fuzzylogician

Yes, you're supposed to develop into an independent scholar by the end of your PhD. But if you were already a fully formed independent scholar, you wouldn't need the PhD training, would you? The difference between your undergraduate degree and your graduate education won't be in that you're suddenly expected to know everything. It'll be in how you go about asking questions and finding out the answers to things you don't know. You'll still have some coursework that will allow you to learn some subject matters in a guided way, but often you'll discover that have to teach yourself what you need to know from here on out. That means identifying what you don't know (crucial first step!) and then what to read/teach yourself to fill the gap. One of the best ways to do that is to *ask around*! This is one of the things your advisor is there for. It's perfectly fine to say you're not familiar (enough) with X. But now, instead of expecting someone to just teach you what X is, you might instead want to ask for some main sources to read to get up to speed, and do the reading yourself. That's what being independent means in this context: not knowing everything, but learning how to develop the tools you need to do your work -- which often means precisely saying that you don't know something and asking for pointers for where to go from there.  

Are you seriously saying that women are incapable of making decisions quickly? Wow! You must know that such generalized beliefs are a clear example of the biases which you personally possess against women.
P.S. Your crude language? Precisely an example of the biases which keep women out of STEM and other male-dominated fields.

Since the people asking are well-meaning, I find that it's usually best to just be honest: "I don't have anything new to report yet, but I promise to tell you as soon as I do." And if it's appropriate: "I know people mean well when they ask this question, but it's hard for me to handle right now. I promise I'll let everyone know as soon as I do, but for now it'd be great if everyone would just stop asking." They're excited for themselves and not thinking through what it must be like for you, but since the intention is good, explaining the situation might be all you need to do. 

Two minutes on google, and this is all I'm going to contribute to this debate at this point. I've been active for about four years now in a study that has collected actual measures from my field, and I can talk about actual real trends and numbers. Everyone else here seems to be talking about their own personal experience and little else, and having done this for several years now, I've learned that engaging in that debate is a waste of time. Find a female colleague near you and have a one-on-one conversation -- meaning as her about her experiences and really listen to the answer. You might learn something. 
http://gender.stanford.edu/news/2014/why-does-john-get-stem-job-rather-jennifer
https://www.nysscpa.org/news/publications/the-trusted-professional/article/woman-who-switched-to-man's-name-on-resume-goes-from-0-to-70-percent-response-rate-060816
https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/unofficial-prognosis/study-shows-gender-bias-in-science-is-real-heres-why-it-matters/
https://www.npr.org/sections/ed/2016/01/25/463846130/why-women-professors-get-lower-ratings

I was going to write a thoughtful long response, as someone who is active in advocating against gender discrimination in my field. I have a lot to say, both from personal experience and based on a large dataset I've collected along with a committee I'm active on showing bias in almost all aspects of a woman academic's life once she graduates from college. (Before you ask for the data, it's confidential and we're in the process of writing up a paper, so if you're *actually* curious, ask me about it in a few months.) I'm in a field where there are more women undergraduates and about as many graduate students as male students. But fewer women get onto shortlists for academic positions; in fact, even once on a short list, they are still less likely to get hired than a man on the same list; fewer women currently serve as faculty members; fewer women get chosen to present papers at conferences; fewer women have their papers published in peer-reviewed journals; fewer women get invited to contribute to handbook articles, which feature the top scholars in the field giving an overview of their main research topic(s); fewer women are invited speakers at conferences; fewer women get their work funded by government agencies. I could go on.
But this poster thinks that being a woman magically opens all doors for a candidate, from sample size N=1, and not even having a full picture of that particular one. To which all I can say is, Wow. 

Two minutes on google, and this is all I'm going to contribute to this debate at this point. I've been active for about four years now in a study that has collected actual measures from my field, and I can talk about actual real trends and numbers. Everyone else here seems to be talking about their own personal experience and little else, and having done this for several years now, I've learned that engaging in that debate is a waste of time. Find a female colleague near you and have a one-on-one conversation -- meaning as her about her experiences and really listen to the answer. You might learn something. 
http://gender.stanford.edu/news/2014/why-does-john-get-stem-job-rather-jennifer
https://www.nysscpa.org/news/publications/the-trusted-professional/article/woman-who-switched-to-man's-name-on-resume-goes-from-0-to-70-percent-response-rate-060816
https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/unofficial-prognosis/study-shows-gender-bias-in-science-is-real-heres-why-it-matters/
https://www.npr.org/sections/ed/2016/01/25/463846130/why-women-professors-get-lower-ratings

