first generation students

[willtherebestars]

Wow, yes. I am consistently frustrated with my mom's responses to my attempts at conversations regarding graduate school. I don't think she considers it to be a real career or something... (that is, being a professor, eventually). In any case, it's really frustrating because my four stepsisters also opted out of college. But luckily my fianc

[BruBru]

Wow, yes. I am consistently frustrated with my mom's responses to my attempts at conversations regarding graduate school. I don't think she considers it to be a real career or something... (that is, being a professor, eventually). In any case, it's really frustrating because my four stepsisters also opted out of college. But luckily my fianc

[katanianQ]

I think I won't. I'm counting on meeting some awesome, interesting, understanding, open-minded people! I think it will be a great experience, but you can't help but to worry about these things....

I seriously wish this for you.

I had a rough experience in my Masters program because most of the other students all went to Ivy league schools and boarding schools before that, and were for the most part uber competitive and unfriendly.

I tell you this because on the off chance that the people in your department are snobby or mean or act too cool for school, PLEASE don't let this ruin your experience the way I let it ruin mine. Don't allow yourself to become intimidated or feel inadequate! You should be proud of all you have accomplished so far and remember that nobody can make you feel inadequate without your permission.

[t_ruth]

what an interesting topic!

My father has a Bachelor's degree (but in phys ed) and my mother an Associate's, and neither really understand the idea of academia. They have one friend who got a Ph.D., but it was at a local, industry-geared institution and my mother keeps saying, "[Friend] got her Ph.D. and can't really do anything with it. Why would you want to get one?" It's hard to explain to them how important the decision of where I go is to my future job prospects (they want me to go wherever is closest so they can see their grandchildren ).

When I was in law school, pretty much everyone was parent-funded. My husband and I were the only ones among our friends whose parents weren't rich and/or graduate educated. I thought maybe getting a Ph.D. would be different than law, because law tends to attract the Richie Riches.

[ziraffa]

Bump! Let's keep this one active!

I'm a first generation college graduate and I think there are definitely hurdles we face that others do not.

First, there are--undoubtedly--family issues. My mom kept telling her friends (and sisters) that I was getting an AA in Sociology and that I would graduate and then get a BA. It was cute, at first, but then it was confusing... Especially when she crossed out "BA" on my graduation invitations, thinking I had made a typo. And as supportive as she is, she and other members of my family think I'm an elitist--they think I think I'm better than them. It's stupid family drama, I know, and we all love each other... but it makes the holidays a little harder every year.

Second, there are--undoubtedly--class issues that change your college experience. Working a full-time job and trying to be a full-time student with extracurricular activities is trying. My senior year of undergrad, I switched to a part-time job in order to get my GPA up to a 2.85 (which I managed to do). My boss offered to pay for me to take the GRE and I cried at work that day. I read (especially on this forum) about folks who take the GRE multiple times and I cringe a little. Even taking it twice would keep me from paying the rent. And people without these experiences will ask, "Well, just because you don't have money doesn't mean you can't do well in school. It's your own fault." And I'll admit that I could have gotten better grades, but I also ask them to kindly imagine having to walk 2 miles to school five days a week because your loser boyfriend disappeared or was got drunk after he promised you a ride; and to imagine the one or two days a week you just didn't want to walk that far for something that seemed so pointless. Or the nights you spent in the emergency room with your dramatic grandmother who wanted a tube in her nose while she told you how disappointed she is in you--feigning heart attacks all night. Or the cold that turns into pneumonia (twice), strep turns into mono, broken glasses make you read with a magnifying glass for a few weeks, that jerk-of-a-boss changes your schedule and you don't get to take the final (because, really, I could deal with a C easier than I could with living in my car, again).

