Don't want to feel like I'm always bragging

[MathCat]

Can we keep an interesting thread on topic and amicable?

[Mechanician2015]

 

@Mechanician2015 Because I have no interest in applications, I'm also quite unaware of them when they do exist. To me, and most of the professors who taught my courses (also pure mathematicians), an application is a use of this theorem in some other area of pure math, haha. 

I will... keep that in mind next time I read a mathematician talking about applications  

 

I knew the stuff about Perlman's theorem because I have some (personal) interest in the divulgation of STEM knowledge(I don't know topology, so I have a vague, amateur understanding of even the definition of the problem/conjecture). My advice to OP was that if you are doing reaserch on X, you might take a couple hours(spread along many months, sure) to read about possible applications. I do this out of personal interest, you guys(and girls) can do it just for the sake of having an easy time when talking about your job with non-academics.

[Marst]

It has been mentioned several times already, but the "you are so smart, I could never do that" is such a killer. I have noticed that people sometimes use it as a way to distantiate themselves from you, especially in groups where people start backing each other up on that. There's probably no way to recover from that. All you can do is control the damage as best as you can. In some cases where someone seems to be genuinely interesting/wondering, I bring up the research on maths skills (it turns out the difference between competence and incompetence in maths is confidence, rather than raw talent).

 

I cannot disagree with this statement enough. If you cannot explain something to a non-specialist you have not really learned it. For many NSF grants there is a public abstract (one for the general tax payers to read) and a specialist abstract. While you might go into detail with a specialist, but I can explain my research to someone without a college education. I know because I've talked to high schoolers about it. 

 

Perhaps my research isn't as esoteric or technical as some others here.  

Although I do not disagree with what you are saying, that's hardly relevant for this thread. Explaining something to not only a non-specialist but even a lay person, may take more than a single sentence. Such an abstract is usually longer than a sentence as well. To be honest, I think most people won't care enough to listen to your explanation for even a minute. It would be inconsiderate to make them listen to an entire oration if all they want is a single sentence with the general idea (and no explanation at all, really), or they are even asking out of politeness and don't care at all. If they are interested beyond that, you can still give them the full oration, but that will not happen all that often.

 

What works for me:

 

- Saying I am a PhD student often confuses people, as many have no idea about grad school, PhD or even how college works. In that case, it is safer to say "I study X" (for undergrad and masters) or "I do research (on X)" (for PhD). This may not work for everyone, but my PhD is full-time research since I already finished the coursework in my masters, so it's another way of saying the same thing.

 

And foremost:

 

- Have a single sentence ready that explains your field/research on an extremely high level. I am in pure maths and theoretical CS and just say: "I use mathematical models to prove that computer programs are working correctly". People can relate to that, and may even share whatever they know about bugs etc. That's not all that relevant to my research which is much more abstract and theoretical, but it is the whole point of why I am doing this research in the first place.

Edited May 3, 2015 by Marst

[victorydance]

Well the reason that I asked this question is because they DO. The question was prompted by a conversation I had with my SO today. He is works in business and is a much more social person than I am.  I mentioned to him that I feel like whenever we go out, conversations just get killed once people ask what i do. He said that it is just because academia is so far from what most people are familiar with. I am not saying that academia is better or worse... it is just really different so many people don't connect with it.

 

I think the problem lies in the assumption that they become self-conscious. That to me, is a leap. Just because someone doesn't follow up with more questions or whatever doesn't mean they are self-conscious. That would mean that because you are a masters student (which really isn't that big of deal to begin with) that they are embarrassed what you think of them (the definition of self-conscious). That seems kind of arrogant to me.

 

I mean for example. Say you and I were having this conversation about what ''you do.'' And you said you were a grad student that studies biophysics, I don't give a crap about biophysics so I doubt I would want to talk to you about it. Does that mean I am self-conscious? No, it means I don't care about what you do. The two things are vastly different. 

[MathCat]

I think the problem lies in the assumption that they become self-conscious. That to me, is a leap. Just because someone doesn't follow up with more questions or whatever doesn't mean they are self-conscious. That would mean that because you are a masters student (which really isn't that big of deal to begin with) that they are embarrassed what you think of them (the definition of self-conscious). That seems kind of arrogant to me.

 

I mean for example. Say you and I were having this conversation about what ''you do.'' And you said you were a grad student that studies biophysics, I don't give a crap about biophysics so I doubt I would want to talk to you about it. Does that mean I am self-conscious? No, it means I don't care about what you do. The two things are vastly different. 

