Cheshire_Cat

I called my dad crying because traffic was bad on Friday... the stress gets to all of us in different ways.

I'm all angsty because my "job" is not normal, and pays nothing, and I'm literally just hanging out in my apartment all day trying to research, and I feel like I'm not a normal human being anymore, but duh, what normal human being would go into academia in the first place.  And I need to go out more, but I don't want to go out more because I'm an introvert and apparently something is wrong with me. Also I'm broke AF and in debt, and don't get paid until September. And the people I hang out with are all accountants and normal people and go do things that cost money and I don't want to spend money.

I'm all angsty because my "job" is not normal, and pays nothing, and I'm literally just hanging out in my apartment all day trying to research, and I feel like I'm not a normal human being anymore, but duh, what normal human being would go into academia in the first place.  And I need to go out more, but I don't want to go out more because I'm an introvert and apparently something is wrong with me. Also I'm broke AF and in debt, and don't get paid until September. And the people I hang out with are all accountants and normal people and go do things that cost money and I don't want to spend money.

This month was good:
1) I got really good teaching evals for last semester.
2) I got a scholarship for one of my research papers. Not only does this mean I get some research money, but it's also something I can put on my CV.
3) A relationship with a guy may be starting to bud. If not, I've had a fun time flirting with him thus far. I always underestimate how fun it is.

I don't particularly like my cat. I feel bad even saying this, but it's true. I thought I would like having a cat, but I don't. I've had him for almost 4 years, and it hasn't gotten better.  He gets into everything tears things up, and wakes me up in the middle of the night. I don't think he likes living in my small apartment, and so I let him outside, but then he wants in and out randomly. And last night he decided to use my couch as a restroom because the room his litter box was in was closed off, and now the whole apartment smells like cat pee.  Sometimes he's cute, but overall I feel like our whole relationship is me telling him not to do stuff and him annoying the heck out of me.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to get rid of him. If I commit to a responsibility, I commit to it. But I just don't like him 75% of the time.

I went to the gym and ran for an hour. I only burned 300 calories but I'm proud of myself for taking these steps to enhance my physical health. 

Thank you ❤️ I did send it last night (weekend on the other side of the world - so no reply yet - fortunately). I now regret not sending something a little bit more 'modest' haha - but then again, my 'big and bold' ideas (not my words) were well received and my former department so whatever. Let's see how far I can push it.

TBH, I feel that it is weird that someone would message you and tell you this. If someone is a braggart on social media, just mute them or roll your eyes when they post, but telling them you are personally hurt by them talking about their accomplishments just seems manipulative and cruel to me.  I obviously don't know this lady or your relationship to her, but if you care about someone, you should be happy to see them succeed.  To me this sounds like either a plea for help, or someone who is jealous of you. Either way, I don't think her comments should be taken seriously.

Thanks! I'm in a similar position where it will take some time to acquire and train a replacement (assuming we all still have jobs at the end of the summer, anyway.) I have been trying to balance the idea of telling people I'm leaving early enough to not screw anyone over while not telling them so early that I risk being let go before I'm truly ready. Well, before the logical part of me is ready, not the part of me that wants to walk out tomorrow and never return. During a career-development themed one-on-one meeting, the director of my group asked me pretty point-blank what my plans were for future education, and it felt so shady to be like "oh, I've been thinking of going back to get my PhD at some point" while I had two offers I was deciding between. Sigh.

Leaving this job is not unlike breaking up with a boyfriend.  One second I'm like "No! I can't believe I ever wanted to leave! I love it here!" And the next second I'm like "Stupid job. Good riddance!  The day I accepted my grad school offer was the best day of my life."

I remember those days. I got my acceptance letter right as the project I was on went to hell, so there were many times when I just wanted to quit and become a coffee barista for a few months. But I persevered and had a really good summer with the firm I was at, and I was able to put more in savings, so I'm glad I stayed.

TBH, I feel that it is weird that someone would message you and tell you this. If someone is a braggart on social media, just mute them or roll your eyes when they post, but telling them you are personally hurt by them talking about their accomplishments just seems manipulative and cruel to me.  I obviously don't know this lady or your relationship to her, but if you care about someone, you should be happy to see them succeed.  To me this sounds like either a plea for help, or someone who is jealous of you. Either way, I don't think her comments should be taken seriously.

1. Not having to work a 9 to 5.  Sometimes 7am to 10pm, but never a 9 to 5!!
2. With that, I enjoy having control over my own work schedule and not having a manager.  The dean, department head, and faculty advisors are their to help and coordinate things, but they don't micromanage me, and I like that most of the time. I know it isn't this way in all fields, but it is in mine.
3. That feeling you get when an idea you have starts falling into place in your brain and you know it will be an interesting research project
4. Some people think you are brilliant because you are getting a higher degree, even if you are really just a hard worker.
5. Reading comprehension goes through the roof!  I already had very good reading comprehension, now it is amazing!  For me personally, this means I get a lot more from older or more complicated texts than I used to.
6. Naps.
7. Never running out of things to do and getting bored.  There is always another research project to start!

