rheya19

First I would research your school's policies on bringing on a second advisor to your dissertation and make sure you're very clear on what the procedure is for doing so.  There has to be some policy on the books somewhere.
If there is someone in the department that you trust (like a professor or advanced graduate student), talk to them privately and see what they think, if they have any suggestions for getting the help you need. 
Then set up an appointment to talk to your department chair or department's director of graduate studies and politely suggest that your current advisor is very busy and you need a little bit more help, and wouldn't it be moist convenient for everyone to bring on a second advisor. Use what you've learned about the school's policy to show (again, politely) that your suggestion is totally ok and easy to do.
If no one will help you, then you might need to go over the department's head--to the graduate school admissions or graduate union if you have one, and find out what your next options are. When you signed that contract as a graduate student, your school had to grant that it would provide you with any reasonable resource you need to complete your program, and that includes first and foremost an advisor who advises you. In the mess that is departmental politics, it's easy to lose sight of the fact that they are obligated to help you in addition to you being obligated to them, but that's what the contract is for. 
Good luck!

I'll be done with my courses after this semester and can then just focus on studying for my exams and my own research.

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I had a similar experience back in my PhD and I can totally relate. You can figure out from my previous posts.
How far along you are in your PhD? If you have started not long ago (less than a year), then I would suggest that you press hard to switch advisors. Since your advisors show no willingness to improve (especially the yelling part), your next step would be bringing that up to the school, as others have pointed out. I know it is not good to burn a bridge, but in situation like this, it may he unavoidable. It is very problematic to have someone who do not know your research area to advise you, not to mention that they ignore you and blame you when things are not working. It is totally right for PhD students to ask for feedback. In fact, advisors are supposed to provide feedback and assistance to students so they can move along in their projects. Ideally, advisors meet with their students regularly to keep track on progress. If things are not working, they should work with students to troubleshoot and figure out the way to proceed. 
Even if you are close to submitting your dissertation, you should still approach the school, as your advisors are getting into the way of your completion. Speaking from my experience, I would not be surprised that they will try not to let you defend or confer, so it is important for the school to know what's going on so they can step in if necessary.

Admitted to Iowa!

First I would research your school's policies on bringing on a second advisor to your dissertation and make sure you're very clear on what the procedure is for doing so.  There has to be some policy on the books somewhere.
If there is someone in the department that you trust (like a professor or advanced graduate student), talk to them privately and see what they think, if they have any suggestions for getting the help you need. 
Then set up an appointment to talk to your department chair or department's director of graduate studies and politely suggest that your current advisor is very busy and you need a little bit more help, and wouldn't it be moist convenient for everyone to bring on a second advisor. Use what you've learned about the school's policy to show (again, politely) that your suggestion is totally ok and easy to do.
If no one will help you, then you might need to go over the department's head--to the graduate school admissions or graduate union if you have one, and find out what your next options are. When you signed that contract as a graduate student, your school had to grant that it would provide you with any reasonable resource you need to complete your program, and that includes first and foremost an advisor who advises you. In the mess that is departmental politics, it's easy to lose sight of the fact that they are obligated to help you in addition to you being obligated to them, but that's what the contract is for. 
Good luck!

First I would research your school's policies on bringing on a second advisor to your dissertation and make sure you're very clear on what the procedure is for doing so.  There has to be some policy on the books somewhere.
If there is someone in the department that you trust (like a professor or advanced graduate student), talk to them privately and see what they think, if they have any suggestions for getting the help you need. 
Then set up an appointment to talk to your department chair or department's director of graduate studies and politely suggest that your current advisor is very busy and you need a little bit more help, and wouldn't it be moist convenient for everyone to bring on a second advisor. Use what you've learned about the school's policy to show (again, politely) that your suggestion is totally ok and easy to do.
If no one will help you, then you might need to go over the department's head--to the graduate school admissions or graduate union if you have one, and find out what your next options are. When you signed that contract as a graduate student, your school had to grant that it would provide you with any reasonable resource you need to complete your program, and that includes first and foremost an advisor who advises you. In the mess that is departmental politics, it's easy to lose sight of the fact that they are obligated to help you in addition to you being obligated to them, but that's what the contract is for. 
Good luck!

Thank you for the correction. I re-read the OP, and I did miss that part. I still think it's ok to feel rejected and disappointed that their life didn't go the direction they wanted, and I was trying to express that. 

