Hope.for.the.best

Finally, I am submitting my PhD dissertation in less than two days! I am very thankful for everyone here who supported me through the stress and anxiety over the journey. At some points, I did feel that I was going crazy! Anyway, it is time for a good break, and worrying about employment! I am lucky that one of my advisors (let’s call him B) has funding. He can and will hire me, although I will still need to go through the formal application process, because the department head has to approve it. B has always indicated that he wishes me to work for him, and he is very good friend with the head, so I am basically getting the job. In the unlikely event that I don’t get it, B will refer me to someone else. However, I will need to carefully consider how I should break the news to my main advisor (A). Without going into many details, A somehow “broke up” with B when they, and my co-advisor (C), discussed whether I should finish my dissertation before working on more experiments. A actually wanted me to do that experiment that may get me to publish in Cell. A pretended that he was on my side, but persuaded C very hard that I should do the experiment. C is very senior, so she “ordered” me to do that experiment. You know, at that time, I was struggling to finish my dissertation, so that gave me hell lot of anxiety. When B learnt that I was under a lot of stress, he stood up for me immediately. In the end, 3 of them agreed with dissertation first. The situation became difficult when A’s funding ran out, and all his 4 applications were unsuccessful. That means that experiment was vital for him to publish the paper as a PI. On the other hand, B was granted another funding on top of his current one, so he has all the resources to take over my project and the manuscript. Since then, A had an exceptionally slow turnaround time of my dissertation drafts. Something that he could normally finish in a week or two took more than a month. I was always polite and asked when I could expect my drafts, but he became increasingly impatient with me. On a few occasions, he even “played” me, i.e. I went to the office as indicated, but I could not see him nor my drafts! He even yelled at me once and called B names. I brought that up to C, and C resolved the whole thing perfectly. C asked me to work for A right after I submitted my dissertation, and up until I defend, to complete my manuscript, as well as “some” experiments for A, so I can get another manuscript with my name. That way, A can remain the PI of my project when I submit the manuscript. However, my paid would be very low because A and C together have very little money left. It would be something like my PhD studentship, possibly even lower. The reason why I typed the some with apostrophes is that they will definitely ask me to do more than indicated. That’s my knowledge after working for them for so many years. That extra manuscript will have my name anyway, because I have contributed. To me, working for them would only make a difference between a second or third author, which is not something that I care the most. I gave a smart reply that I would think about that, and my priority was to get the dissertation done. Since then, A was as proactive as before to help me finish. B can offer me a full-time position, and I am allowed to start after mid-January. That is way more attractive than what A and C can offer: minimal amount of money for only a month starting from early January, but workload is full-time. I know in my head that the best solution is to help A and C out while working for B. B is understanding, and he will be happy with me spending a bit of time to tidy up the loose ends with A and C. It also means that I do not need to be pressurised by them to complete a lot of work within a short time. Other than that, do you guys have any good suggestions to properly navigate the tensed relationship between A and B? Note that A has clearly expressed that he hates B, but B has never done so. I know my job is not to sort that out for them, but at least I need to deal with that with caution, so that their conflict does not get into the way of my work. You may find my story hard to believe, as a professional academic is not supposed to act like A; I have to say that A is very childish! Thanks for your advice.

Hi Nick, I also needed to do a lot of surgery and perfusion on rodents for my PhD (mine is mice though). I can totally relate to the difficulties you are facing. It definitely takes time to learn animal work. It has taken me one year before I got on top of it. Animal welfare is taken very seriously these days and any dead mice must be reported to the animal manager. I was in constant worry that my mice would not survive after surgery and I needed to write another report. The manager at the time was not a nice lady, so this made me even more stressed out. Same with my friend who only got to do animal work in her postdoc years. She struggled a fair bit before she could do animal work with ease. It is unfortunate but true that you don't always get someone to supervise you for any new techniques. Speaking from my experience, you can try the followings: (1) Find youtube videos that show the animal procedures you need to master. This may not be ideal because you don't get hand-on practice concurrently, but at least you can be more familiar with the steps. (2) Look around the lab and talk to others (not just the people in your group). Chances are someone else have done /are doing similar sort of animal work. This way you can ask them to guide you through the procedures a few times. Sometimes, these people know more tricks than your supervisor to get the work done! I was struggling immensely with a technique (not animal work though). I was chatting casually with a lady who worked part-time in the lab. I was not asking for help or anything. Guess what? She immediately showed me a few tricks and I mastered the technique in no time. My advisors were all very glad that she helped me out. I can see that you are under a lot of stress. Would that be possible for you to take a break and come back in the New Year? You are not anymore productive when you are overwhelmed by stress. Please be reassured that animal work is difficult, and nobody knows it in a day or two. It is a struggle to all beginners. Don't feel bad if you don't do well straight away. Believe in yourself that you will succeed one day, and give yourself the time for it!

