Hope.for.the.best

I would not say you have been played. Though I am not from your field, it is the norm that academic staff move around. It is definitely frustrating when you want help from someone but then he/she leaves. It happened during my second year of PhD too. I needed the help of a postdoc to teach me some experimental techniques, but then the funding of my group ran out and he had to leave. It was a very stressful time to me as he is the only person who knows the techniques well. No one else could help me if I struggled. I was glad that I managed to learn everything right before he left, so I could complete my project. To me, it is a good sign that your advisor and department chair all talk about your situation. It means they care about you and they are trying to help you. Just because they don't act like a big deal doesn't necessarily mean they won't help you. On top of that, do you have anyone else whom may help you, say staff from graduate student centre? It is never a good thing to compare yourself with other graduate students, as everyone has different projects and circumstances. I used to be jealous of PhD students who worked as research assistants for years before doing their PhDs, because they struggled less with lab work. Obviously, they got more papers published than me. On the other hand, those PhD students are jealous of me doing my degree at a younger age than them, because I don't get distracted by family commitments. Simply say, there is no absolute good or bad! I totally understand the stress and loneliness of being away from friends and family, as I am doing my PhD 9 hours away from them. One thing that helps is to maintain regular contact with them. I know it is less than ideal without having them around you, but it is way better to have someone to talk to. Yes, they may not understand, but you often feel better after talking things through. It is also a good idea to talk to your school counsellor.

I am surprised that my thread has attracted continuous attention! Many thanks for all your posts, I hear you all. I applied for a PhD writing program from the writing centre, but unfortunately the places were filled up and they asked me to try again next year. Well, I would have submitted by then. Anyway, I will hire a copy editor. It's expensive, but right now I care more about getting my PhD over anything else. I know that one of my potential examiners is the expert of my thesis topic and has international reputation (which is good), but I worry that he is picky and won't let me pass easily (He has never examined any theses from my group). Other potential examiners have examined theses from my group, and I know they are generally not too strict. Anyway, I am doing my best and hope to finish with the ordeal soon.

What do you mean by a "right" supervisor? If you mean finding someone without academic misconduct (from your link), then the publication record of your potential supervisor may give you some clues. Look for retracted publications. Someone with a sound record of retraction is more likely to have issues. Googling may help too because the press may be involved in some allegations of academic misconduct. You may also hear from colleagues of the same department if someone is suspected. If you mean finding a supervisor whom you work well with, then it is more like a hit-or-miss. Someone who works well with others does not necessarily work well with you. In this case, someone who is experienced and supervised a fair number of students may be the one to go for.

Thanks for your reply. I will try to look for a career counsellor in the area.

I was not on Grad Cafe when I applied because I didn't know about it. I only found out about it when I encountered a difficult situation with my advisors, so I started posting to get advice. I then shared my stress of writing my thesis but I didn't get a lot of replies though. Still, it's better than nobody responded. Grad school seems like a totally different world, and someone who has never been in there will never understand how difficult it is. They just know it is difficult and wish you good luck, but they don't know how to support you emotionally. It is terrible when your friends all ask when you will graduate but you don't know.

Hi _kita, Thanks for your reply. My school does have a career centre which I will visit soon. The problem is the career centre can only offer very general advice because they don't know my field very well. My advisors are actually the ones who can offer the best career advice, but I don't want to tell them my anxiety of travelling. I know I may be describing my co-advisor very badly on this forum; she is actually a very nice and helpful lady but she just cannot understand that I need to be in company with someone. I know I am supposed to be independent at my age, but my experience told me that working in a new place alone is difficult. I actually left my family to do a PhD in my current country, so I have already had enough of "being alone without family support". I have a lot of good friends here, but they can never support me like a partner/family member. I am getting more and more anxious without a family life. I tell my co-advisor that my family will join me in the country and I need to take care of my aged parents. It is true that my family is reuniting with me very soon, but my parents are still healthy at their ages and they don't need my care. I am just trying to offer a "legitimate" reason why I cannot do a postdoc overseas. You may wonder why I can't tell her the truth. I can see that she has put a lot of effort in educating me as a scientist. I don't mean to compare/show off, I am actually doing as well as two of her brightest students who went to top uni in the world for postdocs. It is important to note that those two students moved with their partners. My co-advisor is expecting that I will do the same, and I try not to disappoint her. My other advisors may understand my desire to reunite with family more, but I just need to be careful in approaching the topic. My psychologist is very helpful with reducing my anxiety. One key coping strategy is to reduce everyday stress. I should be making realistic goals/desire based on how well I can cope. I wish I could go overseas like others, but I know I may not be okay with that.

