Danochka

I am having dreams every night now, usually just that I've gotten a rejection or acceptance email. There's always that long moment when I wake up when I have to try and remember what is real or not. The other night, though, I had this long convoluted dream that I had taken a job working in the produce department at the local grocery store while I was waiting to hear about grad school, and a high-flying lawyer type came in and demanded an incredible amount of extra-ripe fruit. She wanted way more than we had in stock, and no matter how much more fruit I found, it just wasn't enough. She was so irate that she wrote a letter to my manager, and she ended it by saying, "...and furthermore, I have recently heard that [danochka] was rejected from EVERY grad school she applied to. We can only count ourselves lucky!"

I'm only in the running for two schools at this point, one of which is my first choice- University of Washington, in Seattle. Today at work I got a phone call, but when I tried to get my phone out to answer it, a broken edge of the case got tangled with a loose thread in my pocket, and I couldn't get it out in time- I pulled it out just in time to see that it was a call from Seattle. I had to wait an hour for my break so I could call them back. It was a telemarketer.

My mom is the opposite. She took my anxiety as a sign that I have no self worth, and nothing I could say would convince her otherwise. I got trapped in a lot of long, painful 'pep talks,' which made me cry, which reinforced her concern... Bleh.

I want this so badly! I have hardly slept since January. Even if I get rejected, it will be a relief if I can just sleep again....

I wonder if it's something like a sports draft, and different professors get to go through in order and take their 'picks'?

My mom called me today to relay a message of encouragement from a friend of hers, who has a PhD and works in the university system. This friend said she was *delighted* that it was taking a thousand years for the various programs to get back to me. According to her, the longer you wait for news, the higher up the list you have gotten. She warned that it takes a long time for them to sort through the very best applicants and get the offers ironed out, and that no news is definitely good news when it comes to grad school applications. I'm still praying for an acceptance any minute now, but I do find that her outlook is an encouraging one. It makes the waiting a little less dreadful.

Oh god, yes. I fell for that. "Ooh, mint milanos are on sale! I'll get two packages, that should last me a while..." Three days. They lasted three days. If I get accepted, I'm gonna have to roll my way to grad school.

I feel physically sick every time I think about whether or not I'll get accepted. Best part... looks like I didn't get an interview anywhere, despite a good GPA, pretty amazing GRE scores, four years of teaching experience, and an internship at a research hospital. However, none of the schools feel like it's important to let you know whether or not you're getting in, so here I sit. Of course, the main reason I want to get in is that I want to get my PhD. The other reason is that I (with my two bachelor's degrees, certificate, and bilingualism) have only been able to find work as a part time, on call preschool mealtime aide. I spent 35 minutes today squeezing mustard out of individual packets into a bowl for $11.97 an hour. I have also been doing copywriting, housecleaning, cooking, shopping, and any other errands I can get. I'm even writing romance novels to bring in some extra cash. Even with all that, I can't afford to move out of my grandma's house. She's a controlling narcissist (whom I love dearly, don't get me wrong.) and my uncle, who also lives with us, is a recovering alcoholic and sort of a chronic asshole (love him too, of course.). I am 25 and I just want to live somewhere where I can eat what I want and not get mocked for such things as loving my dog, not wanting to eat food that has mold growing on it, wanting to throw garbage away without having someone else sort and approve it, or doing more than one load of laundry at a time. Essentially, I'm paying for my room and board with my self-respect. Sooooo I was hoping to get into a funded program, so I could live like a goddamn grownup for a little while. Looks like that's not going to happen. Oh well. I do have a plan B, it's just not what I was hoping to do with my life.

original source

I know what you mean about being addicted. I didn't even know this site existed until a few days ago, when someone on Reddit mentioned that it was ruining his life. I clicked out of curiosity, and.. well, I don't think I've left since. T-T At least there are lots of nice people on here to be neurotic with!

I feel you guys. I applied to three and have an implicit rejection from one.... going nuts!

self control

"Will I get into U of O with full funding?" "Yes definitely." "Will I get into UW with full funding?" "As I see it yes."

rain barrel

Final warning