norangom

Selected as an Alternate to the Netherlands again. Ack!

To answer my own question in a bizarre twist, 
Not recommended as a finalist for Netherlands Research. 
 
Best of luck to those who do go. I will keep reapplying!

Just got the good news for Korea (research). Didn’t go through an interview. Good luck to everyone else! 

Hello! I also received semi-finalist for research in South Korea!! So exciting  congrats to everyone so far~

Sounds like your attempt at being rude failed. I sent them my offer the same night and received my official funding offer yesterday, which was far better than the initial offer. Thank you again for the concern, though.

Not touching the teaching-isn't-valuable-for-hiring argument.
 
That said, if you get the sense that teaching is going to be part of your hiring evaluation, keep a teaching journal that allows you to analyze what you've done over the semester, what worked, what didn't, what changes you'll implement, what things you've done that are new/original (or seem to be), and why you chose to do the things you do. At the end of the first semester, write a teaching philosophy statement and, at the end of each semester, tweak it with what you've learned.
 
If your field offers pedagogy theory and methodology studies, keep an eye on it to some extent. Eyeball the abstracts on new journal articles about pedagogy in your field, if nothing else. The more teaching oriented the field, the more these pedagogy theories should support your teaching philosophy in your teaching philosophy statement.
 
I wouldn't go totally crazy and put as much effort into this as you would your research, but do spend a few hours per semester reflecting on your teaching with an eye toward writing that teaching philosophy statement that some job openings might ask for.
 
Keep a copy of all your syllubi and assignments that you develop in some way, for future reference. Make notes on why you developed the syllabus and assignments the way you did, why you developed the grading the way you did. If you assisted a professor rather than taught your own course, make those notes about why you believe the prof developed the syllabus/assignments in a particular way and why these ways were good/bad ideas, and what you might do differently.
 
Like I said, a few hours per semester, not per week. Be casual about it, other than a teaching philosophy statement and your CV. How much this will help you depends entirely on you, your field, and your goals.
 
Keep an eye out for pedagogy publication and presentation opportunities, as well. In some fields, you shouldn't bother because they're stuck on Shaw's idea that those who can do, those who can't teach. Other fields, this can be a great place to get yourself out there.

I wasn't being condescending to you.

This was, however:



And I didn't dismiss your accomplishments. You did. You glossed over it like it was a breeze!

It's so utterly insulting to say people who graduate college haven't or will not experience oppression. My God! I'm just flabbergasted. A little world perspective? Please. We had to flee China when Tiananmen Square happened. What's that you were saying about generations of intellectuals being killed?

I never advocated stressing yourself out before something happens. I'm saying that some people are born and bred in this society with those insecurities and limitations and handicaps internalized. I'm saying that some people couldn't see past it like you, who made it seem so easy.

I really don't understand the vitriol I'm getting for insisting that race and minority are really important and impact people in really serious ways. I'm not trying to be down on people and tell them their life is hell because they're minorities; some people know and live that already and we shouldn't be minimizing that. If you succeeded and live your life to the fullest because you're able to look past those limitations that are set upon you by society, then, like I said, bravo and you should be proud. But don't blame those you left behind for being weaker than you. Again, that's blaming the victim.

It's just so backwards to say that anyone who doesn't have the strength of will to see past the limitations that society places upon them are the ones at fault. This is the textbook definition of internalized oppression. The fault lies with those with prejudice, not for those of us who have to suffer it. I repeat we are at fault for being victims.

I applaud your ability to succeed in the face of prejudice, I really do. And I like your message of positivity and am in no way trying to delegitimize your personal story of success. But to pretend that it's just as easy as pulling yourself up by your boot straps and everyone who doesn't is just "setting themselves up for additional stress" is frankly just naive. It's good that you see yourself as it should be: an American. But you know as well as I do that there's probably a majority of people in the country who will see not you, but a host of stereotypes. I'm not into total victimization, I'm being a realist. Unfortunately, the way that society works is that these peoples' perceptions of you will often have a direct and salient effect on your life. These real, tangible issues of power that daily keep some people of minority status from rising up need to be addressed, not de-emphasized.

There are millions of people out there that are living the "hurdles" that you speak of and it's not due to any lack of determination on their part... some simply cannot face those odds like you have for a multitude of reasons. To whitewash over all those complexities by saying "Just ignore peoples' perceptions of you and be you! It's easy!" is doing a disservice to the real issues of oppression that people of minority status face. We (a general 'we', not that I'm saying all people of minority status are accountable) need to talk about these limitations and what leads to them instead of just ignoring it and letting people in power do what they will with no consequence.