Thanks lemma. I am seeing a psychologist regularly, and I thank her great help in getting me through the conferences! I visited her twice before the international conference. I am actually interested in education because it is very stable and I am not supposed to travel a lot. I really enjoy teaching in uni, but in my country I have to be a lecturer to secure a job of uni teaching. Well, that means I have to continue academia. I will take your advice and see whether there is a domestic or state policy position related to my field in my country.

Hi everyone, I can’t believe that I am approaching the end of PhD! At some points, I thought I would never finish because I struggled a lot to write at the required standard. If you have read my other posts, you would have known that I get anxious very easily though professionals have not diagnosed me with any disorders. I have been asked many times what I would like to do after PhD. I said in the school’s assessment that I would embark on academia because an answer of “I don’t know” did not sound impressive. To be honest, I really don’t know. At first, I did think about continuing academia because it is not a 9-5 job, and most of the time, I can choose to work when I feel up to. It seems a great idea to do research and teach, because I still have income if research funding runs out (the case for my country). However, ever since I got into the drama of experiment and writing with my advisors (even though well resolved in the end), I changed my mind. I simply feel that I cannot deal with the high workload in academia. On top of that, I will need to present in many conferences or work overseas to secure an academic position at university. These two things are anxiety provoking to me. I like travelling for holiday, but the idea of travelling for business just doesn’t go well with me. My PhD program requires students to go to one national and one international conferences. I was very anxious both of the times. At some points, I did consider going to my doctor for some medication, but in the end I pushed through myself because I worried about side effects affecting my performance. The idea of travelling alone to a new place is just too overwhelming to me. I am unfortunate to be the only student of my advisors due to lack of funding, so I could not find anyone going to the same conferences with me. I am single so I don’t have a partner who can go with me. I am glad that my family are very understanding, and I had one family member accompanying me to the conferences both times. The conferences went well, but I decided I would not like to do that anymore if possible. My advisors have no ideas that I am that anxious (they know I get nervous easily but they don’t know my struggles with travelling etc.), and they think I am a bright student who should do a postdoc overseas. It is a big no to me, unless I have a partner/family member going with me. I can’t see it happening in the near future. I then looked into industry, and I went to a seminar to know more about career choices. The bad news is there is also a lot of mandatory travel in the industrial jobs I am interested in. To some extent, it is even more than academia. I am kind of stuck here. What I can think of now is to do a postdoc in my lab right after finishing because I need to complete a few more experiments to get a paper published. My advisors stopped asking me to go overseas these days because they want me to stay and complete the paper. I am glad that I don’t need to explain my anxiety with working overseas. It is also a relief that postdocs in my school don’t get much financial support to conferences, so they rarely go. Can anyone share their experiences/suggestions? Thanks.

I can totally relate as I have gone through the same thing. My school requires students to do a departmental talk every year, but I have to talk for at least 10 min. To me, the most difficult part is the Q&A session. Like you, I always worry about getting questions that I don't know how to answer and then my supervisors get disappointed. Unfortunately, there must be times when someone raise a question that you don't know how to respond. The key is not to panic. Very often, saying something like "This is a very good question/suggestion. I have never thought about that. Perhaps I should look into that later." will get you out of the way. I tried that a few times and it worked very well! Good luck to your talk!

In my opinion, that's what you need to do exactly. If I were you, I would apologise by saying that I did not mean to be lazy but misunderstood her instructions. Well, miscommunication happens all the time, and it is not uncommon given that you just started to work with her. I am also in my last year of PhD and I can understand your concerns over messing up with your advisor. Unfortunately, it has already happened and you cannot do anything about it. Of course, you'd better ensure that you do a better job in future. I would suggest that you review all her feedback and instructions carefully. Do not always assume you understand what she means. It is perfectly okay to ask "Did you mean such and such?". I too had miscommunication with my advisors and we figured out that repeating and clarifying are the keys to prevent it. So long as you are doing fine subsequently, I don't see why your advisor puts weight on this one-off incident.