Then, when you finally apply for grad school, you're instructed not to "tell some sob story" in your SOP. "Don't be so maudlin." Well, I'm not trying to. I'm trying to communicate to my future graduate school that the difference between working at McDonald's forever and getting a PhD is going to be in the funding available. I want them to know that I come from a long history of generational poverty--the kind that reaches up and grabs the nearest ankle almost out of sheer spite. And that I've clawed my way out of that pit through dedication (though not as much as I would have liked) and stubbornness. I fought to get where I am now. If my dedication doesn't make up for something as meaningless as a GPA, then that school is not right for me. (And, for the record, my graduate GPA is a 3.9--I've made one B.)

Living in a drastically undereducated part of the country (Kentucky), I can tell you that some folks are given opportunities and the ones who aren't almost never get them. This is a part of the country that relies on creating a boundary between insiders and outsiders--and getting an education makes you an outsider. You grow a love and a hatred for your home and your family--you love your family but you hate their ignorance and their unfounded distrust in you. You. The same you you've always been--the little sister who got her pigtails pulled or the daughter that always spilled her food onto the table. You feel the constant need to remind your family and friends that you're still that person.

And thanks for letting me let off some of that steam.

[nocturne]

My mom doesn't even know what a Ph.D. is, and all she wants to hear from me is when am I going to have babies now that I'm married. I thought my little brother having a baby over the summer would take some of the pressure off of me (the oldest), but apparently, it's just made her greedy for even more grandchildren. She jokingly (but with a hint of derision) called me a "professional student", and she thinks that a job in some office somewhere doing someone else's boring crap-work is the be-all end-all of careers. She's much more impressed by money than by intellectual loftiness.

Neither of my parents ever graduated high school (though my mother got her GED), and my father passed away in 2005 from years of self-inflicted bodily damage (drug and alcohol addictions run in my family). I get so envious when I hear of other people being able to ask their parents' advice about grad school.

I actually dropped out of my first college because the professor told the class that we shouldn't try to hold a job while attending that program or we will fail. Seeing as how my family has been dirt-poor for generations, and the university provided no on-campus housing, I had to work (and eventually to drop out because the professor was right) to pay my rent on a ghetto apartment on the other side of town while the rich kids got to live in the cushy apartment complex across the street, all funded by their parents. I still have debt from the semester and a half I spent at that private college ten years ago.

I just hope that I get a good funding package from somewhere, and that the schools I applied to will accept me on my merits rather than deny me for the lack of prestige of my state school.

[steveotron]

First generation student here.

I feel a little guilty leaving my family for graduate school. Our financial situation is not the best, and I'm not sure how things will be for my parents and younger sister when I leave. For the past 3 years of my undergraduate education, I worked about 30 hours a week in addition to being a full-time student (15-18 unit semesters + work as a research assistant), and I helped pay the bills and rent. However, with me leaving for graduate school, I'll no longer be able to give any financial support. I've been accepted to UIUC, and I have a complete tuition waver (worth 27k a year) and funding (13.5k every 9 months, and possible support during the summer) for four years, and, although not guaranteed, I'll most likely receive funding my fifth and final year as well. I'll have financial security for the next 5 years of my life, but there isn't anything I can do to help my family. We've already taken steps to help with the cost of living with me gone, but I still can't escape that feeling of guilt. Before hearing anything back from schools, I did apply to 7-8 jobs as a backup in case I wasn't accepted anywhere and would have stayed home and worked to help, but there's no chance of that anymore. I guess I'm just waiting to hear from all the schools in California to see if I can stay nearby, but it's not like I'd be able to help anyways. Gah.

[BruBru]

First generation student here.

I feel a little guilty leaving my family for graduate school. Our financial situation is not the best, and I'm not sure how things will be for my parents and younger sister when I leave. For the past 3 years of my undergraduate education, I worked about 30 hours a week in addition to being a full-time student (15-18 unit semesters + work as a research assistant), and I helped pay the bills and rent. However, with me leaving for graduate school, I'll no longer be able to give any financial support. I've been accepted to UIUC, and I have a complete tuition waver (worth 27k a year) and funding (13.5k every 9 months, and possible support during the summer) for four years, and, although not guaranteed, I'll most likely receive funding my fifth and final year as well. I'll have financial security for the next 5 years of my life, but there isn't anything I can do to help my family. We've already taken steps to help with the cost of living with me gone, but I still can't escape that feeling of guilt. Before hearing anything back from schools, I did apply to 7-8 jobs as a backup in case I wasn't accepted anywhere and would have stayed home and worked to help, but there's no chance of that anymore. I guess I'm just waiting to hear from all the schools in California to see if I can stay nearby, but it's not like I'd be able to help anyways. Gah.

