_angua

Hello,
just wanted to give some news to those who were worried about me: I am okay. My mental state is good, despite the circumstances. I do a lot of self-care. I want to thank those of you who have shown empathy towards me and remembered that I am a human being (instead of being paternalistic and judgmental or tried to "Dr Phil'ed" me on the Internet in assuming that I should not do a Ph.D which is a big LOL to me).
My supervisor said that if the external examiner fails me again, we're going to appeal for sure. I feel better though because I know that I have a "recourse" or an option if something turns bad again.
The news came out that I got the scholarship. I have received multiple hundreds of messages of congratulations. Not all of those people know about my thesis failure, but I feel encouraged by these people who actually know me IRL and are confident in my ability to succeed. 
I also have a third professor who has accepted to read and comment the revised version of my thesis, before we send it off to evaluation again.
I feel less anxious than I did a month ago. I am going to do the best that I can, just like I have always done, and I know that in the event that something happens again, my whole department is ready to defend me in the case of an appeal (again, these are professors that have known me for years and are confident in my ability to succeed in academia).
I also want to mention that I won't be coming here as much as I used to, because this place is not healthy for me. If you want to keep in touch, just PM me.
 
 
 

I also hope Adelaide is okay and is getting support offline with revising her thesis.
And just to reiterate and maybe clarify my point for people who seem confused or think I am arguing for universal praise (though I think that's a pretty bad faith response to what I said), in general I think it's better to think about how we can respond in helpful ways based on what we actually know about how people experience crises or distress, rather than moralizing about how we think they ought to respond.

As someone preparing to start a Masters in the fall this thread has left me feeling pretty disgusted. It makes me think that I should not expect any empathy or appropriate support from colleagues if I ever face a crisis.
When someone is in a state of crisis, barraging them with criticism and advice is actually incredibly unhelpful. It can put the person in more distress and make it even harder for them to think and problem solve the crisis. It's not suprising that it would produce an emotional response or 'lashing out'. Do we really think telling someone in crisis that based on reading their posts on a forum we can diagnose all of their character flaws and declare that they actually aren't cut out for their position is appropriate advice?? It may make you feel self-righteous but you're not actually giving someone the harsh reality, you're just being a jerk.
 
Just because someone vents their personal frustrations on a forum doesn't mean you're obligated to respond. You should all reflect on whether you are really the best person to respond when someone is in distress on this forum and you are unable to provide a nonjudgmental response.

I also hope Adelaide is okay and is getting support offline with revising her thesis.
And just to reiterate and maybe clarify my point for people who seem confused or think I am arguing for universal praise (though I think that's a pretty bad faith response to what I said), in general I think it's better to think about how we can respond in helpful ways based on what we actually know about how people experience crises or distress, rather than moralizing about how we think they ought to respond.

Not a single reply in this thread has been malicious or written in bad faith.
 
Perhaps you would be better suited to kindergarten as opposed to pursuing academia at postgrad level. That way you'll never have to encounter any opinions that make you feel uncomfortable or force you to reconsider your own position; you'll find the universally positive environment you seem to be looking for.
 
There, that was a bit mean - but it's the first time in 3 pages that anyone has been catty in the slightest.

I know, I'm kind of worried. She hasn't been on for days, which is unusual! Hopefully she's just decided to take a break from Grad Cafe, but I am a little worried about her mental state right now and I hope she's okay.

X'D I've been trying to do this, but they all spark joy T^T  I love my books. 

As someone preparing to start a Masters in the fall this thread has left me feeling pretty disgusted. It makes me think that I should not expect any empathy or appropriate support from colleagues if I ever face a crisis.
When someone is in a state of crisis, barraging them with criticism and advice is actually incredibly unhelpful. It can put the person in more distress and make it even harder for them to think and problem solve the crisis. It's not suprising that it would produce an emotional response or 'lashing out'. Do we really think telling someone in crisis that based on reading their posts on a forum we can diagnose all of their character flaws and declare that they actually aren't cut out for their position is appropriate advice?? It may make you feel self-righteous but you're not actually giving someone the harsh reality, you're just being a jerk.
 