If you believe in a god, and that he created the world and that your holy book is inspired by him, then it makes perfect logical sense to follow what he says about eating.  Kind of like following what your car manual says about what kind of gas to use.  If you don't believe in a god, or that he created the world, or that he inspired a specific holy book, then obviously it isn't going to make sense to you.  But logically, if you agree with the presuppositions, then the conclusion is sound.

Bacon. I don't get the craze with it, and I don't like it. 

Apparently this is just my personal vent thread.
So, I was supposed to get a break from teaching in the spring, but instead I am teaching in the spring and getting summer off, I think. I got a really confusing email from the department head, which to me indicated he wasn't going to pay me for summer which really pissed me off, but after asking around, the Ph.D coordinator said that wasn't possible, and what he probably meant that he was going to pay me the summer stipend during the spring and then just not pay me in summer.  So I sent him an email about it, asking what my total support should be, but I haven't got a reply yet- because I sent it this morning.

Anyways, none of this should affect my current pay.  However, today is payday, and when I looked at my pay, it was about 2/3 of what it should be.  So I get out my accountant hat, and figured out that my gross pay was 1/4 of my total summer stipend, which would indicate that I am getting my summer amount during the fall, except not getting my fall amount.  Now I think this is just a huge screw up, but uggh!!!!!  If I didn't have student loans in the bank right now I would be in trouble tomorrow when I have to pay all my bills.

I think I am almost at a point where I can breathe and focus on research.  But little crap like this keeps happening.  I need to relax.  I'm going to be here 2 an 1/2 more years.  I need to settle down and focus on what is important.

I can't even... I need to stop watching the news and focus on my "summer" paper.

But for the record- Fuck Nazis.
 
In another slightly related note, a girl posted something about how if you don't have to care about politics, it is because you are privileged.  While I agree to some extent, I also think it is important to not get too wrapped up in politics that we neglect our lives and the ways we can make a difference.  Me reading one more article about white privilege or the alt-right isn't going to help our country.  If I *personally* really believe black lives matter, then what *I* need to be doing is spending more time on learning how to teach effectively, because at least 75% of my students are black and being the best teacher I can be is what will really help them in the long run.  
All in all, if you find yourself privileged, stop posting about it and trying to convince everyone you are better than them because you woke, go out and do something!  As much as we all wish we could punch the Nazis, you don't have to do that to give them a big FU.  Teach ESL to immigrants who need it. Work for an after-school program tutoring underprivileged kids.  Volunteer at a homeless shelter for battered women.  Do something! And NOT just for Instagram likes!  Stop just bemoaning the state of things and trying to make the government force everyone to be equal when you won't even go to the "bad side of town" for fear of getting dirt on your shoes.  At risk of sounding cliche- BE the change you want to see in the world.
(Note, this isn't directed at people who bemoan the state of things and try to fix it, just the ones who post articles about white privilege in one sitting and post Instagram pictures of their $5 latte in the next- all while saying they don't have money to give or time to volunteer.  It's all about assuaging their guilt so they don't have to actually do anything.)

I can't even... I need to stop watching the news and focus on my "summer" paper.

But for the record- Fuck Nazis.
 
In another slightly related note, a girl posted something about how if you don't have to care about politics, it is because you are privileged.  While I agree to some extent, I also think it is important to not get too wrapped up in politics that we neglect our lives and the ways we can make a difference.  Me reading one more article about white privilege or the alt-right isn't going to help our country.  If I *personally* really believe black lives matter, then what *I* need to be doing is spending more time on learning how to teach effectively, because at least 75% of my students are black and being the best teacher I can be is what will really help them in the long run.  
All in all, if you find yourself privileged, stop posting about it and trying to convince everyone you are better than them because you woke, go out and do something!  As much as we all wish we could punch the Nazis, you don't have to do that to give them a big FU.  Teach ESL to immigrants who need it. Work for an after-school program tutoring underprivileged kids.  Volunteer at a homeless shelter for battered women.  Do something! And NOT just for Instagram likes!  Stop just bemoaning the state of things and trying to make the government force everyone to be equal when you won't even go to the "bad side of town" for fear of getting dirt on your shoes.  At risk of sounding cliche- BE the change you want to see in the world.
(Note, this isn't directed at people who bemoan the state of things and try to fix it, just the ones who post articles about white privilege in one sitting and post Instagram pictures of their $5 latte in the next- all while saying they don't have money to give or time to volunteer.  It's all about assuaging their guilt so they don't have to actually do anything.)