This sounds like a very tough situation. Just keep your head up, and realize that you going to graduate school will do a lot of long term good for your family. You may not be contributing immediately, but your efforts and aspirations will inspire future generations of your family. I also had to contribute to my family's income during High School, and understand (although not completely because all situations vary) much of what you are feeling. There are others like us in graduate programs (although far too few). You may want to seek out others who are going through similar situations.

I truly love this thread. Keep the stories coming my fellow first-generation students.

[earlyamerican]

Ziraffa, slow clap. I hear your anger and I know it so well it's like a second skin. I just read this entire thread from its inception and I want to give everyone a hug. Not in a pity party way, but in a "hell yeah, keep going everyone!" way.

First thing I want to say is that anyone who has even the mildest interest in this thread should find, if they haven't already, ZZ Packer's short story "Drinking Coffee Elsewhere." It's the name of the book it's in, too, but that story in particular was the first thing I read that actually described and put a finger on the profound alienation I felt as a working class scholarship kid at a Ridiculously Prestigious University.

I can write all day long about how miserable I was as an undergrad, and how much I wish I had the perspective then that I do now. Suffice it to say, it's along the lines of what you all have written. What I really want to add here is my recent thinking about how I'm going to deal with the re-entry into the world of the ultra-privileged, which I've rarely seen (thankfully) in the five years since I graduated.

This week I was accepted to another Ridiculously Prestigious U for grad school, and I attended a couple of events. The old culture shock is familiar. I met snot-nosed first year man-children who act like they own the world (and they very well might). I cringed at the beautiful women with perfect teeth and skin. I'm no troll, but damn. I still don't understand how money buys beauty so consistently, but one thing I've learned is that it does. And I was reintroduced to the prim, restrained way that the privileged speak and act that makes me feel so awkward and unpolished, so much an uninvited guest to someone else's party.

So what I know about myself now, that I didn't at 22, is that all of these things are my insecurity buttons. I'm realizing now that I'm going to have these buttons pushed hard and frequently in a way that I haven't for five years, by faculty, peers, and even students I'm teaching. I'm trying to look at this as an opportunity to put those demons to rest since I'll have plenty of opportunities to feel insecure based purely on the academic challenge, the job market, tenure review, etc, etc. I'm trying to edit the image I have of myself that's reflected in a group of privileged people. Like this: I am not awkward, I live in the real world. I laugh heartily because I love life, which is too damn short to spend worrying about laughing too hard. I don't speak Rich Person, but I can always find the words to move people. I impress people with my sincerity, insight, and enthusiasm, not my clothes or haughtiness. I can be confident because I've lived through a lot worse than some trifling department bullshit. I know I'm tough; I don't have to stage it. I'm damn skilled at being near-broke all the time, and I can hustle under-the-table work like a panhandler at a tourist destination.

I'll be fine, but I know I'm going to get my rage button pushed from time to time. I'm telling myself that it's not really about me, because it isn't. I'm going to have to let other people's entitlement issues be like water off a duck's back. I know how to talk myself down off the crazy ledge, and I know that wherever I go, there are always some real people. I might have to work harder than everybody, but I can do it because I know what it takes to get what I want (a book contract and a job!), not because I have anything to prove.

I write all this because I hope it's helpful. The application fees, the family obligations, etc., come at a greater cost to us than others, but clearly we've been making do with what we've got for this long and will find a way to continue doing so. What I find truly dangerous is the all-too-easily internalized sense that we don't belong in academia the way other people do. If we can find the strength to take the bullshit for what it is without letting it get us down - at least too often - we'll stay focused on the goal.

