St Andrews Lynx

Please be aware that GradCafe is not a dating site, it's a site primarily for discussing grad school admissions and life in grad school. Maybe Meetup would be more appropriate to your needs: it allows you to join interest groups (hiking, book clubs, French literature appreciation, single professionals) and meet new people at the meet-ups. Although not everybody single who attends these Meetups is looking for a relationship.

This is the point where a medical leave of absence might be a good idea. Dropping out of the program and restarting again elsewhere is also a valid decision to make, especially if transferring groups is going to prove difficult. No PhD program is worth daily-tears-on-the-floor levels of misery. The question you'll need to think about over the coming months is if the strain on your mental health is being exclusively brought about by this particular PI/research group, or if it is tied to grad school life in general. PhDs do put people under a lot of stress, even with a "perfect" PI or research group folk can still get depressed.

Sometimes I've seen PIs give priority to the students that rotated first in the semester...but most of the time the order doesn't matter. Perhaps consider starting your first rotation during the summer in the group that you like the most. That will give you a bit more time to get settled in to the lab and make a good impression. You typically contact the PI directly to arrange a summer rotation.

Next time you meet and he asks "How are you?", give him a short anecdote from your grad school day as part of your reply ("Oh, I was busy editing the final draft of my manuscript for publication for most of today"). Them give him space to ask a follow-up question. And of course, show interest in his professional life - ask him what is it you do, how did you get into this career, what other jobs have you done in the past, etc. People usually match interest with interest, in a conversation.

In most STEM fields, it unfortunately is at the discretion of your PI when you defend your thesis & graduate. In most cases, an email such as you received would not count as a "threat", it is simply a statement of expectations. Although you are adamant here that you don't want or need help, it might be apparent to others that you really do need assistance with your research, which is why they are trying to intervene ("I want to help you" can be an indirect way of saying "You're struggling and you need help."). At this point, your path of least resistance is to sit down with your PI in person and agree on a timeline for your graduation. Ask them directly what (and how much) work you need to do before they will let you graduate. Write down what they say on paper, then email them a "summary" of what you discussed once the meeting is over. Then go ahead and do that work, even if you don't like it. Regardless of whether you go into academia or industry as your future career, there will be a lot of times when (i) you have to work with others even when you don't want to or don't think it is necessary (ii) you have to complete more tasks than you want to, either because your boss has told you to, or because need to get grant money, publications or new research projects off the ground. You can't be a successful scientist in a vacuum.

Right now I live on campus and can walk to my lab in barely 5 min. I share 2-bed graduate housing - the rent is a bit more costly than anything in the private sector, but still decent value for money. My honest feeling is that living too close to your workplace is a curse rather than a luxury, because it is harder to disconnect from your research life. Got nothing planned this Sunday afternoon? Well, why not nip over to the office for a few hours? As such, I spend the minimal time in my apartment - I leave after breakfast and come back in time for dinner, maybe heading back out in the evening returning home to crash and sleep. Previously, I've always chosen a 1 bedroom apartment over a studio. You're practically sleeping in your kitchen in a studio, which is weird for me - I like having separated areas for different domestic things. For me, rent is something I'm willing to pay a lot for, since I really value a space where I feel safe, happy & fits my tastes. It's really about what is most important to you; cash, convenience, peace of mind, balanced feng shui, etc

Meh, I don't think a long acknowledgements spiel is unprofessional per se. In fact, I think that because your PhD thesis is one of the most important (academic) documents most people write, the acknowledgements should be personal. My only opinion is that you should never be passive-aggressive in your acknowledgements, because it is obvious and look really bad. I once read a thesis (from a person with no connection whatsoever to my university or professional colleagues, I should disclaim) thank the members of a lab group down the hallway "For showing me what a good research group environment should be like." Or words to that effect. BURN BABY, BURN.

Waiting 1 month won't kill you. Ease off on the "romantic texting" - it isn't professional, and yeah it's kinda an ethical violation. Just explain to the girl about TA regulations & professional responsibility: even if you remain completely impartial in grading her work, somebody else in the class could make a complaint about perceived special treatment (and things like the text messages would be used against you). I'm sure that she will understand. Make sure that all grading is out of the way before asking her out. That said. You're human. Stuff like this happens. No need to beat yourself up about it.

Giving a female TA all the attention just because she's "cute" is demeaning (do you care nothing about her ability to explain things, her knowledge of the subject or experience in the classroom?). Female TAs don't exist solely for your visual pleasure, they exist to help with your education. Nor do "innocent" male intentions always translate the same way to women on the receiving end. You can tell if somebody is checking you out, right? Do you think female TAs won't realise that you are only asking them questions because you think they're hot?

The other important thing to check is that your school guarantees funding for every year that you're in the PhD program.

That's way too formal! Coming from a grad student the whole thing would sound a little pretentious. Go with the phrasing that Rising_star suggested.

There is a distinction between committee members who ask hard questions, rip into your work and fail you/send you back for major revisions....and those who ask hard questions, rip into your work...but in the end only ask for minor revisions/give you a favourable result. If this committee member is the former (it's hard to tell based on what you've told us) then I'd avoid them, but if it's the latter then I'd put them on your committee.

