Your "Best" Student Answers

[mandarin.orange]

In the spirit of this website, I thought it might be fun to start a thread of your most memorable, funny, head-shaking, eye-rolling student responses, or moments in class. I actually started a Word file I've kept going for a few years now with some of my favorites. Here are few examples:

Q. What are three benefits we obtain from the sun?

A. Tanning, PRETTYNESS, and light!

From a colleague who taught Religious Studies: "Another example of a covenant God made was with Joan of Arc. He promised he'd never flood the earth again. He gave a rainbow and a dove to prove it."

And:

"Most of Earth’s freshwater is in lakes, streams and rivers. Second to that would be glaciers and ice burgers."

I love teaching, but always dreaded the drudgery of taking papers home to grade them. These are the dark humor moments that keep you going. Any others out there?

[UnlikelyGrad]

Not one of my students, but an officemate's (we used to read each other funny snippets to stay amused). The question was something along the lines of: given what you've learned about melting points of saturated vs. unsaturated fats, why do you think cold-water fish have unsaturated fats in their bodies?

Best answer ever: "Because otherwise, the fish will melt."

(We just about fell on the floor, we were laughing so hard)

[Strangefox]

Best answer ever: "Because otherwise, the fish will melt."

[dimanche0829]

I follow this one blog about this very topic: http://shitmystudentswrite.tumblr.com/. Love it.

I've felt like the world's biggest idiot ever since I started taking grad courses, but reading all the strange and embarrassing things others write and say has been mildly therapeutic.

[mandarin.orange]

Melting fish!! That just made my morning.

Here is one:

Q: If we keep clear-cutting rainforest, why is it difficult for plants to re-establish themselves?

A: It will harder for them to find their pray and with everything going on they could get scared.

...another display of the lack of understanding about basic ecological concepts (like...photosynthesis).

[theregalrenegade]

I follow this one blog about this very topic: http://shitmystudentswrite.tumblr.com/. Love it.

Great site!

[runonsentence]

Not to ruin the party, but I have to say that I have huge issues with sites like "Shit my Students Write." Laughing at at something snarky a student wrote is one thing, but sites like that really encourage teachers to rag on students for their lack of understanding, and for missteps they take as they try (their best, as novices) to begin navigating the waters of academic discourse.

I wrote really embarrassing, really silly things as an undergrad. It would have really hurt me to know that my professors were laughing at everything I turned into them and sharing it with all of their colleagues.

Students trust us to help them learn, and we're often repeating adages to them like, "there is no stupid question except the one you haven't asked." I still vent to my colleagues, and I still trade stories about unbelievable things my students have done and said. But my new goal is to keep my badmouthing about students to a minimum, especially online.

</steps off soapbox>

[Two Espressos]

Not to ruin the party, but I have to say that I have huge issues with sites like "Shit my Students Write." Laughing at at something snarky a student wrote is one thing, but sites like that really encourage teachers to rag on students for their lack of understanding, and for missteps they take as they try (their best, as novices) to begin navigating the waters of academic discourse.

I wrote really embarrassing, really silly things as an undergrad. It would have really hurt me to know that my professors were laughing at everything I turned into them and sharing it with all of their colleagues.

Students trust us to help them learn, and we're often repeating adages to them like, "there is no stupid question except the one you haven't asked." I still vent to my colleagues, and I still trade stories about unbelievable things my students have done and said. But my new goal is to keep my badmouthing about students to a minimum, especially online.

</steps off soapbox>

I'm somewhere in the middle. Professors obviously talk about their students' ineptitude, which probably isn't a good thing but will happen nonetheless. I must confess to sharing with friends some of the horrid papers I encountered while I was a writing tutor.

As far as online mockery goes, Shit My Students Write is OK in my book because the posts are anonymous and provide no traces of student, professor, or university identity. If any identifying factors were present, I would find the site unethical or at the very least unprofessional.

[dimanche0829]

Not to ruin the party, but I have to say that I have huge issues with sites like "Shit my Students Write." Laughing at at something snarky a student wrote is one thing, but sites like that really encourage teachers to rag on students for their lack of understanding, and for missteps they take as they try (their best, as novices) to begin navigating the waters of academic discourse.

