The first rejection (and the emotions that follow)

[cokohlik]

Literally broke down and burst into tears in the middle of my office, went into the ladies room and cried for a good ten minutes.

Make it stop.

Is an acceptance so hard?*

Edit: *PhD acceptance

Edited March 7, 2012 by cokohlik

[psychgurl]

Literally broke down and burst into tears in the middle of my office, went into the ladies room and cried for a good ten minutes.

Make it stop.

Is an acceptance so hard?*

Edit: *PhD acceptance

Gah! Try to remember that the whole process is just a crapshoot...I am convinced that the issue is a combination of poor funding (read: poor economy) and a rush of people trying to get into grad school (again, poor economy). More than anything, I am just frustrated that it probably just comes down to luck...as much as we'd like to attribute it to personal deficiencies. Trying not to take it personally is so hard, but I think it's the only way to move on and try again next year.

[cokohlik]

Gah! Try to remember that the whole process is just a crapshoot...I am convinced that the issue is a combination of poor funding (read: poor economy) and a rush of people trying to get into grad school (again, poor economy). More than anything, I am just frustrated that it probably just comes down to luck...as much as we'd like to attribute it to personal deficiencies. Trying not to take it personally is so hard, but I think it's the only way to move on and try again next year.

I won't be able to try again next year.

[DorkRawk]

This is my 2nd time around. So far I've received 2 rejections and I'm waiting to hear back from 5 more schools. I'm really nervous because if I don't get in this year, I might just have to move on...

[cokohlik]

This is my 2nd time around. So far I've received 2 rejections and I'm waiting to hear back from 5 more schools. I'm really nervous because if I don't get in this year, I might just have to move on...

We're in the same boat.

[Frostfire]

I won't be able to try again next year.

This is my 2nd time around. So far I've received 2 rejections and I'm waiting to hear back from 5 more schools. I'm really nervous because if I don't get in this year, I might just have to move on...

I worry about this myself. It's been a terribly stressful process for me, and I feel like I'm getting nowhere fast. I'm getting my Master's now, and having no luck at all so far on the PhD. I can't really see myself going a different direction and getting a Master's in a related area just to take another shot at a PhD. I figure, realistically, I've got maybe one more shot at this. If that doesn't work, it's time to resign myself to Plan B for the long-term. And it's really kind of depressing right now.

[antecedent]

Got rejected from a school I really wanted to get into and this is how I feel:

Like nothing. Not smart. Not intelligent. Who was I kidding? Maybe my UG professors inflated my grades and gave me straight As for... I don't know why, but whatever, it doesn't matter if they think/thought I'd be a good scholar. It doesn't matter how much damn work I've put into what I do so far. It doesn't matter that I love this field and the work I do in it. This program, and at least four others like it (though it's not official yet), don't understand that, and don't care, and don't want me in their program.

ARGH.

I basically wrote that in an email to my dad yesterday, I was locked in the craziest shame/fear/self-loathing spiral. Let yourself mourn for now, and once you have wallowed sufficiently you will slowly come to realize it isn't the end of the world (you have at least one offer! You an go somewhere!). It seriously sucks though, I'm not going to lie. I had the most ridiculous day of crying when I didn't get in to UT Austin, but it had to happen.

*hugs* You ARE smart and you ARE valuable. This process is just designed to strip you of your self worth.

[psychgurl]

I won't be able to try again next year.

Would the MA program help leverage you into a PhD program? I know that for some fields it could make your application more competitive. In any case, I'm so sorry!

[cokohlik]

Would the MA program help leverage you into a PhD program? I know that for some fields it could make your application more competitive. In any case, I'm so sorry!

Thank you. I'm sure it would help, but (and I won't really know for sure until I get the official offer in 2 weeks), it seems like I won't be able to afford it without accruing debt which would basically be as if I never paid of (x amount) of my undergraduate loans. If that makes sense. Hopefully the funding will be great and everything will be okay... I just don't know. My self esteem/confidence/hope in humanity/hope for any sort of miracle is totally shot. (Miracles still welcome.)

[crazygirl2012]

Am I the only one who felt absolutely nothing? I'm usually a super emotional person, and when I got my first rejection email yesterday, I truly did not care. Maybe it's because I'm obsessed with waiting for news from my top choice. I was just angry that the subject line said "decision" and it wasn't an email from my top choice. But still... weird that I felt nothing. Weird for me, anyway.

[Chrysanthemum]

I'm so sick of people who have an acceptance (to somewhere they want) talking about how nervous they are to hear from other schools, and how they're having such a hard time waiting, etc etc.

