juilletmercredi

there's no way for her to not know how much money I bring in from any job.

Yes, there is. You are over 18. Get a bank account in your name, and when you get paid deposit your check in there or get direct deposit, and then don't share the account number or the balance with anyone. Don't even leave a copy of the account number at home where she can find it. And if she asks, refuse to tell her. There is literally no way that she can find out what the account number is or what your balance is unless she does something illegal like misrepresents herself as you at the bank...or unless you tell her.

She doesn't give me money, but I do live with her. I guess that means she can decide where I go to school since I'm not contributing to the rent (I can't with no job anyway).

It does not. No one has the right to force you to do anything you don't want to do - go to grad school, hold a specific job, etc. I know it's hard to realize when you are in the midst of such abuse. But NO ONE can decide where you go to school, or whether. If you stopped going to school today and just dropped out, what could she do? Nothing. Maybe kick you out of the house, but that might be a positive thing!

I have a LinkedIn account with my work posted...never once have I gotten anything from there.

Most people don't get job offers through LinkedIN...they don't just show up. You may make contacts on LinkedIn that can help you when you apply for a job, but jobs don't fall into people's laps like that unless they are quite privileged.

At the very least, I believe some of my private loans will get forgiven when my mother dies since she's my co-signer.

That's not the way co-signing works. As a co-signer, your mom agrees to pay the loan only if you default. She's like a guarantor. If she dies, you are still the primary debtor and you will still be responsible for paying the loans. She's just a little extra guarantee for them.

Assuming that you are serious about this...we have no idea why your advisor called you a waste of money, and we have no idea whether you actually are a waste of money - especially given the very few details you've given us.

Nonetheless, even if you ARE a waste of money in her eyes saying it to your face is very unprofessional, especially if it did not come along with any indication of how to improve. I think you should talk to your DGS about the matter.

Can some of you please elaborate on navigating department politics. What to look for, who to ask, what absolutely not to do, horror stories, whatever

Politics: Academics are a genteel bunch, generally speaking. They usually won't say anything outright negative about other people (partially because it's such a small world and that person might be on a committee you're on next year - or even better, on your grant or tenure review committee). Look for the veiled references, the awkward silences, the pointed omissions. Ask current graduate students, too, before you tie yourself to someone because they are far more willing to be frank with you about your advisors.

As a grad student, having a powerful advocate for you within the department is great. Assistant professors can be awesome but they generally cannot fulfill the role of a powerful advocate. My advisor is an assistant professor, but I have another official advisor who is a full professor and an informal advisor who's associate. Their contacts in the university have been invaluable in helping me through some bureaucratic nightmares. One example: I TAed in the department my full professor advisor is appointed in and partway through the semester, I was told I would not be compensated (long story). I fought the good fight with financial aid on my own for weeks getting nowhere. I mentioned it to my advisor and within two weeks the money was in my account. Work with people who can advocate for you.

My advice:

-I'm gonna go the opposite of snarky and say *don't* volunteer for stuff. It depends on your department culture, but volunteering for too much can add way too much on your plate.

-Don't lose yourself. Grad school has a way of taking you over and taking the joy out of a lot of the things you would otherwise rather be doing than work, because you feel guilty about not doing work just about any time that you aren't doing work. Find a way to beat that feeling and maintain who you are. Hold onto cherished hobbies, read a pleasure book every now and then, allow yourself mindless reality television or whatever your guilt is.

-Corollary to above: Decide right now what you are willing to sacrifice for this degree and the requisite career after it. What is important to you? If you have to list it out on paper, do that. Now think about which of those things you are willing to give up in exchange for quality of your work and career. Good research takes time; great research takes more time; excellent research takes even more time and being a superstar takes most of your time. Realize that there is NO shame in realizing early on that you do not want to be a superstar.

-Sometimes, the best advisors aren't the ones with the closest research to your own but the ones you get along with the best, and who are really dedicated to getting you up and out.

-A paper will never be good if it's not done.

-If you are interested in non-academic jobs...find out what you need to do to get them, and do those things. Don't let anyone (advisors, colleagues, etc.) browbeat you or persuade you to drop your non-academic aspirations, if you know that the professor life is not for you. I've found that advisors have unrealistic expectations about the ease with which their students will get tt jobs after grad school.

-If you have health insurance and need to see a therapist, use it. You'd probably be surprised to know how many people in your department are battling mental health issues and talking to therapists. (Everyone in my cohort is or was.) Grad school threatens that mental health. Work on it.

-I agree with the chair advice. I already had chronic back pain when I came to grad school and grad school has made it worse. However, a decent chair helps a lot. I didn't have the money to spring for a $300 desk chair (that will be the next step though, maybe next year) but I did get a $70 one from Wal-Mart that gives me pretty decent support. I can't sit in it forever, but 4-6 hours is usually all I want to sit there for anyway and I can usually get through that pretty comfortably. (The education school here has EXCELLENT desk chairs in their meeting rooms - they feel like sitting on a cloud, and my back doesn't even notice them. But I'm sure they were like $600 a piece or something, lol. That's what inspired me to get a mesh chair next time I buy a chair).

This thread is great.

The best parts about a low-income upbringing is that living on a 1500 stipend isn't that much different than any other time in life, and when that 6 figure job drops we'll have the common sense to still live like we do on that 1500 stipend

Yep, this. I'm just thrilled with being able to replace things before they run out. The idea of *just my salary* being $60K+? That rocks my world, lol.

I'm a first-generation African American student. My father drove the bus in the city for 17 years, and my mom was a stay at home mother. I go to an Ivy League graduate school now, after winning a scholarship to study at a small historically black women's college for undergrad. The hardest thing for me is that I get jealous of the trips my colleagues take - most of them come from middle-class or upper-middle-class backgrounds (I'd call mine borderline working/lower-middle-class, I suppose). So taking trips is just built into their psyche whereas I didn't take any trips we couldn't drive to whem I was younger. They go across continents for their holidays and summer trips and I'm trying to figure out how they pay for this stuff! Unless I'm going to a conference or a wedding, I don't take trips. It leaves me the most bitter of anything else because I always dreamed of traveling as a child, and these are people who have and are going to all the places I've always wanted to visit. Oh well, I guess there's the future...

