LadyL

First of all, you realize this thread is from last year's admission cycle, correct? Thankfully I am already in graduate school so advice on this matter no longer applies. I see that you are applying this cycle and I remember how stressful the process was. That said I don't think there's any need to imply that I am/was selfish and immature in my actions, or that I didn't put enough thought into it. You're making a bunch of assumptions that reflect more on you than they do on me IMHO.

And FWIW I didn't spend "months making a decision" - I got an offer from this program in late March so I had less than a month to think it over, along with 4 other offers. I only put them in the "no" column maybe a few days before I got that email. And I still think they were jerks for changing the deadline at the last minute because it was more convenient for them.

First of all, you realize this thread is from last year's admission cycle, correct? Thankfully I am already in graduate school so advice on this matter no longer applies. I see that you are applying this cycle and I remember how stressful the process was. That said I don't think there's any need to imply that I am/was selfish and immature in my actions, or that I didn't put enough thought into it. You're making a bunch of assumptions that reflect more on you than they do on me IMHO.

And FWIW I didn't spend "months making a decision" - I got an offer from this program in late March so I had less than a month to think it over, along with 4 other offers. I only put them in the "no" column maybe a few days before I got that email. And I still think they were jerks for changing the deadline at the last minute because it was more convenient for them.

First of all, you realize this thread is from last year's admission cycle, correct? Thankfully I am already in graduate school so advice on this matter no longer applies. I see that you are applying this cycle and I remember how stressful the process was. That said I don't think there's any need to imply that I am/was selfish and immature in my actions, or that I didn't put enough thought into it. You're making a bunch of assumptions that reflect more on you than they do on me IMHO.

And FWIW I didn't spend "months making a decision" - I got an offer from this program in late March so I had less than a month to think it over, along with 4 other offers. I only put them in the "no" column maybe a few days before I got that email. And I still think they were jerks for changing the deadline at the last minute because it was more convenient for them.

First of all, you realize this thread is from last year's admission cycle, correct? Thankfully I am already in graduate school so advice on this matter no longer applies. I see that you are applying this cycle and I remember how stressful the process was. That said I don't think there's any need to imply that I am/was selfish and immature in my actions, or that I didn't put enough thought into it. You're making a bunch of assumptions that reflect more on you than they do on me IMHO.

And FWIW I didn't spend "months making a decision" - I got an offer from this program in late March so I had less than a month to think it over, along with 4 other offers. I only put them in the "no" column maybe a few days before I got that email. And I still think they were jerks for changing the deadline at the last minute because it was more convenient for them.

I am in my first year of grad school after working in a lab for 3 years after undergrad. In my last lab, I ran myself into the ground trying to be a superstar. I was pretty successful at it - I helped us avoid getting the funding pulled on a multi million dollar grant whose progress had stalled. In order to do so I collected an unbelievable amount of data under ridiculous time constraints. The PI in the lab actually tried to promote me directly from Research Assistant to Research Associate because of my work but associates have to have a graduate degree and I only had a BA.

The problem was that my personal life suffered terribly because I had no energy for anything but my job, and my long term relationship almost ended in part because of that. I also spent the last year in the job burnt out, disengaged, and coasting on my own previous success. I am very, very wary of making the same mistakes again. I would rather have a slightly slower career trajectory and a life, than be a superstar with no friends or boyfriend and a neglected cat who hates me.

Right now I get enough work done to please my advisor and maintain progress in my program, but I basically keep my work week to about 35-40 hours. This will inevitably increase next semester when I add a TA position on to my current responsibilities but my plan is to never work more than an average of 45-50 hours a week. It's just not worth the personal cost to me.

However, many of my classmates are pulling 60+ hour weeks, coming in to the lab weekends and evenings, etc. It makes me feel guilty that I come in at 10 and pretty much stop working once 5-5:30 rolls around. My advisor lets me set my own pace and deadlines so as long as I am super productive during the week I don't have to stay late or work weekends and holidays unless I want to or think it's necessary. My feeling is that there is *always* more you could be doing, and you have to draw the line somewhere, because trying to do it all is a recipe for burn out.

Most of the time I think I am smart for having this approach, and less likely to burn out and end up another ABD, but sometimes I have my doubts and think I'm just a slacker. Anyone else worry about this sort of thing?