I can't even... I need to stop watching the news and focus on my "summer" paper.

But for the record- Fuck Nazis.
 
In another slightly related note, a girl posted something about how if you don't have to care about politics, it is because you are privileged.  While I agree to some extent, I also think it is important to not get too wrapped up in politics that we neglect our lives and the ways we can make a difference.  Me reading one more article about white privilege or the alt-right isn't going to help our country.  If I *personally* really believe black lives matter, then what *I* need to be doing is spending more time on learning how to teach effectively, because at least 75% of my students are black and being the best teacher I can be is what will really help them in the long run.  
All in all, if you find yourself privileged, stop posting about it and trying to convince everyone you are better than them because you woke, go out and do something!  As much as we all wish we could punch the Nazis, you don't have to do that to give them a big FU.  Teach ESL to immigrants who need it. Work for an after-school program tutoring underprivileged kids.  Volunteer at a homeless shelter for battered women.  Do something! And NOT just for Instagram likes!  Stop just bemoaning the state of things and trying to make the government force everyone to be equal when you won't even go to the "bad side of town" for fear of getting dirt on your shoes.  At risk of sounding cliche- BE the change you want to see in the world.
(Note, this isn't directed at people who bemoan the state of things and try to fix it, just the ones who post articles about white privilege in one sitting and post Instagram pictures of their $5 latte in the next- all while saying they don't have money to give or time to volunteer.  It's all about assuaging their guilt so they don't have to actually do anything.)

I can't even... I need to stop watching the news and focus on my "summer" paper.

But for the record- Fuck Nazis.
 
In another slightly related note, a girl posted something about how if you don't have to care about politics, it is because you are privileged.  While I agree to some extent, I also think it is important to not get too wrapped up in politics that we neglect our lives and the ways we can make a difference.  Me reading one more article about white privilege or the alt-right isn't going to help our country.  If I *personally* really believe black lives matter, then what *I* need to be doing is spending more time on learning how to teach effectively, because at least 75% of my students are black and being the best teacher I can be is what will really help them in the long run.  
All in all, if you find yourself privileged, stop posting about it and trying to convince everyone you are better than them because you woke, go out and do something!  As much as we all wish we could punch the Nazis, you don't have to do that to give them a big FU.  Teach ESL to immigrants who need it. Work for an after-school program tutoring underprivileged kids.  Volunteer at a homeless shelter for battered women.  Do something! And NOT just for Instagram likes!  Stop just bemoaning the state of things and trying to make the government force everyone to be equal when you won't even go to the "bad side of town" for fear of getting dirt on your shoes.  At risk of sounding cliche- BE the change you want to see in the world.
(Note, this isn't directed at people who bemoan the state of things and try to fix it, just the ones who post articles about white privilege in one sitting and post Instagram pictures of their $5 latte in the next- all while saying they don't have money to give or time to volunteer.  It's all about assuaging their guilt so they don't have to actually do anything.)

Ouch!!!  That sounds painful... buy something on Amazon and pretend it took longer to get to her than you expected

Agreed that most people overestimate what they need. Would I pay the premium for a MacBook Pro when I could get a PC with all the same features for half the money? Probably not. But that's largely a personal decision. (FWIW, I'm in the social sciences and can do 70% of my work from a Chromebook if I want to.)

1. Not having to work a 9 to 5.  Sometimes 7am to 10pm, but never a 9 to 5!!
2. With that, I enjoy having control over my own work schedule and not having a manager.  The dean, department head, and faculty advisors are their to help and coordinate things, but they don't micromanage me, and I like that most of the time. I know it isn't this way in all fields, but it is in mine.
3. That feeling you get when an idea you have starts falling into place in your brain and you know it will be an interesting research project
4. Some people think you are brilliant because you are getting a higher degree, even if you are really just a hard worker.
5. Reading comprehension goes through the roof!  I already had very good reading comprehension, now it is amazing!  For me personally, this means I get a lot more from older or more complicated texts than I used to.
6. Naps.
7. Never running out of things to do and getting bored.  There is always another research project to start!

After studying for a very difficult professional certification (with 4 parts), the GMAT, and now comps, something I've learned is that you can't really retain things for a test past 6 weeks, so having 3 months to prepare is more than enough time.  Use the next six weeks to sketch out the major ideas and a game-plan on how to tackle the rest, but don't study too hard until you are six weeks out or you will be burnt out before the exam.

I think there are a lot of differences between people, and when their interests don't fit our own, we are very quick to write them off as "basic" without realizing that what is interesting to you, may be considered "basic" to someone else.  It is fun to think of ourselves as better than everyone else and special because we have a certain career, hobby, or interest that not very many people share.  But imo you are just as self absorbed and "basic" as everyone else if you have to talk about your own hobbies and interests in order to interact with other people in a meaningful way.