I also have the same issues with trying to explain to family members what I'm doing, why this is hard (they think it's like extended college) and that there is no bounded time frame that they can expect me to be done within. My father was actually unhappy when I decided to do a PhD, and he tried to convince me to quit with my master's when I went home for a visit this summer. Nobody in my family gets the point. OR they think that I'm going to be ridiculously rich with a PhD. They are generally supportive, but my mom recently began pressuring me to get married and have children (I'm turning 25 this year!!!) and my cousin keeps asking me when I'm going to have kids. She's the same age as me and she's got two. I'm not even sure I *want* to have kids, but I think my mom might faint if I tell her that. I was telling my fiance that I feel like I'm in a constant flux/conflict between the university world I inhabit that's got upper-middle-class values and my family's world with the working-class ones.

Can some of you please elaborate on navigating department politics. What to look for, who to ask, what absolutely not to do, horror stories, whatever

Politics: Academics are a genteel bunch, generally speaking. They usually won't say anything outright negative about other people (partially because it's such a small world and that person might be on a committee you're on next year - or even better, on your grant or tenure review committee). Look for the veiled references, the awkward silences, the pointed omissions. Ask current graduate students, too, before you tie yourself to someone because they are far more willing to be frank with you about your advisors.

As a grad student, having a powerful advocate for you within the department is great. Assistant professors can be awesome but they generally cannot fulfill the role of a powerful advocate. My advisor is an assistant professor, but I have another official advisor who is a full professor and an informal advisor who's associate. Their contacts in the university have been invaluable in helping me through some bureaucratic nightmares. One example: I TAed in the department my full professor advisor is appointed in and partway through the semester, I was told I would not be compensated (long story). I fought the good fight with financial aid on my own for weeks getting nowhere. I mentioned it to my advisor and within two weeks the money was in my account. Work with people who can advocate for you.

My advice:

-I'm gonna go the opposite of snarky and say *don't* volunteer for stuff. It depends on your department culture, but volunteering for too much can add way too much on your plate.

-Don't lose yourself. Grad school has a way of taking you over and taking the joy out of a lot of the things you would otherwise rather be doing than work, because you feel guilty about not doing work just about any time that you aren't doing work. Find a way to beat that feeling and maintain who you are. Hold onto cherished hobbies, read a pleasure book every now and then, allow yourself mindless reality television or whatever your guilt is.

-Corollary to above: Decide right now what you are willing to sacrifice for this degree and the requisite career after it. What is important to you? If you have to list it out on paper, do that. Now think about which of those things you are willing to give up in exchange for quality of your work and career. Good research takes time; great research takes more time; excellent research takes even more time and being a superstar takes most of your time. Realize that there is NO shame in realizing early on that you do not want to be a superstar.

-Sometimes, the best advisors aren't the ones with the closest research to your own but the ones you get along with the best, and who are really dedicated to getting you up and out.

-A paper will never be good if it's not done.

-If you are interested in non-academic jobs...find out what you need to do to get them, and do those things. Don't let anyone (advisors, colleagues, etc.) browbeat you or persuade you to drop your non-academic aspirations, if you know that the professor life is not for you. I've found that advisors have unrealistic expectations about the ease with which their students will get tt jobs after grad school.

-If you have health insurance and need to see a therapist, use it. You'd probably be surprised to know how many people in your department are battling mental health issues and talking to therapists. (Everyone in my cohort is or was.) Grad school threatens that mental health. Work on it.

-I agree with the chair advice. I already had chronic back pain when I came to grad school and grad school has made it worse. However, a decent chair helps a lot. I didn't have the money to spring for a $300 desk chair (that will be the next step though, maybe next year) but I did get a $70 one from Wal-Mart that gives me pretty decent support. I can't sit in it forever, but 4-6 hours is usually all I want to sit there for anyway and I can usually get through that pretty comfortably. (The education school here has EXCELLENT desk chairs in their meeting rooms - they feel like sitting on a cloud, and my back doesn't even notice them. But I'm sure they were like $600 a piece or something, lol. That's what inspired me to get a mesh chair next time I buy a chair).

Can some of you please elaborate on navigating department politics. What to look for, who to ask, what absolutely not to do, horror stories, whatever

Politics: Academics are a genteel bunch, generally speaking. They usually won't say anything outright negative about other people (partially because it's such a small world and that person might be on a committee you're on next year - or even better, on your grant or tenure review committee). Look for the veiled references, the awkward silences, the pointed omissions. Ask current graduate students, too, before you tie yourself to someone because they are far more willing to be frank with you about your advisors.

As a grad student, having a powerful advocate for you within the department is great. Assistant professors can be awesome but they generally cannot fulfill the role of a powerful advocate. My advisor is an assistant professor, but I have another official advisor who is a full professor and an informal advisor who's associate. Their contacts in the university have been invaluable in helping me through some bureaucratic nightmares. One example: I TAed in the department my full professor advisor is appointed in and partway through the semester, I was told I would not be compensated (long story). I fought the good fight with financial aid on my own for weeks getting nowhere. I mentioned it to my advisor and within two weeks the money was in my account. Work with people who can advocate for you.

My advice:

-I'm gonna go the opposite of snarky and say *don't* volunteer for stuff. It depends on your department culture, but volunteering for too much can add way too much on your plate.

-Don't lose yourself. Grad school has a way of taking you over and taking the joy out of a lot of the things you would otherwise rather be doing than work, because you feel guilty about not doing work just about any time that you aren't doing work. Find a way to beat that feeling and maintain who you are. Hold onto cherished hobbies, read a pleasure book every now and then, allow yourself mindless reality television or whatever your guilt is.

-Corollary to above: Decide right now what you are willing to sacrifice for this degree and the requisite career after it. What is important to you? If you have to list it out on paper, do that. Now think about which of those things you are willing to give up in exchange for quality of your work and career. Good research takes time; great research takes more time; excellent research takes even more time and being a superstar takes most of your time. Realize that there is NO shame in realizing early on that you do not want to be a superstar.

-Sometimes, the best advisors aren't the ones with the closest research to your own but the ones you get along with the best, and who are really dedicated to getting you up and out.

-A paper will never be good if it's not done.