I am in my first year of grad school after working in a lab for 3 years after undergrad. In my last lab, I ran myself into the ground trying to be a superstar. I was pretty successful at it - I helped us avoid getting the funding pulled on a multi million dollar grant whose progress had stalled. In order to do so I collected an unbelievable amount of data under ridiculous time constraints. The PI in the lab actually tried to promote me directly from Research Assistant to Research Associate because of my work but associates have to have a graduate degree and I only had a BA.

The problem was that my personal life suffered terribly because I had no energy for anything but my job, and my long term relationship almost ended in part because of that. I also spent the last year in the job burnt out, disengaged, and coasting on my own previous success. I am very, very wary of making the same mistakes again. I would rather have a slightly slower career trajectory and a life, than be a superstar with no friends or boyfriend and a neglected cat who hates me.

Right now I get enough work done to please my advisor and maintain progress in my program, but I basically keep my work week to about 35-40 hours. This will inevitably increase next semester when I add a TA position on to my current responsibilities but my plan is to never work more than an average of 45-50 hours a week. It's just not worth the personal cost to me.

However, many of my classmates are pulling 60+ hour weeks, coming in to the lab weekends and evenings, etc. It makes me feel guilty that I come in at 10 and pretty much stop working once 5-5:30 rolls around. My advisor lets me set my own pace and deadlines so as long as I am super productive during the week I don't have to stay late or work weekends and holidays unless I want to or think it's necessary. My feeling is that there is *always* more you could be doing, and you have to draw the line somewhere, because trying to do it all is a recipe for burn out.

Most of the time I think I am smart for having this approach, and less likely to burn out and end up another ABD, but sometimes I have my doubts and think I'm just a slacker. Anyone else worry about this sort of thing?

I've been rejected off waitlists twice in past admission cycles, so I know what that is like. That doesn't change the fact that deadlines are in place to protect applicants from being forced into earlier decisions, when they themselves might be waiting for wait list decisions. Comparing me *following the deadline* with being mean to strangers is taking it a bit far, IMHO. Until the last few days, I was waiting to hear from one other program (now I have given up) so I had my reasons for delaying.

Heh, no, but for weeks afterward my boyfriend and I used "inappropriate" at every opportunity - "This grocery list is inappropriate! That shirt is an inappropriate color to go with that sweater! INAPPROPRIATE!!!!1!!1!"

Heh, no, but for weeks afterward my boyfriend and I used "inappropriate" at every opportunity - "This grocery list is inappropriate! That shirt is an inappropriate color to go with that sweater! INAPPROPRIATE!!!!1!!1!"

The program in question was a neuroscience program. I don't think the problem has to do with any particular trait of psychologists. I didn't receive this sort of treatment from any of the 14 other programs I applied to, which were a mix of psychology and neuroscience programs.

With a little more time in academia, you will probably be as sick of the "Biologists/engineers are all socially inept/aspergers cases" generalization as I am of "psychologists always over analyze everything."

Heh, no, but for weeks afterward my boyfriend and I used "inappropriate" at every opportunity - "This grocery list is inappropriate! That shirt is an inappropriate color to go with that sweater! INAPPROPRIATE!!!!1!!1!"

I disagree strongly with the above poster. I actually interviewed today at a university in my home state and mentioned being closer to my large extended family as a reason I am interested in the program. I think it demonstrates that I'd have a strong support network as a student. Also, the area the school is in gets an unfairly bad rap, and my interviewers actually said that they were glad that they didn't have to defend the area to me since I was already familiar with it. Finally, the fact that it's a metropolitan area means there are a lot more resources available than if I was in somewhere more remote so it's not totally unrelated to the program to care about the area.

I think that once you're at the interview stage they want to see you as a student first, but as a person too with individual likes and dislikes. Part of fit with a program is liking the geography. One program that admitted me said that part of the interview is seeing whether applicants end up hating the somewhat harsh climate, because if they can't stand it after a few days they'll never make it through several months of it.

I disagree strongly with the above poster. I actually interviewed today at a university in my home state and mentioned being closer to my large extended family as a reason I am interested in the program. I think it demonstrates that I'd have a strong support network as a student. Also, the area the school is in gets an unfairly bad rap, and my interviewers actually said that they were glad that they didn't have to defend the area to me since I was already familiar with it. Finally, the fact that it's a metropolitan area means there are a lot more resources available than if I was in somewhere more remote so it's not totally unrelated to the program to care about the area.

I think that once you're at the interview stage they want to see you as a student first, but as a person too with individual likes and dislikes. Part of fit with a program is liking the geography. One program that admitted me said that part of the interview is seeing whether applicants end up hating the somewhat harsh climate, because if they can't stand it after a few days they'll never make it through several months of it.