Certainly, some people just don't care to hear about it. But, in that case, there are probably other topics of conversation to switch to where we might have more in common. That doesn't usually happen for me.

 

Usually, the conversation gets to the point where I'm asked what I do, and I say I'm a math student. Some people are not put off by this, and the conversation keeps flowing (and often away from this topic), but this is not the majority. Most of the time, I get the "Wow, you must be so smart!" type response. It's then that it really does seem that the person gets self-conscious (or, at least, uncomfortable. Perhaps the reason for it is different.), because it seems like they've classified me in their mind as some sort of genius who can do anything. I make this assumption because they seem uncomfortable to talk about themselves after, not because they don't ask further questions about what I do. They also often put themselves and their work down ("wow, well, I don't do anything like that. I'm just <occupation>, it's not as impressive." [another awkward moment, like the "you must be so smart" moment...]) It's not my intention, I don't look down at them for not liking or not being good at math, and there are of course many, many things that I am completely incapable of, and their occupation often falls into this category. I don't really know how to change this result - most responses I could come up with would probably come across as patronizing, and it's not like I want to lie about what I do to avoid this.

Edited May 3, 2015 by MathCat

[random_grad]

Do you guys ever deal with this awkwardness in mentioning that you are working on your PhD? I don't want mentioning my work to feel so uncomfortable. Most people can chat about their work or hobbies (watching football for example) without an issue. I feel like mentioning my interests is different though and ends up just sounding like I am bragging the whole time. Have you guys found a way to talk about your work in a way that others can relate to better? Do you avoid it in general?

 

As a person in the humanities, the reaction goes two ways: 1) Wow, you're at such prestigious university! 2) Your field is useless.

At this point, for 2) I have developed a comprehensive attack plan with a list of responses that I deploy one by one to kill any doubt in that person's mind about the necessity of my field. This tends to work well on fellow PhD students from the sciences (who are generally super-skeptical for some reason about what humanities people do) and somewhat less on non-academic people (with whom I use their skepticism as a way of preventing reaction 1) ).

 

For reaction 1) I am still struggling to devise a fool-proof defense plan, esp. now that I have been admitted to a prestigious school. I just try to be casual about it, saying that I am very happy ("lucky to be here" is a good way to put part of the responsibility away from my persona) and all, and it seems to work. People switch to being flattered of knowing someone who is from said school and join in the celebration. I proceed to talking about my project in simple terms and transition to telling about a recent travel experience I had in relation to my research or an event in the city that I attended recently in relationship to my field of study. This gets people talking about travels and leisure, about their city, and eventually other things if they have nothing to say about my research interests. However, I find that me asking people what they do for a living is a bad conversation starter because if the person has an office job they are not very proud of or particularly engaged with then when they ask back about what I do, my response may seem like bragging and it may seem that I asked them just to focus on my work in the first place (esp. if I have the stupidity of asking them about what they studied in university). So now I avoid asking the occupational question myself unless I know this is someone who defines themselves by their career. Much better is the "where are you from" question and "have you seen this new movie" or anything about politics and world affairs. I stay informed by reading the journal and watching netflix . "what do you watch on netflix?" is perfect to fill the blank for a good tweny minutes

Edited May 3, 2015 by random_grad

[TakeruK]

A few more things to add after reading some very interesting insights here!

 

1. I agree with Sigaba and others who said that the more you know, the "less able" you are to explain what you're doing to a lay person. This doesn't mean you cannot do it, it just means that you are no longer able to fully explain your work. This is okay because the point of PhD-level and beyond research is to expand human knowledge to what is not known by anyone else. This is true not just to lay people but even other scientists! There are some aspects of my work that are so technical that I would never discuss them in a conference-style presentation to other scientist. The key to communication is not telling them everything you know, but telling them what they want to know. This applies to both scientific and non-scientific audiences.

 

2. As others pointed out, some people really don't understand the difference between grad school and college, or the whole MS, PhD, postdoc structure at all. If I use the word "student" in my description, people think I'm in school like a college student. I could spend 5-10 minutes explaining how academia works but that's probably not what they wanted to hear when they asked me the "what do you do?" question. So, I usually say I do research and teach about X. Or, sometimes I might even just say "I work at <University Name>". Depends on who I'm talking to.