With all due respect, I don't think that's an accurate comparison. The weight of an entire society's (negative) perception of your race and the pressure that one would feel to supersede that negative stereotype is not equivalent to the normal pressure of performing and achieving in academia.

ETA: To the OP, I hope that you find a good balance between your own expectations and goals for yourself and what may be forced upon you by your environment. Although I'm not in the exact same position, I also often catch myself strictly regulating my actions because of whatever stereotypes have been foisted on my race... and it SUCKS when you realise you're regulating yourself in that manner.

Hi there,

I have not been in a situation where I have felt like a minority, so I can comment on that...but I can say that 99% of graduate students feel that they have to work harder than the next person to re-enforce that they are a competent student. I think graduate students always feel they have to meet some unknown bar that is set especially high just for them, and that they have the responsibility to themselves, their department and advisor to meet an unrealistic goal. I think that's just who we are.

I hope others can offer more advice to your specific question about being a minority...but I think you should feel a bit comforted that these feelings you have might be due to the fact that you're just a grad student, and we all have those feelings.

Really? Ok but you're a guy (I assume, from the username) so you have forever and a day to meet someone and have kids and stuff. You have no limit on your time to reproduce or anything whereas I'm 23 almost, I have about 2 more years to meet a suitable person date them for a year and a half and get engaged, married and have my first baby. Assuming I meet the person tomorrow that still puts me at about 27 or 28 for a baby, assuming I want more than 1 kid I have about 5 years for 2 more. That is if I meet someone tomorrow which is pretty unlikely. So if I wait don't meet someone until 25 I will be 30 having my first kid my egg quality will have gone down and that's bad. I have a lot to think about! If it were up to me I would have been in a serious relationship at 21 engaged by 23 and married at 24 then I would be in grad school, married and hopefully pregnant or trying to get pregnant. I just feel like I will have so much stress off of me when I get into a good lasting relationship.

I love this question! And all of its many variations. Like, here's my draft, how am I doing? What do you think of my draft? Do I need to revise more? All of them asking: what kind of grade and I looking at here so I can decide what kind of work to do on it. I love this question because it's one that they always end up regretting. They want an easy answer, and I have one that requires a lot of thinking.
 
During the time period between the day I assign the first major essay and the day the final draft is due, I hand out a print copy of my grading rubric, a 4 paragraph (one page long) essay that I paid my then 14 year old kid 5 bucks for, and we discuss what the words on the rubric mean. These are the criteria that constitute an essay in the A range, B range, and so on. I have a column that explains what an A is. It demonstrates exceptional competence, and exceptional competence is, well, a long sentence about originality, logic, ideas, and whatnot. Then more columns that break that sentence down into specific criteria. So, when the "what grade does my draft have" questions crop up, I ask them to trot out the rubric and evaluate their own writing based on the criteria. The inevitable "I don't know what you want?! How am I supposed to know if I'm doing okay!" sort of thing comes up and my reply is always: how will you know if the resume you will send to your dream job is what they want until after they've gotten the final draft? It's my job to not only evaluate your writing, but to teach you how to evaluate your own writing, as well. You're not going to email me next semester when an essay is due in another class to ask what grade you'll get. You'll have to figure that out yourself. So, what does the rubric say about your thesis statement?

It does get better. There is an adjustment period that many students go through in the beginning of grad school. The kind of work, the amount and the level are very different from what many students are used to, and it takes time to re-calibrate. Next year and even next semester will seem easier, even though the work load will probably not decrease: you'll just learn to deal with it. It's a common thing you hear about from many students. 
 
Here are some practical tips: First, NO ONE does all of the reading. It's impossible. One skill you'll need to develop this semester is the ability to skim. You'll also need to learn to triage -- some things are more important than others. This goes for readings, assignments and any other responsibilities you have. For readings, you want to know enough to be able to follow the lecture, and you need to have a broad idea of the content and a more precise idea of the main point(s) in the text. Concentrate on that: look at the abstract and conclusion, skim for the structure, find the main argument. Make a note of any contributions you could make in class. If you're active when you know things, it's easier to be passive without getting noticed when you don't. 
 
