Yanaka

I hope you get in!!

Status has changed on Rutgers profile, and I was able to accept the offer of admission!

I received the rejection last year on the 21st, if that helps! (Although I think I entered the result) It was for comp lit, too. I had a good communication with a POI and my soul was crushed!

I don't think we want an explanation, and I'm sorry you guys were hurt. It seemed to me, though, that there were also people weighing "on your side." Don't leave the forum just because of this topic

I love Philly so much. I’m sad I won’t have longer than a tiny year to enjoy the city.

Ughhh parents can be so blunt sometimes! They want to offer solutions sometimes and they think saying stuff like that is helpful. Nope!

Yeah well I'm probably unfair to Jersey, but I'll be moving to Central Jersey! Haha. Pretty rural to me xD And the more I'll avoid driving, the more chances I'll never drive again. I hope you're right! Thanks for the comfort!

If the convention is in January, why did they have in CHICAGO?! Politics, politics... What about the weather!!!

So true. Well, it's not that easy to meet someone anymore (that's how I feel), but yes, for me it's def. career > partner in this sort of situation. But yes, totally unfair again to have women follow their spouse rather than have it the other way around. If you're giving up a dream/opportunity for someone, I think it says something about your relationship. Otherwise why apply to those programs in the first place? There are some people here who applied exclusively to programs in their area, and I guess if there are special circumstances (health, kids, family) then you don't apply to long-distance stuff. If you guys did apply to programs far away despite the risk, then it probably means that it was always your priority to follow your dreams and career. No?

Good advice, thank you! I think in my case all years are guaranteed, but I need to make sure. Even if they're guaranteed, do you still have to apply every year? I also saw a Ph.D.'s CV once, and they have a ton of grants/fellowships listed on there. So those are additional stuff I guess? How much money can you get?! haha

@la_mod I'm not saying it's not scary and painful, I can only imagine! I used to do long distance but it was only a 2-h train ride in tiny France, and I still cried every time. I trust if you guys love each other deeply and have that incredible bond, you'll work out. Is he sure he will be able/will want to move to where you are? I was just trying to say that you guys applied where you did in spite of the chances of getting in for a reason--better go live your dreams and have that partner's support and unconditional love, now With regards to the *other* people left behind, it was a little tough. I almost lost my best friend during that first semester because we didn't make the time to call each other and we'd build up jealousy via social media (for different reasons and social media is stupid). It's not a natural move to maintain long-distance bonds, it's definitely some work with some of your friends and it requires to adjust to the new relationship. The trick for us is regular random calls that you miss or take, instead of planning ahead and it falls through.

I’m very worried about using a car again after years without one. Worried about maintaining it, worried about paying insurance, worried about driving in the US. I think it will be necessary once I live in Jersey, but I’m terrified. If anyone has any input on that—transitioning from living in big cities for years and not being used to driving anymore, to owning a car (I used my mom’s car when I went back home, and she takes perfect care of it because she’s an incredible boss-model)—I’d appreciate it! Also advice on transitioning from city life to more country life works.

Does anyone have time to explain what sort of additional fellowships there could be out there on top of what your school already guarantees? I’m a noob. How does it work looking for money? I can probably look in the other sections, but well

News like these make my heart fuzzy! Congratulations!

But the grad program won’t break up with you As a single-for-ever individual I get that I’m a little cold-hearted, but in the end choosing one program over your top choice because it’s closer is not a good idea. If you applied to get into your dream program and it’s opening its arms to you, well... You wanted it, you got it, go for it!!

The more you freak out, the more the trolls will play with you! Hang in there!

So Michigan is your top choice?

That’s amazing!

It's not embarrassing. Hopefully once you get over the shock, you will realize that you have nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to applying to hella selective programs. I was saying this in another post: people (including us) don't realize how hard it is to get into these Ph.D's, even if they're in "universities," which makes them sound open and routine. You're in a competition with not only your capacities on trial, but also your compatibility with weird, diverse, secret circumstances that don't depend on your profile, but on the programs. --All this to say that you can't feel shame for not getting into something that's so hard to acquire in the first place. Edit: I was going to use this image but wasn't quite sure of its relevance. Let's try. So imagine you train for an ultramarathon, but you've never done one before and you've accumulated a few 10k and maybe a couple of marathons here and there. You're just a normal runner with good, solid experience, and you're throwing yourself into the ultramarathon across the Gobi desert. Well you think you can make it physically, and on the paper you're good. You even love the landscape and would be running with a few partners, some of whom you've met and others you haven't, but you know you'll get along well and will be amazing pieces in this horrible puzzle that is the race. Well unfortunately, during the race, they didn't tell you that they were expecting a horde of hungry coyotes with rabies; there is storm and tents are ripped off and your helicopter can't make it anymore for your supplies at the next expected meeting point; suddenly the sand sinks into holes that try to suck you up; and your partners decide that they had a better opportunity somewhere else with a better scenery and more organized race, so they leave you without a warning although they knew while you were training that they won't be there. Would you be ashamed of yourself as a runner for not making it to the end with such unexpected circumstances? I think not! That's how applications are. A sh* storm of surprises, and then you pick yourself up and plan your next races because you're awesome.

Congratulations to the Harvard admitted! Amazing. I'm not used to reading that here!

Oh I'm so happy for you! Not one, but two options! In two great schools nonetheless!

And money. I am lucky to be privileged with a mother as backup, but I still signed up for insurances and a care plan for one of my two cats. Because even if I do save up money, there's no way I want to spend a min. 1k on a pet. Well, I did, before I signed up for the plans haha.

I adopted two kittens from the shelter where I volunteered and fostered (just the once LOL) in September. While working on fostering a litter of three + a sickly mom was a lot of work, it was nothing compared to keeping two of the kittens who just wanted to destroy my place and eat my money away during that end of November/December stretch of grad school. Now that it's calmer, I'd say that it's still pretty inconvenient to have adopted them; but the + sides are: having concrete things, especially beings, to take care of beside my own self (including loving, playing, worrying, and maintaining); having a morning routine that pulls me out of bed every day (I now rarely sleep in, only when I had the flu or/and was pretty depressed--and sleeping in meant 9 am, getting the stuff done around the cats and then going back to bed); having company when I will live alone. But it's true that you need to carefully think of how you will work around going away on weekends, especially if your family is far from where you'll be and you visit them once in a while. I have roommates right now so if I am wiling to trust them it's nice (although usually I pay someone extra), but I'll have to figure this out when I move to Jersey. Also I noticed that when they're being picky or are having issues I live it a lot less well than I used to. Like when they don't want to eat and are visibly hungry I get so mad and panicked at the same time because I have so much other sh*t to think of. Well other than that I love my fur babies, I'm crazy about them. I guess it will also be easier when they will be more mature -- they're seven months right now, so I still have about a year to wait until they chill hahaha! At least they have great spirit. Oh and one of my professor told me, when I decided to keep two kittens, that she adopted her cat during her Phd (or was it her post-doc?), and said it was important to have something concrete to take care of beside grad school.

Someone is pissed! Haha. They probably felt they weren’t a good fit, with that attitude and that “pedigree.”

I’m so rooting for you!