 

3. Basically, I generally start with just a tiny bit of information, because often the "what do you do" is just an icebreaker and people might not even care about your answer. It's like the "How are you?" question--most people just want to hear one sentence and move on to something else. If people ask me more details, I'll be happy to tell them all about grad school and my work etc. but I let them decide to dig deeper. 

 

4. I agree with GeoDUDE! and others that say as researchers, we must be able to condense the essence of our work in a very short "pitch" for a lay person. In my field, we are mostly funded by public/government money and I feel it is our responsibility to be able to tell the public what we do if asked. In my opinion, every researchers must be able to give a 20 to 30 second description of their work that is both understandable to the public and not dumbed down (respect their intelligence!). 

 

5. I sympathize with posters like MathCat when they say theoretical work is really hard to explain. When I worked on theory, my "30 second pitch" was nothing about what I actually do (which is mostly writing code), but instead, about the question I'm trying to answer and why that question is interesting. Sometimes it really helps to just construct an analogy and explain via that analogy instead of what you're actually doing. If you want more ideas of what people have done, google "3 minute thesis". It's a competition where PhD students explain their entire thesis to an non-expert audience in 3 minutes and just one slide. This is not the same as party small talk (here the audience is guaranteed to be interested and you have 3 minutes plus visuals!) but the strategies these presenters use to make difficult concepts more understandable without dumbing them down is very good.

 

Overall, I do feel lucky that my field, astronomy, is something a lot of people are already interested in and will have some basic background knowledge. Here's a 30 second pitch of my current work:

 

I study planets around other stars called "hot Jupiters". They are big puffy gas giant planets that are similar to Jupiter**, but they are very very close to their own star. While it takes Earth one year to go around the Sun, it only takes hot Jupiters a few days!! But we don't know how they got so close. We want to find out if they formed far away and moved closer, or if they formed where we find them today.

 

(** I do make the assumption that people know what Jupiter is.)

[random_grad]

 

I study planets around other stars called "hot Jupiters". They are big puffy gas giant planets that are similar to Jupiter**, but they are very very close to their own star. While it takes Earth one year to go around the Sun, it only takes hot Jupiters a few days!! But we don't know how they got so close. We want to find out if they formed far away and moved closer, or if they formed where we find them today.

 

(** I do make the assumption that people know what Jupiter is.)

 

This is awesome!! There should be a thread for pitches  (is there?)

Edited May 3, 2015 by random_grad

[beccamayworth]

 

Overall, I do feel lucky that my field, astronomy, is something a lot of people are already interested in and will have some basic background knowledge. Here's a 30 second pitch of my current work:

 

I study planets around other stars called "hot Jupiters". They are big puffy gas giant planets that are similar to Jupiter**, but they are very very close to their own star. While it takes Earth one year to go around the Sun, it only takes hot Jupiters a few days!! But we don't know how they got so close. We want to find out if they formed far away and moved closer, or if they formed where we find them today.

 

(** I do make the assumption that people know what Jupiter is.)

 

That's a pretty cool pitch. Made me wanna hear more! Have you ever thought about sending a two-minute pitch to PhD comics? They sometimes do animations about people's research (as you probably already know, but now I wanna see one on Hot Jupiters!!!)

 

The IRB is what makes me learn how to explain my research to the general audience. I need to do it, otherwise they won't give me approval to conduct experimental work. I think that is a great requirement for anyone working with human subjects.

[eeee1923]

While I wouldn't label myself as an antisocial person - I have run into the situation that the OP mentioned. So recently, I've started to go on the offensive, i.e: I'll start the conversation about where their from, comment a bit on it (your winters must be awful or something else innocuous), or maybe something about their clothes or shoes (I'm a huge sneaker-head) then I tell them a bit about myself - mostly hobbies and such. Basically I like them to know about me a bit before they can ask what I do (cancer research).

 

TV and sports tend to be quite unifying, so I like to keep up with such topics (I have a smart phone so spending 5 minutes in the morning reading about last night's games isn't a real hassle). I don't know much about celebrities nor do I care, but if the person I'm having a conversation with seems to like "reality show x" - I tend to ask what it's about and why they keep watching it. Or I say like " how can celebrity x complain about how much their getting paid when they get paid millions".

 

The way I see it, most people don't want a lecture or anything super comprehensive in these types of conversations. One doesn't always have to be self-deprecating (it does help if you can laugh at your own struggles). One way I like to answer the "your so smart question/comment" is by saying "I'm kind of smart, but I'm more of a crazy person to keep doing x (where "x" is a quick description of your job duties). This tends to get people to see you as a mostly normal adult who enjoys some but not every part of your job. 