I know your school policies are not clear, but I am afraid only your school can give good answers to your questions. Do you have any program coordinator / graduate school advisor etc. whom you can contact? You are certainly not the only and first student who has applied for leave. It is good that you are attending to your mental health. Hope you can get well after the leave and move on.

It is good to hear that you can write at ease. However, you'd better take your time to complete this final assignment. Personally, I find that writing in a cohesive and logically way is the most difficult. It is this part of the writing process that stresses me out terribly for the past year! My advisors indicate that this is something most students struggle badly with. Grammar and phrasing are important too, but these can easily be addressed by a copy-editor.

I am also from a science field, and I know that it is very difficult to publish, so your academic profile looks very good (3 publications). However, it is hard to advise your chances of being accepted, as I have no knowledge of the school you are applying to. The one thing that concerns me (potentially the selection commitee) is whether you can stay on to the program and finish your PhD, if you are accepted. I know you don't like your current program, and it is perfectly fine to transfer, but somehow you need to convince the committee that it is what you want. That is something you need to consider regardless. We do make choices that we later find unsuitable, but we don't mean to choose something that we don't like in the first place. The committe may see you as someone who gives up easily. You also need to think about your plan if you don't get accepted to neuroscience. Can you address the issues that make you want to quit the current program? It is worth talking to your program coordibator and school counsellor about that. If doing a PhD is something that you want, then it doesn't really matter what program you are in. Of course, you need to do a project that you don't hate, but not necessary the one that you like the most. You can always do other projects after your PhD. Doing a PhD in exercise physiology does not mean you have to stick to that for life!

Second what fuzzylogician said. I went through something similar to what you described the past year, and I have to say that it is hell even if being in this state for 1 year. It is not great when I had to deal with that alone in a foreign country. I only started to feel better these days, when my dissertation is completed and being copy-edited. You should find ways to deal with your stress, especially when you are so early on in your PhD. Personally, I see a psychologist regularly back home. She herself did a PhD in the US, so she can totally relate to the stress and difficulties of the PhD journey.

I am about to finish my PhD (fingers crossed). I myself have never cried in front of my advisors, but I have seen other PhD students who broke down and cried. One of my PhD friends cried because she could not find a reagent that she needed for an experiment! Of course, that was when she was under a lot of stress to finish (she was falling behind). She also cried when the school's academic committee investigated why she could not submit by the 4-year mark. As fuzzylogician says, it is good that your professor handled that well. You know, some men do freak out when they see tears! Everyone gets bad days from time to time, so things like these are understandable. My main advisor yelled at me once months ago when he had a bad day. If you are concerned how he perceives you because of that, perhaps find a time and explain to him that somehow you had a bad day. I suggest that when you are caught up in a situation like this in future, excuse yourself to the bathroom. Calm yourself down for 5 or 10 min before going back to the meeting. Do that when you feel the tears are coming!

I am sorry to hear about your dad. It can be difficult to lose someone that is so important to you. It does take time to recover from grief, so don't beat yourself up if you need time to heal yourself. I lost my maternal grandpa 8 years ago. It didn't help when I needed to settle down in a foreign city at the time, so I did not get to see him the very last time and attended his funeral. Even today, I always feel sad whenever I recall him dying in pain. The thing that has helped me the most is to do a PhD on the disease that killed him. Even though I am very far away from finding new cures, I feel better when I can do something about the disease. Then, I lost my other grandpa unexpectedly last year. I am very shocked and sad, but the stress of completing my PhD somehow overrides the grief. My dad, however, has a hard time coping, but he does get better today, after a year. Probably that's why your doctor suggests a one-year break. To me, the best way to cope with grief is distraction (i.e. keeping myself busy), but everyone is different. As others say, take one day at a time. Take care.

3MT competition is all about presenting your thesis topic in layman terms in an interesting way. No one cares about how much data you have generated. As TakeruK says, if there aren't any restrictions on how many time you can compete, go for it. My school allows students to compete every year until their dissertations are approved.

Thank you, fuzzylogician! I will start my paragraph introducing the work of Prof A and colleagues like you suggest, and then discuss in details.