Best of luck to everyone. You've earned it like few others have.

[poiuyt]

Ziraffa, slow clap. I hear your anger and I know it so well it's like a second skin. I just read this entire thread from its inception and I want to give everyone a hug. Not in a pity party way, but in a "hell yeah, keep going everyone!" way.

Amen.

I'm a first generation graduate, first generation American, low income student, worked 40 hrs a week in a food service job, got multiple degrees, and found out hardly anyone gives a crap.

Should we manage to succeed in spite of our obstacles, may we be the ones who will extend a hand to a new generation of hardship survivors. May we be the ones who will fight for their acceptance, and funding, and education, not in spite of the 3.0 they earn but because they managed to earn that 3.0 in spite of their life.

From my heart, I wish you all the best of luck, and if lady luck gets busy serving others, I wish you success as reward for all the hard work you've done, and all you've accomplished, fighting for everything tooth and nail.

[tnk0001]

Just remember that it isn't a hinderance -- its an advantage. If you've been struggling all of your life just to succeed, you're pretty well equipped to deal with struggling. That's a quality that's infinitely more valuable than any trust account.

That was really well put, even though it has sucked, I know that I can handle whatever comes up and that confidence is what gets me through each new step.

I'm a first generation and low income grad student, and while my family is insanely proud, they have no idea what I'm going through. I worked my way through a BS, loaded up on student loans, sold my car to fund moving to europe and worked my way through my MS while also holding a tech job at another Uni. and am so happy to finally be about to start the PhD and have a stipend and no tuition!! It's hard to see others, and even my own fiance, who never had to pay any of their own bills and could just call up the 'rents anytime anything came up.For a long time I was so angry, but I guess we all have our own lots in life.

[livinitup]

It's great to hear everyone's story, to know I'm not alone. My parents' lots have definitely improved since I was young (both remarried, my mom got an A.A. and has a slightly better job now), but that didn't translate into any kind of support for me in college. To this day, and despite my best efforts, they are totally clueless about what I am doing with my life. I think they also resent me for living so far away, which I must do because of a lack of opportunities in my home state. I've been working in nonpartisan public policy research for a few years, have applied to MPP programs for this fall, and still the only question my mom ever asks (and scornfully, I might add) is if I want to be a politician or something. Sigh.

I absolutely relate to the feelings of insecurity and alienation experienced in higher ed. I went to a private university, and had very little in common with most classmates. Not that it mattered much anyway, since I was working all the time and lived far away from campus. Thankfully, I had some very supportive and down-to-earth professors who made my life a lot more bearable. It was a hard four years, but I think I'm now better prepared to handle these feelings in grad school.

I wish all of you the absolute best of luck.

[humdevphd]

Wow, this thread is awesome!

I am also a low income minority student, and managed to not be first generation due to the hard work of my parents - who by the way were not even together when they went for their grad degrees. Both JD's. And yes - still low income, but keep reading and you'll see why. My mother went back to college while I was in elementary school, then went to Law School while I was in high school. We graduated the same year. She was taking care of my sister and I, working full time, and going to school at night. As I write this I realize just how proud of her I really should be. My father got his JD while I was pre-K. He had overcome drug addiction, went to a CUNY school, and kept going right to Law School. He remarried, but we still had a relationship. He passed away in '03, but I so wish he was here to share these grad school moments with me.

I have thoroughly enjoyed being "different" from the other students. I love that I don't come from a wealthy, jet-setting set. I love that I ride the train home. I love that I have had experiences that they can only imagine. I received my BFA, and MA, and will be working towards my PhD in the Fall - all from big snot-nosed universities - and I love that I have been able to live a "real" life while being there. Sure it's harder having to work, but when you graduate you get to say "I maintained a 3.875 (or probably 4.0 for most of you!) while going to school full-time, and working nights!". That means so much more than "my mom and dad paid for it and I had an allowance." Now trust me, I'm not hating on that person either - if my mommy and daddy had money to pay for it and give me an allowance I doubt that I would have said no! But this way you've worked for everything you got. And if you're in the Social Sciences like me, you've likely experienced many of the things other students in you're field have only read about. It's awesome. We offer an insight some don't have. At the end of the day, I have more people wanting to be around me than I'd actually like to be around. I embrace my "abnormality" and we all should!