I'm just like, at least you're in. Put on your big boy pants and stop complaining.

[dairymilk]

Got rejected from a school I really wanted to get into and this is how I feel:

Like nothing. Not smart. Not intelligent. Who was I kidding? Maybe my UG professors inflated my grades and gave me straight As for... I don't know why, but whatever, it doesn't matter if they think/thought I'd be a good scholar. It doesn't matter how much damn work I've put into what I do so far. It doesn't matter that I love this field and the work I do in it. This program, and at least four others like it (though it's not official yet), don't understand that, and don't care, and don't want me in their program.

ARGH.

Tell me about it. I feel the same way too. To quote the great words of Breaking Benjamin "I'll rise to fall again...."

[hurricane0218]

Received my first rejection today. I was expecting it, but it was stomach retching to get it. I hope I get some good news soon.

[kaister]

I must admit, I've shared your sentiment a few times. This is my second season trying. A lot of my friends have moved ahead of me academically now, but I think I've gained a lot in taking the year off to work and gain as much experience as possible.

What I tell myself is to keep trying and persisting. There are a lot more people worse off than you than those who are moving ahead. No one likes to be rejected, but sometimes those rejections put things into perspective. The adcomms may not think you're right for their program just yet, but what have they based this decision on? Words on a piece of paper, and if you're lucky, an hour long interview. Getting into grad school does not guarantee anything these days, you'll still have to deal with life and employment at some point after, so try to look at things for the long term. Try to make good networks, volunteer and build the resume, so that you improve as a potential candidate and then apply again.

You're bound to get your big break, and if things don't work out just yet, they will as you keep at it, and you never know, some other opportunity might popup for the better..so keep your head up!

Thank you for your encouraging words!

[rio-ne-ru]

4 straight rejection so far... sigh...

[cokohlik]

4 straight rejection so far... sigh...

Aggg. I'm sorry. I know the feeling. Last year I had 5 straight rejections and I only applied to 5 programs. Take heart, though, you still have 6 programs to hear from.

[Chrysanthemum]

One of my schools sent a second rejection letter. Apparently both the department and the graduate school send one.

Lovely.

[laviola]

I received 2 rejections, one being my top school. When I read the 1st one (not my top school), I was upset, but I held it together. The second one made me lose it though... I started to cry, it was kind of embarrassing, but it was like my dream being crushed. I didn't even think it was THAT difficult to get into either, but apparently the class is tiny. I still got upset though, really angry and everything.

Now I'm worried I'll get rejected to my remaining 3.. I assume I got rejected to 1... so I don't know what to do now.

[sansao]

Now I'm worried I'll get rejected to my remaining 3.. I assume I got rejected to 1... so I don't know what to do now.

3/5 left? That's still plenty of opportunities. Focus on those schools, do more research on their programs, see what courses they're offering next semester, read their grad policies, etc. You'll be more familiar if you get an acceptance, and it's something to do.

[rio-ne-ru]

5 straight rejection. Well, now I can understand why I deserve 5 straight rejection argh....

Edited March 15, 2012 by rio-ne-ru

[crazygirl2012]

5 straight rejection. Well, now I can understand why I deserve 5 straight rejection argh....

That's the worst feeling. I don't know your story, or why you now think you deserve 5 straight rejections, but I can empathize.

[DoggieMom]

Got rejected from a school I really wanted to get into and this is how I feel:

Like nothing. Not smart. Not intelligent. Who was I kidding? Maybe my UG professors inflated my grades and gave me straight As for... I don't know why, but whatever, it doesn't matter if they think/thought I'd be a good scholar. It doesn't matter how much damn work I've put into what I do so far. It doesn't matter that I love this field and the work I do in it. This program, and at least four others like it (though it's not official yet), don't understand that, and don't care, and don't want me in their program.

ARGH.

I empathize with you completely. After 7 straight rejections (including 2 I was SURE I was a lock to get in) I felt exactly the same way. In my case, I was lucky enough to get into a program I loved. But to emphasize what a crap-shoot this all is, I was accepted into one of the most competitive programs in the country, but was rejected from 2 programs that are not nearly as competitive, or well-regarded, or honestly that good. Go figure?

I think a lot of it is luck with who makes up the committee on a give year. Or reads your app on a given day. Hang in there.

[rowlf]

I was hesitant about applying to one program because it was so lowly ranked even though it was such a fitting program. I don't normally pay attention to rankings, but comparing my profile with the profiles of the typical students there was like playing a game of which one doesn't belong.