Not every roommate will be your friend. Some will want a house mate simply because of finances, but may not be looking for a new friend. Others are more social and want someone who will also hang out with them. That's a question to bring up with potential roommates and to keep in mind when you choose one. 
The finances question is separate. You'll need to ask yourself if you can afford to live alone in your prospective city, and if so, if it's worth the extra investment as opposed to having a roommate. This is a personal choice so no one can tell you what to do. If you've never lived away from home, in my opinion a roommate situation is often easier to get started because they will help with furniture and paying bills and other questions you might have (as well as things you never knew you needed to ask). I'm also suggesting this because someone who's never lived alone may also have a harder time planning their finances, so it's safer to start slower and learn to understand your own spending habits, then move out and live alone later if you so choose. That said, it's totally personal and up to each person to decide.

You can present an unfinished project, but you need to be comfortable with the level of detail you get into. You may not have a fully fleshed out manuscript-length paper yet, but if you don't even have an analysis of some preliminary pilot data, that may not be enough to present. You also need to be familiar enough with all the steps of the study to answer any questions, and you don't want to be caught off guard by questions about how much you can generalize from your study, or whether you even have enough data/robustness to say much of anything. Short answer: yes, you can do it, but there's also a line of unpreparedness you don't want to cross. Talk to your advisor. 

I created an account to answer this topic because I've had a similar experience, and I want you to know that you aren't alone. It's hard, but it gets better. For me it was my undergrad advisor and it totally screwed with my head. I was seventeen when it began and at that age I was insecure and sure I was in the wrong. It can be really difficult to talk about these issues to people in academia. In my experience bringing them up automatically makes people uncomfortable, or at the very least unsure of how to respond. Some people just take it as departmental drama, or maybe they see discussing these things as unprofessional or above their pay grade. So in a way this post isn't just aimed at you, but at everyone out there reading this. I do not believe that any issue can be solved without willingness to discuss it openly. By sweeping this under the rug we're perpetuating a culture that shames and implicates survivors. 
Many people will not understand what you're going through or why it was damaging. Many people will feel uncomfortable acknowledging what happened to you or discussing it. It's important to remember that these are their problems, not yours. You haven't done anything wrong, and it's totally normal to feel traumatized after experiences like this (it does sound to me like you have some form of PTSD -- have you been diagnosed? A psychologist can do that. Psychiatrists/social workers/counselors can't, at least in the US.)
I had nightmares for 2-3 years after getting out of the situation I was in. I'm not sure why they stopped. I have some theories, but I hesitate to proclaim that I have a solution. So I'm just going to list the mess of reasons I think helped me. Some are more easy (and desirable) to recreate than others. 
I found people I could trust to help me in my immediate environment. I think it's really difficult to move on when you're scared that you might be trapped in the same situation again, with no one to help/support you.  I realized that he (my then-advisor) did not have the power he claimed to have. (Backstory: he actually told me that he would ruin my career if I stopped working with him -- and I believed him. I switched labs/fields anyways, but I never thought I'd be able to get into grad school. I thought he'd sabotage it. Wrong. I got in and I'm working with some fantastic people. I'm pretty underwhelmed by anyone who says things like that now.) I was harassed by a colleague and was able to deal with it immediately and effectively. That showed me that I could handle things if they came up. I made friends with a lot of people who had experienced similar things. It gave me space to be myself with people who understood what I was feeling. Actually, my best friend went through something similar at the same time I did (though at a different university). We still talk about it regularly (see #5).  I have made it part of my personal mission to help eradicate these issues. It's not something I bring up in personal statements or when talking about career goals, but it's always at the back of my mind when I think about what I want to do. I want the power to help and support students who get into these kinds of situations (note: I'm not just talking about sexual harassment but any issues of injustice.) I'm going to end my monologue, I can't fit it all on my screen anymore  But please feel free to message me if you want to talk. I know how isolating this kind of thing can be. One last resource I'd like to mention is the link below. It's to a crowdsourced survey of sexual harassment in academia -- so it's not methodologically rigorous in the way a research study would be, but it definitely shows that these problems are far from uncommon. 
https://theprofessorisin.com/2017/12/01/a-crowdsourced-survey-of-sexual-harassment-in-the-academy/
Hugs and best of luck!

That's the main difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist. The former have medical degrees and spend most of their time treating patients through medication. Psychologists will use a variety of other forms of therapy. They might have an MA or PhD, but not an MD, and they won't deal with drugs nearly as much. Other counsellors may be trained as social workers, for example. This all means that these professionals have different trainings and perspectives on how to deal with patients, and you may find that one technique (or therapist) suits you better than another. It's a process of trial and error to find the right combination that works for you. 