[metrosxualbutch]

Ah yes. thanks for this thread. I'm the only of my siblings to have a college degree, and the first in my family to do grad study.

I find both my family responses (my mom sometimes just ignores conversation about grad school, or othertimes pretends to not hear what I'm saying when I say "Fully funded. They pay me for studying and teaching undergraduates" and keeps insisting that I keep my full-time (low-paid, stressful) job at the university and "take classes at night" the idea of entering academia as a kind of apprentiship, with the end result of going for tenured professorship is way beyond her. We have consistent fights about all the 'highfaluting' ways I've adopted like... eating vegatables not from a can and refusing to eat american cheese food product, thinking its important to take vacations or take a risk even if it means leaving a secure job. Class conflict class conflict class conflict.

I went to two different private undergrad schools to eventually culminate in my degree-- had to drop out halfway through because my dad went on disability and the 100 dollars a month he contributed broke me (and I didn't know how to ask for/access resources). The hardest thing about goign to private schools (aside from the, that's right, 50 thousand in loan debt from undergraduate school), and higher ed that's not the community college (as was expected of my people) was adjusting to the cultural differences of agency: My people consider it rude to put yourself in front of someone and ask for soemthing simply because you want it, but that's precisely what an Informational Interview is. It took me MONTHS to get up the nerve to do one. I also worked 3 jobs while in school full time and taking out loans (i went to school in NYC, an expensive undertaking) and would LOSE MY MIND when fellow students would snore in class or not do the readings. They were bringing down the education I paid dearly for. It's a difference of valuing.

As I move onto graduate school, i'm finding relief in attending a public institution-- i'm with people who are from backgrounds more similar, and the pressures are less. My reserach topic is class assimilation and class passing inspired by these very struggles-- what do we leave behind, what does it mean to gain 'agency', what do we lose, what do we gain, do we help our people in the long run when your family thinks you've got too "high and mighty" but your financially secure, getting healthcare, or eating food consistently for the first time. What does assimilating do to our souls.

[sonnyday]

My mom doesn't even know what a Ph.D. is, and all she wants to hear from me is when am I going to have babies now that I'm married. I thought my little brother having a baby over the summer would take some of the pressure off of me (the oldest), but apparently, it's just made her greedy for even more grandchildren. She jokingly (but with a hint of derision) called me a "professional student", and she thinks that a job in some office somewhere doing someone else's boring crap-work is the be-all end-all of careers. She's much more impressed by money than by intellectual loftiness.

Neither of my parents ever graduated high school (though my mother got her GED), and my father passed away in 2005 from years of self-inflicted bodily damage (drug and alcohol addictions run in my family). I get so envious when I hear of other people being able to ask their parents' advice about grad school.

I actually dropped out of my first college because the professor told the class that we shouldn't try to hold a job while attending that program or we will fail. Seeing as how my family has been dirt-poor for generations, and the university provided no on-campus housing, I had to work (and eventually to drop out because the professor was right) to pay my rent on a ghetto apartment on the other side of town while the rich kids got to live in the cushy apartment complex across the street, all funded by their parents. I still have debt from the semester and a half I spent at that private college ten years ago.

I just hope that I get a good funding package from somewhere, and that the schools I applied to will accept me on my merits rather than deny me for the lack of prestige of my state school.

Nocturne, you and I are so alike its not even funny.

Ditto to everything, except my mother is now working on her Associates degree (she does understand it may mean higher pay at her job) and had a Secretarial Degree long ago. My father got his GED, and also died in 2006 from self-inflicted damage also (lung cancer from cigarettes, diabetes, alcoholism). My younger sister also just had a baby, but my mother for some reason wants ME to have one. (Mainly because I am married, and I'll be one of the few women in my extended family not to have a baby out of wedlock). My entire family, when I am tell them I am applying for a doctorate degree: "Didn't you finish? Why are you choosing to be in school? Do you like school or something?" And no one understands a Ph.D at all.

