MammaD

i honestly cant speak for everyone here 
but this is my story:
 
all through my post high school adult life, i have known im good at coursework
when other student dreaded exams and assignments and presentations, i loved it
the only thing i hated was group projects cuz i didn't want to share my credits with others or let them bring down my grades
im no genius, but i do know as long as i try, i cant be that bad at something, at least with coursework
a B is the worst grade on my transcripts, and i almost cried when i got it
 
to me, school/college/university is my sanctuary (high school doesnt count cuz i was rebellious)
it gave me confidence and made me realize i could be as good as i wanna be
until i graduated with my BA and entered the "real world"
 
i loved my first two jobs, but things werent like in college
in the real world, fairness and honestly don't exist, or at least not highly valued
you cant argue with your bosses even if you know they are idiots
you cant fight for your raise like how you fight for an A 
 
in order to find my self worth, i did a coursework based MA part-time
it was tough having to balance my work life and study life, but i loved it
grad school, like college, was like a shelter to me
i loved stealing every second from my daily commute to prepare for classes, so i could kick everyone's asses
i felt smart and witty and special
 
after i graduated with my MA, i felt so lost
i only had work to prove myself but my post MA job sucked
so i quit and decided to return to the one place that i felt truly at home
i thought as long as i tried, i would get into a good program
after all, it's school, duh
professors are supposed to love me, like they always did
 
i've been rejected by employers, bosses, clients, coworkers, or boys before
rejections sucked, and i've always taken rejections really hard
the only way to cope was to tell myself "their loss, not mine"
you know what? they probably werent that good to start with anyway, whatever
 
finally, the day came when i got my first PhD rejection
my heart almost exploded when i saw the word "denied"
it may sound silly, but i actually felt a little betrayed
like the only thing that i have always counted on rejected me, telling me that i wasnt really that good, that i thought too highly of myself
 
"get on with your loser life","be a laughing stock of those who didn't want you" were what have been echoing in my head
until a thought stuck me: maybe god (or whoever that is) is using this failure to teach me a lesson
I need to accept rejections, not to dodge or dismiss rejections
perhaps at age 27, i need to come to terms with the fact that i cant always be the jewel in everyone's eyes 
and PhD isnt supposed to be a safe haven for an adult woman
maybe i have applied for the wrong reason and it creeps through my applications
 
maybe it really is a blessing in disguise

sophiak, please talk to someone in person, the sooner the better. I don't know what else to say, other than that you need real-life support right now. Maybe start with a friend or a chaplain, your RA if you live in dorms ...

For real, I would totally do that if this thesis and book I'm writing (same topic, different audiences) weren't devouring my life! Somehow, they're not distracting me all that much because the topic is pretty much why I want to get a PhD and be a researcher. I absolutely LOVE IT and the fear of rejection also feels like a fear that I'll never get to study or have an impact on the population I'm interested in. I guess on some level I know I'll find a way somehow, but getting a PhD from one of the two programs I applied to seems like the *most direct* way. Which I realize is kind of scary and sad at the same time. I'm almost 40 and I'm looking at another 10% or more of my whole life as the "most direct" means to the work I want to do.

sophiak, please talk to someone in person, the sooner the better. I don't know what else to say, other than that you need real-life support right now. Maybe start with a friend or a chaplain, your RA if you live in dorms ...

keawood: dang you're intense folk, on this website a year before you even apply =). you seem like an extremely driven person, and you're very pretty too. just thought i'd give some recognition

Sorry about the typos in my last post! Yikes on the autocorrect!

So, I had class tonight and my advisor asked me to stay after. She wants me to send an abstract for my thesis to APHA for consideration for October's meeting/conference. Sort of makes me feel like maybe there's life after a rejection or two if I don't get into the programs I applied to ... unless APHA rejects me too!

No one in my family had attended college or moved more than 15 miles away from the city I was raised. I informed my mom I wanted to do both, and wanted to go out of state for college. Right away, her reaction was very negative. She basically told me she would not help me pay for it if I went anywhere out of the city we already lived in. So I stopped caring. Did the bare minimum to graduate, and got a job right out of high school. The job I got was very good, and I loved it. However, after 5 years, I got laid off. So I bounced around from job to job, got married, and relocated 2.5 hours from home for another job. I was still young and making dumb decisions, and eventually got fired from that job. My wife and I discussed the fact that one of us had to go to school, and we decided it would be me. I went to the local county college, and did well enough to transfer to a larger 4 year university where I am currently finishing my BS. I never thought I would graduate from college, let alone have the opportunity to go to grad school. Part of my motivation comes from the fact that I will have a 2 year old daughter when I enroll for grad school. I want to show her that going to college is something she should strive for. If it weren't for the support of my wife, I would have never made it this far.