-If you are interested in non-academic jobs...find out what you need to do to get them, and do those things. Don't let anyone (advisors, colleagues, etc.) browbeat you or persuade you to drop your non-academic aspirations, if you know that the professor life is not for you. I've found that advisors have unrealistic expectations about the ease with which their students will get tt jobs after grad school.

-If you have health insurance and need to see a therapist, use it. You'd probably be surprised to know how many people in your department are battling mental health issues and talking to therapists. (Everyone in my cohort is or was.) Grad school threatens that mental health. Work on it.

-I agree with the chair advice. I already had chronic back pain when I came to grad school and grad school has made it worse. However, a decent chair helps a lot. I didn't have the money to spring for a $300 desk chair (that will be the next step though, maybe next year) but I did get a $70 one from Wal-Mart that gives me pretty decent support. I can't sit in it forever, but 4-6 hours is usually all I want to sit there for anyway and I can usually get through that pretty comfortably. (The education school here has EXCELLENT desk chairs in their meeting rooms - they feel like sitting on a cloud, and my back doesn't even notice them. But I'm sure they were like $600 a piece or something, lol. That's what inspired me to get a mesh chair next time I buy a chair).

Can some of you please elaborate on navigating department politics. What to look for, who to ask, what absolutely not to do, horror stories, whatever

Politics: Academics are a genteel bunch, generally speaking. They usually won't say anything outright negative about other people (partially because it's such a small world and that person might be on a committee you're on next year - or even better, on your grant or tenure review committee). Look for the veiled references, the awkward silences, the pointed omissions. Ask current graduate students, too, before you tie yourself to someone because they are far more willing to be frank with you about your advisors.

As a grad student, having a powerful advocate for you within the department is great. Assistant professors can be awesome but they generally cannot fulfill the role of a powerful advocate. My advisor is an assistant professor, but I have another official advisor who is a full professor and an informal advisor who's associate. Their contacts in the university have been invaluable in helping me through some bureaucratic nightmares. One example: I TAed in the department my full professor advisor is appointed in and partway through the semester, I was told I would not be compensated (long story). I fought the good fight with financial aid on my own for weeks getting nowhere. I mentioned it to my advisor and within two weeks the money was in my account. Work with people who can advocate for you.

My advice:

-I'm gonna go the opposite of snarky and say *don't* volunteer for stuff. It depends on your department culture, but volunteering for too much can add way too much on your plate.

-Don't lose yourself. Grad school has a way of taking you over and taking the joy out of a lot of the things you would otherwise rather be doing than work, because you feel guilty about not doing work just about any time that you aren't doing work. Find a way to beat that feeling and maintain who you are. Hold onto cherished hobbies, read a pleasure book every now and then, allow yourself mindless reality television or whatever your guilt is.

-Corollary to above: Decide right now what you are willing to sacrifice for this degree and the requisite career after it. What is important to you? If you have to list it out on paper, do that. Now think about which of those things you are willing to give up in exchange for quality of your work and career. Good research takes time; great research takes more time; excellent research takes even more time and being a superstar takes most of your time. Realize that there is NO shame in realizing early on that you do not want to be a superstar.

-Sometimes, the best advisors aren't the ones with the closest research to your own but the ones you get along with the best, and who are really dedicated to getting you up and out.

-A paper will never be good if it's not done.

-If you are interested in non-academic jobs...find out what you need to do to get them, and do those things. Don't let anyone (advisors, colleagues, etc.) browbeat you or persuade you to drop your non-academic aspirations, if you know that the professor life is not for you. I've found that advisors have unrealistic expectations about the ease with which their students will get tt jobs after grad school.

-If you have health insurance and need to see a therapist, use it. You'd probably be surprised to know how many people in your department are battling mental health issues and talking to therapists. (Everyone in my cohort is or was.) Grad school threatens that mental health. Work on it.

-I agree with the chair advice. I already had chronic back pain when I came to grad school and grad school has made it worse. However, a decent chair helps a lot. I didn't have the money to spring for a $300 desk chair (that will be the next step though, maybe next year) but I did get a $70 one from Wal-Mart that gives me pretty decent support. I can't sit in it forever, but 4-6 hours is usually all I want to sit there for anyway and I can usually get through that pretty comfortably. (The education school here has EXCELLENT desk chairs in their meeting rooms - they feel like sitting on a cloud, and my back doesn't even notice them. But I'm sure they were like $600 a piece or something, lol. That's what inspired me to get a mesh chair next time I buy a chair).

Can some of you please elaborate on navigating department politics. What to look for, who to ask, what absolutely not to do, horror stories, whatever

Politics: Academics are a genteel bunch, generally speaking. They usually won't say anything outright negative about other people (partially because it's such a small world and that person might be on a committee you're on next year - or even better, on your grant or tenure review committee). Look for the veiled references, the awkward silences, the pointed omissions. Ask current graduate students, too, before you tie yourself to someone because they are far more willing to be frank with you about your advisors.

As a grad student, having a powerful advocate for you within the department is great. Assistant professors can be awesome but they generally cannot fulfill the role of a powerful advocate. My advisor is an assistant professor, but I have another official advisor who is a full professor and an informal advisor who's associate. Their contacts in the university have been invaluable in helping me through some bureaucratic nightmares. One example: I TAed in the department my full professor advisor is appointed in and partway through the semester, I was told I would not be compensated (long story). I fought the good fight with financial aid on my own for weeks getting nowhere. I mentioned it to my advisor and within two weeks the money was in my account. Work with people who can advocate for you.

My advice:

-I'm gonna go the opposite of snarky and say *don't* volunteer for stuff. It depends on your department culture, but volunteering for too much can add way too much on your plate.

-Don't lose yourself. Grad school has a way of taking you over and taking the joy out of a lot of the things you would otherwise rather be doing than work, because you feel guilty about not doing work just about any time that you aren't doing work. Find a way to beat that feeling and maintain who you are. Hold onto cherished hobbies, read a pleasure book every now and then, allow yourself mindless reality television or whatever your guilt is.

-Corollary to above: Decide right now what you are willing to sacrifice for this degree and the requisite career after it. What is important to you? If you have to list it out on paper, do that. Now think about which of those things you are willing to give up in exchange for quality of your work and career. Good research takes time; great research takes more time; excellent research takes even more time and being a superstar takes most of your time. Realize that there is NO shame in realizing early on that you do not want to be a superstar.