My husband and I dropped out of college after our first year in college also (we lived separate that year sort of, and they didn't have married housing so we had to live off campus), because working and going to school was hard at first. It took me about 6 years to get my bachelors because I worked throughout, my husband has one more semester left (it will take him 7 years). We also attended community college and transferred the basic courses to save money. We lived in a crappy apartment in the sh*tty part of Baltimore (still live there now), of course, most other students are living in the out-lying suburbs in the county and wouldn't even venture towards our neighborhood (the blue-light area is commonly seen as a no-zone for students).

Metrosxual, We also have the conflict with both our families: they think we are "high-sidity" and "Bougie" because of the way we dress, or the fact that I eat caprese salads and refuse to buy microwave dinners and McDonalds constantly. Though, my mother is a semi-vegetarian, I am sure I get some of that from her, and she gets it too, but she's still stuck with the canned veggies

Needless to say, I am low-income and first generation. But I am aware that I've gotten where I am on my own merits, and even with disadvantages I can make my own success regardless of what school I get into. My work experiences during college were my strengths for getting a great job now, and I think for getting into graduate school also. I think without this background, I wouldn't have the perseverance I have now, nor the thick-skin and resilience it takes to bounce back and shrug off the disappointments and heartaches that come my way. Not that I don't care, but I don't stress out over life like many other wealthy students do.

I love this thread. Very encouraging. :-)

[happyhulalola]

I enjoyed reading the posts and comparing my own situation with those of others. I come from a working class background and am a first generation college graduate and first person to go further. However, I have had a study abroad, a DC internship, and am now teaching English in Spain. I am paying for it: $50,000 in student loans for 4 years at a public university (Minnesota). Half of those loans are attributed to my study abroad and internship. (For my study abroad, I took my $1500 in savings and went to New Zealand. 2.5 months later I ran out of money and had to get a job. While the other 50 members of my program were jaunting all over NZ and Australia and staying out until 5 am on weekends, I worked 20 hours a week cleaning up a conference center and got to bring the extra food back to my apartment. During my internship I was always the one counting my pennies and packing a lunch. Trying to be a competitive student is pricey.) My parents, dad is a high school drop out and mom has a tech school welding degree, are as supportive as they can be. (Except when my mother gets angry/frustrated/scared about me growing up and throws the I-don't-understand-why-you-have-to-go-and-be-"highfalutin" fit....which, by the way, I thought that was a made up word for the longest time.) I come from a very small town in northern Wisc, and am finding that my friends from high school are the most critical.

One of my friends dropped out of college sophomore year and now works at a local bank. We talk about 1 or 2 times a month and it's always "when are you going to get a real job?" "you can't go to school forever..." "you're going to have so much debt..." and "why are you training to be hoighty-toighty?" (I hate that phrase, but spelling on that anyone?) It really pisses me off. Who is she to tell me what I can and can't do? While her "happiness" dream is getting married and having babies and living in Wisc the rest of her life, mine is to help make the world a better place and see different countries and cultures in the process. I don't care if I will be paying for it until I die.

Along with the adjustment to the "rich and proper" lifestyle, I feel like it is an ongoing process. Sometimes it's been rough, but I have learned how to transition between the two realms since my study abroad and internship. I have learned when to splurge and when to conserve, and most recently, proper dinner etiquette.

I am glad there are others out there who have shared some similar experiences. It's comforting to know that my thoughts of inadequacy and insecurity are not alone.

[SMC/ND09]

As a dad of what really is a first generation graduate (wife and I both only have AS degrees night school etc) I cannot tell you how proud I am of my daughter for what she has accomplished. As many have related sometimes it is difficult as I know many in my own family they do not realize the significance of what you have achieved not only with respect to the undergraduate degree and now a master or PHD in your future. When my daughter calls and tells me she got into a program it bring tears to my eyes and she can barely get it out. And to think that she doubted that she had what it would take to get into a program like brown and Uof P. To all of you good luck, head held high and show the world what you are made of.