Yes, it's okay to email to ask to be put in touch with current students. The two main options that come to mind as to who to ask would be your prospective advisor, if you know who that might be, or the Director of Graduate Studies (usually listed on the People page). If you're not sure, another option is the department admin, who would know where to direct your query. You might also just cold-email a few current students based on shared interests, if those are listed in the People page, though of course that may or may not succeed. 

A lukewarm letter would make things more difficult. Two issues that come to mind: the first is that LORs tend to be excessively positive, so one that discusses negatives may stand out. Second, this is the letter from your main advisor, so it would be taken more seriously than a letter from someone who doesn't know you as well. That said, there's also the question of how this letter fits in the broader scheme of your application: your other letters, you other documents, your grades, etc. If you eventually do have your advisor's support, it doesn't sound like this will sink your application entirely, though you may be right that starting slower and less competitive is a wise direction to go, to make up for the deficiencies that caused you trouble in the first place. 

I don't have any advice on this, but sending you hugs! I hope you can get some help.

Two minutes on google, and this is all I'm going to contribute to this debate at this point. I've been active for about four years now in a study that has collected actual measures from my field, and I can talk about actual real trends and numbers. Everyone else here seems to be talking about their own personal experience and little else, and having done this for several years now, I've learned that engaging in that debate is a waste of time. Find a female colleague near you and have a one-on-one conversation -- meaning as her about her experiences and really listen to the answer. You might learn something. 
http://gender.stanford.edu/news/2014/why-does-john-get-stem-job-rather-jennifer
https://www.nysscpa.org/news/publications/the-trusted-professional/article/woman-who-switched-to-man's-name-on-resume-goes-from-0-to-70-percent-response-rate-060816
https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/unofficial-prognosis/study-shows-gender-bias-in-science-is-real-heres-why-it-matters/
https://www.npr.org/sections/ed/2016/01/25/463846130/why-women-professors-get-lower-ratings

I was going to write a thoughtful long response, as someone who is active in advocating against gender discrimination in my field. I have a lot to say, both from personal experience and based on a large dataset I've collected along with a committee I'm active on showing bias in almost all aspects of a woman academic's life once she graduates from college. (Before you ask for the data, it's confidential and we're in the process of writing up a paper, so if you're *actually* curious, ask me about it in a few months.) I'm in a field where there are more women undergraduates and about as many graduate students as male students. But fewer women get onto shortlists for academic positions; in fact, even once on a short list, they are still less likely to get hired than a man on the same list; fewer women currently serve as faculty members; fewer women get chosen to present papers at conferences; fewer women have their papers published in peer-reviewed journals; fewer women get invited to contribute to handbook articles, which feature the top scholars in the field giving an overview of their main research topic(s); fewer women are invited speakers at conferences; fewer women get their work funded by government agencies. I could go on.
But this poster thinks that being a woman magically opens all doors for a candidate, from sample size N=1, and not even having a full picture of that particular one. To which all I can say is, Wow. 

Seek help elsewhere, in a way that doesn't burn a bridge with your advisor. Maybe you can form a small reading group among your peers so you can read and comment on each other's work. In addition, use your other committee members (I hope you have a committee!). Or, have a meeting with another faculty member to talk about your work, despite your advisor's "preference". Advisors who isolate their students from everyone else are what I consider abusive. Academic research works best when there is an open discussion with multiple points of view and (aside from fears of scooping and the like) you show your work locally to friends and colleagues on a regular basis to get advice from various sources. 
For context, though, meeting with a student every other week at this late stage in their career doesn't sound all that out of order for me; you should be writing. I don't think the lack of feedback is okay, or the "don't talk to others" part, but I think you want to concentrate on what's actually a problem. Keep in mind that you'll likely still need your advisor's support after you graduate for letters of recommendation, so you should be careful here. Sometimes it's up to you to "manage" the relationship to get what you need out of it. If he isn't good at reading drafts (not okay!), maybe you should come to your next meeting with a handout summarizing a chapter/result/project and talk through the main points you argue for. Maybe your questions are too vague ("is this good enough") and he doesn't want to get into that, because frankly it's very hard to answer. Maybe he gets easily distracted, and you need to come with a pre-prepared written down agenda to make sure you don't digress, and if/when you do, you can pull the conversation back in. It doesn't sound like he's perfect or anywhere near, but if this is what you have at the moment and it's too late to change, it might be best to manage expectations. 