Second, if you have homework, one useful way to get it done is to work with some of your peers in a group. Get them to explain whatever you are confused about, and explain to them what you understand. It is good for everyone. If you class has a TA, go to them early and have them help you out. It can be hard for the instructor to know if someone is struggling and sometimes if you let it last too long, it's hard to make your way back. 
 
Ask questions. If there is something you're confuse about but you think is so simple you're afraid to ask -- chances are there are five other people in the room thinking the exact same thought. 
 
If you don't understand an assignment -- ask an instructor or TA! You can't believe how often students waste time trying to interpret obscure wording and end up creating far more work for themselves than was ever intended. To help figure out your paper, since you seem like someone who likes to make plans, so why don't you schedule a meeting with either your advisor or the instructor of the class and work on creating a schedule for the next few weeks that will allow you to be done with the paper in time? It'll be a good opportunity to ask about whatever it is you're not sure about with regard to the paper, and it will help you begin to find a way to deal with the workload.

Cut your losses with the old mentor. He sounds like a jerk, and jerks don't usually come around or alter their behaviour. Trying to make him like you will just be a waste of your energy and leave you feeling worse. The positive side of jerks like Old POI is that he's unlikely to pursue a vendetta against you professionally, the nastiness is reserved for people within his immediate sphere of attention/control. If you keep a distance and don't communicate he'll most likely forget about you. 
 
I'd say to be careful with any public criticism of Old POI. Academia is very close-knit, if word gets back to Old POI that you've been portraying him in a negative light then that might cause trouble. Talk to a university counsellor to get things off your chest (especially if you're suffering from depression - do talk to a professional!).
 
Remember that your new POI is a completely different person, so you aren't doomed to repeat the same relationship with him. If New POI is a jerk...again, there's not much you can do about it. The odds are that he won't be, though. Look out for warning signs: what are the group dynamics like (friendly or hostile), are there clear favourites getting all the attention (there shouldn't be), can you have a decent conversation with New POI about non-academic things (does he respect you as a person)?
 
Good luck! I hope things work out for you.

nehs--
 
Bluntly, get off this path of thinking right away. It is not fair to you.   Hypothetically speaking, even if you'd thrown yourself at him, he is responsible and accountable and responsible for his own poor judgement and inappropriate behavior.
 
What you should start doing right away is documenting everything that transpires between the two of you as soon as you possibly can. In your notes, make a point of articulating honestly how you feel and how his behavior is impacting your ability to do your work and the quality of your life. At the same time, start collecting physical copies of all email messages between the two of you while also backing up digital copies off of your school servers. (Ideally, at least one copy on portable storage, another on a cloud account.)
 
Then, figure out if (and how) you want to notify either your department and/your school about this behavior. If your department is an environment where the rules of the old boys' network are still in play, you might want to talk to someone in your school's HR department.  To guide you through this process, you might benefit from finding resources, such as BBs centered around work place issues, on how to handle these kinds of situations and what to expect. (If you have the resources, talking to a HR professional or a lawyer who specializes in this type of situation might be very helpful.) 
 
If you make the choice to finish your thesis as soon as possible, and get away from him (or if you want to fire him and get another advisor), those choices have consequences you will want to think through very carefully.
 
As you work through your options, you may encounter people who want to help. To the extent possible, hold them accountable to the fact that this is your situation, not theirs. That is, the "right" thing to do is what you decide you want to do and nothing else. I urge you to do all you can now so that when you look back on this situation ten or twenty years from now, you will understand that you picked the best course of action based upon the information you had at the time.
 
Above all else, please keep in mind that this situation is his making. It was his responsibility to monitor his own feelings and expectations and to subordinate them to his responsibilities to you as an advisor.

Don't freak out.
 
I had to take three written exams. Like many, I felt overwhelmed and had growing doubts that I would pass. A saving thought that might work for you was the realization that one is never really ready for quals. One just prepares the best one can and then does one's best on the exam and goes from there.
 
 
This is good guidance from JM.
 
However, I'd add the following. Before talking to your advisor, do two things. First, candidly assess your relationship with that person. Is she/he close enough to you that you can have a frank conversation about your concerns or will she/he take such a disclosure on your part in ways you might not like? (IME, qualifying exams were a form of initiation, even a hazing. Professors taunted those of us who were taking exams by telling stories of how hard things were when they took their quals. ("I had to walk fifteen miles in the snow, up hill both ways, during the hottest summer on record, and I couldn't even begin writing until I milled my own paper.") If the answer to the question is "yes," then by all means have a conversation.
 