I'll throw my scenario into the mix: I've applied for Dr.PH at Berkeley and Boston U, and Ph.D in Behavioral Science (or their equivalent) at Harvard and Johns Hopkins. I have heard NOTHING.  I've written a rhyming haiku, because I've clearly gone crazy.
 
 
Valentine's Day Blues
Why can't schools give me more clues?
At least I have booze

I dreamed I was driving through a tollbooth while holding a butter knife out the window.

I can't even begin to imagine what my brain was trying to do with THAT one.

I'm not gonna make it another month. I have doubts about my capacity for another week at this point.

Do you really think that? I see many "older" grad students.  I am 39 and I definitely don't think I have "little" chance.  I have a lot of life background and great grades. I also have an insatiable desire that sometimes isn't present at younger ages.  Don't sell yourself short.  If you have the credentials, you have a chance!

I'll be 39 when I undergraduate   and hopefully get into grad school.  For those who are older who think the PhD programs always want young minds to mold -- I don't think that's always true. I've heard through the grapevine that some professors prefer older students for several reasons.  The door swings both ways -- though its probably true that those who want younger students are in the majority.
 
I don't think one way or the other is better -- meh, some of us just live life backwards.  Also, most adults go through some type of career change 3-4 times in their lifetime, so I think its kinda natural to reconsider your lifestyle in your 30's and 40's.  
 
I'm just so ridiculously grateful for the opportunity to go back -- it just makes me all bubbly inside. ha ha.

In the "people are going a little nuts" department, I gave one last look to the Results page before closing the iPad and going to sleep ... and I noticed "paleontology" as a major listed. I thought, "huh? Really. People get PhDs in paleontology?" Saw that the school was NYU and before I could finish my thought, read the notes section: "Dr. Ross Geller called me today. I'm pretty stoked!"

So yeah, I should have tapped "report spam" but it made me so happy.

If any of you are reading this and don't get the Ross Geller reference, please don't tell me. I don't need any reminders that I'm *not quite* old enough to be your mother ...

In the "people are going a little nuts" department, I gave one last look to the Results page before closing the iPad and going to sleep ... and I noticed "paleontology" as a major listed. I thought, "huh? Really. People get PhDs in paleontology?" Saw that the school was NYU and before I could finish my thought, read the notes section: "Dr. Ross Geller called me today. I'm pretty stoked!"

So yeah, I should have tapped "report spam" but it made me so happy.

If any of you are reading this and don't get the Ross Geller reference, please don't tell me. I don't need any reminders that I'm *not quite* old enough to be your mother ...

In the "people are going a little nuts" department, I gave one last look to the Results page before closing the iPad and going to sleep ... and I noticed "paleontology" as a major listed. I thought, "huh? Really. People get PhDs in paleontology?" Saw that the school was NYU and before I could finish my thought, read the notes section: "Dr. Ross Geller called me today. I'm pretty stoked!"

So yeah, I should have tapped "report spam" but it made me so happy.

If any of you are reading this and don't get the Ross Geller reference, please don't tell me. I don't need any reminders that I'm *not quite* old enough to be your mother ...

In the "people are going a little nuts" department, I gave one last look to the Results page before closing the iPad and going to sleep ... and I noticed "paleontology" as a major listed. I thought, "huh? Really. People get PhDs in paleontology?" Saw that the school was NYU and before I could finish my thought, read the notes section: "Dr. Ross Geller called me today. I'm pretty stoked!"

So yeah, I should have tapped "report spam" but it made me so happy.

If any of you are reading this and don't get the Ross Geller reference, please don't tell me. I don't need any reminders that I'm *not quite* old enough to be your mother ...

In the "people are going a little nuts" department, I gave one last look to the Results page before closing the iPad and going to sleep ... and I noticed "paleontology" as a major listed. I thought, "huh? Really. People get PhDs in paleontology?" Saw that the school was NYU and before I could finish my thought, read the notes section: "Dr. Ross Geller called me today. I'm pretty stoked!"

So yeah, I should have tapped "report spam" but it made me so happy.

If any of you are reading this and don't get the Ross Geller reference, please don't tell me. I don't need any reminders that I'm *not quite* old enough to be your mother ...