 

Anyhow, you can't always avoid awkward moments but you can learn to be a more social conversationalist with practice. 

[rising_star]

A combination of what eteshoe and TakeruK have said is my approach to dealing with this. (For background, I went to a school whose name wows people, got grad degrees in a field whose name confuses people, and just generally don't care about that at all anymore.) If you can't explain what you do in 1-2 sentences to the average person, you are going to struggle to get national grants and on the job market. Period. I say this because on an academic job interview, you will meet with people outside your department, like the dean, who want to know quite quickly what you do and why it matters. The better you get at explaining this now, the better off you will be. That's the explanation you use at a dinner party or social event. The next thing is to then transition the conversation away from you (especially if you're worried it seems like you're bragging) and toward the other person/people by asking what they do and getting interested in it.

 

FWIW, if you don't want to talk about sports and celebrities, then it's on you to shift the conversation or to find other people to talk to. 

[HookedOnSonnets]

Longtime forum lurker, first time poster. Be gentle with me. 

 

I think what you're dealing with here is the conditioned polite response people have. The first time you meet someone the go-to question is "what do you do?", you say you're in grad school, they respond with, "You must be smart!" - It's not necessarily that they think you're smarter than they are (whether they be stay at home mom or astrophysicist), it's just a nice thing to say. 

 

As to when they follow up asking exactly what you do, K.I.S.S. You don't have to go in great detail, just give them a little snippet. Usually, not always, but usually, they're asking to keep the conversation churning, not because they're necessarily interested in the intricacies of your particular field. A couple sentences is fine. If they want to know more, they'll ask.

I was at a party recently chatting with this guy who said he was in... I don't even remember. Some very maths-oriented field. Very complicated name, I'm sure I was looking at him like a deer in the headlights when he said that (math terrifies me). 
And I said, "Oh, what is that?" 

And he thought about it for a second and then said, "Basically, Germany pays me to do experiments in a zero-gravity atmosphere." 
It was the perfect response. It was interesting, it wasn't condescending, and obviously his work is much more than just playing on planes all day with air-sick peers, but we found some common ground, and we ended up chatting for an hour.

 

All that being said, I'm getting a Creative Writing MFA, so the most common response is a blank look followed by the inevitable, "...and what do you do with that?" (Followed swiftly by, "...huh.")

Edited May 4, 2015 by HookedOnSonnets

[Crucial BBQ]

"What do you do?" is such an Americanism, and one that goes back decades.  I get the feeling that Millennials have put their own spin on it to truly mean Hey, I'm just breaking the ice here! but for the older crowd it is a loaded question.  That is to say for those who are older there is often an association that we are what we do.  It is a way to see how you measure up against me, if we have something in common, if you are an interesting person.  That sort of thing. 

 

Thankfully I have not been asked this question too many times and I generally avoid the type of people who would ask such a question but when I do receive it I usually give an answer such as What do I do?  I live.  I woke up this morning, which I consider further evidence of having had another highly successful day. For those who know me in real life know that is something that I would legitimately say and that I am not just being a  smart alec.  The real reason why I would say such a thing is because I totally suck with social conventions.  I truly do not know how to answer that question.  Is he just trying to make small talk?  Does he even care to know?  And what is it that I really do?  I do a lot of stuff.  Is he asking about my work? There are a million things there. Or what I do no the weekend?  My work is rather boring I am afraid, but I do love to cook.  Should I mention that? race through my head. Then before I know it the words who gives a shiz! Let's get a beer! come out.  At least it gets most people to laugh and I have made many great friends this way.  Apparently this makes me appear mysterious, when in reality I am just socially awkward.  I have found that snide humor is a great cover-up and for those who do not "get it" probably would not like me anyways.  

 

I have been getting the question more frequently from my GFs family and some of her friends; it is a typical "DC" thing to ask. I just say that I am a student, which usually leads into "of what?" followed by "and where are you going to work?"  I do not feel like I am bragging as those who are asking are generally accomplished themselves but I do understand the sentiment because what I want to do is so different than what they do (typically Fed. Gov. stuff or union blue collar). 

