Warelin

This. Grad Schools are looking for someone that they feel have a good base and can grow in their program. If you're already a developed scholar, there's no point for a grad school to accept you. Grad School exists for the developing.
 
That is the goal. Not everyone will make it there. However, great programs will work with you to develop the article and to provide valuable feedback to try to help you get a peer-reviewed publication. I think it's also important to remember that the majority of people will be rejected by journals. It's important to keep your head up even when you face rejections.

Your professors are being honest, which is good. The job market is that bad. So you have to acknowledge and confront that fact head-on. If you understand that and still want to spend the next 5+ years in an English PhD program, despite the low wages and minimal job opportunities, you are ultimately the only person who can decide what you want to do with your life. I don't recommend going into it if you aren't totally sure it is what you want. It's not a decision to be taken lightly. It's a massive undertaking for very possibly little gain in terms of career. If you would be happy outside of academia, I recommend exploring those options.

Yes, you should include these. Absolutely no one is expecting you to have a peer-reviewed article published before you start your PhD—in fact, even PhD candidates are really only expected to have a single peer-reviewed publication by the time the go on the job market. A CV is intended to be a fairly complete picture of your intellectual life, and undergraduate publications are part of that; no one will look down on you for writing undergraduate level work when you were in undergrad. In fact, by making the effort to get them published in some form or fashion, you went above and beyond what was expected of you and that will reflect positively, not negatively.

My information is based on conversations I had with programs when I was applying a few cycles ago. There are several programs that will consider your MFA to be equivalent to an MA because you've had additional years to hone in your interests, attend conferences and become professionalized.  While I can't think of an MFA program that requires a critical final project, not every MA program requires you to complete a Master's theses either. Some programs offer you a choice to do an alternate project such as a field exam.

I think the majority of MFA programs at reputable schools are funded. Originally, a fair amount of MFA programs were unfunded, but universities have gotten better in the past 10 years about funding their students. There are still unfunded programs, but most have moved on to funding their students through a variety of means.
 
Did you mean April 15th here?
Side note to those that this might cause worry too: The April 15th resolution only applies to universities that signed the agreement and only applies to funded offers received prior to this date.
I cannot emphasize this point enough. Wherever you apply to, please make sure you know your funding situation before accepting an offer.
 
Some programs might count the degree as the equivalent of a Master's. If they do, you might be put in a pile with other students with Master's degrees and be ranked with students who have been given more exposure to be professionalized. Often, it'll also mean that they'll expect your writing sample, SOP and scores to be higher than if you were applying with just a BA because you've had more time to develop your writing and interests.
 
Graduate Schools don't expect a lot from your CV if you're applying straight from undergrad. And they don't really expect much but a few conferences (or a few classes taught) if you're applying with a Master's. Unless the work is related to the degree, I wouldn't recommend putting it on your CV. Tutoring at the Writing Center might be worthwhile to put down; a summer job working retail is unlikely to be something they'd be interested in and would be seen as padding. Overall, they don't put much weight into your CV though.

I'd like to add on to this. I was accepted at schools where I mentioned certain faculty by name. I was also accepted at schools where I did not mention any faculty by names. In one of the schools I was accepted to, I only mentioned one faculty. They're currently at a different school.

So I don't think there is a correct or wrong way of writing your SOP when it comes to the inclusion or exclusion of names.

I'd like to add on to this. I was accepted at schools where I mentioned certain faculty by name. I was also accepted at schools where I did not mention any faculty by names. In one of the schools I was accepted to, I only mentioned one faculty. They're currently at a different school.

So I don't think there is a correct or wrong way of writing your SOP when it comes to the inclusion or exclusion of names.

I'd like to add on to this. I was accepted at schools where I mentioned certain faculty by name. I was also accepted at schools where I did not mention any faculty by names. In one of the schools I was accepted to, I only mentioned one faculty. They're currently at a different school.

So I don't think there is a correct or wrong way of writing your SOP when it comes to the inclusion or exclusion of names.

I'd like to add on to this. I was accepted at schools where I mentioned certain faculty by name. I was also accepted at schools where I did not mention any faculty by names. In one of the schools I was accepted to, I only mentioned one faculty. They're currently at a different school.

So I don't think there is a correct or wrong way of writing your SOP when it comes to the inclusion or exclusion of names.

I'd apply to schools that you think are the best fit. General ranking does not mean that a school is a good match for you.

I'd apply to schools that you think are the best fit. General ranking does not mean that a school is a good match for you.

I'd apply to schools that you think are the best fit. General ranking does not mean that a school is a good match for you.

