Finding a husband in graduate school.

[LittleDarlings]

And adoption is super expensive... I could handle the cost of having my own baby but spending 50,000 dollars upfront to adopt is just a lot.  If I did adopt I would want a newborn, and that is probably even more expensive

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

How many pages do you think this thread's gonna last? My money's on 17. 

[spunky]

oh god, this thread is such a GOLDMINE!

 

i really hope that Pinkster12 is real and not trollin' the board.. 

[nugget]

I've heard it's more like $30,000 but maybe it's different in Canada. In any case, this figure is not as high as it sounds. When you calculate the cost of daycare, loss of working hours (in Canada you earn half of your salary if you take a 1 year parental leave), food, diapers, clothing, crib, stroller, toys, etc for the first 4 or 5 years of a child's life I am sure most people spend $30,000 or more. So for people who adopt a 4 or 5 year old, in terms of costs, it would work out to about the same thing.

 

And adoption is super expensive... I could handle the cost of having my own baby but spending 50,000 dollars upfront to adopt is just a lot.  If I did adopt I would want a newborn, and that is probably even more expensive

Edited December 14, 2013 by jenste

[TakeMyCoffeeBlack]

FYI, everyone, adopting children in the foster system is actually quite reasonable. The high expenses come from adopting newborns. http://www.creatingafamily.org/adoption-resources/cost-of-adoption-in-the-us.html

[LittleDarlings]

Oh I just know a lady from my church is adopting a child from Africa and she said it costs like 48,000 dollars. That's an international adoption so that would cost more I guess. If I adopted though it would have to be a newborn

[LittleDarlings]

I'm not trolling I genuinely didn't expect this post to go on, I'm grateful though for all the advice

[TakeMyCoffeeBlack]

Oh I just know a lady from my church is adopting a child from Africa and she said it costs like 48,000 dollars. That's an international adoption so that would cost more I guess. If I adopted though it would have to be a newborn

 

Yes, it costs a lot more to adopt out of the country for a lot of reasons (most of them having to do with foreign governments, paperwork transfers, visas, travel, etc.). 

 

I'm going to have to agree with some of the above posters about adoption. It shouldn't just be a backup. And I understand why you feel the way you do - and the newborns need loving parents too! - but I'd encourage you to think about what a difference you could make - as the great mother you expect to be! - in the life of maybe a two or three year old just looking for some love.

[gellert]

It's also pretty inexpensive to adopt older children.  This is what I personally plan to do, anyway.  These kids have very low probabilities of being adopted, and finding a "forever home" can really make a difference in their lives.  

 

That's not even touching upon the ethical issues with international adoption.  Many of these kids were sold by their parents to the adoption agencies, and I've heard stories of kidnappings as well.  Adopting domestically is not only cheaper, but more ethical.

 

ofc adoption is a long and arduous process -- it's not as easy as poof!baby.  But I think it would be worth it all the same.  It's certainly less expensive and arduous than, say, IVF.

Edited December 14, 2013 by gellert

[TakeMyCoffeeBlack]

That's not even touching upon the ethical issues with international adoption.  Many of these kids were sold by their parents to the adoption agencies, and I've heard stories of kidnappings as well.  Adopting domestically is not only cheaper, but more ethical.

 

There are certainly ethical considerations in terms of kidnappings and selling children, but that's no reason not to consider international adoption. Whereas many unadopted children will grow up in poverty in the United States, unadopted children will grow up in abject poverty and subsistence in some parts of the world. I think there's an ethical debate to be had about the value of all human life, regardless of where in the world it is. If we have the ability to alleviate that - whether domestically or internationally - there's no reason to be averse to that.

Edited December 14, 2013 by TakeMyCoffeeBlack

[gellert]

There are certainly ethical considerations in terms of kidnappings and selling children, but that's no reason not to consider international adoption. Whereas many unadopted children will grow up in poverty in the United States, unadopted children will grow up in abject poverty and subsistence in some parts of the world. I think there's an ethical debate to be had about the value of all human life, regardless of where in the world it is. If we have the ability to alleviate that - whether domestically or internationally - there's no reason to be averse to that.

 

But that is no reason to go into the process without an educated awareness of some of the factors at work.  If one plans to adopt internationally, it would be best to investigate the practices of the country in question to be sure one is not perpetuating the cycle of human trafficking.

[TakeMyCoffeeBlack]

But that is no reason to go into the process without an educated awareness of some of the factors at work.  If one plans to adopt internationally, it would be best to investigate the practices of the country in question to be sure one is not perpetuating the cycle of human trafficking.

 

But to quote you: "Adopting domestically is not only cheaper, but more ethical."

 

I think it would have to be modified to say: "Adopting domestically is not only cheaper, it can be more ethical depending on the specific circumstances." Otherwise, the lives of the orphans living internationally are reduced to a generalized statement about government and business corruption - which is in and of itself unethical. 

Edited December 14, 2013 by TakeMyCoffeeBlack

[gellert]

But to quote you: "Adopting domestically is not only cheaper, but more ethical."