[ZeChocMoose]

I am fairly lucky as I research education and honestly mostly everyone I meet tends to have an opinion on education!  One of my specific interests is in college affordability which tends to get people talking about the high price of tuition these days.  When I don't want to specifically talk about why tuition keeps on increasing, I'll try to initiate the conversation by asking the person questions until we hit on a topic that we both have in common.  Current events work really well -- I also have a daily email sent to me that condenses important events across a broad range of topics which I try to read every morning (or at least skim) so I have some recent current events to talk about.

 

If I can't avoid the "what do you do?" question (i.e. I'm in DC and people just wouldn't give up until they know what you do and who your work for -- your comment made me laugh Crucial BBQ because it is so true!), then I tend to be vague and change the subject.  I'll say I'm a student at X University.  Thankfully, X university happens to be a huge football school so I can talk about how the football team is doing -or- if it is off season, I can talk about my initial experience with going to a football school and comparing it to my undergrad which was not a football school.  I try to make it light and funny on my comparisons so usually by that point we are laughing and sharing stories.

 

For the most part, people who ask me "what I do?" usually are just looking for a conversation starter.  There are some rare occasions where people are genuinely interested and I'll have a conversation with them about it, but for the most part people's jobs are kinda boring and most people don't want to hear the nitty gritty details of your daily work/student life.  I would say be slightly more vague if you think what you are saying is turning them off and/or segue into other topics or a random anecdote about student life. 

[ron_swanson]

So, in my experience try and differentiate between those wanting small talk and having actual interests in your work.  Go from there.  If it's small talk, then keep it short.  Just joke about it a bit, like I would say I push letters and numbers around on a paper all day or I punch symbols in a computer all day, which in the field of physics is pretty much what I do.  It's good to make people realize it's your way of life, it's what pays the bills, etc.  When people don't have interests in your work, lead it elsewhere (like movies, shows, music, sports, etc).  If they are interested try and gauge their level of interest and maybe even their background.  For me, it's them having or not having a knowledge of the importance of, or even background in, science that sets off what level I can engage people.  Also, you got to understand that moments of discussing your work (as a researcher it really is your work, a type of product) gives you the opportunity to sell it.  It's good practice to convince others around you why you matter, why your work matters, what place your work has in the world, etc.  If you're at some posh party, flaunt that phd around (and whatever prestigious school you're associated with)... but don't do that at some dive bar or you'll be a cocky scumbag.

[Crafter]

I am really enjoying reading your stories!

 

I wish I could feel like I am bragging at least once!! But for whatever reason, all my family and friends react the other way around: everybody seems to think they know more about things related to life sciences, medicine and microbes than me (they all know that I have an MD, a microbiology MS and will start my PhD this fall, none of them are educated in life sciences), and yet, conversations go like this:

 

- relative or friend: I am no longer eating bananas because it is bad to your bladder. I read it alters your molecules and degrades your cells.

- me (after years of enduring this type of conversations): where did you read that?

- relative or friend: in a blog.

- me: have you considered that blogs are not necessarily a good source of scientific information, unless it is from a well known scientific source?

- relative or friend: but I have a friend who eated lots and lots of bananas and ended up with a bursted bladder.

- me: so? that doesn't prove causality at all.

- relative or friend: of course it does!! how do you explain such incident??

 

and so on.....

 

or:

 

-relative or friend (a different one): did you know that ebola was created by the US government!!!?????

-me (more enduring): that is not true. Where did you get that from?

- relative or friend: read it online.

- me: did that website also referred to zombies and apocalypse?

- relative or friend: ha-ha very funny. I am serious. You should know about this!

- me: I happen to know about that. And no, ebola is not a man made virus.

- relative or friend: then, why it holds a patent by the US?? aahhh!!! explain that one, micro girl!!!!

 

(I love them all, though)

 

my life is so hard....

[_kita]

Honestly, there's a lot of misconception around how the normal populace understands academia. I've found very few people interested in talking about my field (I'm very keen on the glazed over, "she's talking about brain stuff again"), but they're very interested in whether or not I have talk to them about their stress and provide impromptu counseling! I don't like small talk, but that's just because I know I'm self-conscious and not very good at it. Most people care about something to bond with you about, not what leads to the bond (such as which job, but what does that job mean for your life and leisure time...)

 

Another, connected but different frustration, because I'm on a fixed income with schooling, and it's tight, I'm fed up with needing to explain that my budget and time does not allow for flexibility and "drop of a hat" changes. There's an assumption that, since I'm not wracking in a lot of money yet, I must be mooching. Not that I work hard for a small wage, in the hopes that I'll have the credentials to make more in a job that WON'T burn me out. 