To my daughter if you are reading this just know how proud I am of you.

Like your freedom thank a Vet.

[nab190]

Neither of my parents really went to college. My mom dropped out of community college after a semester and my dad got a degree from a tech school. When I was younger I always had the basic necessities, but we were definitely working class, and my parents never really had enough money to set aside anything for my sister and I for college. Eventually, by the time I reached high school, my dad had a job with a good company, and my mom had moved her way up from a cashier to assistant manager at her store. But I still had to take out a lot of money in loans to pay for school, even though it was a public university (Penn State, most expensive public school in the country). I ended up staying home for the first two years because it was cheaper and I was able to get into the honors program at the local Penn State branch campus and they offered me a small scholarship. I didn't have to pay for rent or food, because I was still living at home, but I never liked accepting money from my parents and I worked 20-30 hours a week, while being a full time student (Penn State considers any student full time who takes at least 12 credits, but I normally took 18-20 credits), to pay for the things I needed and to help pay off the loans I was taking out.

After two years I transferred to University Park (Penn State's main campus). I picked up a job there too, again working 20-30 hours a week, plus 18 credit semesters. My first semester at main campus I ended up hating my major and started dealing with some personal issues related to my sexual orientation and needless to say, I pretty much ended up failing out of my classes that semester. I switched into a major in the social sciences that I was more interested in, but that I basically chose because I wanted to graduate in four years (which didn't happen anyway). I couldn't really talk to my parents or family about the stuff I was dealing with. They were happy I was in college, but they couldn't relate to my experiences, and I wasn't comfortable talking about the more personal issues I was dealing with. The one thing I did find that helped me through some hardships was activism and advocacy work. There were a lot of political issues surrounding Penn State at the time and I joined a student group which I became wholly devoted too. Eventually, I and some others started our own group and I branched out and got involved with student government and a few other organizations. I ended up spending more time working at my job, so I could pay for rent and food and books and insurance, and being active in different student and community groups than I did on my school work. I was able to improve my GPA every semester after the one that I basically failed out of, but with the combination of work and being only mildly interested in my major, I never devoted myself as much as I could have (which I regret).

And while some of my peers in student government were taking $15/hour Exxon/Mobile internships over the summer, I took an unpaid internship working on local immigration issues. The next fall I was basically broke and was only saved monetarily when I got a $1200 scholarship from Penn State for being a "student leader". Its weird that my extracurricular work, which in many ways kept me from doing better in school, is also what I've been able to use to get some money and, most likely, what has gotten me into grad school. Ultimately though, a high GPA will get you places that community service won't. It just killed me when the student body president, who went to boarding school, whose father was on the University's Board of Trustees, who lived in Palm Beach, and flew all over the country every weekend just because she could, lamented about getting her first "B" because she was so loaded down by taking 3 classes AND being in student government.

I know a lot of people come from circumstances more dire than mine, but even I can recognize the privileges that come with money and support. I sincerely applaud everyone on here who has kept their head up and worked hard to get where they are.

Also, as a side note, what does everyone think about merit vs. need based aid? A lot of universities have increased merit aid and reduced need-based aid and subsequently, middle/upper class students are starting to receive more aid than lower income students because they typically have better grades, more varied experiences, etc.

[SMC/ND09]

Nab thanks for sharing and what a great story. You have done very well for yourself. regarding the paid verse paid internships i will bet anything that most selection committes will look more favorablly on what you did vs the $15 an hour one's. Regarding the merit scholorships my daughter undergrad school bases everything on aid/need needless to say we use to own our house and now due to loans I will be paying it back long into retirement Congrads on your acceptance and good luck.