Not getting into grad school seems like the end of the world. But it can truly be a blessing in disguise, as I've learned. It took me three rounds to get in but now I am in a program that's a great fit, and am glad about how things worked out. Here are some reasons why not getting in was a good thing for me:

1. I got to work in my field and gain professional experience. I got exposure to how the field actually works - grants, publications, department politics - which is a huge advantage going into a graduate program.

2. I came in with hands on skills. Because it had been my job to analyze data, I already knew the basic methods, and was able to jump right into a project in my new lab. If I had come straight from undergrad it would have set me back 1, maybe 2 semesters in terms of productivity because I would have had to learn from the ground up.

3. Working gave me confidence in myself as a professional in the field. Because my job required self motivation and self management, I know I can successfully work independently. I can set my own goals and be confident in my level of productivity. Some students seem to be constantly questioning whether they're doing too much/not enough, but I know from my experience what the expected pace of my work is in the field and am able to follow that.

4. This is a big one - because I worked instead of doing an MA, I don't have student loans from prior graduate work AND I was able to save money. This means that I am in a much less financially precarious place than my peers. I have enough savings that as long as I live moderately I don't have to worry about having money for food or bills. I won't graduate with any debt. I can't emphasize how huge this is, considering one of the main stresses my classmates complain about is money.

5. Having experience with raises and promotions gave me the confidence to negotiate my financial package. I was able to get a slightly higher stipend than is usually offered, which allowed me to afford a decent apartment in a good area. Unlike students who are living in on campus graduate housing, I don't have the stress of having limits on the number of visitors I can have or RAs giving me a hard time. This also helps with my stress level.

6. My experience also helps me feel more comfortable navigating the relationship with my adviser. I know that I wouldn't have been accepted into the lab if they didn't like me or think I was capable. Other students seem to second guess themselves a lot and get paranoid about their advisers not liking them. Having worked for professors in the field before, I know not to read into things like short emails (they're busy!).

I really feel that had I been accepted straight from undergrad I would not have had these numerous advantages. Now, going straight to grad school is certainly do-able, it just means a sharper learning curve and being pretty broke. Plenty of people take that route and are successful, but there are many paths to success, and I am happy with mine.

Not getting into grad school seems like the end of the world. But it can truly be a blessing in disguise, as I've learned. It took me three rounds to get in but now I am in a program that's a great fit, and am glad about how things worked out. Here are some reasons why not getting in was a good thing for me:

1. I got to work in my field and gain professional experience. I got exposure to how the field actually works - grants, publications, department politics - which is a huge advantage going into a graduate program.

2. I came in with hands on skills. Because it had been my job to analyze data, I already knew the basic methods, and was able to jump right into a project in my new lab. If I had come straight from undergrad it would have set me back 1, maybe 2 semesters in terms of productivity because I would have had to learn from the ground up.

3. Working gave me confidence in myself as a professional in the field. Because my job required self motivation and self management, I know I can successfully work independently. I can set my own goals and be confident in my level of productivity. Some students seem to be constantly questioning whether they're doing too much/not enough, but I know from my experience what the expected pace of my work is in the field and am able to follow that.

4. This is a big one - because I worked instead of doing an MA, I don't have student loans from prior graduate work AND I was able to save money. This means that I am in a much less financially precarious place than my peers. I have enough savings that as long as I live moderately I don't have to worry about having money for food or bills. I won't graduate with any debt. I can't emphasize how huge this is, considering one of the main stresses my classmates complain about is money.

5. Having experience with raises and promotions gave me the confidence to negotiate my financial package. I was able to get a slightly higher stipend than is usually offered, which allowed me to afford a decent apartment in a good area. Unlike students who are living in on campus graduate housing, I don't have the stress of having limits on the number of visitors I can have or RAs giving me a hard time. This also helps with my stress level.

6. My experience also helps me feel more comfortable navigating the relationship with my adviser. I know that I wouldn't have been accepted into the lab if they didn't like me or think I was capable. Other students seem to second guess themselves a lot and get paranoid about their advisers not liking them. Having worked for professors in the field before, I know not to read into things like short emails (they're busy!).

I really feel that had I been accepted straight from undergrad I would not have had these numerous advantages. Now, going straight to grad school is certainly do-able, it just means a sharper learning curve and being pretty broke. Plenty of people take that route and are successful, but there are many paths to success, and I am happy with mine.