Everyone has given you some good advice above. In my opinion, you have a lot on your plates: (1) 2 clients and 1 group (2) Lesson plans (3) PowerPoints (4) SOAP notes (5) Reading for classes (6) Exam revision (7) Teaching assistant (8) Clinic assistant Are there anything that you can potentially cut down? Say you can cut down the hours spent on being a teaching and clinical assistant. After you figure out what are essential and what are optional, work out the time (roughly) you need to spend on each task. Then allocate your tasks in a schedule book to make weekly timetables. Aim at working for 5 whole days like a normal job and take a break over the weekend. Having an idea what you need to complete for each week helps you to manage your time well. While it is a good idea to stick to your timetable as much as possible, sometimes things happen and you can't follow what you plan 100%, e.g. falling sick, Internet is down etc. You need to be flexible in your timetables. For example, you plan to do some readings on Monday afternoon and make PowerPoints on Tuesday afternoon. But then the Internet is down on Monday, so perhaps you can make your PowerPoints on Monday and then do your readings on Tuesday. Don't forget to take good care of yourself. Grad school is like a marathon, and you will burn out soon if you work around the clock. It is important to develop strategies to sustain your productivity. Sleep well and eat well are the keys. I am reserved towards the idea of snacking throughout the day as it is more healthy to eat three nutritious meals. Snacks (e.g. potato chips, candies, biscuits, chocolate bars etc.) tend to be fatty, salty and sugary. My friend was snacking a lot in her first year of PhD and guess what? She ended up putting on a lot of weight. Hope this helps you.

To my knowledge, it is ethical to research on a disease that you or someone close to you has. I didn't pick a research topic myself. My advisors made the choice for me and it happens to be a disease that my grandpa died of (my advisors are aware of that). That disease is common but quite deadly. It was emotionally overwhelming to see my grandpa dying in pain and yet the doctors could not do anything. So to me, doing research on that disease is more of a source of motivation than stress/pressure. Even though my contribution to the treatment of that disease is minimal, I somehow feel better researching on that disease. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more.

From the name of the course, it sounds like you are teaching them academic writing in the context of chemistry. If it is the case, then it is definitely a good idea to teach your students research paper format and general English (especially some common grammatical errors made by non-native speakers and the tone of academic writing). University students tend to struggle with doing literature search, paraphrasing ideas and citing references properly, so it is worth teaching them these as well. I doubt you will need to teach them writing chemical equations. They should have known that from high school chemistry! Do you know anyone who taught or studied that course? You may find out more about the course from them. Alternatively, does your university have some sorts of online learning platform? You could survey your students and see what they want out of the course. Hope that helps.

Others have given you very good advice on how you should deal with that. I am sharing my experiences here. Do you have any friends who is good at computing? At the start of my PhD, my personal desktop decided to break down when I was writing my literature review. I saved backups of my drafts consistently but still I had pages unsaved when that happened. I called a friend who is an expert in computing. He brought a device (forget what it is sorry) and connected to my broken desktop, so I managed to make a copy of everything from the hard drive into my laptop. When my new desktop arrived, I transferred everything back in. To my limited knowledge, you don't need that device if you are transferring data from your laptop hard drive. Anyway, from now on, you should always remember doing regular backups. From my personal experiences, computers work against you when you need them! I have got 3 computers with me, one desktop and one laptop at home, and one desktop in my office. I always save copies of important data and documents (esp. my thesis drafts) to all 3 computers. Don't forget doing regular antiviral software updates too. You know, ransomwares like wannacry are going viral these days. I also use Google drive and an external hard drive. That said, external hard drive alone is not a "safe" backup method. I have friends whose external hard drives got broken when they were writing their thesis! My school also has a server but I don't use it (It's still in trial stage and not sure whether it is reliable). So I usually have 4 copies of my data and documents in various backup methods. I hope this advice is helpful to you.

Update: I would like to thank once again for everyone's replies. I really wish I heard more about how others dealt with the stress during their last months of PhD, but possibly many people forgot after finishing. I had another chat with the PhD student who got panic attack-like symptoms when she met supervisors. She said she spent 9 or 10 months on thesis writing and she was so stressed that she could not remember a lot of things back then. She could only remember getting very panic and sick on a few occasions. Then I bumped into a post-doc who asked about how my writing was going. She reassured me that I would be okay and that's the only thesis I've got to write for my entire life. Turned out that the cure was all my supervisors agreed that I should concentrate 100% on my thesis. My supervisors do wish me to help with more experiments for my own and other projects, but they are happy for me to postpone till I am done with my thesis. Since then, there were a few windy days when I had commitments but I was comfortable walking outside the whole time like before. I had a few early-morning meetings at 9 a.m., and I got up and prepared for them like I used to be. I no longer had that lump in the throat and muscle tension etc. I walked back to my lab as fast as before! I simply feel normal again after stressing out for one bloody year! And the great news is I finally heard about that experiment which I crammed within a week last year. The collaborators is meeting my supervisors to discuss the data. Even though more work may be needed before a manuscript is submitted, I am feeling much better now because my hard work is getting rewarded. I am not stressing out for nothing! Yes, I am yet to refine my thesis draft for n times before I can submit but the stress level is getting manageable. I hope my sharing is helpful to other PhD students who are struggling with stress and feel very alone.

