How do you feel when someone else posts that they got accepted into your first choice (top school or program)?

[martizzle]

Well last night while checking the results page, I noticed that SOMEONE had posted that he/she got accepted to my top choice of schools/programs I had applied to. The first thing I did was notice that he got the admission update by email. I was literally thinking: I must have gotten that email too. (At this point, let me tell you that I usually check my email every ten/twenty minutes during the working day, and usually till like 6/7pm when I start checking it every hour or so.)

So I checked my email, and (ofcourse) I didn't see any email from my top choice. By this time I am already freaking out. For the next couple minutes, I was in a frenzy

1. there was some name calling, eg. (bleep) (bleep) (censored).....(bleep).....

2. some moments of denial, where I thought: the guy/girl is just lying. He/She didn't really get into that school

3. some moments of "What does that (censored) have that i don't. He/She doesn't deserve it!" .... "He/She probably has some connection with a professor or something. There's no way that person got in by his/her own merit" (Obviously, the thought never crossed my mind that someone out there actually deserved the admission more than me

4. some moments of randomly walking around the room waving my right arm (why not wave both arms, I have no idea

5. and some thoughts of "Let me ask the (censored) what his/her stats are. I want to see what's so special about the (censored)." I didn't end up doing his though, I thought it would only give me more stuff to whine about, and it wouldn't result in me receiving an admission letter/email from the school

But anyway, if you can share how you dealt with finding out that someone else (not you) got accepted to your top choice - or another of the schools to which you applied and were hoping to get into - and that school or program had not gotten back to you or rejected you. You could also share what you think you would do in a hypothetical situation, like: if the really annoying guy from school got accepted to my top choice while i was rejected; I would....

Edited February 16, 2010 by martizzle

[SomeoneTakeMe]

Haha. This is great because I think I did every single one of the things you just mentioned... in that order. It's nice to know I'm not crazy! Or at least I'm not the only one who is.

[digits2006]

I just thought " damn, that sucks." Then I felt sad that night...then I saw multiple of my other schools giving out interviews.and I was like Damn...yeah it sucks. But you gotta keep some type of hope. It really sucks though.

[nh88]

When I've been seeing others post acceptances to my top choices, I've felt an initial jealousy, and then basically indifference.

I'm comfortable with the fact that for this admissions cycle, I have done all I can. At this point, it either works out or it doesn't. If I don't get accepted into my top choices, then people who are more qualified did. I don't have any problem accepting that.

One of the things that helps me cope is the knowledge that I have other options with an Engineering degree. I can always find a rewarding job in industry.

[JerryLandis]

Well, it's a bit easier for me knowing that I won't be accepted, so I already know that "my" spot is going to someone else (if that spot is even being offered in this economically crappy year). I think that next year, I may end up going on the "current graduate students" page of my top choice and see if there's someone up there working with the people I'd like to work with. It would be interesting to see what their research topic might be.

I definitely have a jealousy/entitlement complex going on, because I know that a lot of people with what I consider to be boring/superficial interests in my field will be considered before me for admission. Maybe they won't get in either, but I'm sure they'll be higher on the list. I've talked to people about their research interests (no one on this board, mind you) and they just sound so... cliche. However, the time those people didn't spend focusing intensely on the sub-field, they spent learning languages that I did not have the opportunity to study in my undergraduate program (seriously, I'm not making this up as an excuse - shoulda bought Rosetta stone!). So they will be viewed as more qualified candidates, who maybe just need to mature a bit in their research ideas, as is natural. So yes, when I see that someone has been accepted to a program I wanted to get into, I do get a little jealous and crazy in the head. But then I remember that these people beat out hundreds of other applicants, not just me, and they must really be smart cookies. Hopefully when I get into my top program after reapplying next year, I'll have the pleasure of being their colleague!

** Yes, I am aware that the above rant is really awful and makes me seem like a horrible person, but isn't that what this thread is all about?

[NeuroNerd86]

Actually, I never have any negative feelings towards people who get into places. I just feel sad it's not me:(

[origin415]

The 5 stages of death:

1. Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
   Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after death.^[1]
2. Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"
   Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy.^[1]
3. Bargaining — "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
   The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time..."^[1]
4. Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
   During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect oneself from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.^[1]
5. Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
   This final stage comes with peace and understanding of the death that is approaching. Generally, the person in the fifth stage will want to be left alone. Additionally, feelings and physical pain may be non-existent. This stage has also been described as the end of the dying struggle.^[1]

Yeah at this point, I'm pretty sure that 5/10 of my schools are safely out of the realm of possibility. I probably went through that whole process with all of them individually when I saw that first acceptance.