OK, so I'm on UNC for their open house and it is awesome. The department is super friendly, even a dept in the SPH that I didn't apply to (Yes, I started wandering around the building and a super nice professor in Maternal Health(?)  asked if I needed help, etc. The campus is beautiful, and the SPH seems to have awesome facilities. I sincerely hope MammaD and Boiler hear at least something from UNC peeps, because the awesome must be shared Carrboro seems to be perfect to bike because of the less hilly area, just from what I see. ^^;
 
Congrats Songsong and elsewhy on your admits!
 
I can't believe someone would do such a lowbrow thing like down a program only to get off the waitlist. I mean, we're all public health, aren't we all supposed to be together work together?
 
Hopefully, I think Harvard does multiple rounds, so don't give up hope just yet! If you feel like you need to find out, you could call them/email them and ask, but again, that's personal preference. I personally don't (unless app issues) because I don't want to bother admissions people who are probably already swamped. Give it a week, then call, perhaps?

Congrats on the accept! I have a friend who is a faculty member/researcher there (AZ State) and she likes it very much -- great environment there. At least you have an option!

Harvard was another Epi program that wanted more clinical rigor (MD), it seemed. My recollection is a little vague but I have flashes of lists and admissions criteria and going through website after website to get a feel for the approach each school took to their Epi programs. The schools I ultimately avoided seemed, to my eyes, anyway, to have programs where those with existing research skills could spend a few years brushing up and doing a couple of studies -- I really need to come in at the ground floor and build my methods base.

I did visit Columbia when I was considering an MPH there, and I didn't get the impression that they would be MD-preferred for Environmental Health. I would have liked it there, I think, but I wasn't a good fit for their "executive" MPH program (lots of weekends and my work schedule was unpredictable with lots of weekends) and couldn't do a traditional on-campus class program at that time, either. The students seemed very excited about their projects and interactions with faculty and NYC is just teeming with every kind of public health case study a person could imagine!

This is most definitely my calling. My SOP was hard to write without it coming off like a memoir but hopefully I captured my commitment to the field as well as my readiness to function in a rigorous research environment despite my unique profile. It took me a few years and a lot of soul-searching to get to this point, and if this PhD isn't the next step, I have no earthly clue what might be!

BoilerEpi -- I truly don't know which program I'd choose if I got into both (and funding was equal). I was assured I could have access to the data/subject cohorts I needed from either department and I'd have access to faculty from both regardless of which one I was in. I probably have a better shot at MCH just by the numbers and I'd be thankful with an acceptance to either and a minor in the other. UNC is one of only 3 places in the country where my research interests are represented, and it's the best fit of those 3,

I am getting so loopy, it is making me insanely optimistic... like I'm high on anticipation!  Until I actually get a rejection, this is my thought process...
 

I think my goldfish might have a better attention span than I do right now.

"You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage - pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically - to say 'no' to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger 'yes' burning inside." - Stephen Covey

I entered a second master's program at a top five program (I.e. highly competitive) in IR when my child was still an infant as a single parent. During the course of the program my child joined me as I interned internationally and participated in a semester long exchange with another program. I graduated on time and with a decent gpa 3.65. So ladies, you can do anything you set your mind to. It wasn't easy, but I made a decision early on to prioritize my child above everything else, so while everyone else bonded through partying, we bonded through parenting. I missed out on a great deal of the social networking, which has its own benefit, but I don't regret the decision. I really believe that the reason things worked out for us as well as they did is because a wealthy international student in my program brought her nanny with her and offered to share her with me. Being able to drop my child off whenever I needed to enable me to attend classes and study groups and spend time in the library without guilt or worry. Quality childcare was definitely the lynch pin that helped me hold it all together. You may also find that the people in your program LOVE LOVE LOVE children (or at least they did in my program) and offer to babysit whenever needed. The experience can also greatly benefit your child(ren). My child's nanny spoke another language exclusively and she understands that Language as well as English. I've already been admitted to two doctoral programs, so we're off on next adventure.

I recently went to a campus visit at my top choice. I had been corresponding with the POI for months and when we met in person, he said he felt like he already knew me. Various happenings: tons of positive feedback on my recent publication, being introduced to the faculty as a "distinguished visitor", POI saying he is "extremely optimistic about the future", faculty member on admissions committee telling me I'm a good fit for the direction they are expanding the department in, a lot of wine and dining paid for by the school, one of the grad students saying she hopes the department's penchant for alcohol doesn't drive away an "extremely smart" applicant like myself, and an actual hug goodbye from POI and POI's wife.

I felt the need to itemize the details. I feel guardedly optimistic but I have told several friends about my impending acceptance and now I feel like I may have jinxed it.. So stressful. Just tell me if I'm in or not! Honestly, it seems cruel&unusual to put me through a 14-hour campus visit like that and not let me in....