Today, I found myself extremely bored. As a result, I complied a list of when schools typically notify for first-round acceptances using data from the results page. After, I rearranged things in order by  when programs typically notify.

Michigan State-Dec 10? (Writing, Rhetoric, and American Cultures)
OSU-Jan 25
Wisconsin- Jan 28
Duke- Jan 29
WashU- Jan 31-Feb 2
Northwestern-Jan 31-Feb 2
Berkeley- Jan 31-Feb 2
Chicago- Feb 1/2
Minnesota-Feb 2
Vanderbilt - Feb 2/3
Texas- Feb 3/4
Indiana-Feb 3/4
Purdue-Feb 3-5
UCLA- Feb 4/5
Johns Hopkins- Feb 5
Davis-Feb 5/6
Penn State- Feb 5/6
Pittsburgh-Feb 5/6
Nebraska-Feb 5-7
NYU-Feb 6/7
Maryland-Feb 7-9
Rochester-Feb 8/9
Emory- Feb 8-9
Irvine-Feb 8-9
Illinois- Feb 9-12
Brown-Feb 10-12
LSU-Feb 11
Rice- Feb 12
Buffalo-Feb 12
Missouri- Feb 12-14
Delaware-Feb 12-14
Kansas-Feb 14
Carnegie Mellon- Feb 14/15
Alabama-Feb 14-16
Cornell- Feb 15/16
Miami University-Feb 15/16
Michigan-Feb 16
Connecticut-Feb 16
CUNY-Feb 16/17
Santa Barbara-Feb 17-19
Stanford- Feb 17-Feb 20
Princeton-Feb 17-20
UVA- Feb 19/20
Rutgers-Feb 19/20
Harvard- Feb 20-Feb 22
Columbia- Feb 20-22
Penn- Feb 20-22
Utah-Feb 22
Notre Dame-Feb 23
Yale- Feb 24/25
Washington-Feb 25
Syracuse-Feb 26
Chapel Hill-Feb 26/27
Oregon-Feb 27-28
Iowa-March 2-5
Florida State-March 4-7
Mississippi- March 5-7

I think it's important to realize that there are no safeties in English. There have been many applicants in the past who have been rejected from every school they applied to except Berkeley. There have been multiple people with perfect scores that have shut out from their season. There have also been people who have managed to get an acceptance at many schools they applied to despite not having great test scores. None of this was dependent on a school's ranking because ranking does not equal number of applicants nor does it signify strength in a specific area.
The ranking of a school is really only important if your end goal is to maximize your chances of doing research at a R1 School. Most jobs are not at R1 schools.
There are many jobs that would welcome the skills that can be obtained through an English PHD outside of academia, but a Ph.D. isn't required for the great majority of them.

I’d also consider expanding your search outside English. I think your interests could easily fit within either American Culture or Women, Gender and Sexuality programs. I’m not saying that being placed in English is impossible but options might not be as plentiful as considering other fields.
English has a tendency to be able to classify interests based on time periods. Young Adult Fiction is harder to classify because of this. Other fields may have a different way that they classify applicants.  

Thank you to all of those who have contributed to these threads in the past few days. I've  run some calculations to update the COL index for all numbers and have them sorted automatically with as many current figures as I could find. In terms of how far your stipend can go in a city, the top 15 schools ranking are as follows:

1. Duke University
1. Princeton University
3. University of Pennsylvania (UPenn)
4. Emory
5. Carnegie Mellon University (CMU)
6. Johns Hopkins University
6. University of Chicago (UChicago)
6. Washington University in St. Louis (WUSTL)
9. Rice University
9. Yale University
11. University of Chicago
12. University of Michigan
13. Brown University
13. Southern Methodist University (SMU)
15. University of Notre Dame

While there are other programs that might pay more in stipends, the cities they're located in are very expensive. However, that shouldn't stop you from applying if it's great fit.

In a few weeks, you'll find out where you're accepted, rejected or waitlisted. By now, I'm sure you're experiencing all sorts of highs and lows. This is a very stressful process. Sometimes, all you want is some news because you're starting to feel down about the process.