Just because someone vents their personal frustrations on a forum doesn't mean you're obligated to respond. You should all reflect on whether you are really the best person to respond when someone is in distress on this forum and you are unable to provide a nonjudgmental response.

As someone preparing to start a Masters in the fall this thread has left me feeling pretty disgusted. It makes me think that I should not expect any empathy or appropriate support from colleagues if I ever face a crisis.
When someone is in a state of crisis, barraging them with criticism and advice is actually incredibly unhelpful. It can put the person in more distress and make it even harder for them to think and problem solve the crisis. It's not suprising that it would produce an emotional response or 'lashing out'. Do we really think telling someone in crisis that based on reading their posts on a forum we can diagnose all of their character flaws and declare that they actually aren't cut out for their position is appropriate advice?? It may make you feel self-righteous but you're not actually giving someone the harsh reality, you're just being a jerk.
 
Just because someone vents their personal frustrations on a forum doesn't mean you're obligated to respond. You should all reflect on whether you are really the best person to respond when someone is in distress on this forum and you are unable to provide a nonjudgmental response.

As someone preparing to start a Masters in the fall this thread has left me feeling pretty disgusted. It makes me think that I should not expect any empathy or appropriate support from colleagues if I ever face a crisis.
When someone is in a state of crisis, barraging them with criticism and advice is actually incredibly unhelpful. It can put the person in more distress and make it even harder for them to think and problem solve the crisis. It's not suprising that it would produce an emotional response or 'lashing out'. Do we really think telling someone in crisis that based on reading their posts on a forum we can diagnose all of their character flaws and declare that they actually aren't cut out for their position is appropriate advice?? It may make you feel self-righteous but you're not actually giving someone the harsh reality, you're just being a jerk.
 
Just because someone vents their personal frustrations on a forum doesn't mean you're obligated to respond. You should all reflect on whether you are really the best person to respond when someone is in distress on this forum and you are unable to provide a nonjudgmental response.

As someone preparing to start a Masters in the fall this thread has left me feeling pretty disgusted. It makes me think that I should not expect any empathy or appropriate support from colleagues if I ever face a crisis.
When someone is in a state of crisis, barraging them with criticism and advice is actually incredibly unhelpful. It can put the person in more distress and make it even harder for them to think and problem solve the crisis. It's not suprising that it would produce an emotional response or 'lashing out'. Do we really think telling someone in crisis that based on reading their posts on a forum we can diagnose all of their character flaws and declare that they actually aren't cut out for their position is appropriate advice?? It may make you feel self-righteous but you're not actually giving someone the harsh reality, you're just being a jerk.
 
Just because someone vents their personal frustrations on a forum doesn't mean you're obligated to respond. You should all reflect on whether you are really the best person to respond when someone is in distress on this forum and you are unable to provide a nonjudgmental response.

Yeeeeeah, that's too far on a lot a levels. Don't try to be a psychologist on the internet or try to explain to someone why they don't work as a person. It diminishes the rest of what you're saying. 

