HopingForMFA

My biggest fear is that they're not doing a cycle this year. However, I feel like they would have told us already. No, I have never done URTA before - this is my first time. I am glad it's virtual though because I have a feeling that'll off-set a lot of the anxiety of the holding room and the cattle call aspect of it, you know?
I auditioned for NYU my first year auditioning for schools (Jan 2019) and I got through all three rounds of callbacks and got to audition for Mark. But I wasn't brought to call-back weekend. It was an experience for sure. 

I lurk this sub-forum fairly regularly because I, too, wanted a PhD in English Lit before going into another field. With that being said, I feel like if you have to ask strangers on the internet about what you should do, it seems clear to me as an outsider that this isn't the right choice for you. I share that with the caveat that I don't know you and you can do whatever you'd like with your life and time; and ultimately, none of us can make that decision for you. However, you seem to have a history of posting here and waffling back and forth about getting a PhD or which sort of program you should be attending, etc.. Perhaps releasing this and moving on in another direction, one you clearly state you'd be happy in, is what's best for you. But again, we're just all strangers on the internet.

I lurk this sub-forum fairly regularly because I, too, wanted a PhD in English Lit before going into another field. With that being said, I feel like if you have to ask strangers on the internet about what you should do, it seems clear to me as an outsider that this isn't the right choice for you. I share that with the caveat that I don't know you and you can do whatever you'd like with your life and time; and ultimately, none of us can make that decision for you. However, you seem to have a history of posting here and waffling back and forth about getting a PhD or which sort of program you should be attending, etc.. Perhaps releasing this and moving on in another direction, one you clearly state you'd be happy in, is what's best for you. But again, we're just all strangers on the internet.

Brown rejections went out. 

I auditioned for Brown at their Providence audition this past Friday and they said a week, week and a half...

So there's a lot to unpack here. Here are my thoughts:
As much as I understand the exposure and connections aspect of wanting to be in an MFA program, IMHO, the desire to further train and develop your skill and craft has to be paramount. From my friends that have already gone through MFAs, you're working to your bones day in and day out, five to six days a week depending on the project and program. Are you given exposure and connections your final year through an industry showcase? Yes, absolutely. But that industry showcase isn't guaranteed to get you anywhere in the industry. You may have some people interested in you and you may get representation but that representation isn't guaranteed to get you any roles, etc. There's no rhyme or reason to this part of the universe, it just is and you have to give yourself over to the very real possibility of absolutely crashing and burning.
The idea that you can't break into screen acting past 24 isn't true, IMHO. Speaking purely from knowledge, Lupita N'yongo had a single professional credit, a short for MTV, when she was accepted to Yale Drama and then went on to win an Oscar for her first film. Plenty of actors don't start until their 30s, like Alan Rickman. You are correct, though, in saying that those stars got lucky in knowing someone or starting early (Emma Stone, JLaw, etc). 
Can you clarify for me what you mean by "just lead to acting in local theater on the weekends?" Are you mentioning community theatre? Because, if so, IMO, if you have an MFA and are actively pursuing your career, you shouldn't be working at the community theatre level because that's all "for the love of it," for better terms and it's what people do as a hobby rather than a vocation. There are, however, plenty of smaller theatres that are professional in nature (ie. Equity, paying their talent, etc) that only run shows on weekends though in order to fray operational costs. But I also know MFA grads that have found other career paths and do only do community theatre now because they aren't actively pursuing acting or a similar career path and want to do it for fun. If I can ask, what is wrong about teaching drama? For me, the theatre is full of people who are exceptional at what they do and choose to teach full-time or part-time because they understand the need to "send the elevator back down for someone else." If that isn't your primary focus in obtaining an MFA, cool, but to avoid the path all together because you may "have to" teach to make ends meet seems.... I don't know, it just left an impression on me.
TL;DR: I can't tell you if an MFA is the right path for you. Nor can anyone else. That has to come to you through you. I can only offer you my perspective: I have decided that being happy in my work life is a non-negotiable for me. This is the only thing I can imagine myself doing and being genuinely happy in my work life. Amidst all the crap it throws at me, all the curveballs, all the disappointments and heartbreaks, this line of work makes me happy and even when I hate it, I still love it. That's why I decided to commit to an MFA. 
So that's me and my two cents, which you can take with a grain of salt as I'm some random internet 20something. Good luck to you!  