I wrote really embarrassing, really silly things as an undergrad. It would have really hurt me to know that my professors were laughing at everything I turned into them and sharing it with all of their colleagues.

Students trust us to help them learn, and we're often repeating adages to them like, "there is no stupid question except the one you haven't asked." I still vent to my colleagues, and I still trade stories about unbelievable things my students have done and said. But my new goal is to keep my badmouthing about students to a minimum, especially online.

</steps off soapbox>

Not all students try their best at writing, though. I think there is a glaringly obvious difference between the writing produced by a student who tries hard and makes unintended errors, versus a student who just writes to reach the required page length, failing to proofread and give any real consideration to the words written.

I personally view the site I linked to as relatively benign because 1) it's anonymous and 2) outside of a silly title, there are no further musings about the writing - no name calling, no derogatory statements, etc; it's just the students' own words. The reader is left to make their own criticisms and, for me, that largely translates to a simple feeling of "wow, I can't believe someone actually wrote/shared that."

Edited September 23, 2011 by dimanche0829

[mandarin.orange]

I wondered a bit if this thread would (a) pick up steam, or ( seriously offend someone. Despite my attempts to temper my post with acknowledging that this is a bit of dark/black humor - and that in my years of being an educator, I never once encountered a real-life "holier-than-though" colleague that saw themselves above this sort of humor - it seems that ( is inevitable on Grad Cafe.

Grading is, by and large, a thankless job. In high school, the vast majority of kids will toss corrected papers in the trash after inspecting the grade and never look at your comments. Most that do read them don't do so for understanding or any ideals about "the learning process", but as leverage for an argument about the grade. In college, few will come to pick up their final labs, papers and tests that you've taken time to comment upon. I've done rounds of editing roughdrafts to help students, only to read final versions with the same mistakes. I've spent hours designing lessons and then activities to teach concepts, taken "Review Days," only to read answers about things I'd taken care to go over and over that were way off base.

So, I apologize that I do not hold your ideals anymore about the grading process. Apologies if we take a few moments here and there to *anonymously* snicker at a comment or two. Trust me, this is not a fraction as bad as some of the words and snarky comments often exchanged behind closed doors. I found that learning support and guidance staff - those professing to be the primary go-to's for student assistance - were often the worst. Even I cringed to imagine the fallout or reactions if parents or students overheard. It is pervasive in the educational sector, and seen largely seen as a means of psychological survival. While I love teaching and the thought of having small classes I get to design curriculum for sounds amazing, I would hesitate to take a teaching-based job at a small school...solely b/c of the grading load. I have had my fill.

Above all, people need to laugh at themselves. I encouraged that in my students, and tried to model it when I made plenty of mistakes in front of them. I once submitted a very thorough application for summer work in Turkey that I desperately wanted, wherein I waxed poetic about how much I wanted to visit eastern Europe. I was selected, but you better believe my advisor on the project took me to task about that phrase. I had a PowerPoint of "What not to do in your lab report," with actual examples I'd received over the years. It was always one of the most engaging lessons/presentations of the year, and I received huge positive response from students about it, and the lab reports got better and better over the years. (Mostly.) I also wanted to emphasize to them that a strong work ethic, and being a professional down the road, means checking and re-checking your work again to eliminate mistakes, and I used the example of once seeing a PR liason for a large power plant project give a presentation where the slides mentioned "pubic policy."

Edited September 23, 2011 by mandarin.orange

[mandarin.orange]

All right, for some reason a "b" in parenthesis is getting replaced with smiley faces above...but you get the idea.

[juilletmercredi]

I think these things are all in good humor, and do not necessarily involve ridiculing the individual students so much as marveling that someone could write something like that. And if you peruse the funny test answer page, these generally aren't students who are really trying hard and just got something wrong. If you look at the responses, these are students who were either fooling around or simply not paying attention and made something up.

I really enjoyed the good natured grader in Funny Test Answer 5 on this page: http://www.dailycognition.com/index.php/2008/08/06/funny-exam-answers-by-students.html. The student doodled a birthday party at the bottom of the page because the question asked them to create a table about something that had to do with a birthday party (not an engineer, so I don't understand the question). The teacher wrote "Nice party, until you fold on Line A." On the back of the paper, at the fold, s/he drew a dinosaur attacking the party. LOL!