Fuzzylogician and TakeruK have given you very good suggestions. I am adding my personal experience here. I had numerous times when I doubted whether doing a PhD is a right choice. I was actually very into medical school, but due to circumstances I ended up in grad school. Whenever my experiments are not working or I have issues with my advisors, I regret going to grad school, even though I know it is not going to be easier in medical school. I always think that you tend to be more resilient when you are doing something that you like the most. That said, I think you should not quit grad school immediately. Do you have any program coordinators or student consultants whom you can talk to? They must have come across students who considered quitting, and they are the best people to advise you. I can totally relate to the loneliness away from your beloved ones. I am single, but my whole family are overseas so I can understand how bad it is to cope with grad school stress alone. You cannot tell your colleagues what you are going through for fears that they will spread rumours. You can tell your friends outside of grad school, but they never understand. They can only wish you all the best all the time. The worst thing is they always ask when you will graduate, and you have to politely reply them even though you hate this question very much. Is it possible for your bf to look for jobs around where you live? That way you two can spend more time together. Your bf has gone through PhD himself, and he is the person who knows how to support you. I see a psychologist regularly overseas. She has done a PhD herself, and she is my best supporting person. Have you tried counselling? If you are in great mental distress, then you should seek help asap. I had problems with digestion too when I was very stressed out last year. Not to the extent of IBS, but I got episodes of diarrhea even though I did not change my diet. Turned out I got better after I started taking probiotics and a vitamin supplement. It's no harm for you to try these. Hope that helps.

It's good to hear that you have located some English courses that you find helpful. From your posts so far, it doesn't sound like you have very big issues with English. I can totally understand your writing and I would say you are generally good at grammar. Of course, there are always rooms for improvement. Although I am not a native English speaker, I have helped proofread others' writing before, and I have seen many unreadable writing that I could not understand at all. A PhD student in my centre learnt very little English back in her home country and she struggled terribly with writing. Her advisor is generally patient, but he got very mad at her writing. Turned out with the help of her advisor and a copy-editor, she got her thesis done in 10 months. She graduated pretty smoothly. Keep working hard, but don't worry too much!

I definitely make friends with my colleagues, but I do draw a line between personal and professional. I discuss my worries with my colleagues, like how I should do particular experiments, I am stressed out about writing etc. However, I never say anything negative about anyone in the lab, e.g. how I don't like my advisors pushing me hard. These seemingly trivial comments become rumours if there are nosy colleagues around. I do have a colleague who is terribly nosy. She appears to be a nice person who is not particularly into gossiping, but whatever you say become the news in the office the next day. Once I could not shut the door of a freezer in the lab because it was not defrosted for ages and blocks of ice stacked up. I asked for her help to scrape off the ice and the next day everyone in the office knew I couldn't shut the freezer. I am actually very angry at her for that. I simply don't get what's the point of telling everyone that I couldn't shut the freezer??? The freezer was good after scraping off the ice. The other time she chatted to me causally, and she asked about my relationship status. I was fine with that but her next questions offended me a lot. She asked how many relationships I had in the past and how I broke up with my ex. She says she always shares these openly with her siblings, and possibly this is her way to befriend with me. To me, these are rather personal and I prefer to keep to myself. Even my family and best friends do not know the answers to these questions! I still treat her as a friend, but I am mindful of what I share with her. For this reason, I don't attempt to vent out or share personal stuff with my colleagues. I don't know how well they keep secrets, and I don't want to take any chances. I vent out to my friends outside of grad school or post here. These are my personal experiences only. Hope my sharing helps.