-Sometimes, the best advisors aren't the ones with the closest research to your own but the ones you get along with the best, and who are really dedicated to getting you up and out.

-A paper will never be good if it's not done.

-If you are interested in non-academic jobs...find out what you need to do to get them, and do those things. Don't let anyone (advisors, colleagues, etc.) browbeat you or persuade you to drop your non-academic aspirations, if you know that the professor life is not for you. I've found that advisors have unrealistic expectations about the ease with which their students will get tt jobs after grad school.

-If you have health insurance and need to see a therapist, use it. You'd probably be surprised to know how many people in your department are battling mental health issues and talking to therapists. (Everyone in my cohort is or was.) Grad school threatens that mental health. Work on it.

-I agree with the chair advice. I already had chronic back pain when I came to grad school and grad school has made it worse. However, a decent chair helps a lot. I didn't have the money to spring for a $300 desk chair (that will be the next step though, maybe next year) but I did get a $70 one from Wal-Mart that gives me pretty decent support. I can't sit in it forever, but 4-6 hours is usually all I want to sit there for anyway and I can usually get through that pretty comfortably. (The education school here has EXCELLENT desk chairs in their meeting rooms - they feel like sitting on a cloud, and my back doesn't even notice them. But I'm sure they were like $600 a piece or something, lol. That's what inspired me to get a mesh chair next time I buy a chair).

Can some of you please elaborate on navigating department politics. What to look for, who to ask, what absolutely not to do, horror stories, whatever

Politics: Academics are a genteel bunch, generally speaking. They usually won't say anything outright negative about other people (partially because it's such a small world and that person might be on a committee you're on next year - or even better, on your grant or tenure review committee). Look for the veiled references, the awkward silences, the pointed omissions. Ask current graduate students, too, before you tie yourself to someone because they are far more willing to be frank with you about your advisors.

As a grad student, having a powerful advocate for you within the department is great. Assistant professors can be awesome but they generally cannot fulfill the role of a powerful advocate. My advisor is an assistant professor, but I have another official advisor who is a full professor and an informal advisor who's associate. Their contacts in the university have been invaluable in helping me through some bureaucratic nightmares. One example: I TAed in the department my full professor advisor is appointed in and partway through the semester, I was told I would not be compensated (long story). I fought the good fight with financial aid on my own for weeks getting nowhere. I mentioned it to my advisor and within two weeks the money was in my account. Work with people who can advocate for you.

My advice:

-I'm gonna go the opposite of snarky and say *don't* volunteer for stuff. It depends on your department culture, but volunteering for too much can add way too much on your plate.

-Don't lose yourself. Grad school has a way of taking you over and taking the joy out of a lot of the things you would otherwise rather be doing than work, because you feel guilty about not doing work just about any time that you aren't doing work. Find a way to beat that feeling and maintain who you are. Hold onto cherished hobbies, read a pleasure book every now and then, allow yourself mindless reality television or whatever your guilt is.

-Corollary to above: Decide right now what you are willing to sacrifice for this degree and the requisite career after it. What is important to you? If you have to list it out on paper, do that. Now think about which of those things you are willing to give up in exchange for quality of your work and career. Good research takes time; great research takes more time; excellent research takes even more time and being a superstar takes most of your time. Realize that there is NO shame in realizing early on that you do not want to be a superstar.

-Sometimes, the best advisors aren't the ones with the closest research to your own but the ones you get along with the best, and who are really dedicated to getting you up and out.

-A paper will never be good if it's not done.

-If you are interested in non-academic jobs...find out what you need to do to get them, and do those things. Don't let anyone (advisors, colleagues, etc.) browbeat you or persuade you to drop your non-academic aspirations, if you know that the professor life is not for you. I've found that advisors have unrealistic expectations about the ease with which their students will get tt jobs after grad school.

-If you have health insurance and need to see a therapist, use it. You'd probably be surprised to know how many people in your department are battling mental health issues and talking to therapists. (Everyone in my cohort is or was.) Grad school threatens that mental health. Work on it.

-I agree with the chair advice. I already had chronic back pain when I came to grad school and grad school has made it worse. However, a decent chair helps a lot. I didn't have the money to spring for a $300 desk chair (that will be the next step though, maybe next year) but I did get a $70 one from Wal-Mart that gives me pretty decent support. I can't sit in it forever, but 4-6 hours is usually all I want to sit there for anyway and I can usually get through that pretty comfortably. (The education school here has EXCELLENT desk chairs in their meeting rooms - they feel like sitting on a cloud, and my back doesn't even notice them. But I'm sure they were like $600 a piece or something, lol. That's what inspired me to get a mesh chair next time I buy a chair).

Did you take time between undergrad and your master's program?

It really depends on your field and your inclinations. Personally, while I do not regret coming to this PhD program I do regret not taking some time between undergrad and grad school to fulfill some dreams - world travel, teaching abroad, that sort of thing. I often advise people who are vacillating and who ask me to take some time "off" between undergrad and doctoral studies, or master's programs and doctoral programs if they didn't take any time before.

It's up to you. I can't really tell whether you are asking whether you should pursue one at all, or whether you should pursue one now. It just really depends on you, and your readiness to pursue graduate work, and what field you are in and able you will be to do the things you want to do after you graduate with your PhD. In one of my fields work experience is nothing but good. In another, it's viewed as extra 'space' between you and research and people may doubt your passion. So it's sometimes field-dependent.

The answer to the GRE question is also somewhat field-dependent, and also depends on what you mean by so-so. In one of my fields (psychology), a 1200 is the accepted standard for getting into a PhD program. So if an applicant had a score significantly lower than a 1200 - let's say lower than 1150 - even if they had a master's I would advise them to retake. And even an 1180 will keep you out of some programs that have a firm 1200 cut off, like my own - my DGS openly told me that they do not look at applicants that come with a GRE score of less than 1200. So I'd say browse the websites of programs in which you are interested and get a feel for what their average and/or expected GRE scores are. If there aren't any, find some schools that you may not be interested in but are similar to your program in caliber and see what *they* say. Another resource is asking the departmental secretary.