I was going to write a thoughtful long response, as someone who is active in advocating against gender discrimination in my field. I have a lot to say, both from personal experience and based on a large dataset I've collected along with a committee I'm active on showing bias in almost all aspects of a woman academic's life once she graduates from college. (Before you ask for the data, it's confidential and we're in the process of writing up a paper, so if you're *actually* curious, ask me about it in a few months.) I'm in a field where there are more women undergraduates and about as many graduate students as male students. But fewer women get onto shortlists for academic positions; in fact, even once on a short list, they are still less likely to get hired than a man on the same list; fewer women currently serve as faculty members; fewer women get chosen to present papers at conferences; fewer women have their papers published in peer-reviewed journals; fewer women get invited to contribute to handbook articles, which feature the top scholars in the field giving an overview of their main research topic(s); fewer women are invited speakers at conferences; fewer women get their work funded by government agencies. I could go on.
But this poster thinks that being a woman magically opens all doors for a candidate, from sample size N=1, and not even having a full picture of that particular one. To which all I can say is, Wow. 

Seek help elsewhere, in a way that doesn't burn a bridge with your advisor. Maybe you can form a small reading group among your peers so you can read and comment on each other's work. In addition, use your other committee members (I hope you have a committee!). Or, have a meeting with another faculty member to talk about your work, despite your advisor's "preference". Advisors who isolate their students from everyone else are what I consider abusive. Academic research works best when there is an open discussion with multiple points of view and (aside from fears of scooping and the like) you show your work locally to friends and colleagues on a regular basis to get advice from various sources. 
For context, though, meeting with a student every other week at this late stage in their career doesn't sound all that out of order for me; you should be writing. I don't think the lack of feedback is okay, or the "don't talk to others" part, but I think you want to concentrate on what's actually a problem. Keep in mind that you'll likely still need your advisor's support after you graduate for letters of recommendation, so you should be careful here. Sometimes it's up to you to "manage" the relationship to get what you need out of it. If he isn't good at reading drafts (not okay!), maybe you should come to your next meeting with a handout summarizing a chapter/result/project and talk through the main points you argue for. Maybe your questions are too vague ("is this good enough") and he doesn't want to get into that, because frankly it's very hard to answer. Maybe he gets easily distracted, and you need to come with a pre-prepared written down agenda to make sure you don't digress, and if/when you do, you can pull the conversation back in. It doesn't sound like he's perfect or anywhere near, but if this is what you have at the moment and it's too late to change, it might be best to manage expectations. 

Seek help elsewhere, in a way that doesn't burn a bridge with your advisor. Maybe you can form a small reading group among your peers so you can read and comment on each other's work. In addition, use your other committee members (I hope you have a committee!). Or, have a meeting with another faculty member to talk about your work, despite your advisor's "preference". Advisors who isolate their students from everyone else are what I consider abusive. Academic research works best when there is an open discussion with multiple points of view and (aside from fears of scooping and the like) you show your work locally to friends and colleagues on a regular basis to get advice from various sources. 
For context, though, meeting with a student every other week at this late stage in their career doesn't sound all that out of order for me; you should be writing. I don't think the lack of feedback is okay, or the "don't talk to others" part, but I think you want to concentrate on what's actually a problem. Keep in mind that you'll likely still need your advisor's support after you graduate for letters of recommendation, so you should be careful here. Sometimes it's up to you to "manage" the relationship to get what you need out of it. If he isn't good at reading drafts (not okay!), maybe you should come to your next meeting with a handout summarizing a chapter/result/project and talk through the main points you argue for. Maybe your questions are too vague ("is this good enough") and he doesn't want to get into that, because frankly it's very hard to answer. Maybe he gets easily distracted, and you need to come with a pre-prepared written down agenda to make sure you don't digress, and if/when you do, you can pull the conversation back in. It doesn't sound like he's perfect or anywhere near, but if this is what you have at the moment and it's too late to change, it might be best to manage expectations. 

You want to kill someone for doing something that confused and inconvenienced you? Can we just pause and note that that's not okay? 
Changing the grading scheme mid-way through the course shouldn't be ok. At most institutions I know, that wouldn't be allowed. More to the point, why don't you schedule a meeting with the professor to ask what prompted the change, and how he wants you do deal with precisely the questions you bring up here? What happens when someone doing as well as before gets lower grades on an assignment, and someone who has even improved still gets what looks like a lower grade? Maybe the solution is to have the professor explicitly discuss this change in his policies in class. Either way, it should be his responsibility to address this problem, and your job is to do what he tell you. 