I'm not here to dogpile on the OP, but I have decided to log in for the first time in perhaps nearly seven and a half years to weigh in. This post has been unfairly received. I'm not sure that the criticism applies, but I think it's on point. There is a tenor throughout all OP's posts that her problems are not of her own invention, but that they are merely things that have happened to her, which were totally unforeseeable and against all expectation, indeed are even quite unfair. There is great deal of blame shifting I believe, and the complete rejection in her response to this post that any of it may possibly be true or apply here, indeed I felt when reading it that she wanted to characterize this as a kind of character assassination, an aggressive attempt to harass and badger the OP, when I see actually astute suggestions that no one else here is making, but that I think are balanced, and said with moderation, and need to have been said.
I would add to this has the OP considered that her advisor is frankly out of her depth? It sounds like there is a huge rift between what the advisor thinks is an acceptable level for a master's thesis and what the reviewer thinks is appropriate. As much is implied by the advisor's suggestion that the reviewer is being too demanding.
I actually find the story of the OP very fascinating and have spent some time reading through some of her threads going back over two years. I've sensed throughout a sense of doubt about her ability. This uncertainty has been present since very early on and I think what has happened is she gave herself false assurances, thinking that things would just "work out". A person can sell themselves short, by not believing in themselves, and this in turn breeds a sort of complacency which says, "I will write it and if it is accepted it is accepted and if it's not it's not." These self-imposed limitations are like painting a target on one's own back.
There are two kinds of people, I believe. People who things happen to and people who make things happen. OP is very strongly in the former category. This idea that people are passive agents, that life has treated unfairly or has handed rotten experiences must be set aside now and forever.

At first I didn't think I was going to jump into the fray, but I can feel @Adelaide9216's frustration and pain palpating through the screen. I know all of you are trying to be helpful and give her the harsh truth as you see it, but as someone who's been reading her posts for a year or so now, it feels a bit like you're crushing her soul. I know how much effort she's been putting into her work and how much all her hopes and dreams depend on passing the thesis. I gasped when she first posted about failing. I don't think she's trying to pass the buck and blame everyone else, she just poured out her soul at a time when she is feeling very vulnerable and stressed out, and I think it's kind of sad that people who have purportedly read her posts think this is an appropriate time to deliver the "harsh reality" in all its cold, unsympathetic harshness. @Chanandler made what may have been a valid point, but I can think of a few different ways it could have been stated more positively without hurting her to the extent that it did. Maybe I'm too soft and taking this too much to heart, but I like to think that if I reached out like this in a state of heartache, I would receive sympathetic support instead of a damn peer review.

I graduated from undergrad today!!!!

I thought applying and interviewing would be the hard part, but preparing to move, looking for housing in a city I visited once for 4 hours, attempting to wrap up my life in one place, finishing a large research study that has me traveling a good bit has been overwhelming, and dealing with a family health crisis has definitely been harder.  What did you find (or are you finding, if you're making the transition as well) that helped to keep you from getting too burned out during the transition phase?  I want to start my PhD program excited, fresh, and ready to dive in, but right now I'm worried I'm going to arrive to the first day of classes exhausted and hanging on by threads.

I'm tired to defending my adulthood to people. I worked in the "real world" before coming to grad school, you can't just take my "adult" status away from me like that.
But the more I defend the more it's used against me, like a teenager saying they're an adult. I'm 24 year old, I live separate from my parents, I'm financially independent, I actually live on the opposite side of the continent from any sort of support network. I'm pretty sure I'm an adult. And yet, at least once every few weeks, I gotta have this same argument again and again. 

I can only speak to Canadian schools but I would not be too worried about quant. I was accepted even with a Q slightly below 50th percentile (tbf my V and W were in the high 90s). It's more important to have strong letters and research experience.

For OGS, I heard back from UOttawa in December and Guelph last week (both waitlisted). Waterloo & UWO be reporting soon, York releases results in May, and UofT/OISE releases results in July. 

I think I can pass my thesis.

The grad school I'm attending received my official transcripts so I am now fully admitted, and this is really happening! It's a bit surreal to think that I'm actually moving across the country and doing this soon.

The grad school I'm attending received my official transcripts so I am now fully admitted, and this is really happening! It's a bit surreal to think that I'm actually moving across the country and doing this soon.

The grad school I'm attending received my official transcripts so I am now fully admitted, and this is really happening! It's a bit surreal to think that I'm actually moving across the country and doing this soon.

The grad school I'm attending received my official transcripts so I am now fully admitted, and this is really happening! It's a bit surreal to think that I'm actually moving across the country and doing this soon.

As a current grad student, enjoy the time you have for you will never see its like again.