I find that professors have some weird ideas about academic diversity. I've heard the 'no studying at the same undergrad school before', but never 'don't study in the same state'...I think that's kind of ridiculous. Two universities in the same state may have completely different academic atmospheres - there are so many universities in New York City, for example, and I don't think they share too many similarities. My university is probably more similar to some in other states than it is to some unis here. However, I think that for a PhD program you should be pretty location-free. If you are serious about an academic career, you're going to need to be portable; even if you don't want academia, PhDs are best done when you can go to the uni that's the best fit for you research-wise, advisor-wise, and personality-wise. Assuming that your husband is in good standing, he can transfer to a uni in your new city.

How you choose a field depends on what YOU want to study. I've heard it said that you can answer the same questions from different fields, but what changes is the approach you use. That is to say, sociologists, anthropologists, and cultural psychologists do a lot of overlapping work but they take different metholodigcal and theoretical approaches to those subjects. I chose my degree because it's an interdisciplinary psychology and public health degree. I like to use social psychological research methods to answer my questions but I wanted to interrogate from a public health perspective, so I chose this degree. I think it's silly to expect academic diversity on the graduate level in people's degrees, because graduate work builds on previous work. A computer science major isn't going to suddenly go do a PhD in English literature without some serious prep work, you know? So much of doctoral work is predicated on prior knowledge that it'd be difficult to complete the degree without a background in the field, and I don't think there's anything wrong with going into the same specialization for your PhD as your MS if that's what you are interested in. After all, there's a reason you attended in the first place.

Can some of you please elaborate on navigating department politics. What to look for, who to ask, what absolutely not to do, horror stories, whatever

Politics: Academics are a genteel bunch, generally speaking. They usually won't say anything outright negative about other people (partially because it's such a small world and that person might be on a committee you're on next year - or even better, on your grant or tenure review committee). Look for the veiled references, the awkward silences, the pointed omissions. Ask current graduate students, too, before you tie yourself to someone because they are far more willing to be frank with you about your advisors.

As a grad student, having a powerful advocate for you within the department is great. Assistant professors can be awesome but they generally cannot fulfill the role of a powerful advocate. My advisor is an assistant professor, but I have another official advisor who is a full professor and an informal advisor who's associate. Their contacts in the university have been invaluable in helping me through some bureaucratic nightmares. One example: I TAed in the department my full professor advisor is appointed in and partway through the semester, I was told I would not be compensated (long story). I fought the good fight with financial aid on my own for weeks getting nowhere. I mentioned it to my advisor and within two weeks the money was in my account. Work with people who can advocate for you.

My advice:

-I'm gonna go the opposite of snarky and say *don't* volunteer for stuff. It depends on your department culture, but volunteering for too much can add way too much on your plate.

-Don't lose yourself. Grad school has a way of taking you over and taking the joy out of a lot of the things you would otherwise rather be doing than work, because you feel guilty about not doing work just about any time that you aren't doing work. Find a way to beat that feeling and maintain who you are. Hold onto cherished hobbies, read a pleasure book every now and then, allow yourself mindless reality television or whatever your guilt is.

-Corollary to above: Decide right now what you are willing to sacrifice for this degree and the requisite career after it. What is important to you? If you have to list it out on paper, do that. Now think about which of those things you are willing to give up in exchange for quality of your work and career. Good research takes time; great research takes more time; excellent research takes even more time and being a superstar takes most of your time. Realize that there is NO shame in realizing early on that you do not want to be a superstar.

-Sometimes, the best advisors aren't the ones with the closest research to your own but the ones you get along with the best, and who are really dedicated to getting you up and out.

-A paper will never be good if it's not done.

-If you are interested in non-academic jobs...find out what you need to do to get them, and do those things. Don't let anyone (advisors, colleagues, etc.) browbeat you or persuade you to drop your non-academic aspirations, if you know that the professor life is not for you. I've found that advisors have unrealistic expectations about the ease with which their students will get tt jobs after grad school.

-If you have health insurance and need to see a therapist, use it. You'd probably be surprised to know how many people in your department are battling mental health issues and talking to therapists. (Everyone in my cohort is or was.) Grad school threatens that mental health. Work on it.

-I agree with the chair advice. I already had chronic back pain when I came to grad school and grad school has made it worse. However, a decent chair helps a lot. I didn't have the money to spring for a $300 desk chair (that will be the next step though, maybe next year) but I did get a $70 one from Wal-Mart that gives me pretty decent support. I can't sit in it forever, but 4-6 hours is usually all I want to sit there for anyway and I can usually get through that pretty comfortably. (The education school here has EXCELLENT desk chairs in their meeting rooms - they feel like sitting on a cloud, and my back doesn't even notice them. But I'm sure they were like $600 a piece or something, lol. That's what inspired me to get a mesh chair next time I buy a chair).

Can some of you please elaborate on navigating department politics. What to look for, who to ask, what absolutely not to do, horror stories, whatever

Politics: Academics are a genteel bunch, generally speaking. They usually won't say anything outright negative about other people (partially because it's such a small world and that person might be on a committee you're on next year - or even better, on your grant or tenure review committee). Look for the veiled references, the awkward silences, the pointed omissions. Ask current graduate students, too, before you tie yourself to someone because they are far more willing to be frank with you about your advisors.

As a grad student, having a powerful advocate for you within the department is great. Assistant professors can be awesome but they generally cannot fulfill the role of a powerful advocate. My advisor is an assistant professor, but I have another official advisor who is a full professor and an informal advisor who's associate. Their contacts in the university have been invaluable in helping me through some bureaucratic nightmares. One example: I TAed in the department my full professor advisor is appointed in and partway through the semester, I was told I would not be compensated (long story). I fought the good fight with financial aid on my own for weeks getting nowhere. I mentioned it to my advisor and within two weeks the money was in my account. Work with people who can advocate for you.

My advice:

-I'm gonna go the opposite of snarky and say *don't* volunteer for stuff. It depends on your department culture, but volunteering for too much can add way too much on your plate.

-Don't lose yourself. Grad school has a way of taking you over and taking the joy out of a lot of the things you would otherwise rather be doing than work, because you feel guilty about not doing work just about any time that you aren't doing work. Find a way to beat that feeling and maintain who you are. Hold onto cherished hobbies, read a pleasure book every now and then, allow yourself mindless reality television or whatever your guilt is.