Yesterday I actually saw some rejections from my top choice of the other 5, who typically sends their first round of rejects a couple days before their first acceptances based on the previous years results, and that made me really happy, then made me feel bad for thinking that knowing I've been on the other side.

Edited February 16, 2010 by origin415

[acup313]

I get a little sad at first. Then I think well at least they haven't rejected me yet. I am actually quite proud that despite my relatively weak profile I have a possibility of being on the wait list for one of the top programs in the world. It also helps that I have two top choices, and I got in to one of them.

[Branwen daughter of Llyr]

happy for the person who got in (especially if it's a forum friend), sad for me, and just a bit (well, a bit more than a bit...) jealous. I'm already prepared to apply again next year, so i guess i went through the processing stage of "I didn't get into grad school" before I actually even got one rejection (I haven't, officially).

But it's not that person's fault I didn't get in, and I'm glad for them, especially if it's someone i've been talking to here and know how much they WANTED to get in. I just kinda wish I could join them .

[rev IT]

lol. the opposite is what i experienced. my top choice has sent out admits already for people who applied early(i did). so anyway, i actually called them to ask about the deadline for a fellowship, and was informed that in fact the department had sent out admits since last week.

it turns out that they didn't get one of my LORs. weird!! i fixed it immediately and life is good.

well, still wondering what my opposite experience was? well, nobody has posted an admit in the results page for my this school. so i had an epiphany: gradcafe is not representative of the general grad school applicant pool.

[martizzle]

9 replies out of 335 views. That's approximately 1 out of every 34 = 1/34

I only applied to 11 schools. I sincerely hope the odds of my obtaining offers of admissions are WAYYYY higher (hopefully like 10/11

Anyway, reading people's comments to this topic is really cool. I really didn't expect more than 1 or 2 people to actually view this, much less reply - Talk about low self-confidence! I hear the grad school application process eats away at a person's self-confidence

Ps.

Actually, I never have any negative feelings towards people who get into places. I just feel sad it's not me:(

For one with the username: NEUROnerd86, I would have thought you would be the one with the most outrageous comment Forgive me for being stereotypical lol

Edited February 16, 2010 by martizzle

[adam_cs]

It was disappointing at the beginning. Why not me ? What went wrong ?

Now I can embrace the fair decisions made by the amazing adcoms

I have seen quite a few amazing profiles here they deserve goo news

I went into restless phase few weak ago. But after getting the first two rejections I became calm.

Congrats to everyone who made it.

[Tiglath-Pileser III]

As of today, I have received no offers and one rejection. So, I have to be honest. While I am glad for all those who do get accepted, I get a sinking feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach when someone gets an acceptance at any of my choice schools. This spiral down into dread that I will get shut out entirely.

I can't change how I feel. I can change how I react to those feelings.

[astroturf]

So far people have posted results for two of the schools I'm applying to. I've received one rejection in the mail and no other word than that. It does make me anxious, but then I have to remind myself that I still have 6-7 schools I'm waiting to hear from and most of them said not to expect an answer till at least March.

Both times I've seen people posting acceptances for a program I applied to on here, I went through the whole frantically refreshing my email, checking my application to make sure I didn't put the wrong contact info down thing and of course there was some jealousy, but there was also a sense of completion. I've debated if I'd rather quit this site and live in blissful unawareness of my prospects, but I think I'd rather know the reality of the situation, no matter how it might sting.

[daimiasue]

I guess i'm weird for not having a top school..I'd be happy to get into any of the programs I applied to. Thankfully I haven't seen anyone accepted to any of my programs on here but I do have a friend who either got accepted or interviews to all the schools she applied to, another got into his first choice and another has a 2nd interview lined up. I'm bummed but I have myself to blame...I applied late. If I don't get in to any, then I'll live vicariously through them. For now, I'm just waiting and praying that I do get into at least one. The advantage being that I won't have a tough decision of choosing whether to go to Harvard, UNC-CH, or UT-SW to name a few (those are hers not mine).

[alexis]

-duplicate-

Edited February 17, 2010 by alexis

[alexis]

Knowing people got interview invites to my top choice program definitely sucked. At the same time, I'm glad to know now--it's kind of a two-stage rejection. I know I'm likely rejected because I wasn't on the short list, but I don't know for sure yet, so it's not like the huge punch to the gut I would have gotten if I had received that email with no idea what was coming. Frankly, I'm just jealous of ANYONE right now who has an semblance of a PhD acceptance, or even an interview. I don't care if you are studying magic bananas, I want to be you right about now.

