Tyedyedturtle91

Bumping, as I am considering an offer from Windsor. Anything changed in the last two years? Personally, I love the cost of things from what I see online. I rent a two bedroom apartment in the D.C. metro for $1800/month USD. I am seeing like whole houses for that or less. Wow! I should also mention that I am married and an old person at heart. So, needing a bumping social scene isn't all that important to me.

Oklash, I empathize so much with you. Please don't give up on yourself. Please don't even consider the thought of hurting yourself or worse. You deserve life! You deserve happiness. You can and will find your path. But I know that sounds so much easier than it is actually done. But please, listen to me: I have been where you are. A few years ago, I applied to graduate school and got rejected at 6/8 programs. This crushed me. None of my top schools seemed even remotely interested. I was rejected swiftly. One acceptance was to my safety school. One acceptance was to a good program, but no funding. I was living at home. I didn't have a source of income. I was in a very bad relationship, which was ending. I didn't think the amount of loans I would have to take out to go to school and minimally survive was a good choice. I just couldn't bear the thought, and I said no. This devastated me. I felt like such a fuck up. I spent hours and hundreds of dollars to apply to these schools. It felt like such a waste. My parents were pressuring me to move on. They didn't exactly see what this meant to me. I dreamed of going into academia. I really wanted to teach. And I felt like it would never happen for me. I felt like a crucial part of my identity was lost. They told me to get a job somewhere and move on. The only job I could find was at K-Mart. Meanwhile, my professors and advisors told me, "There's always next year. This happens. Just try again." Try again? As if this is easy? As if this is affordable? It's neither. This process can be soul-crushingly difficult. It depressed me. I spent months deeply, clinically depressed. Not many people understood what I was going through or had the bandwidth to relate to me and talk to me. I felt so alone. But, I chose to just adapt and to go on a totally different path. It was not easy. I changed career tracks. I didn't like it. I still don't. I struggled to find work outside of retail, but eventually did. It was meager, however. Finally, I met my then boyfriend (now husband). I began to learn that life is not linear. Life often does not make sense. The path is arduous and twisted and broken and frightening, but sometimes, there is method to its absolute madness. I would have never met my husband had this all worked out the way I had hoped. I also realized that your career does not have to be the only way you find fulfillment in life. There are ways to engage in your love and research interests outside of academia. Focus on finding those things. Focus on filling your life with people who you connect to and can confide in. You need support during this process. You need friends and love. And sometimes, that is the greatest fulfillment in life. Like you, I have a BA in English and philosophy. I felt really unemployable where I was living in the Midwest. But when I moved to a metro area, I suddenly found I was very employable, just not in anything I deeply care about, which has been okay temporarily. I have worked in an off-shoot of my field, and I have spent time building my resume with professional experience. I have saved up money to apply again to graduate school and fund some of my education, should I get in. I spent years preparing to try again. And, in that time, I focused mostly on healing myself--repairing the broken confidence, proving my commitment to myself, and polishing the skills I need. My time away from school and this process has honestly been so well spent, and I have hope it is paying off. My advice for your situation is to consider doing those things: take a year or two or three to build your resume; consider moving to a metropolitan area where there are more jobs, if you can afford it; stay committed to your field through independent study, research, and attempts at publication; research different programs, maybe try a completely different batch of schools; seek out professionals in your field to provide you constructive criticism on your applications; find friends and a support circle; find other hobbies and things that make you feel good; focus on your mental health by seeking medical attention, talking to a therapist or loved one, taking a break from this process, taking a vacation (or stay-cation), taking up a new hobby, trying new exercise, etc.; and finally give yourself a break. Listen to all of us in your shoes. We are all struggling. You are NOT alone! You are NOT a failure. You should not blame yourself so much or feel so worthless. It's just NOT fair to yourself. Give yourself some credit for all of the hard work and effort you have put in. Give yourself credit for taking a risk and trying again. Look at how far you've already come. You are GREAT. Please don't forget that! <3

My mail doesn't automatically fetch on my phone. I go through phases of obsessively checking and avoiding it like the plague. Tend to be more sane when I limit it, but god is it hard.

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Cry. Attempt to quell internal screaming or literal screaming, whichever. Cry some more. Feel relieved. Like never before. Then I'll call my husband, followed by my Dad. And, I will celebrate with a great dinner out. Something really bougie.

Me too! Antioch is definitely a real, legit school. I recall them having budgeting issues, but many schools, including Wright State, are in that bucket. It's worth looking into.

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It is completely normal. I'm a fiction applicant, and I'm doing it now. I vacillate between minimal confidence and utter despair daily. I was counseled my first round of applications in 2013 that I would like get a lot of rejection--not because I'm not good, not because my writing has no merit. But because that is just how steep the competition is. Nonetheless, it didn't soften the blow. I really expected to get into one of my top choices, and when I didn't, it crushed me. I took it very personally. So, be prepared. This round, I am trying not to get too wrapped up in it. It's cathartic to be a part of this community, and I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I'm trying to just assume the worst and be surprised by some good news, hopefully. But I know my writing is good. I like the stories I've submitted. I've sent them through rounds of re-writes and workshops. I've shared them with people who give me constructive criticism. So, I'm not looking at or over-analyzing my portfolio anymore. I made the decisions I made. It is what it is. This largely comes down to subjectivity and taste, anyways. Once top candidates are picked, it is splitting hairs. Does the committee like your style, your word choice, your themes, your narratives? Put the portfolio away. Close your email. Write some new stuff. Take a few deep breaths. Put that away, and write even more stuff. Focus on what you love.

