Things not to say to someone who has just been rejected by their dream school

[Coyolxauhqui]

My mom so needs to read this...

A pamphlet, you say?

Presenting!

a preview!

Front side

Back side

[Bonkers]

What not to say based on my mom's efforts at consoling my grad school-related stress:

"Well, if you get rejected everywhere else you can get a real job! And make money!"

"You don't have to go to school... you should get a job on Wall Street and find a banker to marry."

"Maybe you should just pick a different career and become a pharmacist like Susan's nephew who now makes six digits.... SIX! He just stands there at Rite-Aide."

[mostlytoasty]

When I got rejected from Berkeley my mom said, "I didn't like Berkeley anyway. Too dirty."

Oh, and then after I told my dad I was waitlisted he said, "Waitlist? That's just a nice way saying you're rejected right?"

Edited February 18, 2011 by mostlytoasty

[cornichon33]

I got the weather one today. AND the "well, it wasn't meant to be..."

The best responses from friends:

Are you kidding?

and

F&ck School X.

"The weather sucks there anyway," which is true and is what I will tell myself if I don't get in.

[pavloviandoggy]

Yes. Absolutely. I also suggest "Getting Accepted Anywhere is an Honor (Even if You Haven't Heard of the School or the Name Won't Impress Your Friends)." I got in to UMN, which happens to have an excellent program for my field. My parents' response was, "That's nice. When do you hear back from Harvard?"

THIS. I'm going to grad school in a relatively new field, so there's not a lot of programs to choose from. When I told my friends that I was applying to a smaller public school in my university, they said, "Why aren't you applying to [Home State] University?" [Home State] University is a "public ivy", and it's great for undergrad, but they don't even have a program in my area of study.

Someone from my church said this to me before I'd even heard back from my dream school. "You know, graduate school is hard. It's not for everyone. Just because you were one of the smart kids in high school and college doesn't mean you can handle grad school." I later found out that she'd gotten her masters from Kaplan College. So on one end, I have people criticizing my top choice school. On the other hand, I've got people acting like all degrees are equal.

[amandacarol1215]

"I guess that's just not where you were supposed to end up"

Really? Thanks for the encouragement...

[Zouzax]

when i got my first rejection, my friend said:

"Well, were you really THAT excited about going there anyway?"

ummm .. yea... it wouldve been nice to go to one of the TOP schools in the country!!

[Bilusaurus]

I applied to just one school. And I know I am going to be rejected.

The following will not make yours truly best pleased when he finally gets the rejection letter:

1. "Ah. You just saved five years of your short and meaningless life."

2. "That's good. You won't have to survive on your own cooking."

3. "You can't put off cleaning your room any more."

Sadly, number three is inevitable.

Sigh.

[Social Psyc Researcher]

Awesome!

A pamphlet, you say?

Presenting!

a preview!

Front side

Back side

[Social Psyc Researcher]

This thread is amazing and has totally lightened my mood. I was talking to a friend the other day explaining how I was concerned that I may not be getting in AGAIN this year after receiving several rejections, she said --

"I mean how long are you going to keep applying? Maybe you should just get a job, you are qualified for something, aren't you? I mean how much time are you going to waste trying to get in?"

It was a good thing we were on the phone because I really wanted to punch her...

I also must say that I really really hate, "I am sure you'll get in somewhere."

This is especially irritating because it almost always comes from people who have no idea what they are talking about, and it really just comes off as a nice way of saying "your failure is making me uncomfortable, so I am going to try and say something nice and get the hell out of here."

Edited February 20, 2011 by Social Psyc Researcher

[qbtacoma]

When I was talking with my grandmother about the school locations, she said, "Well, honey, I'm going to pray that you don't get into the schools on the East Coast, because I don't like the weather out there and I wouldn't like visiting." Uh, thanks, I guess.

Fortunately I was more amused than anything because the schools I really want to go to are, in fact, not on the East Coast. And hey - God listened! I was rejected! I had no idea she had such rapport with the big man.

[jergensultrahealing]

I really really hate, "I am sure you'll get in somewhere."

This is especially irritating because it almost always comes from people who have no idea what they are talking about, and it really just comes off as a nice way of saying "your failure is making me uncomfortable, so I am going to try and say something nice and get the hell out of here."

Would you really rather hear someone tell you that "your failure is making me uncomfortable, so I'm going to try to say something nice..."?

[nervousnelly]

From my boyfriend, who got in everywhere he applied except for Harvard (i.e., elite schools), and just got his PhD from a school that didn't take me: "Well... I didn't get into Harvard."

[fsmn36]

"You know, you never know what you're going to do. My brother couldn't find a job after he got his MFA, and he ended up driving a truck for a few years. You know, truck drivers make a lot of money."