I think everyone goes into the application process with a couple of top choices. (I even intentionally told myself I didn't have any just to avoid feeling disappointment later.) But then we get told that to succeed, you need to fully commit to your goal! So we work extra hard on the top choice applications, positive thinking, privately engage in the Secret, prayer, and witchcraft, indulge ourselves in researching the city where our top choice is just to get a feel for it... 
So of course it's disappointing when we don't get it. And I'm willing to be that more people don't get into their top choice than do. 
I think the disappointment can stick with you, because most grad students I know nail their sense of self-worth to their grades, publications, schools, and what their profs think of them. Academics are in an unusual world where validation never seems to come often enough, and when it does come, it never feels enough or lasts long enough. We always are reminding ourselves of ways we're falling short.
I get what you're saying, and I think you're not alone in feeling that way. 

If it hasn't been suggested yet, I would contact a couple of programs you might be interested in, and just explain your situation. Tell them the kind of research you want to do and see what they advice. I've been in two religious studies programs (my masters and PhD) who have religious folk or previously-very religious folk on their faculty. You don't get to be a religious studies professor without understanding the complexity of American religion, so I think you'll find them more understanding than you'd expect. Maybe seek out a professor or two who have both MDivs and MAs or PhDs
Good luck!

If it hasn't been suggested yet, I would contact a couple of programs you might be interested in, and just explain your situation. Tell them the kind of research you want to do and see what they advice. I've been in two religious studies programs (my masters and PhD) who have religious folk or previously-very religious folk on their faculty. You don't get to be a religious studies professor without understanding the complexity of American religion, so I think you'll find them more understanding than you'd expect. Maybe seek out a professor or two who have both MDivs and MAs or PhDs
Good luck!

I hear you. I have gone through a terribly stressful time leading up to the completion of my PhD. Even though I was not depressed, I got a lot of anxiety, due to the seemingly unachievable deadline and two toxic advisors. I too just wanted to get the hell out of it. Feel free to read my previous posts if you are interested. 
I second the above advice that you should go to your school counsellor. Or call a local mental health helpline. It would also help if you can talk to friends /family members who have gone through the PhD journey. They cannot help you to finish your PhD, but an understanding ear is all you need for a tough time like this. 
Looking at your post, I have a few other suggestions. 
(1) Work out a timetable for the next 11 months to complete your thesis, e.g. finish all analysis by Nov 2018, finish chapters 1 and 2 by Dec 2018. Agree with your advisor a feedback and turnaround schedule. This way, you put things into perspectives, so you feel less overwhelmed. 
(2) Try your best to take the weekends off. You don't have to go and hang out with your friends if you don't feel like to, although it would be good if you can. Sometimes, even staying at home and doing nothing can help switch your mind off. You can turn some soothing music on if you don't like the silence at your home. Remember, you simply can't work 24/7.
(3) Prioritise sleep. Write a feasible to-do list for each day and stop all work 2 hours before you go to bed. Do something relaxing like meditation. For me, a hot shower is what it takes to get me ready for sleep. There are a lot of strategies for a good night sleep online. If you have tried hard but you still can't sleep well, you should consult your doctor. 
(4) You have not mentioned anything about diet, but it is also important that you eat well. A balanced diet is key for functioning. 
Feel free to write back/pm me if you want to chat more. Wish you all the best! 

It is common to have problems settling in for the very first semester. No need to feel embarrassed. You are definitely not the only one, even if you feel this way. You will not be the first student who has ever gone to the graduate advisor for matter like this. He has seen that enough to not think you less of it. So basically, tell him what you wrote here, that you are struggling to catch up with your physics course. Tell him that you have tried meeting with the professor to clarify but you lack the background to understand the lectures. He should be able to point you in the right direction, e.g. drop the course, do a course that equips you with the necessary background. 
Please be reassured that you are not lazy/unmotivated by taking this step to consult your graduate advisor. In fact, it is the opposite. You are proactively trying to make satisfactory progress towards your PhD. It is also not a bad idea to clarify how satisfactory progress is monitored in your program, so you are aware what is expected. 

Thank you for your message.
My emotions aren't the best these days. I created this thread in November 2017 and my mental state has worsen regarding this. A guy I was dating asked me a few weeks ago if I could present him to a female friend. He basically said "you're brillant, beautiful, fun to be around but I don't love you."
I cannot count the number of times I've had men telling me something remotely similar to that.
You are good to remain hopeful. I have sincerely lost hope regarding this. I feel devastated and ashamed to be devastated over something like this, at my age. I don't know why it hurts so much.

“The only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough."