I went ahead with the application focusing on the great fit and other good qualities of the program, thinking I was just being superficial and I would get over it. Besides, I felt lucky to have such an appropriate program to apply to that was a total shoe-in.

The day after my first rejection, I got another one: from this program! Talk about a blow to the ego. I know a lot of people say that there is no safety school for graduate school. They are all competitive and it's all about fit. Well, I was a great fit and I refuse to believe that it was too competitive for me.

I started my applications a little late and decided to forgo the programs with super early deadlines so I could focus on the others and not rush them. If I don't get in anywhere this year (which is likely at this point), I am going to try and think of that rejection as an opportunity to apply for those other early deadline programs, which are typically very elite, because damnit(!) just because I couldn't get into #327 doesn't mean I can't get into #1.

Edited March 15, 2012 by rowlf

[Canadianlinguist]

Acceptance letters are beginning to make their way to students (as we can see from the survey). Instead of an acceptance, did you get a rejection? How are you holding up?

University of Illinois-UC offered me an unfunded Masters instead of a funded PhD. It was terrible to get the email, particularly because it said that I had been "accepted". Naturally, this is what my eyes gravitated to first. I rapidly fell from extreme elation to intense depression. I'm worried that this is a sign of things to come, and I'm about ready to quit my job and run away to Mexico. It's upsetting that a 330/340 GRE, excellent GPA, and 3 extremely good letters with a year+ of solid research experience isn't even sufficient to get me a spot on the wait list! I certainly always knew that 100% rejection was a possibility, but the prospect of having it become reality isn't exactly pleasant.

STAY STRONG!

Congradulations we are pleased to offer you a teacher asssistant position in the college of arts .....Letter went on to explain I'd be teaching remedial English ....I was thrilled went around with a huge smile on my face, told all my LOTR;s, my parents (my mom cried) me in a funded masters I think is her dream, all my classmates who know the crap I have gon e through in the last two years who were all so happy for me. Woke up the next to an e-mail saying "It is with real regret that I must inform you that we cannot offer you admissions....."

What the heck?? Can someone explain this too me! I cired, like a baby had to tell everyone again. Burst into tears at the end of the day. See I have several other apps to hear back from. But this university (where I plan to apply to do a Phd since apparently I am not even waitlisted to do my MA) is near my undergraduate school, it is a very well respected school that would allow me to stay close to what is familar, my boyfriend and freinds. Not only that, there is no program in the country that better matches my research interests. Two of my LOTRS worked at that school (one currently teaches a night class thier each week). When I inquired as to why, they said they mistakenly offered me the TA becuase the department that did it assumed I had been accepted. Anyways if you wanna talk painful rejectiosn.....this could not have hurt any worse.....and it makes me feel like all of this is for nothing (because other then it, all I have thus far is one acceptance from a way too expensive school with no fudning for me) I am Canadian and therefore its much harder to get loans...and this rejectoion was from one of my lower ranked schools.....I was so sure I was going to get in, especially after the TA

Edited March 16, 2012 by wame0601

[nycrefugee]

Congradulations we are pleased to offer you a teacher asssistant position in the college of arts .....Letter went on to explain I'd be teaching remedial English ....I was thrilled went around with a huge smile on my face, told all my LOTR;s, my parents (my mom cried) me in a funded masters I think is her dream, all my classmates who know the crap I have gon e through in the last two years who were all so happy for me. Woke up the next to an e-mail saying "It is with real regret that I must inform you that we cannot offer you admissions....."

What the heck?? Can someone explain this too me! I cired, like a baby had to tell everyone again. Burst into tears at the end of the day. See I have several other apps to hear back from. But this university (where I plan to apply to do a Phd since apparently I am not even waitlisted to do my MA) is near my undergraduate school, it is a very well respected school that would allow me to stay close to what is familar, my boyfriend and freinds. Not only that, there is no program in the country that better matches my research interests. Two of my LOTRS worked at that school (one currently teaches a night class thier each week). When I inquired as to why, they said they mistakenly offered me the TA becuase the department that did it assumed I had been accepted. Anyways if you wanna talk painful rejectiosn.....this could not have hurt any worse.....and it makes me feel like all of this is for nothing (because other then it, all I have thus far is one acceptance from a way too expensive school with no fudning for me) I am Canadian and therefore its much harder to get loans...and this rejectoion was from one of my lower ranked schools.....I was so sure I was going to get in, especially after the TA

That is awful!!!! I am giving you an internet hug!