Edited September 24, 2011 by juilletmercredi

[UnlikelyGrad]

I had a PowerPoint of "What not to do in your lab report," with actual examples I'd received over the years.

What a great idea!! I've actually used the "what not to do" format in working with younger children (jr. high/high school), but for some reason it never occurred to me to use it with college students.

[fuzzylogician]

This is not quite an answer on an exam or an assignment but I think it still qualifies: on a teaching evaluation under general comments and suggestions for improvement I once got the comment "The TA is too short, can't reach the top of the blackboard".

[ktel]

This is not quite an answer on an exam or an assignment but I think it still qualifies: on a teaching evaluation under general comments and suggestions for improvement I once got the comment "The TA is too short, can't reach the top of the blackboard".

My friends would put the most ridiculous things as comments on the back of those evaluations. Typically nice things, but ridiculous things and completely unhelpful. Something like "Dr. X is the bomb, always dresses like a pro" etc.

[runonsentence]

mandarin.orange, I wasn't trying to single you out in any way, and apologize if you took it that way. There are a number of different types of humor represented here, and I agree that a lot of it is benign (julietmercredi's example being a good one). Your PowerPoint I don't see as comparable to what I have issue with at all: your purpose with your PP isn't to make fun of students, but to teach students by showing them what doesn't work well. It sounds like plain old effective pedagogy. I don't see that as at all rhetorically similar to the act of lifting student work out of context and posting it to a site as “evidence of the true cost of educational funding cuts.”

I just have a bit of a sore spot when it comes to instructors making comments about student writing (as do others in my field, http://scrivel.wordpress.com/2011/05/10/on-shit-my-students-write/ and http://betajames.net/what-i-submitted-to-shit-my-students-write being two examples). And again, I'm not talking about having a good giggle at snarky answers, I'm talking about airing out the muttering we hear in our heads when a student mixes up a homophone or shows undeveloped lines of reasoning.

I realize that my position is idealistic. I'm not perfect myself, and I get frustrated too. And believe me, having taught freshman composition for two years and counting (a required course that most students don't want to take), I know what it's like to plod through grading really disheartening work. I know what it's like to—having finished a quarter full of thoughtfully commenting on ~300 pages of student drafts—see students turn in portfolios full of the same weaknesses I asked them to fix.

I think the whole point of my last post was to put out another perspective for others to think about. I spent a lot of time in my first year or so of teaching in the grad office, trashing student work, or complaining about things on Facebook. And I found that this bred even more disillusionment and ill-humor on my part when I sat down to grade more papers. And I noticed that the writing faculty I most respected didn't do this. So my new golden rule has been to treat my venting about student writing like gossip: I try to keep my badmouthing to a very select few (or just within my own head, when at all possible) and to a minimum.

[runonsentence]

Not all students try their best at writing, though. I think there is a glaringly obvious difference between the writing produced by a student who tries hard and makes unintended errors, versus a student who just writes to reach the required page length, failing to proofread and give any real consideration to the words written.

I personally view the site I linked to as relatively benign because 1) it's anonymous and 2) outside of a silly title, there are no further musings about the writing - no name calling, no derogatory statements, etc; it's just the students' own words. The reader is left to make their own criticisms and, for me, that largely translates to a simple feeling of "wow, I can't believe someone actually wrote/shared that."

Sure, some students turn in stuff written in 10 minutes the night before, no question about it. But the thing is, it's sometimes difficult to tell when it's pure laziness and when there's something else behind it (like bewilderment about the assignment or personal issues in the student's life). Further, I still don't feel comfortable with the idea of only making fun of the work that's lazy...I think that following that logic of justification can get dicey.

Even though the site is anonymous, students are aware it exists, and I can imagine it would feel like an incredible breach of trust to see work you just turned in quoted on that site. For me identity has little to do with my discomfort: it's the motives behind posting to such a site in the first place.

[Sarah S.]

What is the difference between a hominin and a hominoid?

A: A hominin is a human ancestor and a hominoid is an ape-robot.