Hi! So I hope to be of assistance to you in this matter. I will say that in the interim between auditioning for programs I actually started producing my own work regularly/started my own fringe company (we are currently in season three). We produce about three to four shows a year, one of which is my city's Shakespeare in the Park event. I have also been involved in smaller, but well-known regional festivals and larger, internationally recognized festivals as well as limited runs with smaller companies. But I was worried these credentials don't necessarily come off as "professional" enough, ie. how do I stack against the kids who have been able to work in Equity houses already?
I spoke to someone that graduated from Yale Drama and she said that the notion of professionalism they inspire is so that the applicant understands the, for lack of a better word, seriousness of what they're getting ijnto. You don't need to show them Equity credits, but you do need to show them that you're working and you want to learn more. A mentor of mine who has an MFA from Rutgers (directing) says when he was in grad school, actors got in having only ever acted in school credits; which, admittedly, made me feel better. So I really do think it varies and your commitment/what you bring to your statement and your audition are tops. 

Possibly because everyone doesn't have your experience? I would take this as a learning experience; if and when you have a choice to make again about a place where you'll live and work for several years and will determine your next career move(s), the atmosphere and your connection with the people is just as important as factors like pay, location, and prestige. All I can say is that I (fortunately) didn't have an experience that is anything like yours; I have very fond memories of my grad school days. It's too bad that you don't, but then you're only going to be there for a few more months, so maybe try to see past what's going on now to help with your mood. You can already start planning for things to come, and one can only hope that they'll be better than they are now. 

Every institution I ever went to, there were people who thought it was wonderful and people who thought it was crap. In my estimation, both opinions were based on little if any objective evidence. They were mostly formed on subjective ideas of fit, a vague sense of how their life was going at the time, and general pessimism/optimism. Very little to do with their practical circumstances.
That said, I've never liked people who think that they are smarter than every other person in the room and who dismiss every idea they disagree with as idiotic. Rarely if ever are these people anything other than a vibrant manifestation of the Dunning-Krueger effect.

23, in terms of graduate education, is very young. It may not seem that way now, but it's true. People go back to school at all points in their lives. Also seconding @thelionking's advice about using this time off to get experience and better yourself as an artist and applicant. I'm sorry to hear about your accident, it's awful, but everything has a way of working out how it's supposed to. Who knows? You may use this year to grow even more than you initially planned. Best of luck!

Just curious: What have the reactions been from family/friends/whoever regarding your PhD plans?
About an hour ago, I told a friend I was starting my PhD this fall, and he made a wisecrack: "Putting off non-academia and a real job for a few more years? Good idea."
First off, I was shocked he would say this, even jokingly. He's known me since I was 15, therefore he knows I've been working since I was 15. I worked full-time through the entirety of my undergraduate and graduate education. I had three jobs during the latter, actually: one full-time and two part-time. I haven't been unemployed more than a month in my adult life. I had a career in a different field for a decade. So it was super bizarre and insulting to think about the possibility that he was making some kind of crack about my work ethic. 
Second: Why is it that no one seems to understand that most people are working while doing their PhDs? Teaching undergraduates isn't considered a job, orrrrr? Because that's what I'm doing now, and I get a paycheck...that's what having a job is, right? Or am I confused?
A close family member reacted to my plans as follows:
"Why would you want to do that? Who's going to pay for that?"
After I explained why I want to do that, I also explained that only a small number of applicants are accepted and are given jobs/stipends to pay for their studies.
"Why would they do that for people who want to read books?"
http://gph.is/1sCcMr3
 

About your dog: I think that depends entirely on you and your program. I am in a social science program where the majority of my analysis and writing can be done from home, and I prefer to work from home or from a library (as opposed to my cube in the windowless cube farm). When I was taking classes I was generally there from 9-6 or so, but now that my coursework is finished I am rarely at the school itself. I go for meetings, seminars, interesting kinds of things and I do most of my work remotely. My time is verrry flexible, and if my building didn't prohibit it I would get a dog in a heartbeat. Another thing to keep in mind: a dog can be a great comfort when you're all stressed out over graduate school.

Advice?

Age:
-Don't feel like you have nothing to offer just because you are younger. I was 22 when I started graduate school. You got accepted to the program for a reason, and chances are you are just as equipped as any older students are to successfully complete the program, just in a different way.

-Your older classmates may be just as terrified as you. Talk to them. You have a lot in common. You are, after all, in the same place.

-You will feel like an imposter, like you don't belong, or like you are constantly behind. Or all three. It's normal. It will pass. (Well, sort of.) People of all ages go through this.