Big News? You're alive.
-There are currently seven billion people alive today and the Population Reference Bureau estimates that about 107 billion people have ever lived.  -Having just a few coins makes you richer than most people on Earth.
-You are unique and nobody in the entire world is like you are
-The opportunity to attend school is something many people don’t have. (Which makes having a college degree even greater!)
-Most people lack a bed of their own to sleep in
-Many people on earth lack access to clean water.
-Cell phones make talking to loved ones easy.
-You have friends that will always have your back. (And if you don't, message me. Let's talk. And if you do, let's talk anyways)
-You can enjoy pizza. Or Ice Cream.
-There are people in your life who love you more than you could ever know -The Internet, n'uff said?   But in all seriousness, try not to compare yourself to others. We have a tendency to look at how great the lives of other people are going without realizing the stresses they're hiding. No matter where you get in or don't get in, please be proud of yourselves. You've worked incredibly hard to get to where you are. An acceptance doesn't determine who you are and a rejection doesn't make you lesser than. It just means not this year. You might realize that your passions change over the course of a year. And you might discover those new interests are really interesting when you do reapply. You might discover some universities that previously rejected you might accept you the following year and viceversa.   Lastly, a word on rankings:
USNews rankings for English are determined by 14 percent of respondents who were department heads or director of graduate studies. As such, it's hard to take rankings those seriously when a lot of the rankings are based on "name brand". Most departments are only paying attention to a few select schools and placements may vary considerably across specific interests. Follow your heart when making a decision. Happiness is the number one thing that will make you succeed in a program and that happiness will translate to the quality of work you produce.

Good luck all. You're going to do great!

@maengret's first link is how I've been calculating it since it seems to be the most recently updated version.Living Wage *2080. Stipend divided by yearly cost of living should get you an "avg" cost of living. A cost of living of "1" means you're at the cost of what a living wage is for that city. A living wage below 1 doesn't mean that the stipend isn't livable. However, a score closer to 0 might mean that you'll need to room with roommates or live farther away from the university or the city. I felt adding the column would be useful to show how far different amounts get in different places and to show that a higher stipend doesn't always mean a higher offer.

I’m glad it worked out for you. I think most schools are willing to work with you if there are barriers to completing certain parts of your application. Most are genuinely interested in their applicants. Best of luck with your applications! If you have any questions, feel free to shoot me a PM.  

Update: You were right! I only emailed 1 school, but it actually worked and they were very kind to my plight. Now I'm eager to apply there. 

This might be a worthwhile conversation to bring up to schools you're interested in but that currently have the GRE as a requirement. I imagine that a few would waive the requirement if the GRE isn't available in your country.

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@MetaphysicalDrama(really like the username btw) brings up some excellent points.
I think a lot of placements also depend on your specific field and adviser. Emprof mentioned that their school places very well in 3 fields and a bit less well in other fields. Likewise, I also think it's important to remember that USNews rankings (for English) were based on 14 percent response rate of 155 programs. Programs that have been around for longer often have more of a reputation because their graduates have had a longer time to have their work published. Likewise, bigger programs might appear to be placing in more colleges because they've had more graduates. Smaller programs might be placing just as well as bigger programs but might get less attention because they don't have as many alumni spread out through different colleges.
Prior to these rankings, UC Davis was not considered a "top 20" program. However, I can also say that they've made a lot of interesting changes in the last few years which have allowed them to capture some more interest. However, I don't think all schools are paying attention to every single school and I imagine that rankings would look significantly different if we broke it up into different regions or if a different 14 percent responded to the survey.
To some extent, I think ranking could be impacted at schools through no fault of their own. This article mentions that the University of California system might be in danger. It doesn't believe Berkeley or UCLA will be impacted by the changes but it remains unclear of the remaining 8 universities. I think the UC System (outside of Berkeley and UCLA) has been dedicated to undergraduate teaching and I think that the placements (even at Davis and Irvine) reflect that.
In regards to placing at the same rate, I think that depends. Cincinnati (Ranked #108),  University of Missouri (#67),  and University of Denver (#116) might not be as "highly ranked" for literature programs but they are considered really great places by those who are interested in Creative Writing. Rhetoric/Composition would also determine that great schools are different from those ranked. As such, I'd look carefully at what the placements mean. How recent are the placements? Where are they getting placed? What subfield is getting placed? Are they placing in my time period? Do the "better" placements have something in common? Does the school require you to do something extra that could contribute to their success? Can I replicate that if I'm motivated? Would I feel defeated if my school drops rank when it's not ranked?

YES! CONGRATULATIONS! This is very well deserved!

I got to visit Dallas for a few days last week to apartment hunt and I absolutely fell in love with the city and the people, which I wasn’t really expecting. Then I found out the day after I got home that I got my dream apartment in my dream neighborhood. I’m over the moon right now and it just makes the amazement and gratitude I feel about grad school that much bigger and better. I’m so happy right now.