That wasn't even sarcasm. That was an attempt at making me feel better. What?

LOL! I feel like that's something my family would say. In fact, prior to applying, one of my grandfathers asked me "Why do you want to get a PhD? You're just going to end up working at (local grocery store), anyway."

*facepalm*

[antithesis]

"yyyeaaaahhh, I'm still going to need you to go ahead and move out this summer. I have friends moving in. yyeaahh" Imagine that being said in Gary Cole's voice from Office Space. Damn TPS reports.

[farnsworth]

"You'll get in somewhere"

"Well, I have a feeling about school x"

and the sports related "X has the most (home runs, touchdowns, etc) and also the most (strikeouts, interceptions, etc)".

[antithesis]

"You'll get in somewhere"

"Well, I have a feeling about school x"

and the sports related "X has the most (home runs, touchdowns, etc) and also the most (strikeouts, interceptions, etc)".

Ha! I hate that when I mention a school that I applied to to someone (mainly Northwestern) that everyone's first response is about how bad their sports teams are. I don't think they understand that sports...well, they just aren't important.

[tydil]

I got the rejection email from Dream University and left the lecture. As I told friends I only got the "well everything happens for a reason." My response: "Yes, and the reason is I'm not good enough. You're not helping. (Many tears)"

One of my friends said she has no idea how to help people when they're upset (and neither do I) so we tried the experiment of her just saying "I'm sorry" over and over. It was really nice, actually.

The best response I got was via text message "uhm i think u over qualified yur probably too good for them well hopefully X now did u hear from any other uni?" Nothing like a sweet girl trying to rebuild a giant ego recently crushed.

[joops]

"Well, God has a plan for you. He always works things out!"

This is about the worst possible thing a person could say to an atheist applying to graduate school who has yet to receive an acceptance.

[The Dudester]

I would prefer: "Since you aren't going there and won't need all your brain cells, let's go kill a few!" And then be self-destructive.

[The Dudester]

Ha! I hate that when I mention a school that I applied to to someone (mainly Northwestern) that everyone's first response is about how bad their sports teams are. I don't think they understand that sports...well, they just aren't important.

Well, there is the Flutie effect.

[pinot noir]

This is kind of off topic, but when I told my professor (the one who wrote me a LoR) that I got in he went wide-eyed and said, "You're joking, right! You're kidding!"

[Silent_Bobina]

OMG hilarious! This thread has made me feel better about life. That phamplet is AWESOME!

The worst thing I've been told is "you probably didn't get in because you admitted you were bi-sexual in your SOP!"

[pikaStardust]

after going through all the posts, I once more realized how horrible people can be, especially the ones who have no idea about this painful process and sadly, my family definitely is in this category.

my mum has engraved her name into the history of epic fail with big, golden letters with her response to my rejections.

I got rejected by my dream school last monday, after an interview. during the interview, they said that i had a strong application - twice - and only thing my app is now depending on is the amount of funding they will be receiving for international students. so I was really hoping that things will be fine but then, that cold rejection e-mail. I cannot express how disappointed I was when I read that mail. then after an hour or so, I received my third rejection. totally screwed up at that point, so I went to my mum in hope of some comforting and she gave me the most awful, emotionless response that one could possibly achieve: "then they accepted people better than you. heh heh heh" I said you really are not helping and shut myself to my room. I am in pieces and you are telling me the most obvious point, ohhh thank you, now I am soooo happy.

as if it was not all bad, I got my fourth rejection from my second choice a couple of hours later. when I told my dad about these 3 rejects , he only asked my B plan and advised me to apply to masters. wtf!?! I got 3 rejects in one day, including my dream school, and you do nothing to relieve me or cheer me up but ask my plan B. I was aware that they did not have any idea how these things work and the hard times I am going through but this much ignorance, now I wasn't expecting that. thank you both for being perfect parents!! and there is also my brother who does not give a damn about all these... and yet they say your family is the biggest support in the hard times.

at least I've got friends who can share my pain, we sweared to all adcoms after reading my last reject e-mail together. it really gives you some relief

[OwlBeYourFriend]

Yeah, I've actually gotten the pre-emptive "if it doesn't happen, it's not meant to be" already, since I got waitlisted at my top choice.

It mainly sucks 'cause my SO has already started looking for housing at his, and I haven't even gotten one acceptance.

FRUSTRATING.

Though the most ridiculous reply was when I told my mom I got waitlisted. She started asking if I needed references and sent me the link to the program website. I told her there was nothing else I could do but wait, and she used the line "I'm just looking out for your future". Yeah, only because my top choice is a cost-free program if accepted, Mom :/