Adviser related:
-If you are lucky enough to get both research interest fit and personality fit perfect, congratulations! But sometimes, personality fit is more important than research interest fit as long as the research isn't too different. A great adviser is interested in your career development, likes you as a person, advocates for you, and wants to hear your ideas. Even if his or her research is quite different from yours, they may give you the autonomy to work on your own projects and just supervise you. A bad personality fit will drive you nuts, even if you love his or her research. Consider that when evaluating your adviser fit. (This will vary by field: research fit may be less important in the humanities, more important in the natural and physical sciences. Social sciences are somewhere in-between.)

-Don't be afraid to be straight up blunt with your adviser when it comes to asking about your progress. Ask if you are where you should be both academic program wise and getting-a-job-after-this-mess-wise.

-Be proactive. Advisers love when you draw up an agenda for your one-on-one meetings, come with talking points and progress to share, have concrete questions to ask, and have overall shown that you have been thoughtful and taken control of your own program. Of course, this won't immediately come easily to you, but in time you will work up to it. Every semester I type up my semester goals, and at the beginning of the year I type up annual goals. I show them to my adviser and we talk about whether they are too ambitious, or whether I need to revise them, and how I can meet them.

-Don't expect your adviser to actually know what courses you have to take to graduate. They will know about comprehensive exams and the dissertation, but a lot of professors don't really keep up with the course requirements, especially if their program is in flux. Get you a student handbook, and find out what you need to take. Map it out in a grid, and check off things when you finish them. Show this to your adviser every semester. You may have to explain how such and such class fills a requirement.

-Nobody loves you as much as you, except your mother. Keep this in mind as you take in advice from all sources, including your adviser. Your adviser is there to guide you, but that doesn't mean you have to do everything he says.

Studying:
-You will have to read more than you ever did before, in less time than you ever have before, and you will be expected to retain more than you ever have before. The way that you studied in undergrad may need some tweaking. Be prepared for this.

-Corollary: you may find that your methods change with age or interests or time. I preferred to study alone in college, but in grad school, I prefer to study in groups. It keeps me on task and the socialization keeps me motivated. You may find that you shift from being a more auditory learner to a visual learner or whatever.

-You will feel behind at first. This is normal.

-At some point you will realize that your professors don't actually expect you to read everything they assign you. This, of course, will vary by program, but there will be at least one class where the reading is actually impossible to do in one week. The point is to read enough that you know the major themes and can talk intelligently about them, and then pick some of the readings to really dig into and think more deeply about.

-For most programs, don't worry so much about grades. If you stay on top of your work and do what you're supposed to, you will probably get an A. How much grades matter varies from program to program. In some programs, a B is a signal that you are not up to par, and more than a few Bs will warrant a discussion with your adviser or the DGS. My program isn't like that - A, B, it's all meaningless. My adviser doesn't even know what my grades are. But at almost all programs, a C means you need to retake the course, and two Cs means you have to convince the DGS not to kick you out.

Extracurricular activity: What's that? No, seriously:
-A lot of your time will be unstructured. You will have coursework, but most grad classes meet once a week for two hours and you may have three classes. You may have meetings with your adviser every so often and some seminars or things to catch (like we have grand rounds and colloquia that are required), but a lot of time will be unstructured. However, since you have so much more work than you had in undergrad, you actually will have less free time than you had in undergrad. This may initially cause you great anxiety. It did for me. Some people love unstructured time, though. (I don't.)

-Because of this, you'll have to be planful about your non-grad school related stuff.

-TAKE TIME OFF. DO it. It's important for your mental health. However you do it doesn't matter. Some people work it like a 9-5 job. Some people take a day off per week (me) and maybe a few hours spread across the week. Some people work half days 7 days a week. However you do it, there needs to be a time when you say "f this, I'm going to the movies."

-Find your happy place, something that keeps you the you you were when you came in. I love working out. It gives me energy and I feel good. I stay healthy. I also love reading fiction, so sometimes I just curl up with a good book, work be damned. You have to give yourself permission to not think about work, at least for a couple of hours a week. You may also discover new hobbies! (I never worked out before I came to graduate school.)

-Your work will creep into all aspects of your life, if you let it. This is why I hate unstructured time. You will feel guilty for not doing something, because in graduate school, there is ALWAYS something you can do. ALWAYS. But since there will always be more work, there's no harm in putting it aside for tomorrow, as long as you don't have a deadline.

