Fedallah

I got this offer too. I first read 30k and was like "oh wow that sounds good!" and then I kept reading and I was like "oh wow....that's....not even half what I will need....." No thanks, man. I can get deep dish pizza anywhere anyway. 

I also got (and immediately turned down) the MAPH offer. Me @ Chicago: 

I got this offer too. I first read 30k and was like "oh wow that sounds good!" and then I kept reading and I was like "oh wow....that's....not even half what I will need....." No thanks, man. I can get deep dish pizza anywhere anyway. 

I got this offer too. I first read 30k and was like "oh wow that sounds good!" and then I kept reading and I was like "oh wow....that's....not even half what I will need....." No thanks, man. I can get deep dish pizza anywhere anyway. 

I got this offer too. I first read 30k and was like "oh wow that sounds good!" and then I kept reading and I was like "oh wow....that's....not even half what I will need....." No thanks, man. I can get deep dish pizza anywhere anyway. 

I also received the same offer for Chicago’s MAPH but with a $30k scholarship—and I thought *that* was ridiculous when I scrolled to see the tuition is $60k (just the tuition!!). When half of your offer letter is how to pay for your program, you have to realize that what you’re doing is completely out of touch with reality.
Who fills these program slots, and how are they perceived when/if they apply to PhD programs?

After thirteen rejections (and 2 more IR) I just got into the only master's program I applied for and I'm pretty happy about it, because it's a 9 mo. program on Irish writing, which is my focus! Trinity College Dublin, here I come??!

In at yale, oh my god

not an acceptance buuuuuuuut...just got the email; waitlisted at Brown. 

not an acceptance buuuuuuuut...just got the email; waitlisted at Brown. 

not an acceptance buuuuuuuut...just got the email; waitlisted at Brown. 

not an acceptance buuuuuuuut...just got the email; waitlisted at Brown. 

not an acceptance buuuuuuuut...just got the email; waitlisted at Brown. 

This is really helpful and sound advice! Thanks for posting. 
To echo/underscore:
• Faculty will not experience meeting with prospective students as "networking" opportunities. They will be focused on presenting the program and the institution as a good fit for you. If you decline the institution's offer, it is unlikely that they will have any interest in staying in touch with you through the early stages of your graduate career, unless they are independently invested in your work (because they served as undergraduate advisors, for example). Only when you are further along--publishing, presenting at conferences--would you be legible as a colleague. I don't mean this to be dismissive--only to point out that faculty are busy mentoring and advising the students in their own programs. They're not looking to mentor and advise students elsewhere, especially in the early years of coursework and qualifying exams. And if they become suspicious that you are wasting their time and resources without any intention of attending, they will be likely to remember you for all the wrong reasons--and to steer clear in the future.
• None of the institutions I've been affiliated with (3, both public and private, all top 10 programs) has the ability or the inclination to negotiate individual graduate offers. If we learn that students have gone someplace else that offers a higher stipend, we might try to restructure our funding packages for the coming years. But unlike tenure-line job offers, graduate funding packages are not usually flexible. Of course, I can't speak for every institution! But I know this is true for a significant number of prestigious programs. 
• One qualification, just in the interest of managing expectations: a candidate declining an offer before April 15 will not necessarily (and at my institution, not even probably) result in another offer going out. At most programs I know, 2x offers go out with the expectation that x number will accept. We maintain a waitlist only for unusual situations, such as a candidate being eligible for some kind of special funding from another part of the university that may or may not become available. Obviously, given the successes of people admitted from the waitlists on these forums, this is not the case everywhere! But it's worth being aware that meaningful waitlists are not maintained everywhere.

not an acceptance buuuuuuuut...just got the email; waitlisted at Brown. 

not an acceptance buuuuuuuut...just got the email; waitlisted at Brown. 

Congratulations!

not an acceptance buuuuuuuut...just got the email; waitlisted at Brown. 

not an acceptance buuuuuuuut...just got the email; waitlisted at Brown. 

Really enjoyed waking up to a second notification of my rejection at JH ?