I know this may not help you but I have opposite regrets. I did good in school but I focused all of my energy on that and didn't focus on the fun part of college and now that is my biggest regret of my college life. Balance is key. When I start grad school in the fall I will make it my priority to keep on top of my coursework and research but also to make time for fun stuff and socializing with my peers.

I basically second this. I had similar concerns since my GPA was a 3.0 and my GRE scores were basically average, and yet I was looking at above average programs for a PhD in a field that was outside my undergrad major. Lot of similar stories on that thread. 
At the end of the day, it comes down to you. Forget your GPA and all your scores, those don't matter in applying. It doesn't matter if you qualify and to where. What matters mroe is why you're applying. 

Hmmmn, I’m at once skeptical and dubious about non-students of color commenting on the legitimacy and/or the frequency of such events for students of color. One of my main reservations about attending Duke, was the feedback I received from more than a few students of color—in short, it was not flattering or encouraging, and was told by more than one student to consider attendance elsewhere.

Hi Ben,
That’s not a lot of information to go on, so very hard to answer your question. 
But, I also had a a bachelors in Arabic although my masters is in Islamic Studies. 
Having said that, a strong background in Arabic can’t do anything but help you, as advanced Arabic is often a key ingredient missing from many failed applications in Islamic Studies. 
Good luck! 

There is no pleasing people like that and in my experience it is better to direct your attention elsewhere.  Every group needs allies and every group needs to be studied.  The more willing everyone is to learn about those who are different the more inclusive our world will become.  Idealistic I know....but a girl can dream.....

We all want what is best for our friends especially when we think that they are making choices that are going to make their situation worse not better for them.  Since you mentioned that you have already talked to her about the pros and cons of changing programs and it presumably did not change her mind - I think that is all you can do.  She knows your opinion on the matter and she is choosing to change programs because of valid reasons to her. Perhaps they are not logical or make no sense or aren't going to work.  But like you have said, it's her life and it's her choice to make.
While I don't think there is anything wrong about being worried about your friend, I do think you need to respect what her decision is and stop trying to get her to see your point of view/change her mind/etc. It wasn't clear from your post whether it was one discussion or multiple discussions that you kept on having with her. If it is multiple conversations, you need to drop it. Ultimately, she doesn't need your permission to change programs and trying to convince her that she is wrong and you are right may drive a wedge in your friendship. Instead, I would ask what she needs to help her with the transition.

This is exactly what I said:
Please explain to me how that is, in any way, 'denying that there is gender discrimination' or 'denying our experiences?' At the very least try to be a little intellectually honest here.
No one has rebut any of my claims directly. I don't know why you keep saying this. It's pretty clear that you continue to actively skirt around my arguments. 
I've read these already. Yes, there are studies that have findings that suggest there may be discrimination. But there are also studies that show that there isn't (I've provided one such study, in this very thread). Furthermore, we also have no idea why these findings are actually occurring besides very vague claims of 'gender bias.' We also have no idea how prevalent it is. 
Of course there exists discrimination in academia. There is discrimination present in a number of facets of society, both for and against women/men/race/ect. I never said otherwise, and to claim that I did is at best a strawman, at worst, a complete lie. 
No, it's a fallacy. 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Appeal_to_emotion
Of course it's human. Does not mean it is logical and has any merit in an intellectual discussion. 
Great. I don't care. 

Troll or not, if anyone is still interested, here are Canadian websites of gender bias in two of the highest research chairships:
http://www.chairs-chaires.gc.ca/program-programme/referees-repondants-eng.aspx#
https://www.universityaffairs.ca/news/news-article/new-crc-guidelines-aim-reduce-unconscious-hiring-bias-women/
https://www.ideas-idees.ca/blog/gender-gap-distribution-canada-research-chairs-and-canada-excellence-research-chairs
 
