else that I want. I would give anything for this.

I'm rooting for you. I know exactly what you mean when you say how there are other options out there, but that they don't have the same appeal. I hope you still get an acceptance, but I also keep trying to tell myself that if things continue going south then life still goes on and there are still so many ways to contribute positively to the world. Not that that's really any comfort...but maybe eventually it will be?

[tvethiopia]

ugh yes thank you for this thread. i only applied to four schools and right now it's looking like implied rejection from two, but i still have heard absolutely nothing. i'd actually prefer a rejection at this point. i'll be fine i'm sure; i have some very supportive people around me, and this is not the first time i've had to push through a setback. you just get so amped up through the application process, researching schools and imagining yourself there... when those things stop being a possibility, it hurts. sigh. really grateful for this forum community lately, you guys get it.

[anxiousphd]

11 minutes ago, jackdacjson said:

I'm rooting for you. I know exactly what you mean when you say how there are other options out there, but that they don't have the same appeal. I hope you still get an acceptance, but I also keep trying to tell myself that if things continue going south then life still goes on and there are still so many ways to contribute positively to the world. Not that that's really any comfort...but maybe eventually it will be?

Out of upvotes. Thank you. I hope you hear some good news soon, too. I wish I could be warmer right now, but I am just so defeated.

[Pezpoet]

I'm right there with you all. Only rejections in hand with three more to hear from, and all i'm feeling is dread and despair. Sending lots of strength and fight. This hurts so much more than I anticipated. 

[crugs]

I'm with all of you guys, I feel like I've staked my whole life on this and at this point I'm certain I'm not going to get in anywhere -- and same as @anxiousgrad - the schools left are lower-tier and I'm worried about prospects after graduation...I'm just freaking out every second and it feels like there's literally nothing going right in my life. I worry about sounding overdramatic and I know my family is probably sick of my overwhelming depression, but I just can't see the bright side in any of it. I guess it's good to know there are others in the same boat even though I wish you all were hearing better news!

[anxiousphd]

13 minutes ago, crugs said:

I'm with all of you guys, I feel like I've staked my whole life on this and at this point I'm certain I'm not going to get in anywhere -- and same as @anxiousgrad - the schools left are lower-tier and I'm worried about prospects after graduation...I'm just freaking out every second and it feels like there's literally nothing going right in my life. I worry about sounding overdramatic and I know my family is probably sick of my overwhelming depression, but I just can't see the bright side in any of it. I guess it's good to know there are others in the same boat even though I wish you all were hearing better news!

I feel like no one outside of GradCafe understands.

My mom keeps saying I "should have gone to law school" and that PhD admissions are a "racket" just to get application fees from people who never had a shot at getting in (Thanks, Mom!). My boyfriend just says "aw babe, I don't want you to be sad."  Well, I am sad. Wine is no longer helping, so all I have left is "whine."

[Avalanched]

Yeah Stanford has taken on a symbolic as well as practical signifance for me (long story), so the lack of a phone call has me in serious straights. But maybe the weekend will produce a happy phone call. Or not. 

I keep telling myself I don't care so if a rejection comes, I'll have practiced telling myself that I don't care. It's a lie. I care. 

And when it comes over to Toronto and Cornell and Yale, less symbolic significance, but I'm worried I'll be back in the same place of trying not to care. 

Heh, I'm probably driving my uni's counseling center nuts with my anxiety. I wonder when they're gonna cut me off...

[LouPlease]

11 minutes ago, anxiousgrad said:

I feel like no one outside of GradCafe understands.

My mom keeps saying I "should have gone to law school" and that PhD admissions are a "racket" just to get application fees from people who never had a shot at getting in (Thanks, Mom!). My boyfriend just says "aw babe, I don't want you to be sad."  Well, I am sad. Wine is no longer helping, so all I have left is "whine."

Oh! oh! My mom also tells me i should have gone to law school and last week she asked me when I can take the LSAT! 

@crugs I don't think you're being overdramatic. I wake up every morning feeling pretty bleak.  My parents are divorcing and being very juvenile. I had a bad breakup last year and have avoided dating because "who know's where I'll be in 9 months"... except the answer is starting to feel like "here, here is where i'll be." I'm staring down the big 30 this year and feeling like a big big failure. 

I tell all these things to my dog and she gives me this look: 

[crugs]

5 minutes ago, LouisePlease said:

 

@crugs I don't think you're being overdramatic. I wake up every morning feeling pretty bleak.  My parents are divorcing and being very juvenile. I had a bad breakup last year and have avoided dating because "who know's where I'll be in 9 months"... except the answer is starting to feel like "here, here is where i'll be." I'm staring down the big 30 this year and feeling like a big big failure. 

oh gosh I feel you-I turned 30 last summer and also went through a super tough breakup. I've been using the "I don't know where I'll be" excuse ever since then and ugh, same.

Your dog is adorable!!! I've been feeling if I can't have a boyfriend I at least deserve a dog, but my apartment won't allow it!

[feelthebern16]

Can I hang out here?

[anxiousphd]

4 minutes ago, feelthebern16 said:

Can I hang out here?

Yes, because your username is phenomenal.

[feelthebern16]

3 minutes ago, anxiousgrad said:

Yes, because your username is phenomenal.

Ha! You have successfully made me smile for the first time today. Seriously, the sensation of doom is setting in. 

