seeingeyeduck

Definitely look at the professors' work and what kind of program it is. Different programs can favor different types of work - some are more commercial and some are more conceptual. Since you have time, why not contact some professors at the places you're interested In and see if they have office hours or are willing to meet you? Then you can ask questions about the selection process and what they tend to look for in a portfolio. Some people will be vague but others will tell you very specific things and that might give you an advantage in applying. If you have an undergrad professor that you get along with, that can also be good. They can give you a bit of an insider's view on the process. What I've heard is that there needs to be a balance between consistency and variety. If your entire portfolio looks uniform, it looks like you can only do one thing. If you're all over the place with no overarching themes or visual threads then it looks like you're just random and perhaps just threw all your undergrad assignments together. I think they look for someone's ability to make work outside of the classroom and self motivate, though maybe that is more for the statement. It doesn't have to be super polished since you are there to learn after all. A balance of technical skill and big ideas is good. I'm not sure if that's what you meant by experimental. Oh and always start with strong work - otherwise they might not even get through your whole portfolio!

I've personally found it easier to show up at office hours and talk shop than to socialize but I'm not terribly social to begin with. I think just go in or make an appt and change their impression of you. If you've only talked to them for five minutes then they have very little impression of you. Don't psych yourself out by thinking they don't think well of you. At this point you just need to start showing up so they become familiar with you and your interests. Networking is pretty simple, right? You just have to go on a regular basis and have interesting ideas or questions.

He may become more accommodating once he knows just how miserable you are there. Don't threaten to leave for leverage but be honest about how you're feeling right now. If he thinks you're fine with doing what he says, he will make no effort to accommodate you.

If you don't get a refund then you need to see the lease first! It sounds like she's not trying to be underhanded but maybe just isn't terribly organized. Just insist on it politely and say you really like the apt but need to do due diligence due to the distance.

Well, first off, I don't think you are shooting yourself in the foot. You're doing what is best for your mental health at the moment. There are certainly worse things than dropping out of a grad program in life! And at any rate many people do and manage to move on to productive lives. It sounds like you are deciding between what your family is telling you to do and what you want to do. You've laid our their opinions more than your own in that post - what is it you actually want to do? Do you want to finish your degree? I have a similar family dynamic and also had a crisis in school that made me drag out a degree. What I learned was that my family wanted me to try over and over again even when it was obvious that it wasn't working. If your gut tells you it isn't working and your grades aren't going to improve and you aren't going to get the degree anyway, then you are better cutting your losses. I wasted a lot of time and money before coming to my senses and not listening to family any more. I tried a different approach and graduated. They sound like they are not really listening to you and don't really understand what you want. If it were me, I'd stop consulting them and simply inform them of my decisions as if they were set in stone. Decide for yourself where you want to live and work, and inform them of it. IMO the best way to convince them that you're not shooting yourself in the foot is to find a job and tell them that's your plan. It sounds like they won't be pleased with the situation either way so why try to please them? Get a job and have a plan and they'll come around. However, if you can't do the career you want at all without the degree, then it's a question of a plan to come back later. But in that case, will you have dealt with the mental health issues? If you don't, then it seems you will run into similar problems. I guess I'm asking you whether the mental health issues stemmed from you being unhappy in your program or if they are an ongoing issue. If they are ongoing, you have to figure out a way to deal with them whether you do the program or not. If they are related to grad school then it doesn't really make sense to go back! If you want to take care of your grandma, that's one thing, but if you are just doing it because of their pressure, it's only going to give you stress and unhappiness. I don't recommend that to someone who is already having a hard time. There's a cultural aspect to it of course but I don't think you are obligated to take care of your grandmother unless you want to. After all, your parents generation are the children and they should take the initiative in care. But they are obviously looking out for what they want instead of what you want - they want you to finish, they want you to care for her. But what do you want? If you do want to become an independent adult, ultimately those are your choices, not theirs.