[Firled]

Being first generation and minority, it's annoying to be around relatives who simply cannot fathom why a Ph.D. takes so long! I am only in my second year, but keeping getting asked "Are you done yet?" by family members. I then have to patiently explain that a Ph.D. takes a minimum of 4 years and involves a dissertation at which point I get a blank stare. The other problem is that amongst my working class family members, being an academic is regarded as lazy,effortless work with summers off (what a joke!). Holding down a full-time manufacturing job represents real work to them and I just seem to be lazy in their eyes!

[jferreir]

Being first generation and minority, it's annoying to be around relatives who simply cannot fathom why a Ph.D. takes so long! I am only in my second year, but keeping getting asked "Are you done yet?" by family members. I then have to patiently explain that a Ph.D. takes a minimum of 4 years and involves a dissertation at which point I get a blank stare. The other problem is that amongst my working class family members, being an academic is regarded as lazy,effortless work with summers off (what a joke!). Holding down a full-time manufacturing job represents real work to them and I just seem to be lazy in their eyes!

I can sympathize. Try explaining the difficulty (and practicality) of philosophy to an automotive mechanic; my father thinks all philosophers are "professional bums".

On a serious note, I find this extremely difficult to deal with. I don't have the empathy or encouragement that other students (presumably) do, and I really think it negatively affects my motivation/confidence. In my experience, no matter how much I accomplish, it always feels inconsequential - almost like I don't belong. Thankfully, I had some really good professors during my UG that patiently urged me to continue, but it's still extremely difficult when you have little to no support from your family. In their eyes, my UG was a necessary precondition for finding work; anything beyond that is a waste of time/money.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm the only person that's being actively encouraged to drop out and get a "real job". What's worse is that I have no means of responding. If I say "you don't understand", then I come off as an arrogant, condescending asshole (my parents never went to high school, never mind college/university). On the flip side, I can't simply ignore them - they're my family.

Damn, being conflicted sucks.

[TulipOHare]

I feel for you guys, although I am lucky that none of my family are being jerks about it -- most of them are sort of in awe. And confusion. They don't get why I'm not rich yet, since I went to a good college. And my cousin found out I got into grad school and asked "You're going to college again? What are you going to major in this time? So you're going to have two degrees?"

[vannik]

I'm a low income student from a single mom's income. My grandfather paid the mortgage on my home when I was younger so I'd have a roof over my head. Incidently, my mom has bad credit due to my brother's student loans and we own a home so I got very little in terms of student loans. The problem was that I didn't fully understand what I was stepping into as a 17 year old undergraduate at a private school in Boston.

Long story short: 5 years college and about 100k in student loans. I worked during the year but the rent was too much to pay and still help my mom out. She was unemployed for close to 2 years and I had to help with bills and taxes on the home.

In any event, I was worried my offer out of school was too low and I got full ride to a few PhD programs so I am going for it. I hope an EE phd in defense will offset that giant loan a bit.

For those talking about timing and leaving home: My father was a drug addict and alcoholic. My mom still cared about him and took care of his finances since he wasn't capable. He actually passed away 6 weeks before I moved across the country.

The best parts about a low-income upbringing is that living on a 1500 stipend isn't that much different than any other time in life, and when that 6 figure job drops we'll have the common sense to still live like we do on that 1500 stipend

[TulipOHare]

The best parts about a low-income upbringing is that living on a 1500 stipend isn't that much different than any other time in life, and when that 6 figure job drops we'll have the common sense to still live like we do on that 1500 stipend

Damn straight!

I do get very tired of the assumption that you must be a rich snob if you went to school or went to a certain school, though. Even if you tell them "no, I busted my ass in high school, and I got a partial scholarship, and I took out loans, and I worked part-time jobs the whole way through" they still don't let go of the first impression... I try to laugh it off as academic penis envy, but it does get to me sometimes.

[flit]

I am so old that the fact that I am the first to get a university degree at all has really never occured to me.... am nontraditional in so many other ways....

but I am very interested in this thread .... and, I hope, will remember it as I hopefully have ever increasing teaching opportunities; thank you.