Search the site to get an idea of how your programs respond and when they finally do. Some schools work in waves--early rejections, first pick acceptances, second round rejections as spots fill up, last waitlist offers, and final rejections. Some take forever to notify of rejections, as in end of March or early April. It can be a mixed bag. I applied previously in 2013 for Fall 2014. For now, I think no news is good news. As a previous poster said, most don't begin notifications of acceptance until mid-February. But the longer you don't hear after that, likely the worse the news. But there are definite outliers. Generally, most programs email or call for acceptances. Letters seems to be rarer, less immediate. Rejections come in as letters, though, or email. I've applied to twelve this round: University of Victoria University of Guelph University of Toronto (MA) University of Michigan Brown University University of Iowa Purdue University University of Wyoming Concordia University (MA) University of Saskatchewan Boston University University of Windsor (MA)

Don't feel bad. It is tough to juggle it all. Just start a little at a time. Make a reading list, perhaps, and then start small with a poem or short stories. I'm a fiction writing applicant, and I understand the desire and need to read ALL. THE. TIME. It keeps you sharp. It inspires. But sometimes, I'm just too damn tired after my day job anymore. Sometimes, binge watching House Hunters with some tacos and my cat by my side sounds a lot better. That's okay. We're only human. I actually got a great app on my iPad lately, called Calm, which is about meditation and better sleep. It's great to just try the freebies and drain my mind of anxiety. I focus on breathing and listen to the naturescapes. It preps me for journaling or reading, and makes it easier to sleep. Maybe give it a try. Making a habit for like 10-15 minutes everyday is all you need, even. Good luck. I applied to Purdue as well! Maybe our paths will cross. Keep faith.

God, where do I even begin? To put it simply, this has been such a dream of mine for years, and I am so anxious that my dream might be dead on arrival. I am applying to MFA programs in fiction writing, quite a derivation from many of you guys, and I have a bit of a history with this process. I went to a smaller, public university in the Midwest. Graduated in Dec. 2013. I was a model student, dual majored in English and philosophy, minored in German. I was a pretty decorated student. I applied to programs right out my undergrad, and I had the full support of my professors. I got into one MFA program and one MA program. I was ultimately rejected by six other programs, and this crushed me. The one program that accepted me did not offer funding to me, and this was a deal breaker at the time. I was living at home. I didn't have much of a savings to support myself. I was struggling to find employment besides retail. I questioned if taking out loans was worth it or a smart idea. I decided not to go. I was now colossally crushed. I fell into a very deep depression for months, and I struggled to write. It was awful. I ended up taking some journalism classes at the local community college to help beef up my resume to find a job, and then I briefly worked in local news. It was fun. It helped me out of my depression. But it wasn't my dream or my passion. During that time, I met and fell deeply in love with my now husband. Maybe everything happened for a reason. In 2015, he relocated to D.C., where I planned to join him later that year. But then my mother passed away. Cue grief and an even deeper depression for months--one I still struggle to stay out of. I didn't move out to him until nearly Summer 2016. I started working in technical writing a couple months later, and I still work in the field. Through that, I learned how important fiction writing was to me. To quote Hamilton, "I wrote my way out." It was critical to my recovery and still is. I really got over my fear of rejection, after I realized just how dark life could be in the scope of an even greater, far more monumental loss in my life. I realized all the cliches: how precious life is, how you can't wait for life to happen to you, etc. That's when I knew I had to try again. I write nearly everyday now, so long as work/life/etc. allow. I'm so much more dedicated than I ever was when I tried before. I feel it on such a visceral level. Graduate school is a symbol of resilience, and hope, and ambition, and recovery to me. I want to make my mom proud. I want to live a fulfilling life, where I enjoy my job most days and get to teach, reaching students and helping them with their dreams. I try not to think about what happens if I am rejected this time. Part of me thinks I am better equipped to handle it, but part of me thinks not. I applied to 12 programs this time around, and I applied to a greater variety (differing levels of prestige/difficulty, some in Canada, some spread across the U.S., a couple MAs as well). Every week I hear nothing is a great week for now. Most programs don't issue acceptances until about mid-February. But I pine away about it so often. I overthink my supplemental document submissions and my portfolio. I overthink my personal statement. For the time being, I control those thoughts with research hours into the cities I've applied to, and the real estate market in each. Sometimes, I worry this is getting my hopes up to high, but I like dwelling on the items I can control, given I'm accepted, rather than the millions of things I can't. I realize this time around that nothing is guaranteed. So much of this is subjective. So much of this process is splitting hairs. Many of us, no matter our fields, are great and worthy candidates. This, unfortunately, is just the current state of things: the economy, the job market, academia. It's frightening to consider how out of one's hands your life often is. But we have done what we can do to steer the direction, to choose a brighter path. I try to take great hope in that. Will I give up after this if I am totally rejected? Probably on going to school. I hope not on writing. I hope not on entering the field of education--even if in some tangential way. Even if it hurts, my life (our lives) will go on, and can and will still be incredibly fulfilling. We just will have to grieve our loss and heal. I wish you all luck, and I hope your greatest dreams come true. Thanks for listening.