I'm married to someone who can't drive. He's not a professor but just saying I know for a fact they exist. He lives in a city and has just always used the transit system since he works downtown and we live in front of a transit stop. I drive so it's no big deal, but sometimes I do wonder what would happen if we were in the middle of nowhere on a trip and I have a health emergency...

I just wanted to clarify - has this person actually verbally threatened people? And with what? If it's violence, then I'm all for being understanding of someone's depression but that doesn't sound like simply depression. Someone of authority needs to make it clear to them that threats are not acceptable, mental health issues or no. If they are simply depressed, I would suggest being patient and trying not to judge but if they threatening to hurt themselves or others then it is time to engage the mental health system at the university because that is more than anyone in the lab can handle. I know for a fact that at the larger universities there is a way for staff to report alarming behavior. If it's not at that level of threatening, I would just try to stay out of it. Unless you know what is going on in their head or are close to them, whatever you say may be taken the wrong way. Don't judge but don't let them get away with not doing work either. Depression is hard but not an excuse to act badly or screw up others' work.

I've learned to not be so direct after a first request. I think it's fine to politely ask again and again if it's vital to work but otherwise I've learned to read when someone's simply not going to do what you want and there is no way of forcing them. It's also worse when you're female since any overt confrontation will lead most people to conclude that's you're "angry" and aggressive, not to mention the b-word. I think it's done to be indirect but there is a line between an indirect no and indirectly sabotaging. The latter is what I consider to be passive aggressive. Unfortunately the indirect no is just a common way people have found to not be confrontational. Annoying but once you learn to read it, it's not so bad.

If you're not going to be in uni housing I'd go with the staying with relatives to look plan. The demand for cheap housing is so high here I can't imagine anyone renting to someone via Skype versus real life. Any listing for a room under $800 is going to have lots of responses so the landlords or people renting it out will always have a load of choices. I'm not saying it's not possible but people usually see the place in person and meet the potential roommates and that's a leg up. Maybe see how the search pans out in early July and make a call then.

Yeah, I experienced this the last couple of years of undergrad and can definitely see the difference. We had a small dept and the people who were on campus who graduated with me are all in touch with each other and hang out. Sometimes they invite me but it's obviously not the same. It's not so bad professionally since it was only undergrad but I can see how grad school connections would be more important. I'm commuting too, but I plan to be on campus as much as possible not so much to study but in case people want to spontaneously organize something.

Yeah, if it's in your name, where's the barrier? Do you need some sort of card or account number? If you need a card and they won't give it to you, just report if stolen, because if someone has your card and won't return it it is in fact essentially stolen. Check your credit!

It's good that you realize that you have nothing to back up those opinions. When you feel anxious, you need to learn how to soothe and talk yourself down. Realize that the anxiety doesn't come from other people's opinions but your own pattern of thinking about yourself. Try to look at things rationally and recognize that in reality people haven't done anything to indicate they think ill of you. Remember that your emotions are survivable. Figure out a way to dampen them as they arise instead of leaning into them until you have to turn around. You don't have to tell anyone the full extent of it but maybe you can just say to a PI that you are new and would like to get shown the ropes and ask them to introduce you to who they think is a particularly friendly grad who can take you under their wing a bit? It's hard to just be thrown into a group of strangers, mental health issues or no. It's a lot easier if one of the group takes the initiative to bring you in a bit. At any rate, I would consider giving one of your professors some idea of what is happening before they really do start thinking you are either antisocial or lazy. I've had my fair share of issues in the past and have learned that most professors are willing to help you but not if you wait til it's already a huge problem. Better to let people know at the beginning. That way they can either schedule you the way you want or help you integrate into the group. The tactics you are using now are basically avoidant and that will not help you practice the sort of behavior which will make this easier. You need someone to help you get accustomed to the situation by degrees. I'd also recommend getting a counsellor ASAP. No, it won't be a quick fix but they can at least give you some strategies to deal with this especially if you really don't want to tell a prof.

One simple question - are you double checking your work on tests? Sometimes you catch the small errors if you go back through the answers. Glad there's good news though!

