Approaching first semester of PhD and feeling overwhelmed

[nhhistorynut]

Hi everyone,

I've completed my orientation and registered for classes and am starting to feel sort of overwhelmed. I'm worried about managing the readings class (which looks like it might require something like 7 books a week), a research class, and my "how to teach college history" class (which only meets twice a month) while also leading 3 discussion sections of 15 students. Time management is starting to become a concern for me, as well as my ability to maintain a work/life balance, as I do have a family including a school-age child.

Does anyone have some sage advice to calm my nerves and help me figure out how to juggle everything?

Edited August 24, 2017 by nhhistorynut

[cowgirlsdontcry]

I understand your anxiety NH. Semester began yesterday for me. I am teaching two sections of first year writing with 22 students each. Luckily my department wants us to limit our academic classes to two each semester because of our teaching load. I also have a teaching practicum that meets each week for an hour and office hours. It's part of the nature of the beast. I taught at my MA university last year, and my anxiety was centered around not knowing and now that I have taught both sections, I feel much better. You have been trained and are ready to meet your students. Relax and enjoy them. I love teaching this age. 

[gsc]

IME, time management in grad school is largely a process of triage. you can't do everything as thoroughly as you will want to do, or believe you should, so you have to prioritize the most important things and figure out where else you can save time. 

for example, your readings class may have 7 books a week. you don't say if the readings class is directly relevant to your exam field or not, but consider that in class you will not touch on every single article. consider that you will not touch on all the details in all the articles and books you're assigned. consider that you will not even have to speak about every single book in a class discussion. so, triage. can you figure out why your professor assigned these seven books? usually they're there to speak to a particular theme, or highlight a thread of historiography that's been impactful in the field. what books will be most relevant for your research personally, or what books do you see yourself being tested on? focus on those and read them the most carefully. if you sense a book could be on your exam list, write a summary of it so you can refer back to it later. give everything else a skim so that if you're asked about it, you can at least get at the main argument or topic in a sentence and you won't be caught off guard. your professors may have you write summaries, reading responses, or discussion questions, which sound like a lot of extra work, but are actually a really useful way to direct and focus your reading, so don't be afraid of those. writing a 3 page response about the week's readings forces you to look at the big picture and place books in conversations with each other — probably one of the most important skills you can develop — and you'll have something to refer back to later.

that's the kind of mindset you need to be in: what is going to be useful going forward, what do I need to do week-to-week to tread water, and what is essentially not worth the time? it's so easy to get bogged down in tiny details, but you have to look at the big picture.

on the whole, I live and die by my calendar and my kitchen timer. set clear limits on how long you're going to do a task or how long you're going to work. when you have a lot of readings and tasks, plan them out ahead of time, working backwards from when the things are due. for example, I had a class that met on Thursdays. the professor wanted us to write a 3 page response to the readings each week. that meant Wednesday nights I was writing the response. Tuesdays I read the articles. Monday I read the book. On the weekend I prepared for the classes that met on Tuesday, and so on. sometimes you'll find yourself with only a sliver of time to do something. the trick is to not panic. prioritize, triage, take deep breaths. everyone else is in the same boat as you. and it really does all get done. 

[Sigaba]

@gsc comments on reading for argument and enabling one's readings to be in conversation with each other resonate with my experiences and the guidance I received from professors. 

I am not sure I agree with the tactical guidance that gsc provides. I understand that the intent is to help establish boundaries. But a tactical doctrine (how one does things day to day)  should ultimately support the strategic objective (what one is trying to achieve by pursuing a Ph.D. in history--to create new knowledge that advances our understanding of the past).

I think what I'm trying to say is that there's a lot to be learned through serendipity--the book a shelf down from the book you want from the library, the article referenced in a footnote that leads you off the beaten path--can put you in a position where you need to make a snap judgement to put aside the egg timer and spend the next few days trying something different. Please do leave yourself open to those opportunities!

 

[cowgirlsdontcry]

In addition to the time management tips both GSC and Sigaba give, I would say there are things you can do with your family. You don't indicate whether there is a spouse or significant other, just your school age child. If you are a single parent, time management will be significantly more important than if you have a spouse. I would say that you and your child can cook dinner and clean up together and then perhaps he/she/they can do their homework while you work on things you have to do. Although you aren't talking because you are both working on something, you are together and will be able to help when they have a problem with homework. If you make it a kind of game and involve them, they will look forward to this time together when you are both working toward goals. Meal time can be a huge help. You must eat and preparing a meal with your child will solve many problems of spending time together. If you are not primary custodial parent, then you will have to shift some things you normally on weekends to during the week, allowing you more time to spend with your child. You can still do the things I suggest, but since you don't see your child every day, you will want to spend more time when they are with you. I would make some sort of time flow chart. You don't have to stick to it by the minute, but it will keep you on course.

[nhhistorynut]

@cowgirlsdontcry I apologize for not specifying; I am married and my husband works full time and is quite supportive. But I do like your idea of including them in something like making dinner, eating together (which we do anyways), etc. I think that will help a lot. I am still her "primary caregiver" so on days I don't have classes I will be getting her to and from school, which is fine, and on other days she will go to an after school program for an hour or so. Also, I appreciate your comments about the anxiety of "not knowing" and that is definitely where I'm at, I think. I hope, like you, once I do it, I will be far more confident.