 

I think it would have to be modified to say: "Adopting domestically is not only cheaper, it can be more ethical depending on the specific circumstances." Otherwise, the lives of the orphans living internationally are reduced to a generalized statement about government and business corruption - which is in and of itself unethical. 

 

Good point.  You're correct.

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

Am I a bad person for having no interest in adopting a child? (. . . figured I'd just chime that in since this thread seems to have turned from finding a husband to what type of child to adopt.)

[TakeMyCoffeeBlack]

Am I a bad person for having no interest in adopting a child? (. . . figured I'd just chime that in since this thread seems to have turned from finding a husband to what type of child to adopt.)

 

I don't know if I want children at all. It's pretty typical not to have a pull toward adoption, though, and it will be for years to come because of certain stigmas it still carries. You can't be blamed for that.

 

Edit: okay, I recognize the above is poorly worded. But in any case, what I mean to say is that adoption has not at all been normalized yet.

Edited December 14, 2013 by TakeMyCoffeeBlack

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

I don't know if I want children at all. It's pretty typical not to have a pull toward adoption, though, and it will be for years to come because of certain stigmas it still carries. You can't be blamed for that.

 

Edit: okay, I recognize the above is poorly worded. But in any case, what I mean to say is that adoption has not at all been normalized yet.

I applaud people who adopt, but some people in this thread were making comments like "adoption should be a first resort." That's just ridiculous if you ask me. Nothing wrong with wanting to create life. I think that's been one of the few things in human history that has always fascinated us. I would think having biological children will always be the majority of people's first priority (if they are capable of having children). We're never live in a world where having your own children will be a last resort. "Oh shit, honey, we can't afford to adopt. I guess we gotta do this the ol' fashion way." 

[TakeMyCoffeeBlack]

I applaud people who adopt, but some people in this thread were making comments like "adoption should be a first resort." That's just ridiculous if you ask me. Nothing wrong with wanting to create life. I think that's been one of the few things in human history that has always fascinated us. I would think having biological children will always be the majority of people's first priority (if they are capable of having children). We're never live in a world where having your own children will be a last resort. "Oh shit, honey, we can't afford to adopt. I guess we gotta do this the ol' fashion way." 

 

I certainly don't disagree with you, but that doesn't mean that adoption couldn't transcend its current place in the realm of "exceptional circumstances." That said, those who choose the route of biological child bearing should not be stigmatized or ostracized because of their choice. But I do think society could benefit from a generally more open stance toward adoption.

Edited December 14, 2013 by TakeMyCoffeeBlack

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

I certainly don't disagree with you, but that doesn't mean that adoption couldn't transcend its current place in the realm of "exceptional circumstances." That said, those who choose the route of biological child bearing should not be stigmatized or ostracized because of their choice. But I do think society could benefit from a generally more open stance toward adoption.

Oh yeah, I know we're on the same page. I'm just speaking in general. Anyway, I know that it's human nature to be judgmental. Not to offend anyone here, but I know one group of people who can be pretty judgmental are the educated, young professional, liberal type. I've had people look at me like a Nazi because I throw a recyclable in the regular trash can. I agree that more people should have an open mind toward adoption because it'll ultimately make the world a better place. I also think there are sooooooo many things people can do to make the world a better place, and people shouldn't be judged for not doing one of them. Maybe I can work on my bad recycling habits, but I doubt I'll go through the effort to adopt a child ever in my life. 

[spunky]

Not to offend anyone here, but I know one group of people who can be pretty judgmental are the educated, young professional, liberal type. 

 

uhmmm...my guess is you're including yourself here because you're preemptively passing judgement on this board? 

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

uhmmm...my guess is you're including yourself here because you're preemptively passing judgement on this board? 

Did you not read the line when I said humans are judgmental by nature? That includes myself. I'm also saying people can get judged on an academic board for not caring about adoption. 

[spunky]

Did you not read the line when I said humans are judgmental by nature? That includes myself.

 

yup, that line was pretty clear to me. you know what else was pretty clear? the NONexistent posts targeting you alongside with the one person agreeing with you. it places you on this very awkward position of of appearing to be more judgmental than the people who you are accusing for being judgmental. i am not a Christian, but the whole "first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye." comes to mind. 

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

yup, that line was pretty clear to me. you know what else was pretty clear? the NONexistent posts targeting you alongside with the one person agreeing with you. it places you on this very awkward position of of appearing to be more judgmental than the people who you are accusing for being judgmental. i am not a Christian, but the whole "first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye." comes to mind. 

ok

[LittleDarlings]

So the guy I WAS talking to just told me he is too busy with work to maintain a relationship... Literally people care so much about working! if you care about someone you should make time for that. It's total crap. 

[CageFree]

Am I a bad person for having no interest in adopting a child? (. . . figured I'd just chime that in since this thread seems to have turned from finding a husband to what type of child to adopt.)

 

N/M, read the question wrong.

Edited December 16, 2013 by CageFree

[CageFree]

So the guy I WAS talking to just told me he is too busy with work to maintain a relationship... Literally people care so much about working! if you care about someone you should make time for that. It's total crap. 

 

You seem to have this problem often. Maybe you are scaring guys off with your high expectations of what they should invest in a relationship?