-You may need to reach outside of your cohort for a social life. None of my close friends are in my doctoral cohort. I've met master's students in my program, master's students in other programs, and I know a few non-graduate students I hang out with, too. Go to graduate student mixers. (If your university doesn't have any, organize some, if you like planning parties.) Join a student group that doesn't take up too much time. I had a doctoral acquaintance who kinda laughed at me because I joined some student groups other than the doctoral student one, and I was usually the only doctoral student in those groups, but I met some close friends (and future job contacts) and had a good time.

-DO NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR WANTING A LIFE OUTSIDE OF GRADUATE SCHOOL. This is paramount. This is important. You are a well-rounded, complex, multifaceted human being. NEVER feel bad for this. Everybody wants some kind of life outside of work. Yes, you may loooove your field, but that doesn't mean you want to do it all day long. Some other doctoral students, and perhaps professors, may make you feel bad about this. Don't let them. Just smile and nod. Then disappear when you need to.

Career:
-This is job preparation. Remember that from Day One. Always be looking for ways to enhance your skills. Read job ads and find out what's hot in your field, what's necessary, what's in demand. For example, in my field statistics and methods are a hot commodity, and they're not a passing fad. I happen to really like statistics and methods, so I have pursued that as a concentration of mine.

-Don't be afraid to take on volunteer work and part-time gigs that will give you skills that will be useful both inside academia and out, as long as it's not against your contract. Your adviser may be against it, but he doesn't have to know as long as it doesn't interfere with your work.

-If you want to work outside of academia - if you are even *considering* the possibility - please please definitely do the above. Even if you aren't considering it, consider the possibility that you won't get a tenure-track job out the box and that you may need to support yourself doing something else for a while. You will have to prove to employers that you have developed usable, useful skills and this is one of the easiest ways to do it. But don't overdo it - get the degree done.

-For more academic related ones - always look for opportunities to present and publish. Presentations look good on your CV. Publications look better. When you write seminar papers, wonder if you can publish them with some revision. Write your seminar papers on what you maybe think you may want to do your dissertation on. Even if you look at them three years later and think "these suck," you can at least glean some useful references and pieces from them. Discuss publication with your adviser early and often, and if you have the time and desire, seek out publication options with other professors and researchers. But if you commit to a project, COMMIT. You don't want to leave a bad impression.

-If you can afford it, occasionally go to conferences even if you aren't presenting. You can network, and you can hear some interesting talks, and you may think about new directions for your own research. You can also meet people who may tell you about jobs, money, opportunities, etc.

-Always try to get someone else to pay for conference travel before you come out of pocket. Including your adviser. Do not be shy about asking if he or she can pay. If he can't, he'll just say no. Usually the department has a travel fund for students, but often it's only if you are presenting.

-If you are interested in academia, you should get some teaching experience. There are two traditional ways to do this: TAing a course, and teaching as a sole instructor. If you can help it, I wouldn't recommend doing a sole instructor position until you are finished with coursework. Teaching takes a LOT of time to do right. You should definitely TA at least one course, and probably a few different ones. But don't overdo it, if you can help it, because again, it takes a LOT of time. More than you expect at the outset. If you are in the humanities, I think sole instructor positions are very important for nabbing jobs so when you are in the exam/ABD phase, you may want to try at least one. If your own university has none, look at adjuncting for nearby colleges, including community colleges. (I would wager that the majority of natural science/physical science students, and most social science students, have never sole taught a class before they get an assistant professor job. At least, it's not that common n my field, which straddles the social and natural sciences.)

-Always look for money. Money is awesome. If you can fund yourself you can do what you want, within reason. Your university will be thrilled, your adviser will be happy, and you can put it on your CV. It's win-win-win! Don't put yourself out of the running before anyone else has a chance to. Apply even if you think you won't get it or the odds are against you (they always are), as long as you are eligible. Apply often. Apply even if it's only $500. (That's conference travel!) Money begets money. The more awards you get, the more awards you will get. They will get bigger over time. If you are in the sciences and social sciences, you should get practice writing at least one grant. You don't have to write the whole thing, but at least get in on the process so that you can see how it's done. Grant-writing is very valuable both in and outside of graduate school.

-Revise your CV every so often. Then look and decide what you want to add to it. Then go get that thing, so you can add it.

-The career office at big universities is often not just for undergrads. I was surprised to learn that my career center offers help on CV organization and the academic job search, as well as alternative/non-academic career searches for doctoral students. In fact, there are two people whose sole purpose it is to help PhD students find nonacademic careers, and they both have PhDs. This will vary by university - some universities will have very little for grad students. Find out before you write the office off.