@gsc and @Sigaba I appreciate your advice. I've gotten quite good in my MA program at getting through books quickly. I can read a book in 2 hours usually (obviously not cover to cover). I think after a few weeks I will have it figured out about what to do when, what to prioritize, etc. It's all a little overwhelming going in; it almost feels like the cold feet some people get before their weddings (I didn't, but I did suddenly feel like I was going to throw up as soon as I got to the front...).

I'm grateful now for the department's culture. I met quite a few existing grads yesterday and they were ridiculously friendly. Laid back, happy, lots of questions and advice, jokes about professors, etc. They all offered reading lists and books and so on. Several have kids and it was made explicitly clear by both faculty and other students that kids are more than welcome and if I'm in a bind I can usually drop mine off in the TA room and whoever is hanging out in there will watch her lol. Which is great and put me at ease.

I think it's just a bit intimidating viewing a syllabus with SO many books (and these are all books, not journal articles) listed for each week (1 primary, the other supplemental). All of your comments have really helped me feel better about this and realize that I can handle it and will work it out. So thank you.

[dr. t]

Report: Today The Day They Find Out You’re A Fraud

Sources are confirming that everyone—absolutely everyone—will finally figure out today that your entire life is a desperately fraudulent joke, and that you yourself are nothing more than a charlatan and a hack.

 

WASHINGTON—While experts agree you’ve been remarkably successful so far at keeping up the ruse that you’re a capable, worthwhile individual, a new report out this week indicates that today is the day they finally figure out you’re a complete and utter fraud.

The report, compiled by the Pew Research Center, states that sometime within the next 24 hours, people will find out that you have no idea what you’re doing, that you’ve been faking it for years, and that, through continuous lying and shameless posturing, you’ve actually managed to dupe virtually everyone around you into thinking you’re something other than a weak and ineffectual person.

They’ve had their suspicions all along, sources said, but today their suspicions will be confirmed.

“Though you’ve somehow gotten this far in life without anyone discovering you’re not what you pretend to be, it’s all about to come crashing down, and not a minute too soon, to be frank,” reads the report, which goes on to note that you don’t deserve anything you have—not your job, not your relationship, not even your parents’ love—and you know it. “You’re incompetent, you’re petty, you’re vain, you’re barely keeping it together beneath that confident exterior you project, and your little charade is just about over.”

“They’re all on to you,” the report continues. “You do understand that, don’t you?”

Your boss and coworkers will realize today that you are completely unqualified for your current occupation, experts confirmed. Already, they are reportedly starting to sense that you’ve just been skating by—pretending to know what you’re talking about, as if you actually possess any kind of real or meaningful skills—and that you’re far more of a liability to the company than you’ve ever been an asset.

Several experts also noted that any potential employer in your future will immediately recognize that your entire career has been a sham, that you more or less bluffed your way through school, and that you’re unfit for any task beyond menial labor.

According to the report, the people you are closest to, from friends to family to your romantic partner, will find out today that you’ve merely been impersonating someone who deserves to be in their lives—piecing together just enough lies about yourself to trick them into thinking you’re a genuine, understanding person.

In addition to everyone you’ve ever met knowing you’re a huge imposter, even strangers on the street will know, the report stated, in most cases simply by looking at you.

“People will soon surmise that you’re just a feeble, self-obsessed loser, scraping by from day to day and hoping not to get found out, and you know what? They’re right,” reads another section of the report. “The pathetic deceit that lies at the very core of your being, that defines you, that is you won’t be a secret much longer, because the rest of the world is going to figure out what your parents have known all along: You’re a big fucking joke.”

“On some level, deep down, you knew this day had to come,” the report concludes. “And now it has.”

At press time, sources confirmed that here we go: You can see it in their eyes. They know. They all know. Every last one of them absolutely knows. And you deserve every bit of scorn and rejection that is coming your way.

http://www.theonion.com/article/report-today-the-day-they-find-out-youre-a-fraud-35133

[dr. t]

Seriously, though, it's ok! I think everyone goes through this multiple times during grad school (and, rumor has it, in the great thereafter). This too shall pass, and laughter is the best medicine. 

[Concordia]

8 hours ago, telkanuru said:

This too shall pass...

As the philosopher said of the bran muffin.

[nhhistorynut]

@telkanuru thanks for the laugh lol. I love the onion. Definitely feel some imposter syndrome creeping up, but I'll do what I can to keep it at bay!

[TMP]

In addition to all the good advice above, know that this is your first semester!  Professors in general are very understanding of new students' struggles to find their footing.  They will cut you a lot of slack.  Do not, do not try to achieve perfection.  Try and relax if the other students "seem" to be more well-prepared, especially if they are further alone.  Try to listen more than talking.  Let your positive attitude drive  you.  Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them.  Professors are most interested in seeing improvement over time.

If this is your first time TAing, do not try to do too much.  Know that there will be plenty of opportunities to get good at it but it's not the most important thing on your list (but grading and turning back assignments ASAP is).  

This semester will be all about getting your feet wet, nothing more, nothing less.  First year isn't *that* much harder than any other years but it feels the hardest only because everything is new, from your books to the administration to the department culture to figuring out the health insurance.  By your second year, you will have a different set of challenges but you will have the routine stuff down pat.

[OHSP]

I feel the same way and also I start in a week and the house I was meant to move into (today) fell through like literally while I was on my way there with my stuff... I find it helpful to be like, at least the subway didn't derail, crash, and kill me?? I'm thinking it could potentially be a year full of "at least..." statements.