DropTheBase Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Ok, if you're not looking for a relationship you're not dating - you're sleeping around and hanging out with random people. A hookup is not a date. I'm going to have to agree with Loric here. Dates are not just the beginning of a relationship. I've been in a serious relationship for many years now, and I still try to take my significant other out on dates as often as I can. The kind of person who avoids relationships tends to cut ties as soon as "casual dates" start becoming real dates. A hookup is not a date.
Guest Gnome Chomsky Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I'm going to have to agree with Loric here. Dates are not just the beginning of a relationship. I've been in a serious relationship for many years now, and I still try to take my significant other out on dates as often as I can. The kind of person who avoids relationships tends to cut ties as soon as "casual dates" start becoming real dates. A hookup is not a date. I agree, a hookup is not a date. But how is a casual date the same as a hookup? A hookup can be a booty call, a one-night stand, or a date with the sole intention of getting laid. You can date casually without sex being the main priority (or even a priority). I don't see why casual dating is being look down on. It can be two people who are attracted to each other, enjoy each other's company, and want to get to know each other better, but don't have the time, space, money or patience to get into anything serious. You can have a date with no expectations. A date for the sake of the date. That's what I consider a casual date. Like I've been saying, the "serious" dates are the ones that are treated like a job interview. It's usually with two people who don't know each other well or just met, and it's usually with the intention of jumping straight into a serious relationship if the person "passes" the interview. Some people don't want that. I know I don't. But that doesn't mean that if you see me out at a restaurant with a girl that I'm only there to hookup. BunnyWantsaPhD and darmok 2
Loric Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 (edited) So what exactly is your intention with a "casual date" if you have no intention of a relationship? How is it at all different from a hookup? And how is it dating if there's nothing sexual or sexual pretense about it? How is it a date and not hanging out with random people? If you want to meet new people, meet new people. I'm a homo. If I hang out with you, is it a date? I'm pretty sure you're straight. Is it just the mixed genders that defines a date in your book? But if there's sexual pretense and intention.. but not intended relationship.. it's a hookup, how is it not? If you dont succeed or it doesnt workout, it's just a failed hookup but a hookup none the less. Edited January 30, 2014 by Loric
Loric Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I know, i know, it all gets fuzzy when your sexual partners are also supposed to be your "best friends" by gender norms. Did I inadvertently go on a casual date when that girl from work and I went to see a movie? I'm pretty sure I didn't.
Loric Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 And for the record, who said hobag was derrogatory? You just have to be upfront about it. I mean, I understand you gotta be lookin pure, but don't front with me
Guest Gnome Chomsky Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 So what exactly is your intention with a "casual date" if you have no intention of a relationship? How is it at all different from a hookup? And how is it dating if there's nothing sexual or sexual pretense about it? How is it a date and not hanging out with random people? If you want to meet new people, meet new people. I'm a homo. If I hang out with you, is it a date? I'm pretty sure you're straight. Is it just the mixed genders that defines a date in your book? But if there's sexual pretense and intention.. but not intended relationship.. it's a hookup, how is it not? If you dont succeed or it doesnt workout, it's just a failed hookup but a hookup none the less. I guess there are different types of relationships. Let's say I'm in grad school. Let's say it's a 1-2 year master's. I don't know my plans after I graduate. Maybe PhD, maybe job market, maybe China, maybe Ultimate Fighting. Who knows? Also, while in grad school, my top priority by far is school. But that doesn't mean that it wouldn't be nice to have someone to go out with every weekend, or every other weekend, or every month to see a movie, go out to dinner, or do some touristy shit. Of course you can do this with your friends, but there are some things you just don't do with your friends (especially being a heterosexual guy). Anyway, so it would be nice to have a girl to spend my time with while in grad school. But I also wouldn't really call it a relationship but I would have zero expectations and I would make sure she had none either. I don't want to talk about life after grad school, I don't want to have to check up on her or have her check up on me, and I don't want to feel like there are certain things I can't do. We'd just be spending some of our time together since we're in the same place and likely doing the same thing. I'm not even saying sex would be involved. It might be. But it would more so just be having someone to go out with in such a way that you couldn't with your guy friends. If we never even see each other or talk to each other when our time is done, no love lost.
Loric Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 We call those.. err.. "bang buddies" (well, you know what the right term is, we had a whole thread.) It's not a date. sys88 1
Loric Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 And are women such different company than men..? So much for empowerment..
Guest Gnome Chomsky Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 To add on, since I just saw your most recent post... I don't even think anything sexual has to be involved. You said you could just hang out with random people, but I'm saying it's not random. I'm saying it's having someone who you hang out with regularly but who you don't have any expectations for. And it's not just opposite genders. I have (and had) friends who were girls where it felt the same exact way it felt when I was hanging with my guy friends. But I've also had girls who I would go out on "dates" with and it just had a different feel to it. And we might text for a week straight and stay up on the phone until 3 am, and then we might not hear from each other for 3 weeks. And it was no big deal. And I've had girls who I would hook up with but who I actually enjoyed hanging out with (as much as one of my guy friends). I would've hung out with her if there was no sex involved, and when we were hanging out it didn't feel romantic at all. It might be bong rips and horror movies. But around 3 am the pants would come off. I guess I've just always had unique relationships with different people.
Guest Gnome Chomsky Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 We call those.. err.. "bang buddies" (well, you know what the right term is, we had a whole thread.) It's not a date. I didn't even mention banging. I "dated" this one girl for like 2 years without ever banging. We'd always do romantic-ish things and we'd go on these little dates like once a month. It was off and on. Neither of us wanted a relationship but we both enjoyed the occasional romantic date. P.S. The no banging part wasn't my idea.