-It's never too early to go to seminars/workshops like "the academic job search inside and out", "creating the perfect CV," "getting the job," etc. NEVER. Often the leader will share tips that are more aimed towards early graduate students, or tidbits that are kind of too late for more advanced students to take care of. This will also help you keep a pulse on what's hot in your field. It'll help you know what lines you need to add to your CV. And they're interesting.

Other:

-Decide ahead of time what you are NOT willing to sacrifice on the altar of academia. Then stick to it.
I'm serious. If you decide that you do NOT want to sacrifice your relationship, don't. If it's your geographical mobility, don't. I mean, be realistic, and realize that there will always be trade-offs. But you have to think about what's important to you for your quality of life, and realize that there is always more to you than graduate school.

-If you don't want to be a professor, do not feel guilty about this. At all. Zero. However, you will have to do things differently than most doctoral students. Your adviser will probably never have worked outside of the academy (although this may vary depending on the field) so he may or may not be able to help you. But you have a special mission to seek out the kinds of experiences that will help you find a non-academic job. Test the waters with your adviser before you tell him this. My adviser was quite amenable to it, but that's because I told him that my goal was to still do research and policy work in my field just not at a university, AND because it's quite common in my field for doctoral students to do non-academic work. If you're in a field where it's not common (or where your professors refuse to believe it's common, or it's not supposed to be common)…well, you may be a little more on your own.

-Every so often, you will need to reflect on the reasons you came to graduate school. Sometimes, just sit and think quietly. Why are you doing this to yourself? Do you love your field? Do you need this degree to do what you want to do? Usually the answer is yes and yes, and usually you'll keep on trucking. But sometimes when the chips are down you will need to reevaluate why you put yourself through this in the first place.

-To my great dismay, depression is quite common in doctoral students. Graduate work can be isolating and stressful. Luckily your health insurance usually includes counseling sessions. TAKE THEM if you need them. Do not be ashamed. You may be surprised with who else is getting them. (I found out that everyone in my cohort, including me, was getting mental health counseling at a certain point.) Exercise can help, as can taking that mental health day once a week and just chilling. Don't be surprised if you get the blues…

-…but be self-aware and able to recognize when the depression is clouding your ability to function. Doctoral programs have a 50% attrition rate, and this is rarely because that 50% is less intelligent than, less motivated than, less driven than, or less ambitious than the other 50% that stays. Often they realize that they are ridiculously unhappy in the field, or that they don't need the degree anymore, or that they'd rather focus on other things in life, or their interests have changed. All of this is okay!

-You will, at some point, be like "eff this, I'm leaving." I think almost every doctoral student has thought about dropping out and just kicking this all to the curb. You need to listen to yourself, and find out whether it is idle thought (nothing to worry about, very normal) or whether you are truly unhappy to the point that you need to leave. Counseling can help you figure this out.

-Don't be afraid to take a semester or a year off if you need to. That's what leaves of absence are for.

Lastly, and positively…

…graduate school is great! Seriously, when else will you ever have the time to study what you want for hours on end, talk to just as interested others about it, and live in an intellectual community of scholars and intellectuals? And occasionally wake up at 11 am and go to the bank at 2 pm? Sometimes you will want to pull out all of your hair but most of the time, you will feel fulfilled and wonderfully encouraged and edified. So enjoy this time!

Hey Marc. I shot you a message with what I know!

Hey! So, firstly, congratulations on your UC Davis acceptance. I will say, though, that I think it's totally normal to second guess your initial excitement about uprooting yourself from home. Home is comfortable for you. Going anywhere else for a fixed amount of time (months, years, etc.) is anxiety-inducing regardless of how ready you thought you were. So I think it'd be more strange if you weren't having these thoughts (even if you didn't voice them out to anyone). Now, admittedly, I'm not in your field. So take my advice with a huge grain of salt, but I think you have to figure out what your end goal is with a doctorate degree. Many want to go into academia and that's really your only way in. If you're not wanting to go into academia, but you'd still benefit with a doctoral degree from whatever your chosen career path is, then you should set yourself up for the best possible outcome by choosing the program that will best benefit you, professionally and academically. If UC Davis is both of those things (admittedly, I'm not well versed on UToronto's academics), then I would (personally, if I were in your shoes) talk to my family, and friends about creating a self-care plan: set up weekly phone times, visits, email or Skype calls, etc. if it means you do end up going to UC Davis and this will give you a solid way to cope and adjust to the distance. Best of luck to you!