Seconding the above suggestions. You should have a frank conversation with your potential advisors about these incidents. You should also talk to current students. All these conversations should happen in person if possible and on the phone/skype otherwise. No one will put down in writing anything that would be incriminating. There are questions about how much this was a part of the culture in the department and how much it still is. There are questions about how the department and university handled the situation and what measures have been put in place as a result. There are questions about the current department atmosphere and about how this scandal has affected current students and recent alums on the job market. Some of this is unknowable if it was recent, and some of it may not affect you as someone who won't be involved with these professors. But there might be a concern if this means that the department could lose funding or collaboration opportunities, or if it's perceived as not having dealt with the situation and/or having affected advising and student progress in a way that could color the field's perception of you. In most cases like these students aren't judged harshly because everyone understands their position in the food chain. But it's worth having the conversations and understanding where things stand. 

I was going to write a thoughtful long response, as someone who is active in advocating against gender discrimination in my field. I have a lot to say, both from personal experience and based on a large dataset I've collected along with a committee I'm active on showing bias in almost all aspects of a woman academic's life once she graduates from college. (Before you ask for the data, it's confidential and we're in the process of writing up a paper, so if you're *actually* curious, ask me about it in a few months.) I'm in a field where there are more women undergraduates and about as many graduate students as male students. But fewer women get onto shortlists for academic positions; in fact, even once on a short list, they are still less likely to get hired than a man on the same list; fewer women currently serve as faculty members; fewer women get chosen to present papers at conferences; fewer women have their papers published in peer-reviewed journals; fewer women get invited to contribute to handbook articles, which feature the top scholars in the field giving an overview of their main research topic(s); fewer women are invited speakers at conferences; fewer women get their work funded by government agencies. I could go on.
But this poster thinks that being a woman magically opens all doors for a candidate, from sample size N=1, and not even having a full picture of that particular one. To which all I can say is, Wow. 

Well, I think you already know exactly what the considerations are for making this decision. You've given your word to School A, but now there's a development and you want to go to School B. You understand that this will not make School A happy; but we don't know if this means that they lose funding, or can't recruit students they wanted to get, or alternatively if they can easily fill the spot and there will be no harm done. Different programs are structured in different ways and the source of funding is also a consideration. Since you can't know this, you just have to decide based on the information available to you. On the on harm no foul side, you can just change your decision and all is well. The question to ask yourself is the worst case scenario: suppose you burn that bridge and it's irreparable. Then what? Is it worth it? That's a question that may have implications for future conferences or publications or even jobs, or just having someone who's pissed at you out there. There's no way for us to know. 
No, that's only relevant for US schools, and only for funded offers there. It doesn't extend to European schools. 

Two minutes on google, and this is all I'm going to contribute to this debate at this point. I've been active for about four years now in a study that has collected actual measures from my field, and I can talk about actual real trends and numbers. Everyone else here seems to be talking about their own personal experience and little else, and having done this for several years now, I've learned that engaging in that debate is a waste of time. Find a female colleague near you and have a one-on-one conversation -- meaning as her about her experiences and really listen to the answer. You might learn something. 
http://gender.stanford.edu/news/2014/why-does-john-get-stem-job-rather-jennifer
https://www.nysscpa.org/news/publications/the-trusted-professional/article/woman-who-switched-to-man's-name-on-resume-goes-from-0-to-70-percent-response-rate-060816
https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/unofficial-prognosis/study-shows-gender-bias-in-science-is-real-heres-why-it-matters/
https://www.npr.org/sections/ed/2016/01/25/463846130/why-women-professors-get-lower-ratings

I was going to write a thoughtful long response, as someone who is active in advocating against gender discrimination in my field. I have a lot to say, both from personal experience and based on a large dataset I've collected along with a committee I'm active on showing bias in almost all aspects of a woman academic's life once she graduates from college. (Before you ask for the data, it's confidential and we're in the process of writing up a paper, so if you're *actually* curious, ask me about it in a few months.) I'm in a field where there are more women undergraduates and about as many graduate students as male students. But fewer women get onto shortlists for academic positions; in fact, even once on a short list, they are still less likely to get hired than a man on the same list; fewer women currently serve as faculty members; fewer women get chosen to present papers at conferences; fewer women have their papers published in peer-reviewed journals; fewer women get invited to contribute to handbook articles, which feature the top scholars in the field giving an overview of their main research topic(s); fewer women are invited speakers at conferences; fewer women get their work funded by government agencies. I could go on.
But this poster thinks that being a woman magically opens all doors for a candidate, from sample size N=1, and not even having a full picture of that particular one. To which all I can say is, Wow.