If you cannot have a true heart-to-heart with your advisor, consider the utility of having a conversation about the materials you're studying. The topics of this alternate conversation could walk a scale of complexity so that you demonstrate what you know cold, give a hint of some things on which you're not exactly sure, and, perhaps, an even vaguer indication of materials that have you stymied. Your advisor might (read: should) see what you're doing and, given the level of rapport, give you good information in return. ("Don't worry about that." "You need to brush up on that a bit." "You got that nailed cold.")
 
As the day of your exams approaches, give serious thought for picking a cut off time beyond which you will not study and instead focus on collecting your thoughts and calming your nerves. If you like to laugh, watch/listen to some comedy. Relax, as hard as that may be to do. If you need to turn off your phone and hang a 'gone fishin'' sign on Facebook and Twitter, go ahead and do so.
 
HTH.

change "noticed some of your interes includes ____" to "am extremely interested by your research areas in _____" <or similar sentiment>.
 
get rid of "Unfortunately............internet search".
 
change "I was wondering...." to "I will appreciate if you could point me to resources where I may be able to find further information on........."

my SO is being a jerk and I'm pretty sure we'll break up before we leave. We're going on almost 5 years and me moving only 5 hours away is making him leave. Oh well, I'll have a new city at my fingertips and school work to make me forget... Plus I'm probably better off, right?

Everybody does it. It's like saying 'have a great day!' to service providers or signing your email with '(warm) regards.' It's a polite communications convention. Trust me, you wouldn't like it if everyone signed the email with what they really think about you! Don't you think you're reading too much into this?

I do, unfortunately. But the nature of the situation and the attempts at lies and deception that followed my discovery of the cheating quickly took away any bad feelings I initially had. You have done nothing wrong -- they have. You should not feel bad about taking action. You're not being unfair to these students. Rather, you are being fair to the rest of the class who actually spent the time doing the assignment and being honest. Remember this when the proceedings wear you out (there will probably be a long process of fact finding and appeals following you report), and also make sure you have support from the instructor in charge or your advisor, just in case. You did the right thing by reporting these students.

I'm not sure why, but this post kind of rubs me the wrong way. Maybe because I'm already feeling anxiety about being "too old" (I just turned 30), and I feel like this attitude is what I'm most anxious about encountering--a kind of patronizing "good for you!" masking potential underlying criticism. Well shucks, gee, it sure would be an advantage if I was younger, but there's this thing where time only moves in one direction...
 
The truth is that it just took me longer to get here. It took me 6 years to finish undergrad because of financial difficulties, I lived and worked abroad for a while after that, then got a regular job, then realized I wanted to go back into academia, so spent the last 3 years working full time, starting a family, and earning my MA. Voila, I'm 30. It's not as though you can't live your life before you get tenure, so if that doesn't happen until I'm 45 (or, let's be honest, ever), so what? I just don't understand the "racing toward tenure so I can start my real life" idea, which views it as a beginning, rather than a milestone or an eventual goal. Obviously it's an important goal/step in an academic career, but I'm not sure that being a few years older affects the granting of tenure, and something like 50% won't end up getting it anyway, so I think it's important to be open to other possibilities.
 
I'm sorry, I really don't mean to be snippy--I think I'm just grumpy about turning 30. But I don't exactly wear dentures and hobble around on a walker in my slippers. 30 is young. 40 is young. People change careers all the time, and from the people I've spoken to in grad programs, a 10 or 15 year age difference means nothing at all. It's not like I've decided to become a gymnast at 30--I think I've got a few good years before senility will rob me of my literature-teaching abilities.

I saw go for it.  If for no other reason so that you can come back here and let us know what awkwardness went down because this read has been solid-gold.

Seriously? "we are girls and we overreact sometimes"? I am a girl and I feel totally insulted by that. WTF?
 
Back on-topic: I really think the OP is reading too much into all of this, TBH. I will say that your behavior seems really unprofessional, both in flirting with him (doesn't matter whether he's married or not, flirting with a prof is always a bad idea), and in asking for a seat in his class, and then dropping it. I would be pissed if one of my students did that, because it is additional work for him to enroll you in his class, esp. if you're from another department. Not to mention the fact that you then didn't even bother to officially drop his class, creating additional work for him and the secretary. Regarding the syllabus: Couldn't you have gotten your hands on it from another student? That's what we do, in order to not bother our professors etc. with trivial crap, and in order to actually get a feel for the class...
 