[Igotnothin]

I think many of the suggestions on this thread will actually alienate non-academics. Bringing up an academic issue you read about in The New Yorker... Giving a 30-second "dumbed down" summary of your research that insults their intelligence... Humblebragging about where you go to school...

 

I met a Hopkins med student in DC one time, and he said he was in med school. Someone asked him where, and he said "in Baltimore." At that point you're going so far out of your way to NOT sound braggy that it ends up sounding more braggy than it would have if you just said "I'm a med student at Johns Hopkins." Because we know you're not saying Hopkins because of the impressed reaction you know you're going to get. Which means you are overly aware that you're in a prestigious academic program.

[Elizabeth Reed]

I think many of the suggestions on this thread will actually alienate non-academics. Bringing up an academic issue you read about in The New Yorker... Giving a 30-second "dumbed down" summary of your research that insults their intelligence... Humblebragging about where you go to school...

 

I met a Hopkins med student in DC one time, and he said he was in med school. Someone asked him where, and he said "in Baltimore." At that point you're going so far out of your way to NOT sound braggy that it ends up sounding more braggy than it would have if you just said "I'm a med student at Johns Hopkins." Because we know you're not saying Hopkins because of the impressed reaction you know you're going to get. Which means you are overly aware that you're in a prestigious academic program.

 

Yes, this reminds me of the infamous "I went to college in Boston" euphemism for "I went to Harvard" (not trying to pick on Harvard specifically - this applies to plenty of elite universities, just substitute New Haven/New Jersey/the Bay area/etc. for Yale/Princeton/Stanford/etc.) I suppose this is supposed to make the other party feel more comfortable, but it tends to accomplish the exact opposite. It tells the other person, "I am minimizing the awesomeness of my educational accomplishments to spare you discomfort because I know that you can't handle the truth." Regardless of the speaker's intention, this implication is condescending in the extreme and, more often than not, is perceived as such by the listener.

 

I have a feeling something similar may be taking place in cases such as the social situations described by the OP. People are generally pretty good at picking up on how the subtext of interactions. Moreover, the self-consciousness that motivates, e.g., the line "I went to college in Boston" (or an awkwardness, however subtle, in responding to a version of the "what do you do" question") is highly contagious and can easily spread to the other member(s) of the conversation. Depending on the situation, they may or may not sense the reason behind the strained quality of the exchange; either way, detecting some discomfort in the response can throw off someone who otherwise would have remained perfectly at ease. If you're feeling self-conscious about your answer, you may be infecting the other person with that very same feeling simply because you had it in the first place!

 

With respect to questions one can ask in a conversation with a teacher, stay at home mom, construction worker, or any other occupation: it helps, I think, to start with basic questions and let the conversation flow from there. For example, if Mary tells you she's  3rd grade teacher, maybe ask a follow-up like, "how many students are in your classroom?" When Mary says, "This year, it's 30." You can say, "Wow, I have trouble TA-ing 20 college students some semesters, that sounds like quite a challenge!" Maybe Mary's reply to that will be, "Oh there are definitely some trying moments! But most of the time I enjoy teaching that age group," in which case you can ask her to elaborate on what aspects of the job she likes and so on and so forth. Stay at home mom? Start with, "That's wonderful! What are their ages? ... Oh my, a 4 year old AND a 2 year old!? They must keep you very busy! What sorts of things do you enjoy doing with them? ... Cool! I loved dinosaurs as a kid, I would have loved to go to that museum every day, haha." Construction worker? Try, "What type of construction do you do? ... Ah, interesting! Are you working on a project like that right now?" 

 

I guess the point I'm trying to make is this: the best way to connect with someone you don't know well involves (1) feeling at ease and (2) expressing genuine respect for & interest in the lives of other people. That's not an easy stance to achieve (I personally struggle with it, especially the first part, all the time), but small talk is a skill just like any other - practicing helps!

[juilletmercredi]

Did anyone suggest humblebragging about where they went to school? (I am guilty of saying I went to grad school "in New York," but it's because people sometimes have odd reactions when I just say Columbia, although if asked directly I do answer the question.) A 30-second dumbed down version of the research is something that every mentor everywhere will encourage you to develop - even educated people outside of your field won't be able to understand it if you use jargon. My short version is that I do HIV prevention research; my slightly longer version is that I study how people's mental health, drug use, and sexual behavior are tied together and lead to HIV and other STIs (or some other varation of that). If I told people that I studied the psychosocial and cultural determinants of mental health and substance use in the context of HIV prevention and treatment...do you think people would get that? Honestly, I hate when scientists talk like that to each other. (And this is also supposed to be in response to people who ask about it, not a generic unprompted spiel).