From Canada's Tri-Council Research Funding Agency's evaluation of those two prestigious awards, which supports @fuzzylogician's post (I can't tag fuzzy for some reason): @fuzzy
Emphasis mine: "Some of the potential explanatory factors identified by the panellists relate to the CERC program design, while others relate to the wider university context (given that universities did not submit any female candidates)...The CERC program focuses on the most senior international researchers with “eligible nominees required to be, or soon to be, full professors” in a context where approximately only 20% of Canadian and 19% of US full professors are female....The CERC program focuses on the S&T Strategy’s four priority research areas and the STIC sub-priorities, in which women are underrepresented." http://www.cerc.gc.ca/about-au_sujet/publications/evaluation_2014-eng.aspx#3_0
Emphasis is mine: "In this regard, the inaugural competition of the CERC Program has been a great success, awarding 19 Chairs to an array of truly outstanding researchers within the four S&T Strategy priority areas. However, all of the 19 Chair winners are male. Given the leading contributions of Canadian and international female researchers across the range of research disciplines and fields, this outcome is troubling and requires an examination and redress. Excellence in science, technology and innovation necessitates the insights and contributions of the best minds. The full contribution of all, regardless of gender, is not only an equity imperative, but also a pragmatic reality. In a global competition for talent, and with an aging workforce, Canada needs the contribution of everyone." http://www.ic.gc.ca/eic/site/icgc.nsf/eng/h_05589.html
S&T: Science and Technology; STIC: Science, Technology, and Innovation Council
These aren't made up by my own perception of bias. They're actual official evaluations by Canada's Tri-Council agency, which oversees funding across all research fields in Canada.
 
Personally (and, yes, I'm not in math @justwonderin), I have had personal experiences in my STEM field where faculty have made derogatory comments that would appear to be re. my gender. And, yes, I am making a subjective judgement about being about my gender thus the word "appear." And, yes, my sample size is 1.
Like "get used to being under men if you want to progress in academia and get a job," and just recently "nice boobs" which was especially disgusting because I was talking about my work and this prof some twice my age was just staring at my chest. Apparently, what was in my head was overshadowed by the size of my chest and my gender.
 
As @samman1994 notes above, it's rare for two applications to have a similar application.
Just because a person does not go about talking about their achievements does not mean they don't have them. I am ranked one of the highest in the country for one of the federal scholarships in Canada (I know because I got a a special citation), but I have never mentioned it to anyone in my cohort. My recent federal scholarship application, the feedback from one of the reviewers included "In addition, exceptional letters from referees make this a remarkably stellar application; applicant is well deserving of this award. I am thus awarding this application a perfect score." 
But to anybody else, I might look like I have the same exact accomplishments (i.e., I got the same awards as X).
My point is that sometimes things aren't as black and white as they seem. And, yes, again, I acknowledge my sample size is 1. 
Give yourself a chance to engage your female peers in conversation. You might just discover that they could make your experience in university a better one. And lest I sound like a hypocrite, let me share my side as a woman: despite some bad experiences since starting grad school, I refuse to paint all male peers and faculty with the same brush. One of my most valuable mentors is a (male) full and very distinguished professor and he has been a much trusted ally who has always fought for me; I actually cried when I learnt of the level of his support for me very, very recently, which he never explicitly stated. I do know, though, that I am a much better academic and person because of him.
 

When encountering trolls, I try to remind myself that making up fake online identities in order to derail conversations with strangers is likely their only sense of importance or happiness in their lives, at which point I could be the bigger person and feel bad for them, but instead I take a page out of their red-pill books and just don't care.

Fear us. 

I don't normally like to feed trolls, but I felt that this thread needed a woman statistician/mathematician.
I am a little late here but I felt like I needed to say something about my sample size of one.
I am a female math major.  No one has ever told me explicitly that women can't do math.   At my undergraduate institution, our department chair is a woman,  and we have a large percentage (for math anyway) of female faculty.  This does not mean that my experience was easy.  
It started in middle school,  where on more than one occasion I got some weird looks when they announced I won competitions.  The disproportionally small number of smart women in STEM in the media didn't help either.  In college,  when the professor announced what the high score was and it was mine some guys would always ask the other "smart guys" if they got the high score but no one ever thought to ask me.   I have gone to office hours and felt like I wasn't viewed by the professor as smart as the guys who would go in before and after me and that I had to prove myself.   I felt like I was fighting a constant uphill battle.  I didn't consider applying for external PhD programs until I was pushed by some great mentors who saw me not as a woman, but as a great statistician.  And in this December I read reports of sexual assaults among female graduate students and young faculty at conferences for my subfield.   Yes, I did well in my cycle but I doubt it was *just* because I don't have a Y chromosome.   I had to fight to get here,  and I am sure your female undergraduate friend had to as well.  I have had to endure people like you my entire life,  and I probably will for the rest of my life.   I would trade any advantage I got because of my gender (which probably wasn't much) in a heartbeat to not have to deal with the disadvantages.  You are trivializing the success of others because they did better than you.  Like everyone said you don't know that gender was the only reason you didn't do as well as a female applicant.  You didn't see the rec letters for the both of you and you didn't apply to the same schools.