Loric Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 (edited) I still say that's not a date unless you intend to make a romantic connection. I essentially think the term "casual dating" is a front for not admitting you want to remain sexually open for the time being, because being openly so has icky moral and judgement baggage that people don't like to deal with. Edited January 30, 2014 by Loric sys88 and sylark 2
Loric Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I didn't even mention banging. I "dated" this one girl for like 2 years without ever banging. We'd always do romantic-ish things and we'd go on these little dates like once a month. It was off and on. Neither of us wanted a relationship but we both enjoyed the occasional romantic date. P.S. The no banging part wasn't my idea. Define romantic..? My version involves "the feels."
EloiseGC Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Oh Loric, why didn't you quit gradcafe like you promised? We were all really excited for a while to not have to deal with your trolling. You ruined Christmas. Pol, darmok, Monochrome Spring and 4 others 7
Loric Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Seriously, there's a Marina song for all occasions!
Loric Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Oh Loric, why didn't you quit gradcafe like you promised? We were all really excited for a while to not have to deal with your trolling. You ruined Christmas. I can't decipher what you've ever contributed other than a bad pun for a username. What exactly gives you the gall to interact with people the way that you do..?
pears Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 (edited) And for the record, who said hobag was derrogatory? I'm guessing I'm only feeding the troll here, but... I challenge you to find a way to use "hobag" (which I believe fell out of my working vocabulary around the same time as the "R" word, so.. age 14? 15?) in a non-derogatory manner. I understand that there are pushes to "reclaim" similar words (which I doubt I can say on here), but that one falls in the bin of immature words that are at best replaced by something else more "mature" but equally derogatory, and at worst are entirely unnecessary in any and all contexts. Sometimes people do the bedroom sexytime touchings with other people. Sometimes they don't. Everyone is different. Derogatory terms need not apply. Any terms beyond "person" need not apply, really. Edited: removed video link. Also, my social scientist and left-leaning feminist are showing. Edited January 30, 2014 by pears
Guest Gnome Chomsky Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Define romantic..? My version involves "the feels." I guess there are just some girls who I want to act like a gentleman around. Maybe send a sweet "good morning" text in the morning. Go out on a Friday night to dinner and a movie. And not to IHOP but to a decent restaurant. And dress up a little. And open the door and say "after you" and all that shit. It's not every girl I want to do that with. There are a lot of girls I treat like one of the guys. I guess I just enjoy romance, but it doesn't feel right with certain girls. And lots of times if I do feel like being romantic, I might not even want to have sex (not that I'd turn it down). I enjoy an occasional date. I honestly thinks romantic dates can be fun. But I don't enjoy relationships. The reason I prefer to go on dates with the same person is because I know that lots of dates can be bad ones. The "job interview" date I've mentioned. If you're constantly dating new people, you'll most likely have a lot more bad dates than good ones.
Pol Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Oh Loric, why didn't you quit gradcafe like you promised? We were all really excited for a while to not have to deal with your trolling. You ruined Christmas. I love you. nutmehg and mrmolecularbiology 1 1
EloiseGC Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I can't decipher what you've ever contributed other than a bad pun for a username. What exactly gives you the gall to interact with people the way that you do..? Just my love for you, daahhhhhling. Pol, darmok, sarahsahara and 3 others 6
GeoDUDE! Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I can post relevant videos from youtube: mrmolecularbiology, EloiseGC, Pol and 1 other 4
EloiseGC Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I can't decipher what you've ever contributed other than a bad pun for a username. What exactly gives you the gall to interact with people the way that you do..? Also, my signature is a pun, so that's TWO bad puns. Don't sell me short, man. nutmehg 1
Loric Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I'm guessing I'm only feeding the troll here, but... I challenge you to find a way to use "hobag" (which I believe fell out of my working vocabulary around the same time as the "R" word, so.. age 14? 15?) in a non-derogatory manner. I understand that there are pushes to "reclaim" similar words (which I doubt I can say on here), but that one falls in the bin of immature words that are at best replaced by something else more "mature" but equally derogatory, and at worst are entirely unnecessary in any and all contexts. Sometimes people do the bedroom sexytime touchings with other people. Sometimes they don't. Everyone is different. Derogatory terms need not apply. Any terms beyond "person" need not apply, really. Edited: removed video link. Also, my social scientist and left-leaning feminist are showing. Well.. "people" and "everyone" is beyond "person" if you want to get serious with the silly maxims.. in the name of social science.
Loric Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Also, my signature is a pun, so that's TWO bad puns. Don't sell me short, man. You assume I bother to read that far or care that deeply about mentally identifying you as an individual.. You're really just a pastiche blur of "bleh" in my mind. Sort of a brown stain which occasionally reoccurs in slightly different forms of "bleh" and "blah" - I was going to say "revolting" but that's way too intense of a feeling to describe my general reaction to you.
Loric Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I can post relevant videos from youtube: God, what will become of you without a chat room..? Oh wait, I don't care.
EloiseGC Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 You assume I bother to read that far or care that deeply about mentally identifying you as an individual.. You're really just a pastiche blur of "bleh" in my mind. Sort of a brown stain which occasionally reoccurs in slightly different forms of "bleh" and "blah" - I was going to say "revolting" but that's way too intense of a feeling to describe my general reaction to you. LittleDarlings 1
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