DrZoidberg

HI, I am not attending, but I know a lot about it, in case you have any particular questions.

@Miner 49er Thanks!

I know for the J-1, you can maximum enter the US 30 days before the start date of your course/work, and I am fairly certain it is the same for the F-1. This means you cannot legally enter the US on your visa until 30 days before you start in August. Be sure to check up on the specific rules of your visa before planning and buying your flights.

Hey, I think this questions has been asked a couple of times, a search through the forum might help. Some of the topics are field-specific, but I think a lot of the suggestions are useful to most fields.

I think it is a really good thing to let schools know as soon as possible after you have made a decision, whether it is just to withdraw your application or reject an offer. It makes it easier for them to plan and reach out to other students in time. It is a huge help to them and they would rather know as soon as possible, than go through the whole process of (maybe) offering you a position that you were going to reject all along. Keep in mind that no matter where you go, it is likely that you will meet your POIs from the schools that you do not attend at conferences or professional settings, so it is nice to give the impression that you take their offer seriously and do what you can to make the process easier for them too.

Do not turn down an offer because it is 1.2 hours from your boyfriend. Turn it down if you don't like it there or find a better place or it is a toxic environment but do not do it because of a commute which is doable. You can absolutely do your degree and live with your boyfriend if you want. My partner's job is 2 hours from my position. I commute 1.5 hours each way, he commutes 30 minutes. It's not great, commuting is tough, and if it wasn't because I start my PhD in a few months closer to his work we would have found a home halfway. But that would have been fine for both of us, if we both get to do what we love while being together, we can deal with a commute of ~ 1 hour. A lot of grad students are not so lucky. Your boyfriend moved halfway across the country and you managed to get into a program that is in driving distance of his job - that is a pretty difficult thing to do, so congratulations! Remember that your dreams and aspirations are important and worth the effort. Ask him to find something halfway between your school and his job, or whatever makes sense for driving/public transport. Good relationships should be able to deal with these kinds of compromises and this is definitely not a situation where you should feel like you have to chose between your relationship and your career. And if your boyfriend makes you feel like that, then you should seriously ask yourself whether that is a reasonable request.

Sounds like you found the right balance. Good luck and congratulations on going to grad school!

This is me, too! I just want to accept them all and writing to say I won't be attending makes me want to apologize and shower them with nice words about the program and research, which I know is too much, but ugh I am not very good at this.

Oregon State, their department is CEOAS.

I think OSU has reached out to prospective students and is having their student open house this weekend/next week-ish.

As I read this, I realised that this was kind of what I needed to hear, so thank you for that. I don't like letting people down, and as it is an inherent part of the application process, I am not coping particularly well with it.

I have definitely expressed interest because it is a fantastic program, at a top school, and if it wasn't because of this complete surprise that I was accepted into school B it would be a no-brainer to go to school A, and I would thoroughly enjoy it. But I also told them, several times, that I was "considering my options, difficult decision to make, many factors" etc. (and I am undecided at the moment). Officially, I am alright, no contractual obligation. But these are some pretty serious guys in my field and I just imagine being shunned from the academic community for years to come (I was just calculating their age, to try and figure out how many years down the line this might affect me before they retire). I know it isn't that bad, they don't have a list of students whose lives they try to ruin, but I do know some of them are also kind of invested and don't let things go so easily.

On the note of fellowships, is it generally the case that if a school awards you a fellowship and you decline, they can't nominate another student and the money is lost? I have been nominated (which means, very likely, awarded) a really great fellowship at a really great school (A), but was just accepted into another school (B) which might just be even better, and maybe I'd like to go there instead. School A has been pushing to get me to commit to their program and accept the fellowship if I get it, otherwise they will lose out on it. I feel pretty stressed out, because I feel constrained in trying to figure out what is best for me, and I am terrified of burning bridges at school A, who are all people I would potentially like to work with in the future. They haven't even sent me anything officially binding on their part yet, but because they asked me before nominating me if I was interested, it feels like they think I already said yes. On the other hand, school B has sent official offer of admission plus the full funding for the entire program, without all the subtle pressure. Anyone experiencing similar pressure to accept a fellowship and admission?

@Miner 49er Ok, thanks!

Sorry for being a bit nosey, I was just wondering where/how you heard PO was only taking one student?