Very Confused: Rescinding Non-funding offer for Funded Offer?

[MathCat]

What exactly are you afraid A is going to say to B? Because this is getting ridiculous. I don't know what you want to hear...

[juilletmercredi]

It is highly unlikely that School A will "badmouth" you to School B. Administrators are busy people; they don't have time to call up other admissions offices to gossip and posture about an admitted student. What possible purpose would there be in that, anyway? Their annoyance with you might have been great, but I highly doubt it's great enough for them to take the time and the personal hit to their reputation to call up School B and say...what, exactly? "This student was going to come here, but we couldn't find funding so he decided to go to your school instead!!"

 

There's no reason that your next two weeks should be tough at all. Really, I think you are giving this outsized importance - you have to remember that administrators deal with thousands of potential students and your one problem is probably not big enough for them to spend much time trying to derail your career. Just call up B, accept their offer, get written confirmation, and then write a letter to A (email is fine) explaining that you can no longer attend because of financial circumstances and wish them well. Simple.

Edited April 19, 2015 by juilletmercredi

[quandry1028]

I understand everyone's perspective and I would give the exact same advice, had I not personally experienced the administators at A. It would be difficult of me to commit to B without certainty that badmouthing would not occur. At the same time, I cannot imagine spending the next two years with these people.

[Vene]

If A badmouths you to B, that says more about them than it does about you. Accept B, decline A. This isn't even a question.

[cs_phd]

@quandary1028:

 

what is your fear?

what do you think will happen if A badmouths to B?

why is your acceptance of B dependent on whether A badmouths or not?

It should depend on where you want to go and it should depend on your career goals. It should not depend on some admin at A.

[MissingBlue]

Go speak to one of your letter-writers--preferably the one you trust the most.

They'll give you the same advice as everyone here, but I think you'll feel more comfortable following the advice.

[landshark]

I agree with most everyone else.  Accept B's offer.  Be diplomatic and professional in declining A.  You wouldn't want to go there anyway after all the negativity and toxicity they have generated.  Even if A does contact B and try to badmouth you, I doubt B would rescind their offer, since that is rather unprofessional.  

[Megs80]

Hey, I want to help you, but I'm just confused as to why you referred to School A as your dream school initially. Did you just mean it would be more convenient to attend that university (in terms of location), provided they had actually provided funding?

 

I was in a very similar situation a few years ago. I went with the school of a lesser caliber, partly because I had already accepted the offer and was also afraid of burning bridges due to rescinding. I have now burned professional bridges by choosing the wrong program (and being too honest about it). Believe me, you could do so much more damage by choosing a program that isn't right for you--or is beneath you.

 

I strongly think you should go with School B, especially since it is more highly regarded and your peers would be on the same playing field. It sounds like you'd make some impressive and lasting connections there. Who cares what School A thinks? It's your life and your money, and you've tried to act with consideration. I don't think A would go out of their way to professionally harm you. Go for B!

Edited April 20, 2015 by Megs80

[lxwllms]

It would be difficult of me to commit to B without certainty that badmouthing would not occur. At the same time, I cannot imagine spending the next two years with these people.

Not committing to B would mean what? Going with A? Not going anywhere? You need to forget about this whole badmouthing thing. If you don't commit to B you will either end up at A (which sounds like a terrible enviornment) or reapplying. Why reapply when you could just go to B, a program you like?

[allaphoristic]

Here's the deal, everyone on this forum has given you the same advice, but you are still reluctant to take it. I think that there are some other issues here than you just worrying about A badmouthing you to B (e.g. you've said something to A that you really regret and are afraid that it will come back to or you really want to stay close to family and S.O. and are worried about how that looks, etc.) I don't mean that you have to disclose the entire of your personal life to internet strangers, but for some reason, you are not able to digest the advice you sought. I completely agree with the advice to speak with one of your letter writers. Go to someone who knows more about your personal life, personality, and the situation and then really consider what they said AND what you WANTED to hear. Good luck. 

[TonyB]

He's clearly worried that he'll accept B, tell A he's not coming, then A will badmouth him to B and cause them to rescind their offer. That's very unlikely, I should think, but I'd imagine it COULD possibly, theoretically happen.

 

I have to wonder how harsh School A has actually been with him, because he seems VERY intimidated.

[fuzzylogician]

I understand everyone's perspective and I would give the exact same advice, had I not personally experienced the administators at A. It would be difficult of me to commit to B without certainty that badmouthing would not occur. At the same time, I cannot imagine spending the next two years with these people.