Edited February 17, 2010 by alexis

[asha]

Definitely with denial... I go check not only my email, but my junk/spam folder too!

Although I am applying for masters programs, so I also wonder how people are hearing so soon since I thought masters programs don't admit until later.

See, denial!

[anya11]

Really jealous. I start getting the creeps that i may be hearing soon from that univ, the adcomms will be looking at my application any instant now or am i rejected already?

After some serious pondering, i get back to my senses. It is too early for drawing conclusions as i applied to masters program like asha pointed and move on. 

[Tall Chai Latte]

I get a little sad when I heard someone got an interview to my top choice. But 10 minutes later: so what? Life is too short for this..

[grammercie]

I'm just jealous of ANYONE right now who has an semblance of a PhD acceptance, or even an interview. I don't care if you are studying magic bananas, I want to be you right about now.

Love this!

[Aspiring Shrink]

Firstly your post is really funny.

Secondly I hope you'll see my response being that you posted yesterday.

Lastly you have to handicap yourself, this year the sheer number of applicants lowers our individual odds considerably. I gave myself an honest assessment; my GPA is average, my GRE scores are OK, I have excellent letters of recommendation, substantial research and an interesting life experience. Many schools won't even find out about the two years I volunteered in a Russian orphanage or the fact that I speak four languages or that I have rabbinical ordination, because my scores aren't perfect. I don't know many professors, which I believe is what gets people in (or at least noticed). But if you have a good GPA, GRE, LOR, and a good statement of purpose, you have a good chance of getting in somewhere.

To be honest I have worked with a professor for the last to years at a school that was my first choice, and it turned out that she wasn't taking on students this year and I didn't know the other professors and I got rejected, it sucks but I put too much energy into applications that I don't have any left to get worked up. At this point getting into any program that I applied to is a blessing.

Hope this ramble was helpful and the best of luck to you.

[martizzle]

Firstly your post is really funny.

Secondly I hope you'll see my response being that you posted yesterday.

Lastly you have to handicap yourself, this year the sheer number of applicants lowers our individual odds considerably. I gave myself an honest assessment; my GPA is average, my GRE scores are OK, I have excellent letters of recommendation, substantial research and an interesting life experience. Many schools won't even find out about the two years I volunteered in a Russian orphanage or the fact that I speak four languages or that I have rabbinical ordination, because my scores aren't perfect. I don't know many professors, which I believe is what gets people in (or at least noticed). But if you have a good GPA, GRE, LOR, and a good statement of purpose, you have a good chance of getting in somewhere.

To be honest I have worked with a professor for the last to years at a school that was my first choice, and it turned out that she wasn't taking on students this year and I didn't know the other professors and I got rejected, it sucks but I put too much energy into applications that I don't have any left to get worked up. At this point getting into any program that I applied to is a blessing.

Hope this ramble was helpful and the best of luck to you.

(Being hysterical) THIS IS MY LIFE, WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY POST IS REALLY FUNNY!!! lol

You are right, as applicants we have to handicap ourselves. But as people, we hope. It's basic animalistic instinct - I think .

Anyway, thanks for your post; I know what you are trying to say: we need to be honest with ourselves. It's just that a top grad program is like your significant other; you know the type of guy/girl you are most likely to hit it off with, but still....you hope for the perfect ten. I dont know if you get my point, but that's is what it feels like....at least, for me (ps. dont tell my gf I compare her to grad schools - us gradcafe users got to stick together lol)

[far_to_go]

Mercifully, my first notification was an acceptance from one of my top schools (though not my #1- still waiting to hear from them). But I have since received one official rejection and have deduced two other likely rejections from gradcafe results. So.... c'est la vie. It's not fun to get rejected, but I just try to shrug it off and take pleasure in my acceptance. Going out to the school that accepted me for a visit weekend- even though I'm already accepted I feel pretty nervous, and honestly hope that I don't hear anything from any other schools (whether acceptances or rejections) while I'm there.

[SomeoneTakeMe]

I had first posted that I was super jealous and questioned what they had that I didn't.  However, since then, I have been accepted to one school with funding that is a very good fit.  So now, I look at those other schools and say that if they don't want me that it must not be right and feel okay about it.  Even if I had originally thought they'd be better for me.  For the record, without that acceptance, I would still be totally jealous and panicking and I don't fault anyone who still is!

Edited February 18, 2010 by SomeoneTakeMe