Most of the admissions process was totally out of your control. I've said in many other threads that the most important aspect of the process is who is on the committee, and what the current makeup of the graduate student body is like in the program in terms of interests. Many people on this board get accepted by Top 10 schools and get rejected by schools in the 30s and 40s. Most people applying to grad school are great candidates, and the process is very capricious.
You'll learn as you become a more experienced scholar that the ranking of one's program does not necessarily correlate to the quality of their work, the originality of their scholarship, or the breadth of their wisdom. A degree from a Top 10 is also no guarantee of a tenure track job and indeed, the lack of teaching experience one receives in many of those programs can actually be a disadvantage when applying to certain types of jobs.  The only thing that the ranking of one's school can really predict is how much financial support they'll receive, and how bowled over their Uncle Gary will be when he gets the news they were accepted.
Be happy you made it, you're still in the game, still in the chase for the brass ring. There are many who aren't. This is a long hard slog that will be filled with disappointments and devastating lows. Savor the highs, there wont be many.

I’m in at Rutgers!

Take it from someone nearing the end of the PhD: if you haven't considered alt-ac, you should start immediately. I hate to rain on everyone's parade, but the vast majority of those posting here will not get a tenure-track position, even if you finish your respective program (and, statistically, half of you won't). Period.  Those of you in that position will invariably be smart and have worked on super cool, worthwhile projects. But the reality is pretty simple: there are far too many qualified candidates for too few jobs. As a result, hiring departments can be super choosy, demanding a top-ten-program graduate when their own department is nowhere near that prestigious. A handful of people from, say, Illinois or Ohio State or fill-in-the-blank-middling-school, might end up accepting crummy 4/4 positions that pay 45K/year. The rest of us will confront the prospect of adjuncting until the end of time or, if we're lucky, working as the nominally better lecturer, a position won't clear more than $35K/year.
I know that, from y'all's position, labor and pay conditions feel cheap, dirty, or irrelevant. Believe me, I get it -- at twenty-three, fresh out of undergrad, I said exactly the same thing. But when you're pushing thirty and you have little savings, no chance of buying a house, and no money to start the family you discovered you'd like to have—then, these things start seeming important.
I raise all this hullabaloo as preface to this: you don't have to accept shit pay, shit working conditions, and no job security. Hell, if you've committed ten years to higher ed, you'd be crazy to think those things are fine. Instead, you can—and will, if you try—find valuable work outside of higher education. I can confirm this from experience. While ABD, I've completed graduate internships with the Government Accountability Office and a nationally-recognized education nonprofit. Both gigs made me realize a few things that I wouldn't have known otherwise: first, that there are smart people outside academia working on really important, consequential issues; two, that those same people recognize the value of having someone with our critical thinking and communications skills; and three, they're actually willing to pay what we're worth. I'm very happy to report the last. Both of my internships led to substantial job offers that I'll be weighing when I graduate in a year. It would be virtually impossible for an academic job, were I offered one, to compete with the other two offers I have in my back pocket. 
I'm telling you all this not to poo poo grad school or make you feel bad. There's plenty of reading out there on the job market that'll do that just fine. Rather, I'm telling you this so that you might see alt-ac as an opportunity that needn't be relegated to the "I'll do it if I don't get that job at Yale, or Emory, or Southwestern Oklahoma Baptist..." In fact, it might be the only option you have that will properly reward you for your intelligence, hard work, and writing skills. So, please, please, please, keep it in mind as you start your work in graduate school. Don't wait until you've graduated and been spit out of higher ed before you position yourself for success beyond the campus grounds. Avoid the grad school mindset that you're an amateur that doesn't know much and can't do much, either. Recognize your worth and refuse to accept a miserable working life. 

The GREs are kind of a strawman argument. Half of us say they’re more important than people say, half of us that they’re less. Ultimately, all arguments dismissing them are anecdotal (“look, I had X and I got in, my friend had X+1 and didn’t”), but whenever people seemingly in the know come around they suggest that it’s dairly important (which admittedly is also anecdotal). Seems like professors know it’s bullshit but administrations value it. Administrations have the money so my takeaway is: get them as high as you can without sacrificing your meal ticket (SoP, WS) to give yourself the best odds.

My cohort is mixed. Half of us have MA degrees; half of us only have a Bachelor's degree. I don't think 23/24 is considered 'too young' for a program. I don't think TA'ing or adjuncting count much for PhD programs. It might be a nice 'bonus' but I don't think it'll make a difference to whether or not a program accepts you. Fit is still and will likely always be king when there are so many well qualified applicants applying.