 

Also, people other than academics read the New Yorker. I think that's the main problem with some PhD students/holders - they assume that we have some kind of supreme knowledge and that others are dumber than us or something. I have a lot of non-academic friends who read the New Yorker. Most of the people I know who listen to NPR are not academics (in fact, I do not listen to NPR, and have had it brought up to me more than once by people without advanced degrees. It's just a radio program.)

 

Personally, my solution to this has always been to just recognize that my job really isn't that special - I'm just a normal person with a normal job talking to a bunch of other normal people with normal jobs - many of them way cooler than mine, lol - and answer questions with the knowledge that my work is no more or less important than what they do. I also developed a lot of hobbies and interests other than research, so while I don't follow sports I can have minimal conversation about them (I at least know general trends and players). And I'm not ashamed to admit that I do follow celebrities and I watch quite a lot of TV so I can always talk about new TV shows or whatever the Kardashians are doing. Hey, you gotta do something besides read journal articles in grad school.

 

I also disagree that there isn’t much to talk about if people say that they teach or are a SAHM; you display the same kind of curiosity that you would anyone else’s job. After you ask what grade and subject, you can ask them about the day to day, maybe something you’ve always wondered, or simply “How do you like it?” Other questions are what are their students like, how long they’ve been doing it, whether they’ve ever thought about administration, what they think about some piece of educational politics (if appropriate and comfortable in the setting - teachers do have a lot of FEELINGS about those things, trust me), do they have any techniques they think are especially winning, etc. With SAHM, I ask them questions about their kids but also about their own hobbies and interests. What are they reading? Did they watch last week's episode of Scandal? (If the answer is yes, we have an instant conversation.)

I think when I was in my PhD program I did initially have a bit of awkwardness mentioning I was in a PhD program, but that’s because at the time I felt like it was something kind of special and also people had a tendency to have really weird reactions to it (mostly positive, but just weird). Now I just feel like it’s a kind of mundane thing about me; it’s rarely the first thing I mention about myself and usually if someone finds out it’s because they directly ask (“Oh, you just moved here from New York? What were you doing in New York for the last 6 years?”) or because they realize that my job requires one. I actually usually keep my answer pretty short and change the subject quickly, lol!

[xolo]

I've seen some really good suggestions on this thread, thanks! People make sooo many assumptions when they hear what I am studying. Anyway, my only comment is that the idea that "grad student" == "really smart", is a false stereotype. 

Edited May 6, 2015 by ***

[TakeruK]

I just want to say "shortened to 30 seconds" is not the same as "dumbed down". To me, it just means I have to pick out the most important/interesting aspects of my work and communicate it in 30 seconds. To me, "dumbing down" means something like explaining something in a wrong/infantile way that insults the listener's intelligence. 

[Igotnothin]

I just want to say "shortened to 30 seconds" is not the same as "dumbed down". To me, it just means I have to pick out the most important/interesting aspects of my work and communicate it in 30 seconds. To me, "dumbing down" means something like explaining something in a wrong/infantile way that insults the listener's intelligence. 

 

The moment you decide to prepare a 30-second "elevator speech" to tell non-academics what you do, you're already overthinking it. If someone asks you what you do, tell them. Don't recite a 30-second summary that you wrote up and rehearsed.

[Marst]

The moment you decide to prepare a 30-second "elevator speech" to tell non-academics what you do, you're already overthinking it. If someone asks you what you do, tell them. Don't recite a 30-second summary that you wrote up and rehearsed.

I think you might be the one overthinking it. In my case, my (single sentence) reply came across particularly well on one occasion. Therefore, I usually say something similar now when such an occasion comes up. There is nothing 'rehearsed' about that. I am not going to avoid saying something because I might have said something similar before. Even in academia people give similar answers to similar questions. That's only sensible. And why change a winning team?

 

By the way, I do think 30 seconds is way too long for a casual conversation.

Edited May 6, 2015 by Marst

[Igotnothin]

I think you might be the one overthinking it. In my case, my (single sentence) reply came across particularly well on one occasion.

 

The person you were talking to really liked it?