-Corollary to above: Decide right now what you are willing to sacrifice for this degree and the requisite career after it. What is important to you? If you have to list it out on paper, do that. Now think about which of those things you are willing to give up in exchange for quality of your work and career. Good research takes time; great research takes more time; excellent research takes even more time and being a superstar takes most of your time. Realize that there is NO shame in realizing early on that you do not want to be a superstar.

-Sometimes, the best advisors aren't the ones with the closest research to your own but the ones you get along with the best, and who are really dedicated to getting you up and out.

-A paper will never be good if it's not done.

-If you are interested in non-academic jobs...find out what you need to do to get them, and do those things. Don't let anyone (advisors, colleagues, etc.) browbeat you or persuade you to drop your non-academic aspirations, if you know that the professor life is not for you. I've found that advisors have unrealistic expectations about the ease with which their students will get tt jobs after grad school.

-If you have health insurance and need to see a therapist, use it. You'd probably be surprised to know how many people in your department are battling mental health issues and talking to therapists. (Everyone in my cohort is or was.) Grad school threatens that mental health. Work on it.

-I agree with the chair advice. I already had chronic back pain when I came to grad school and grad school has made it worse. However, a decent chair helps a lot. I didn't have the money to spring for a $300 desk chair (that will be the next step though, maybe next year) but I did get a $70 one from Wal-Mart that gives me pretty decent support. I can't sit in it forever, but 4-6 hours is usually all I want to sit there for anyway and I can usually get through that pretty comfortably. (The education school here has EXCELLENT desk chairs in their meeting rooms - they feel like sitting on a cloud, and my back doesn't even notice them. But I'm sure they were like $600 a piece or something, lol. That's what inspired me to get a mesh chair next time I buy a chair).

Can some of you please elaborate on navigating department politics. What to look for, who to ask, what absolutely not to do, horror stories, whatever

Politics: Academics are a genteel bunch, generally speaking. They usually won't say anything outright negative about other people (partially because it's such a small world and that person might be on a committee you're on next year - or even better, on your grant or tenure review committee). Look for the veiled references, the awkward silences, the pointed omissions. Ask current graduate students, too, before you tie yourself to someone because they are far more willing to be frank with you about your advisors.

As a grad student, having a powerful advocate for you within the department is great. Assistant professors can be awesome but they generally cannot fulfill the role of a powerful advocate. My advisor is an assistant professor, but I have another official advisor who is a full professor and an informal advisor who's associate. Their contacts in the university have been invaluable in helping me through some bureaucratic nightmares. One example: I TAed in the department my full professor advisor is appointed in and partway through the semester, I was told I would not be compensated (long story). I fought the good fight with financial aid on my own for weeks getting nowhere. I mentioned it to my advisor and within two weeks the money was in my account. Work with people who can advocate for you.

My advice:

-I'm gonna go the opposite of snarky and say *don't* volunteer for stuff. It depends on your department culture, but volunteering for too much can add way too much on your plate.

-Don't lose yourself. Grad school has a way of taking you over and taking the joy out of a lot of the things you would otherwise rather be doing than work, because you feel guilty about not doing work just about any time that you aren't doing work. Find a way to beat that feeling and maintain who you are. Hold onto cherished hobbies, read a pleasure book every now and then, allow yourself mindless reality television or whatever your guilt is.

-Corollary to above: Decide right now what you are willing to sacrifice for this degree and the requisite career after it. What is important to you? If you have to list it out on paper, do that. Now think about which of those things you are willing to give up in exchange for quality of your work and career. Good research takes time; great research takes more time; excellent research takes even more time and being a superstar takes most of your time. Realize that there is NO shame in realizing early on that you do not want to be a superstar.

-Sometimes, the best advisors aren't the ones with the closest research to your own but the ones you get along with the best, and who are really dedicated to getting you up and out.

-A paper will never be good if it's not done.

-If you are interested in non-academic jobs...find out what you need to do to get them, and do those things. Don't let anyone (advisors, colleagues, etc.) browbeat you or persuade you to drop your non-academic aspirations, if you know that the professor life is not for you. I've found that advisors have unrealistic expectations about the ease with which their students will get tt jobs after grad school.

-If you have health insurance and need to see a therapist, use it. You'd probably be surprised to know how many people in your department are battling mental health issues and talking to therapists. (Everyone in my cohort is or was.) Grad school threatens that mental health. Work on it.

-I agree with the chair advice. I already had chronic back pain when I came to grad school and grad school has made it worse. However, a decent chair helps a lot. I didn't have the money to spring for a $300 desk chair (that will be the next step though, maybe next year) but I did get a $70 one from Wal-Mart that gives me pretty decent support. I can't sit in it forever, but 4-6 hours is usually all I want to sit there for anyway and I can usually get through that pretty comfortably. (The education school here has EXCELLENT desk chairs in their meeting rooms - they feel like sitting on a cloud, and my back doesn't even notice them. But I'm sure they were like $600 a piece or something, lol. That's what inspired me to get a mesh chair next time I buy a chair).

Eh, it depends. I went from undergrad to a PhD program in 2008, so I'm in my third year. It's both true and false. I had a bad case of senioritis my last year, but O defeated it by focusing on my research and my senior thesis AND settling for "good enough" on the other classes I was taking once I had made my decisions. You just have to be good enough, especially in non-field classes.

But on the other hand, it's better in grad school because you are focused on your area of interest - I loved taking only classes I was interested in. However, I don't necessarily agree that the motivation follows the interest. There will be pleeeeeeeeeeenty of times where you know that you love what you do and once you get started with a specific task, you'll be on a roll and really enjoy it. Yet, you don't begin because...well, whatever you're doing to procrastinate feels good! Lol.

This thread is great.

The best parts about a low-income upbringing is that living on a 1500 stipend isn't that much different than any other time in life, and when that 6 figure job drops we'll have the common sense to still live like we do on that 1500 stipend

Yep, this. I'm just thrilled with being able to replace things before they run out. The idea of *just my salary* being $60K+? That rocks my world, lol.