[mandarin.orange]

And I noticed that the writing faculty I most respected didn't do this.

Interesting. I can't say I respected the real badmouthing that took place in the guidance office at my last job, and the teachers that I (and the kids) most respected didn't go to quite this length. But a little sarcasm, sharing a story of ridiculous behavior, or a comment/answer? Sure! The students actually responded best to that demeanor, and quickly lost respect for those that were super-patient to answer repeat questions, use platitudes like, "there are no stupid questions," and idealize the profession. The donor who funded our "Excellence in Teaching" award stipulated that this always be student-chosen...those colleagues of mine who won it were always the ones fastest to call kids on their BS, and from whom I heard many a story or line about what transpired in their room.

Having worked for park services as well, I've seen the following circulated many times (and it's hilarious):

Outrageous Visitor Comments and Feedback

I am sure similar exists in the business world from letters, comments, emails, that get widely circulated. If anonymous and public sharing of student work is indeed a breach of student-teacher trust, do we hold this practice in other sectors to the same standard? Is it a breach of trust between visitors and those of us working in a sector where we claim to be stewards of nature, the government, and general public?

[mandarin.orange]

What a great idea!! I've actually used the "what not to do" format in working with younger children (jr. high/high school), but for some reason it never occurred to me to use it with college students.

I'll send you mine, if you'd like - drop me a PM with your email. I wanted to go over the basic sections of lab reports with them, and why science writing is different than English class, and how we keep it appropriately formal.

This was for a report following up a project where students had to construct a three-story model without adhesive that could withstand an earthquake. We put them on a springboard to test their strength. I ended up with a few lines in the final reports that were priceless, especially when it came to description of the materials used - e.g. "Stybermaphone," "wooden bowels," and (my favorite) "Pops Tickley sticks."

[dimanche0829]

I ended up with a few lines in the final reports that were priceless, especially when it came to description of the materials used - e.g. "Stybermaphone," "wooden bowels," and (my favorite) "Pops Tickley sticks."

Cant. Stop. Snorting.

[IRdreams]

Q: Explain the origins of WW1.

A: WW1 started because Germany was Marxist and they were naturally jealous of America's capitalistic lifestyle.

[Xanthan]

For the lulz, I'm here's an actual answer given by *me* on a test recently handed back:

Q: Name three types of extragenic codon specific supressors.

A: Chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry (honestly, I have no clue)

Prof's comment: No, but those are good flavors!

Edited November 14, 2011 by Xanthan

[ktel]

"In college, few will come to pick up their final labs, papers and tests that you've taken time to comment upon."

Honestly, I never went to pick up graded anything. I felt like it is the TA or professors job to return graded assignments. It actually REALLY pisses me off when they tell us to "go pick it up". In undergrad, I had no clue where their office was, and wasn't about to spend precious study time figuring it out and picking up an old assignment, but I still want to know what grade I got! Usually someone would pick mine up for me though. Also, most of the time I knew what I was doing just as well as the TA anyway. Nevertheless, I personally love comments, as it means whoever graded it actually read it. I know I'm not in kindergarden, but I still like to see the "Good job!" on a 105/100 exam. :-)

Are you serious? EVERY professor I EVER had listed their office hours and contact information on the syllabus. If you couldn't find it there, you could find it on the department website. Heaven forbid you spend 5 minutes figuring it out and going there.

[Sigaba]

Not to ruin the party, but I have to say that I have huge issues with sites like "Shit my Students Write." Laughing at at something snarky a student wrote is one thing, but sites like that really encourage teachers to rag on students for their lack of understanding, and for missteps they take as they try (their best, as novices) to begin navigating the waters of academic discourse.

I wrote really embarrassing, really silly things as an undergrad. It would have really hurt me to know that my professors were laughing at everything I turned into them and sharing it with all of their colleagues.

Students trust us to help them learn, and we're often repeating adages to them like, "there is no stupid question except the one you haven't asked." I still vent to my colleagues, and I still trade stories about unbelievable things my students have done and said. But my new goal is to keep my badmouthing about students to a minimum, especially online.

</steps off soapbox>

Runonsentence--

FWIW, I agree.