 

I am going to say the same thing as the 30 posters above me. Regardless of how much you think the administrators at A are mad at you, the chances that they will "badmouth" you to B (and say what, exactly?) are miniscule. It would reflect poorly on them. They have exactly nothing to gain by doing it. You are not that important or that special, they deal with lots of students all the time; they may be pissed or even outright mad, but they will get over it. 

 

You have only one option here: Accept B's offer, get confirmation, and rescind from A. It is very simple. Even if all the terrible and unlikely things you are imagining will come true, this is still your only real course of action. You should not go to A, who is treating you poorly before you even got there, and is not even giving you any funding for the pleasure. If A does cause your offer from B to be rescinded, you won't be any worse off than you are now, given that A is not a viable option anyway. So just go ahead get this over with. The longer you take to make a decision, the bigger deal you make of it, the harder it will become. You are giving A too much power, and you need to stop that and do what is clearly best for you.

[quandry1028]

I think I'm going to step away and think about things. I wish the administrators at A had been more civil. I don't like taking risks like this.

Edited April 22, 2015 by quandry1028

[fuzzylogician]

You truly baffle me. There is just one course of action available to you here, there is nothing to think about. You are letting these people psych you out. It should be abundantly clear that you should not go to A, if for no other reason than for how they treated you (if I take your word for it, but seeing how you are blowing this discussion out of proportion, I wouldn't be surprised if you are also over-interpreting how they treated you). But regardless, there is another reason -- funding. Seriously, just do it. 

[med latte]

I feel angst because I usually keep to all written agreements, and spoken ones too for that matter.

 

My BS-detector just went off. I'm guessing either 1) you are naive enough to think that the world functions in black and white, and that additional information or altered circumstances do not change prior agreements all the time with no moral fault or ill intention, 2) you have not realized that you are one of countless incoming masters students that will be forgotten about by the school within a day, 3) you have failed to see that fully-funded PhD students and post docs have wrestled with similar decisions and lived to tell the tale, 4) there is another piece of the story that you have failed to tell us, or 5) you have the need to find someone to tell you whatever it is you want to hear.

 

There are people here still on waiting lists, and it annoys me that you would be selfish enough to stew in your own made-up drama for days instead of picking up the phone, declining the school you obviously want to decline, and perhaps making that spot at school A available for someone else. 

Edited April 22, 2015 by med latte

[-hermes-]

I cannot fathom someone making this non-issue into such a big deal. Like everyone else in this thread I feel inclined to encourage OP to choose school B, but this has to be a troll.

[kgbfan]

Are you trolling?

[lyrehc]

The April 15 deadline has to do with funding. Accept B, and move. If you're *that* worried about A, since they aren't funding you anyway don't notify the department directly, send information to the graduate school.

 

How reputable is School A? 

[Vene]

The April 15 deadline has to do with funding. Accept B, and move. If you're *that* worried about A, since they aren't funding you anyway don't notify the department directly, send information to the graduate school.

 

How reputable is School A? 

The April 15 deadline also only applied to doctoral programs, OP applied for a masters.

[.letmeinplz//]

The April 15 deadline also only applied to doctoral programs, OP applied for a masters.

Most of the MS places I applied followed the April 15th deadline for both and quoted the DGS agreement.

Edited April 22, 2015 by <ian>

[Cheshire_Cat]

I've grown up with a dad in academia.  Academia is a small world.  If a professor goes about badmouthing students who don't come to their program, the other professors know that is what they are doing.  It's like living in a small town.  Everyone knows who the sour-mouthed people and gossips are, and no one pays them much heed.  If the professor bad mouths you because you go to the other program, the other program will just think it is sour grapes because you didn't choose theirs.

[SublimePZ]

Either the OP is not telling us everything, or is trolling. In either case though, there's really nothing else anyone here can say that hasn't been said already. This thread should be locked based on non-productivity.

[-hermes-]

Either the OP is not telling us everything, or is trolling. In either case though, there's really nothing else anyone here can say that hasn't been said already. This thread should be locked based on non-productivity.

 

I agree, but let me slip this meme in first:

 

 

[Mechanician2015]

Oh man, I wish I had this amount of feedback in my post... 3 pages later and still the same?

[.letmeinplz//]

Oh man, I wish I had this amount of feedback in my post... 3 pages later and still the same?

Which post, I'll give you some feedback that I probably don't have enough experience to give but will give it anyway.