There is more good than harm hiring a copy-editor. I had a lot of concerns regarding this back then. I decided to get my dissertation copy-edited in the end, because I was told that examiners view a dissertation with grammatical mistakes and difficult-reading sentences negatively. I really don't wish to get penalised simply because of my English. You know, I have had too much stress and anxiety to produce this dissertation. I just can't afford to be asked for extensive revision! The copy-editing process is going well at the moment. I can't emphasise enough that my copy-editor has been very helpful. I thought she would just make the changes, but she is willing to explain why to me. As a result, I have learnt a lot of things that I didn't learn in my English classes. Turned out, my biggest weakness is the use of punctuation. I am so glad that she points that out, so I know what to work on. Yes, it is very costly, but that is worth it in the long run.

My advisors had another look at my dissertation the other day. They wish me to put more emphasis on the publications of one of my examiners (Prof A) in one of the chapters. Prof A is the leading expert in my field and I have cited his publications where applicable. He is the one who has led my field and made some innovative discovery. I started my paragraph with "Prof A and colleagues made innovative discovery of such and such..." as my advisors suggested. There is another instance in which I wish to specify Prof A's publication. In that publication, someone else was the first author and Prof A was the senior author. Would that be appropriate to say "Prof A and colleagues"? I feel that I will be giving too little credit to the first author. My understanding is that I should say "[The first author] and colleagues". How should I emphasise on Prof A's work appropriately? The idea here is to make Prof A aware that I pay attention to his work. Thanks.

You definitely have a lot on your plate right now. Unfortunately, this is the case at some points. I think the very first thing is to do is to reassure yourself that you can do all of these. Then, you work out a plan to complete these tasks. When you have that much on your list, completing all tasks is more important than doing them perfect. Limit the time you spend on writing your papers and preparing for your presentations. This is particularly important if these only constitute a small proportion of your final grade. Otherwise, you could have spent too much time on these. To my knowledge, tests/finals usually constitute a big proportion of your final grade. If that is the case, make sure you allocate sufficient time for revision. Personally, when I am overwhelmed by a heavy workload, I would ask myself to sit down and write a plan. I often feel calmer afterwards and can get my work done more effectively. I hope my suggestions can help.

I really wished I were in your school! My school is very strict with examiners. Anyone who has worked with a student cannot examine his/her dissertation. I just know my examiners by names and publications. I know one of them is a leading expert who has changed the dogma of my field. He is well-known internationally, and it is my pleasure to have him as an examiner. However, I am worried at the same time because he knows so much. My other examiners have basic knowledge of my field, but don't know that much as him. I am going to send out a manuscript of my PhD work. It's highly likely that he will be the reviewer of my manuscript too. If he is not happy with my dissertation, he will not be happy with my manuscript. Let's hope that he appreciates my dissertations rather than examining it in a critical way. My school requires dissertation to be complete at submission, i.e. including acknowledgement. That's why I need to be careful, as I don't know my examiners.

I will definitely keep things professional rather than casual. That's why I asked how I can acknowledge my deceased grandpas without being too personal. They are indeed very important to me and I really wished they could see me complete PhD. I also keep a cat, but I will not mention her there, because not all people are okay with someone who is that into pets. Some people have negative views towards that, and I don't wish anyone (especially examiners) who reads my acknowledgement has prejudice against me for that reason. Of course, I am going to buy her some good treats and thank the joy she gave me

Finally, after an eventual year, I am about to submit my PhD dissertation. I have been writing the acknowledgement back and forth. I adequately acknowledged my advisors and colleagues. However, I only have a few sentences dedicated to my family, which I feel that is not enough. Would that be okay to acknowledge my deceased grandpas there? My maternal grandpa passed away 8 years ago, to the disease that my dissertation is about. When he was alive, he always asked me to persist in spite of difficulties, so I feel it is relevant to acknowledge that. My paternal grandpa passed away last year to another disease, but he had always been very supportive to me. Is that okay to write something like, "I wish you could have been here with me. I hope I have made you proud"? My school does not have any specific requirements for acknowledgement. Thank you.

Well, you can have the basic version of Grammarly for free. The premium version does cost money, and I bet they do offer free membership for a limited time. You need to check whether it is free for a week. I am actually working with a copy-editor for my dissertation, as I don't think I can get it in perfect English even with the input from my advisors. Grammarly does help pick up typos and grammatical errors, but it cannot re-phrase your sentences for clarity. Perhaps try and see if you can find a native English speaker who can proofread for you.