I totally feel for you, Adelaide9216! English is also my second language, and I used to have a hard time communicating with native speakers. If you have seen my other posts, you would have known that I am also a highly anxious individual. However, I left my family and pursued undergraduate and postgraduate studies in a new city. I could hardly imagine that it has been nearly 8.5 years since I left home, and I am currently in my final months of PhD. It is undoubtedly a difficult and anxiety-inducing journey, but somehow I survived. Speaking from my own experience, what keeps me going is passion. If you are really into doing a PhD in Canada or the US, believe it or not, you will get through all difficulties. That said, I would suggest you the followings. (1) If English is a problem for you, try to attend some language classes. Maybe go to a TOFEL preparation course. You may need to sit for TOFEL anyway if you want to study in Canada or the US. (2) If you happen to know someone (e.g. family friends) living in Canada or the US (especially in the cities where you intend to study in), have a chat with them. They can be very helpful contacts when you study there. I would also recommend that you attend some conferences in Canada or the US, preferably in the cities where you wish to study in. By doing this, you get to know some local contacts which will be of help when you settle down there. If you are lucky enough, you may come across the research groups that you wish to join. Knowing someone in a new city is a great tool to ease your stress. In between the conferences, walk around the universities where you intend to study in. Locate potential accommodation (e.g. colleges on campus), supermarkets, clinics, banks and transport nearby. In my experience these are the important things to look for when settling in a new city. You could easily locate all these from Google map, but the actual walk is very important because very often you still struggle with finding the places even with Google map. (3) Try to locate a suitable counsellor. You may not need it, but having one handy when you need is very important. I was very stressed out the past few months and struggled with finding a suitable counsellor in my country. Feel free to post back or PM me if you want more information.

Update: I am thankful that things are sorting out well. Last week, I met my primary and secondary supervisors. They both agree that I get my dissertation done before doing more experiments. My co-supervisor was sick and couldn't make it, but we managed to have a brief phone conversation altogether. She was asking how the experiment was going, and I told her that I emailed her the "plans". Turned out she didn't receive my email! She hang up after asking me to resend the email, so I didn't need to tell her that I would not do any experiments until I finish my dissertation. Then my primary supervisor said he would talk to her about delaying the experiment on my behalf. Even though they haven't met yet, she seems to be accepting it because she says nothing since I resent the email. That is really a huge relief to me! I was meant to confront her in person in the meeting about doing the experiment later. I was expecting some hard times with her because she would not take that well. I know her well and she would definitely lecture me on how a successful scientist needs to be capable of handling a lot of experiments and writing etc. She is always harsh whenever she criticises others, unlike my other supervisors who at least say something encouraging, "Even though you are not good enough at such as such, I can see you are getting there." Thanks for everyone who offered advice on dealing with this tough situation!

I am really surprised that my mere suggestions are of help to you. Good luck!

I would say the major difference is the length. Like what I suggested to hejduk, getting some recently published reviews on your topic helps you to narrow down the reading you need. If you find it difficult to fit things in within 10 pages, I would suggest that you have everything written out first. Then you cut it down to 10 pages.

Everyone has given some very good suggestions. In answer to your questions, some people find it easier to jot down some notes from relevant articles (the approach in your first question), while some people find it easier to outline the arguments and cite the relevant articles (the approach in your second question), so it really depends on what works for you. To me, making an outline and plug in the lit works better. My advice is to find some recently published reviews on your topic. This helps you to structure your lit review and pinpoint the articles that are important. This saves you a lot of time "shopping" for articles. Then you add in the latest articles relevant to your topic as you go. Hope that helps.

Thanks for your replies. Could I clarify that I will hire a copy-editor but would still like to improve my English along the way? I located a copy-editor but I am not going to give her my thesis until I finish the whole thing. She makes good edits but she doesn't sit down with clients to discuss the changes required. As I said, I don't wish to leave everything to the copy-editor but not making an effort to improve.

If you are really into his project, I don't see why you shouldn't email him again this year. However, since he didn't reply you last year, chances are he thinks that you are not a suitable candidate for his project. In my opinion, you will need to emphasise in your application why you are interested in his project and why you are a suitable candidate for his project. It would be better if you have gained something more in your CV over the past year, e.g. conference presentations and publications. I would also suggest that you learn from last year's experience. What could you have done better? Maybe have someone to review your applications and do trial interviews with you. I am not sure whether there are policies in your schools of interest as to when you need to contact potential advisors, but it is often better to contact as early as possible. Your applications likely draw more attention to potential advisors when they don't have a lot of applications to review closer to the deadline. To my knowledge, some advisors take students on a "first-come, first-served" manner. Good luck!