I'm a first-generation African American student. My father drove the bus in the city for 17 years, and my mom was a stay at home mother. I go to an Ivy League graduate school now, after winning a scholarship to study at a small historically black women's college for undergrad. The hardest thing for me is that I get jealous of the trips my colleagues take - most of them come from middle-class or upper-middle-class backgrounds (I'd call mine borderline working/lower-middle-class, I suppose). So taking trips is just built into their psyche whereas I didn't take any trips we couldn't drive to whem I was younger. They go across continents for their holidays and summer trips and I'm trying to figure out how they pay for this stuff! Unless I'm going to a conference or a wedding, I don't take trips. It leaves me the most bitter of anything else because I always dreamed of traveling as a child, and these are people who have and are going to all the places I've always wanted to visit. Oh well, I guess there's the future...

I also have the same issues with trying to explain to family members what I'm doing, why this is hard (they think it's like extended college) and that there is no bounded time frame that they can expect me to be done within. My father was actually unhappy when I decided to do a PhD, and he tried to convince me to quit with my master's when I went home for a visit this summer. Nobody in my family gets the point. OR they think that I'm going to be ridiculously rich with a PhD. They are generally supportive, but my mom recently began pressuring me to get married and have children (I'm turning 25 this year!!!) and my cousin keeps asking me when I'm going to have kids. She's the same age as me and she's got two. I'm not even sure I *want* to have kids, but I think my mom might faint if I tell her that. I was telling my fiance that I feel like I'm in a constant flux/conflict between the university world I inhabit that's got upper-middle-class values and my family's world with the working-class ones.

Are you waiting because Program 1 did not give you funding and you are curious as to whether Program 2 will give you funding, and plan to switch?

If you have no intention of declining Program 1 to go to Program 2 regardless of the decision, then you should just withdraw your application already. What's the point?

No, realistically, it will be much more than $60K. If the schook is $32K per year and you only have a $6K scholarship, you're looking at $26K per year or $52K for a two-year program. But you haven't factored in living expenses. If you borrow $25K per year for two years to live on, then you're looking at $102K, plus interest. Even if you scrape by on $20K per year, that's still $92K overall.

How will you pay off $92,000? Will your salary look anything like that with a master's in urban planning? I'm guessing no.

Are you waiting because Program 1 did not give you funding and you are curious as to whether Program 2 will give you funding, and plan to switch?

If you have no intention of declining Program 1 to go to Program 2 regardless of the decision, then you should just withdraw your application already. What's the point?

Assuming a 45-credit program, that's $50K of debt not including living expenses for UCF, vs. $13K for WSU. Let's say that you borrown $20K for living expenses in Florida per year, but $25K in MA to account for the different living expenses. That's still $90K at UCF but $63K at WSU.

For a two year program, I don't think you should go anywhere for location or weather considerations. There is no law saying that you'll have to stay in the Northeast your entire life. You can pursue jobs in the South or other warmer regions later on in life. You don't have to go to school nearby where you want to live - it's ideal if you can, of course, but people move states all the time. Particularly in fields that require licensure, if you can get reciprocal licensure in another state you are usually good to go. And with email and the telephone, you can make contacts anywhere, especially if you go to professional conferences and networking events. I have contacts in many different parts of the country - in fact, most of my contacts are NOT in New York.

I also do not agree with the "university culture" argument. That's an undergraduate thing. When you are in grad school, the atmosphere of the university doesn't affect you as much; it's more about the atmosphere of your particular departments and the resources that are available to you.

I would not go to an unfunded PhD program. At most private universities, you're looking at tuition of $30-40K per year and living expenses between $20-25K per year. If you only have to fund yourself one year, you're looking at $50-65K, which can be doable if you get full funding your second year and beyond. Most jobs for PhDs will pay around that I suppose, so assuming that you don't have big debt from undergrad that can be manageable. I wouldn't recommend it, though.

However, if there's the risk of funding more than 1 year on your own, your costs shoot up to six figures and there's no way to manage that debt - either in academia or in the vast majority of jobs. It doesn't really matter if it moves you towards the PhD and academia - academia doesn't pay well enough in the early years for you to pay off six-figure debt.

My two cents:

I was accepted at Columbia for my PhD and am thinking of going to their graduate housing (at least in the first 1-2 years). Can anyone comment on how good/bad is Columbia graduate housing? It has the huge advantage of being rather cheap (in NYC terms) and very close to the campus.

I'm assuming you're on main campus and not the medical center campus. Most of the PhD students I know who are on main campus live in campus housing. The distance is very, very convenient, and for the area of New York that Columbia's housing is in (Upper West Side) it's very affordable on a student stipend. Columbia's stipends are also quite generous, so I know that the students there are comfortable. I've been inside a few and they are very nice - they look like your average apartment, except for New York they are quite nice (most NYC apartments are a lot older) and quite comfortable in size by New York standards. If you are going to be on main campus I recommend looking there first.

I go to school on the medical center campus (even though I am in a joint program, officially I belong to the CUMC) and the housing up here sucks. It's very dorm-ish and it's around the same price that you can get your own non-Columbia housing place up here, if not cheaper, with fewer roommates. (I have half a two bedroom apartment for the same amount that I would have to pay to share an apartment 3 ways in Columbia's housing.) So if you're looking at medical center campus housing, start looking elsewhere IMO.

I've been looking all over, including Brighton Beach (yes I know it's far from Manhattan but who cares, I'm from Miami and commute a total of 4 hours daily...), Flatbush, etc.

Being on the CUMC campus of Columbia I know a LOT of people who commute in from Brooklyn. As long as you are game for the commute (on the subway it ends up being about 1-1.5 hours to Columbia depending on how far into Brooklyn you live, longer at night after the trains run local. If you are going somewhere closer to downtown - to NYU I'd imagine it'd be ideal, maybe 15-45 minutes; to the New School and CUNY somewhere in between). I have a few friends who live in Flatbush and they love it.

Would living in Manhattan be doable on this? I'll be looking at renting a room from someone, not getting a whole place to myself.

Yes. It won't be high on the hog but you'll be comfortable. For comparison, after taxes I live on about $2100 a month, and I do fine, even sneaking in the occasional dinner out and new pair of shoes. It's pretty tight; I was doing better when my after-tax income was $2300 a month but my funding situation changed recently. Definitely more roommates is preferable - if I don't get the residence life positions I'm applying for, I'll be looking to rent a room in an apartment with more roommates for a lower rent.