Regarding all these other events that you chalk up to this professor: 1. If he actually is less than 10 years your senior, I highly doubt his word carries enough weight to influence admin decsions etc. At my unis, oral enthusiastic responses, followed by a written "we'll have to think about it/check/confirm" are completely normal, and more than once ended with a "Sorry, we can't do it". Also, taking into account the fact that most Americans I have met are a lot more enthusiastic, outgoing and positive in the first place, and thereby often phrase things in a way that would be a sure thing for me, as a European, but isn't for them, I really don't think you'll be able to infer anything from their positive or negative response.
2. Regarding the other professor: schedule a meeting or go to her office hours! If she still ignores you there, you might have grounds to complain, though I would highly advise against bringing up your issue with the other professor, because you're basically accusing her of being unprofessional there.
 
As a future course of action, I would advise you to let it go, chalk it up as a learning and growing experience for you as a person (and student), and be more careful in the future. I also wouldn't try to talks to the professor anymore. He's made it abundantly clear he has no interest in talking to you, you guys don't currently have any sort of involvement that would require contact ( as in, you're not in his class etc.), so just let it go, be happy that you were able to drop his class (which is not a given).
 
Hope this helps!

To go off of what others have said re: conferences, I wouldn't advise applying to the most prestigious, famous conferences you can find - even if you got in, it'd be overwhelming.  Conferences (in my estimation) are draining experiences (I'm really introverted and all the socializing, networking, etc, exhausts me after a while) - start off with some smaller, regional conferences to ease into it first. If your first conference experience is positive (like mine was - I presented at a conference for grads/undergrads), it's much more pleasant to talk about and much easier to apply to more.

1. There's just no pleasing some people. This includes fellow students as well as faculty. Recognize these people and adjust your expectations accordingly, lest you succumb to the trap of killing yourself while trying to please the unpleasable. Instead, try to surround yourself with people that will cheer you on rather than tear you down, even if it's just your peer group, as realistically, you might not have much say with your assignment for your supervisor.
2. Don't sweat the small stuff and know when to say no. It's hard not to in an environment that is so stressful and will take over your entire existence if you let it. Just remember that it's a marathon, not a sprint, and that you need to pace yourself accordingly.
3. As hard as it is, set boundaries. Before you start graduate school, you need to outline what is truly important to you and what graduate school can't have. This could be your significant other, time for hobbies, money to splurge on something that will keep you sane, etc. Either way, be mindful of what you are willing to give up and what you are not willing to give up, as graduate school will take as much as you give it (which is everything, if you let it).
4. A good advisor is one of the best tools you can have when navigating a PhD program. Make sure that you match well with your advisor in terms of working style (i.e., are they a micromanager, are they more hands-off) and personality over research fit, as even the best research fit with a bad personality will make your life a living hell. It's hard enough; don't make it harder by not having some support from faculty Additionally, sometimes you will find that your advisor just serves as a figurehead and that your true mentor isn't your formal "advisor". However you do it, just make sure you become close and have a good relationship with at least one faculty member. It will make your time in the program much easier.
5. Branch out in your research. I know the cookie cutter advice is to write every single class paper on what will be your thesis or dissertation, but I disagree with this advice. While I think most work should be oriented towards a dissertation, about once a year, I pick a different topic that departs from what I usually research. Not only has this been a welcome break from the monotony of doing the same topic, but it can open up the door for new research interests (or hell, even a new course you'd like to teach), and I find that doing something outside of my comfort zone has really pushed me as a researcher.
6. Try to have a few friends outside of your program. I find that it's helpful to socialize with people who aren't academics.
7. Don't focus on grades. Focus on learning new skills.
8. Be realistic; accept the possibility that if you are trying to land an academic position, it might not happen. If you are aiming for the ivory tower, be cautiously optimistic, but anticipate other career possibilities. To this end, if you have the free time, I would recommend learning skills that can be taken to non-academic jobs. This might mean doing an internship over the summer. This may be field-specific, but in my field, I've found that the networking associated with doing internships for non-academic companies/agencies has come in handy (if you can land a paid internship, bonus!).
9. Always, always, ALWAYS be nice to the administrative staff/secretaries. They are the gateway to many things, such as submitting important paperwork and free food.