First of all, it is very important not to compare yourself with others. You don't have to work on something groundbreaking to earn your PhD. Lots of people I know who worked on "basic" projects during their PhDs but they moved on just fine. You don't stick to this project for life. Even if you stay in academia afterwards, you will most likely work on other projects. Another thing, just because your species is a small player in its current ecosystem, does not mean that you will find nothing interesting. Perhaps you will find something that others have not reported. Who knows? From what I see right now, the biggest problem is not your PhD project, but your mental health. Are you following up with your psychiatrist regarding your depression? If you are on medication and still feel depressed, then perhaps you need to switch to different medication or have the dose adjusted. I agree that you should hold on having a kid, because your current state of mind is not going to be okay with that. Have you spoken to your wife about how you are feeling? Even though she may not be able to help you, it is always helpful to have someone who listens and cares. Whether or not to continue your PhD is a difficult decision, and I would suggest that you talk to your school counsellor and program coordinator about that.

Update: Turned out the form needs to get through the admin, because the school needs to sign it. Thankfully, the graduate school office only contacted me last Friday, so the admin only found out about that this week. She was not happy with me trying to bypass her, but of course she still processed the form. Then the next day she said she had to schedule me an academic meeting in mid-December. She remained professional in her email, but I could tell that she was not happy with me not updating her about my submission. If I updated her at the start of Nov, I had to attend a meeting this month. I would get so anxious that I could not be that productive in getting my dissertation to where I am now. I think she figured out that I intentionally hide from her and the academic meeting. Anyway, she did not ask for any reasons, so I pretended nothing happened and replied her that I would have submitted by then. She agreed to not schedule any meetings if I made it. Now my dissertation is getting to the copy-editing stage, so I am in the safe. However, I then received a email to all staff from the head of school. He condemned the abusive behaviours to the admin by some staff. I know what I did to the admin can be at most considered "a genuine forgetfulness", but have I been abusive to her in any ways? Please note that I only communicate with her via emails and I rarely see her, so there is no way I can abuse her in person. I have always been polite in all my emails. So far, nobody from the school approaches me and needs to talk to me. I know, I may be worrying too much again...

My dissertation is getting to the copy-editing stage and I will submit soon.

I can't help but say that you are not alone! I posted a thread describing my PhD stress. I am progressing well and will submit by the end of this year. However, I have been very anxious for the past year and I only started to feel better lately. The stress of not getting my dissertation done was simply too overwhelming! It is good to hear that you are working on your anxiety. Would that be possible for you to take a long break to heal yourself? I see that possible because it is the end of the year. Your advisors may be fine with you taking the whole December off and come back in January. I had one very bad episode of anxiety during my bachelor years. All my psychologist suggested was to take a valuable holiday, i.e. not worrying about any school work. I recovered completely after enjoying a 6-week holiday. If you can't take a long break, how about you talk to your advisors and see if they can cut down your workload? I got terribly stressed out once when I helped out with a project independent of my dissertation. Since then, my advisors only asked me to focus on my own project. I had another incident when my advisors wished me to work on experiments to get a manuscript published, but I simply could not handle that along with dissertation writing. So I plucked up my courage and explained my difficulties. At first, I thought they would be angry and disappointed, but surprisingly, they understood and agreed that I got my dissertation done before proceeding to the manuscript. From what you described, you have made very good progress for your PhD. In my opinion, it would be a pity to give up your PhD. However, it sounds like you need some time to heal and take care of yourself. Feel free to post back or PM me.

I find it strange that why she would bother to write you a message when she can easily unfollow or unfriend you on fb. That's what most people would do if they don't want to hear from a particular person, especially for someone who has no real life contact. Anyway, if it is her reaction to you not giving a like to her fb page, then it is very childish and silly (sorry I have to say that). If I were you, I would simply ignore her message. If she decides to bother you with further messages, then block her, or even unfriend her.

Actually, the solution to ensure confidentially is obviously simple. I don't know why I can only think of it now! All I need to do is to delete all figures and tables in my result chapters when I send to her for copy-editing! After all, she cares about the grammar only and she does not need the figures and tables. No one can steal and claim my work with only the text and figure legends. It is also good to shrink the file size so I can send the whole dissertation in one document.

Below is an example from a university's library: http://guides.library.cornell.edu/annotatedbibliography I would suggest that you check the example from your school or the instructions given for your assignment. Basically, you include a short description (about 100 words) of the article that you cite. Endnote is a good tool for you to make a list of annotated bibliography. You type your short description under research note for each Endnote entry. When you select the style as "annotated", you will find your annotated bibliography at the end of your document.

Have you heard of Endnote? It is a reference managing software that helps you to produce an annotated bibliography. All you need are to save the relevant references in a library and insert them where you need in the text. You then select the output style to be an annotated bibliography. It will then generate one for you automatically. It is also a good software to organise the large numbers of references in a dissertation. Don't worry if you don't fully understand how to do it with my brief instructions. There are youtube videos out there to guide you step by step. Other reference managing softwares may also do the same thing, but I am familiar with Endnote because my school offers it for free. You should check if your school has similar offer.