I've been accepted to Fordham's Rose Hill GSAS program in the Bronx. Some friends and I have been planning to live in Brooklyn for years becasue we know its cheaper than manhattan, but will it be feasible to commute from Brooklyn to the Bronx almost daily via Subway? I'm also considering bringing a bike to make the commute?

The medical center campus I attend is about a 20 minute commute to Fordham in the Bronx, and I know a lot of people who commute from Brooklyn to CUMC every day So yeah, it's feasible if you are willing to make the trek. I also have a post-doc in my lab who bikes from Brooklyn to the main campus on 116th St every day. But as someone who lives a 10-minute walk from campus, it's a lot more convenient. Still, almost everyone in NYC commutes somewhere so you won't be alone. It doesn't have to be multiple transfers - if you live on the 4 or the B/D it won't be any transfers, and if you live close to a subway that connects to those trains along the line (almost any train that runs through Brooklyn) it can only be one transfer. But I would also look in Harlem - you can find affordable housing in Harlem and it's a lot closer than Brooklyn. Try Washington Heights and Inwood, too. I live in Wash Heights.

I just got into Teachers College, and I'm trying to figure out where I should be looking for apartments. I've pretty much ruled out most of Manhattan (though if there are any affordable areas I don't know about, please enlighten me!), and I can't really tell what'll be moderately affordable with a reasonable commute. Help, please!


IMO, Harlem would be the closest commute and affordable. I live in Washington Heights and I can get to Teachers College in 25 minutes door to door (from the time I walk out of my building to the time I'm walking into the building), and it's affordable here too. Inwood would be a bit longer (35-45 minutes depending on where you live) but I know folks who live up there too and it's nice. Also some of the closer areas in Queens might work out, like Astoria and Long Island City. I do know a lot of people who commute up farther than TC from Brooklyn, but you've got to be willing to do it.

I recently made a visit to one of the programs I was accepted into and LOVED IT. It is PERFECT. It is a perfect fit: I love the faculty, students, current research, location... even the tiny department building itself. I LOVE IT. I am ready to say, "yes! yes! I do! I do!" And this is a lot coming from someone who does not want to leave NY and has a grad school option to allow her to stay. Tomorrow, I will contact CUNY and let them know that I will not be attending so they can give my funding to someone else. However, I was advised by my partner not to give my perfect program an official acceptance yet because I have not heard back from a few programs. I am 100% sure Harvard and NYU gave me the boot. However, there is still a chance that I might get into Indiana (WL), Amherst, and Johns Hopkins. Indiana and Johns Hopkins do fit with my research interests, not as well as my perfect school, but compatible enough. I am just SO READY to say YES to the perfect school? But should I wait? Am I just high off of my excitement? Wouldn't it be better to remove oneself off the list so others could bump up in the case that there is an unsaid wait-list?

I think the only good reason to hold out would be looking at funding offers. If your top-choice is the perfect research match for you, you love the department and you enjoyed your time there and the location is good - I would decline/withdraw right now while it's still early enough in the season. The only reason I wouldn't would be 1) if the funding is less than satisfactory or if 2) you are curious to see whether you would prefer the atmospheres of the other schools.

If you are still waiting for Harvard and NYU then you are not 100% sure they rejected you, lol. Would you choose NYU or Harvard over this school? If you say yes to one or either of them I would hold on to them. It seems you are waiting on 5 programs. What I personally would do is decline the programs that are not good research matches for me and/or I know I wouldn't like the location as much as Perfect School. You seemed to indicate that Amherst doesn't really fit well, so I might drop them, for example. I might also drop Indiana because you have been waitlisted there - it's not like you are waiting on an actual decision, so better to bump someone else up on the waitlist assuming there is someone beneath you. I would be left with NYU (which I would retain), Harvard (which I might retain) and Johns Hopkins (which would be a toss-up depending on how close the research match is and depending on how much I was interested in living in Baltimore compared to my other choice).

I will say this: I regret not taking 1-2 years off and teaching abroad before this program. It was one of my dreams and I gave it up because I got into a prestigious program that doesn't allow deferrals. I really, really wish I had. So if this is something you want to do, I say that you do it, because it's a lot harder to do it once you've got the PhD (or in the middle of the program).



I would hate for this to sound callous but...you have to do what's best for you, honestly. The program has a choice about whether they want to fill your spot with someone else for this year and then leave a spot open for you for next year, or not to. I think everyone applying to grad school has a responsibility to come up with a Plan B, because there's always the chance you won't get in. I also don't see how OP's deferral is going to cost someone else a spot? In any case, OP really wants to go badly too, and I don't know why one person's desire should be weighted over the other's.

I will say this: I regret not taking 1-2 years off and teaching abroad before this program. It was one of my dreams and I gave it up because I got into a prestigious program that doesn't allow deferrals. I really, really wish I had. So if this is something you want to do, I say that you do it, because it's a lot harder to do it once you've got the PhD (or in the middle of the program).



I would hate for this to sound callous but...you have to do what's best for you, honestly. The program has a choice about whether they want to fill your spot with someone else for this year and then leave a spot open for you for next year, or not to. I think everyone applying to grad school has a responsibility to come up with a Plan B, because there's always the chance you won't get in. I also don't see how OP's deferral is going to cost someone else a spot? In any case, OP really wants to go badly too, and I don't know why one person's desire should be weighted over the other's.

I will say this: I regret not taking 1-2 years off and teaching abroad before this program. It was one of my dreams and I gave it up because I got into a prestigious program that doesn't allow deferrals. I really, really wish I had. So if this is something you want to do, I say that you do it, because it's a lot harder to do it once you've got the PhD (or in the middle of the program).



I would hate for this to sound callous but...you have to do what's best for you, honestly. The program has a choice about whether they want to fill your spot with someone else for this year and then leave a spot open for you for next year, or not to. I think everyone applying to grad school has a responsibility to come up with a Plan B, because there's always the chance you won't get in. I also don't see how OP's deferral is going to cost someone else a spot? In any case, OP really wants to go badly too, and I don't know why one person's desire should be weighted over the other's.