I would consider this behaviour a bit iffy. But... ...I've now been a TA in several large lab classes. Most of them have the same content and questions year-in-year-out. It is incredibly easy for a student to get hold of past lab reports from a friend and copy down the correct answers. Although this one girl in your class is brazen enough to do the copying and sharing openly in front of the TA, I'd actually be surprised if the rest of your class wasn't already using the exact same tactic, just more discreetly. My own opinion is that as a TA there is only so much you can do. If a student decides that instead of properly learning the material they are just going to copy somebody else's answers...I'd consider that their problem. Their exam performance and closed-book quiz scores will reflect that decision.

"Intense" is a very gendered adjective: in the context of academia, I've only heard it used towards woman. I think it means "A women with strong, alpha characteristics more usually found in men." Unlike "nice" I think it usually meant (and interpreted) as a compliment. The corresponding insults would be "bitch", "domineering" or "ball-breaker".

There's no guarantee that if you meet a man outside of grad school it wouldn't fail, either. Just do it.

Graduate-level courses are often less about actually teaching you new things, and more about making sure that everyone in the program has a satisfactory understanding of the field and to fill in any missing gaps from your undergrad education. Because of that, I think that feedback can be a lot lighter in grad courses, and the professors might be more lenient about giving good grades. Honestly, I wouldn't sweat it. You're here in grad school to do research, rather than ace classes. If the professors think you know what you're doing (and the fact that they gave you an A suggests that they do!), then just chill. You can maybe ask for general feedback "After reading my essays, do you think there is anything I should look out for when I'm writing my dissertation/paper/proposal?", but I wouldn't expect a lot from this type of prof.

As a broad generalisation, Americans are a lot more extroverted than Eastern cultures (and indeed a lot European ones!). Which usually means that if you started hanging out with a group of Americans, it would take a lot less time for them to open up to you and view you as "a friend" than with an equivalent group of Chinese. It might be that difference which made your 2nd rotation lab seem colder, rather than deliberate cliqueness. When entering a "quiet lab", you probably aren't going to change the culture overnight. It is best to start off quieter and gradually try to engage the other group members in shorter conversation (showing interest in their background & interests is a good way to draw out people). As an introvert, a wall of verbal information from somebody I'd just met isn't going to make me chatty - it's going to freak me out! Being helpful, considerate and showing that you like your colleagues goes a long way towards eroding an "us vs. them" mentality. From my own personal experience, being the only American/Westerner in a lab isn't a deal-breaker. What mattered the most is how your work ethics match up (do you prefer a strict 9-5, or are you the sort of person who is cool with rolling in somewhen in the afternoon and doing research until 2am on a Sunday?), the level of silence & noise you need to do your work, and general personality traits (do you like serious conversation or sports banter? do you have a sense of humour?). These things are all fairly independent of nationality.

Keep it professional & brief: just tell the emailing professor that you don't think their project matches your research interests. You don't need to justify anything to them, it's enough to say No Thanks. Thank them for their time and wish them luck in finding a suitable student, that's all the politeness you need.

One person I know got married over their Christmas break, which is a time that people take off anyway. LittleDarlings - we all know that you are strongly jealous of anybody who is (i) in a stable relationship (ii) getting married. It's a shame that you aren't honest with yourself about that. Do the mature, adult thing and keep your bitterness and negative energy away from people who aren't your therapist.

There has been some research into how academics in "liberal, tolerant" fields can actually be more discriminatory towards people of different races/genders. Essentially because they're thinking to themselves "Oh, I'm a professor of Gender Studies, I can't possibly be being sexist," which stops them from noticing that they are actually being sexist. I think that undergrad & grad experiences are very different when it comes to interacting with professors. There is the culture that undergrads are paying clients who have only a limited amount of personal contact with any given professor anyway. Once you become a grad student you are in much closer proximity to the faculty, and the PI will have a lot more control over you.

It's certainly not unusual to borrow other people's equipment in the sciences. I don't think there are any golden rules that say you can only borrow a person's equipment 5 times per year, or the like. But it all depends on the type of equipment & circumstances - will S need to use that piece of equipment within the next couple of days, for instance. Good practice for borrowing lab equipment from other people: Specify upfront how long you need it for, and be prepared to negotiate usage with the owner. Give it back promptly once you're finished. Make sure you return it clean, unbroken, etc. If you need to use somebody's personal equipment on a semi-regular basis, then at least offer to help maintain the equipment (e.g., replacing the oil, cleaning the filters, whatever). If you are considerate and prompt when it comes to borrowing/returning other people's equipment, then you're free to borrow their stuff as often as necessary.

Public holidays, where all the shops & restaurants are closed. This is America, people! Capitalism never rests!

Honestly, I think most friendships aren't like the ones portrayed on TV and in movies: all the unconditional heart-to-hearts, sunny montages of carefree time spent together and the hours each week spent in their company, remaining friends for decades on end...it's an exaggeration on real life, at least. It might be that you're wanting something that doesn't really exist. What I'd do is take up a group activity/hobby that you can do without the family in tow. Meetup is really good (it attracts folk of all ages) - hiking, running, foreign-language conversation groups don't take up too much time (perhaps 1 or 2 hours per week), but you get to hang out with people who have similar interests to you, which is always a great foundation for friendship.