In my area, tattoos, hair color and random clothes are pretty common so you could definitely get away with it. As long as you're nice and professional no one would have any problems with it, but I can see how in more conservative places it'd be a problem. Depends on the area.

I'm a fan of loose dresses and tights. You can put on or remove the tights as temperature dictates and both work. Not as easy to put on tights under shorts. Either that or loose linen/cotton pants. Just not tight jeans in hot weather.

Are you feeling stuck in terms of your career or in terms of your art? Very different advice! In terms of career, I've found that you can't force it. You could apply for residencies locally or over the country. That gives you time and space to work and puts a line on the CV. Perhaps you can meet people there too. Have you been applying to group shows? I think you're frustrated that you aren't getting a job in art but the truth is even the big name artists who get shown at SFMOMA or top galleries sometimes have to work two jobs for a decade before running into a teaching gig. The bay is expensive but there are other places with strong art communities - have you thought about moving to a place near a strong art school and meeting people there? Ultimately you have to focus on the work - that is why you want to be an artist in the first place, right? In art, the gigs come from people liking your work, so you've got to figure out a way to keep making interesting work whether you have an audience or not. That's your entry into shows and residencies and if you don't show, you won't get the teaching gigs. Some of it is connections but all that means is keep in touch with your classmate and professor and try to meet people at openings. You don't necessarily have to "network", just meet people and see if you're interested in what they're doing, find a way to sum up your own work. And get online. It takes a while but sometimes you can find a small group of likeminded people that you couldn't have in person due to distance. After blogging for a couple of years I got a chance to write for an indie arts mag that another blogger created. It's not ArtForum or anything but it's nice to be asked. Stop focusing on career advancement and figure out how to push your art practice. I'm a SU alum too so if you wanna chat more about stuff, message me.

What does your gut say? Did you visit either school?

I did that albeit more informally for a few months and realized that indeed I was spending a lot of time online. I halved that as a result and am pretty happy. Though I suppose I've slipped a bit with grad decision season! I also realized that life (errands, cooking, planning, socializing) takes almost as much time as work. I thought I could increase my research/work hours but realized that would actually make life somewhat unpleasant, so it helped me not be unreasonable with my workaholic fantasies...

Wow, that's a cool backpack. Might get one for my husband's birthday as he's a backpack person.

It sure would make a great book...

Any advice for those going into small programs? (~15 people)

Unfortunately that can happen with messenger bags too, depending on the fabric of the skirt....

Go to your account, accessed by clicking on your name up on the top nav bar. It's "manage your ignore settings" and you enter the user names.

I've thought about this a lot. Surprisingly only two if my friends my age have actually had kids by now despite most of them wanting them, but I know eventually they will all be immersed in family life. I guess if better start finding more child free friends to hang with! I doing mind talking about parenting as I think development is interesting and it's an important topic but honestly it's more that I'm not sure I can pretend to think their kids are cute.

I'm glad to see that there are other night owls out there! I usually get all my serious work done at night between 11-5. It's just so quiet and there are never urgent emails or any sort of distraction to which you must respond. I'm usually good with 6-7 hours of sleep. I've been lucky enough to have a flexible schedule to live this way but I'm nervous about entering grad school. At this point my rhythm is pretty set and getting up earlier feels like a night shift. Not the most practical of situations... I think I can get away with all afternoon classes in the next semester but I wonder if I'll end up sleep deprived if I eventually have earlier obligations... As for time management, I think the key is realizing that there is always more work you could be doing but unless there are deadlines or tests, you don't have to do it. You should do enough but after some limit that you set, it's just time for guilt free relaxation or socializing or spending time with family. That and efficiency rather than increasing time spent. I'm going to commute about 2 hrs a day 3 days a week and I'm planning to get a lot of class reading done on the bus/train. I'm trying to look at the commute time as a boon because I find it easier to concentrate on reading in moving vehicles than at libraries or cafés. I think it's that lack of an option for distraction again! I've never been a big exerciser or terribly social though so maybe that naturally solves the time management problem there!