[Dr. Old Bill]

21 minutes ago, LouisePlease said:

@crugsI had a bad breakup last year and have avoided dating because "who know's where I'll be in 9 months"...

14 minutes ago, crugs said:

oh gosh I feel you-I turned 30 last summer and also went through a super tough breakup. I've been using the "I don't know where I'll be" excuse ever since then and ugh, same.

 

Ugh. Sorry to the both of you on this. I split with my wife of seven years last May, and every time I've started to think about dating, I've used that same excuse as well.

That's not a vent, I suppose, but...I can definitely commiserate. Academia isn't often kind to one's personal life.

[VirginiaWoolf]

Yes thank you all for understanding what it's like!!! Just got my official Stanford rejection...ugh! I guess it's good to take the mystery out of things but...ugh!

This whole process can be so frustrating when people tell you to "stay positive" or "there's always next year." I understand the people in our lives want us to feel good--but I feel like only we as applicants understand how much time and energy (AND MONEY) goes into applications--and how much we've staked on our potential futures. Right now at least it seems unfathomable going through all of this again (though I know many do before acceptance)--and figuring out the right path for my life depending on if I am really willing to go through this again. 

Anyway, I was worried I'd come off as whiny starting this thread--I don't want it to seem like I feel more deserving of these schools than others in this forum. Def not the case! I am definitely glad to be in this with others on this forum

[Avalanched]

Yep, there's the Stanford rejection. See my earlier post.... #soulwrecked

[ratanegra19]

What kills me is all these "implied rejections"--I've pretty much given up hope on Berkeley, Brown, Boston College, and UCLA at this point, but they won't TELL me anything. It's this weird purgatory where I tell myself I really shouldn't hope, but I can't help doing it anyway.

I mean, I guess I have no right to complain since I have been accepted to one good program, but it still irks me--at least Northwestern and Duke rejected me out of hand 

Also, @anxiousgrad, totally get the family thing. I told my family last night that I'd been accepted to IU, and all they could say was "Oh...so you're going to Indiana? Good job?". And then they proceeded to talk for the next 20 minutes about how high a fever my sister's baby needs to have before they should give him a Tylenol. Hrmph. 

[crugs]

1 hour ago, Wyatt's Terps said:

 

Ugh. Sorry to the both of you on this. I split with my wife of seven years last May, and every time I've started to think about dating, I've used that same excuse as well.

That's not a vent, I suppose, but...I can definitely commiserate. Academia isn't often kind to one's personal life.

ugh that's terrible to hear, I'm so sorry. At least we've all virtually got each other! <3 

[LouPlease]

1 hour ago, Wyatt's Terps said:

 

Ugh. Sorry to the both of you on this. I split with my wife of seven years last May, and every time I've started to think about dating, I've used that same excuse as well.

That's not a vent, I suppose, but...I can definitely commiserate. Academia isn't often kind to one's personal life.

Truthfully, it's a relief to have it as an excuse. Long before everyone began asking me what schools I've heard back from they asked if I was dating anyone yet. Although... now my answer to the dating question leads to the school question... so maybe I need to rethink this...

 

 

[yanicus]

Oh wow I didn't think I'd find other people in the same boat to have relationship troubles as a result of all this uncertainty and stress.

@anxiousgrad @ratanegra19 Yeah with the family thing... I haven't even told my family about my acceptances until I get one from a more "prestigious-to-the-layperson" institution... man I hope that doesn't backfire on me.

[Silabus]

I totally understand. I don't want to come off as mellow-dramatic over here but I've got three rejection letters so far: Notre Dame, University of Texas, and Stanford just a little while ago. I've also seen on the acceptance pages that people from Indiana University and the University of Wisconsin- Milwaukee are already getting acceptances and I still haven't heard from them. I mean I applied to 11 schools but... it seems like I'm at 5 rejections and waiting on 6 others.

 

I'm starting to lose hope over here. Even though I really want to keep my head up!

[brontebitch]

3 hours ago, feelthebern16 said:

Can I hang out here?

I love this

[orphic_mel528]

I've applied to six PhD programs and haven't heard a peep out of any of them. One is an implied rejection, I believe. The rest, from what I can tell from last year's survey, won't start sending out word until next week or later.

I have to say, the notion of rejection doesn't bother me nearly as much as the lack of consideration inherent in not saying anything at all. There shouldn't be a single person in any admissions office who isn't aware of how important this is to people and what it means to people. It's really not right.

[brontebitch]

Also, I'm glad this thread exists. I have gotten rejected from 3 schools and am waiting to hear back from 7. I feel like I made a lot of mistakes in the application process -- I have not even graduated from undergrad, my GRE scores are mediocre (could have taken a year off and focused on the test in the interim), and I don't think I made good choices in what schools/programs to apply to. I applied to a good mix of high and low tier schools, but I think I could have done more research and picked better programs where I have a better chance of getting accepted. UGH. I thought I would feel better once I just got it "out of my hands," but instead I'm agonizing over what I could have done better. Hearing rejections is super super hard while trying to finish my degrees. LUCKILY, I have done all of the difficult work already and this semester is not too bad. If I get rejected from every program this year I think I will regroup and reapply in the fall. Good luck to everyone, and I totally feel all of you <3 we will be okay!