Not getting into grad school seems like the end of the world. But it can truly be a blessing in disguise, as I've learned. It took me three rounds to get in but now I am in a program that's a great fit, and am glad about how things worked out. Here are some reasons why not getting in was a good thing for me:

1. I got to work in my field and gain professional experience. I got exposure to how the field actually works - grants, publications, department politics - which is a huge advantage going into a graduate program.

2. I came in with hands on skills. Because it had been my job to analyze data, I already knew the basic methods, and was able to jump right into a project in my new lab. If I had come straight from undergrad it would have set me back 1, maybe 2 semesters in terms of productivity because I would have had to learn from the ground up.

3. Working gave me confidence in myself as a professional in the field. Because my job required self motivation and self management, I know I can successfully work independently. I can set my own goals and be confident in my level of productivity. Some students seem to be constantly questioning whether they're doing too much/not enough, but I know from my experience what the expected pace of my work is in the field and am able to follow that.

4. This is a big one - because I worked instead of doing an MA, I don't have student loans from prior graduate work AND I was able to save money. This means that I am in a much less financially precarious place than my peers. I have enough savings that as long as I live moderately I don't have to worry about having money for food or bills. I won't graduate with any debt. I can't emphasize how huge this is, considering one of the main stresses my classmates complain about is money.

5. Having experience with raises and promotions gave me the confidence to negotiate my financial package. I was able to get a slightly higher stipend than is usually offered, which allowed me to afford a decent apartment in a good area. Unlike students who are living in on campus graduate housing, I don't have the stress of having limits on the number of visitors I can have or RAs giving me a hard time. This also helps with my stress level.

6. My experience also helps me feel more comfortable navigating the relationship with my adviser. I know that I wouldn't have been accepted into the lab if they didn't like me or think I was capable. Other students seem to second guess themselves a lot and get paranoid about their advisers not liking them. Having worked for professors in the field before, I know not to read into things like short emails (they're busy!).

I really feel that had I been accepted straight from undergrad I would not have had these numerous advantages. Now, going straight to grad school is certainly do-able, it just means a sharper learning curve and being pretty broke. Plenty of people take that route and are successful, but there are many paths to success, and I am happy with mine.

Not getting into grad school seems like the end of the world. But it can truly be a blessing in disguise, as I've learned. It took me three rounds to get in but now I am in a program that's a great fit, and am glad about how things worked out. Here are some reasons why not getting in was a good thing for me:

1. I got to work in my field and gain professional experience. I got exposure to how the field actually works - grants, publications, department politics - which is a huge advantage going into a graduate program.

2. I came in with hands on skills. Because it had been my job to analyze data, I already knew the basic methods, and was able to jump right into a project in my new lab. If I had come straight from undergrad it would have set me back 1, maybe 2 semesters in terms of productivity because I would have had to learn from the ground up.

3. Working gave me confidence in myself as a professional in the field. Because my job required self motivation and self management, I know I can successfully work independently. I can set my own goals and be confident in my level of productivity. Some students seem to be constantly questioning whether they're doing too much/not enough, but I know from my experience what the expected pace of my work is in the field and am able to follow that.

4. This is a big one - because I worked instead of doing an MA, I don't have student loans from prior graduate work AND I was able to save money. This means that I am in a much less financially precarious place than my peers. I have enough savings that as long as I live moderately I don't have to worry about having money for food or bills. I won't graduate with any debt. I can't emphasize how huge this is, considering one of the main stresses my classmates complain about is money.

5. Having experience with raises and promotions gave me the confidence to negotiate my financial package. I was able to get a slightly higher stipend than is usually offered, which allowed me to afford a decent apartment in a good area. Unlike students who are living in on campus graduate housing, I don't have the stress of having limits on the number of visitors I can have or RAs giving me a hard time. This also helps with my stress level.

6. My experience also helps me feel more comfortable navigating the relationship with my adviser. I know that I wouldn't have been accepted into the lab if they didn't like me or think I was capable. Other students seem to second guess themselves a lot and get paranoid about their advisers not liking them. Having worked for professors in the field before, I know not to read into things like short emails (they're busy!).

I really feel that had I been accepted straight from undergrad I would not have had these numerous advantages. Now, going straight to grad school is certainly do-able, it just means a sharper learning curve and being pretty broke. Plenty of people take that route and are successful, but there are many paths to success, and I am happy with mine.

I am sorry but this thread is such a hilarious example of "white people problems." Oh no, your boyfriend won't get his Ph.D. until two years after you! The horror!

My boyfriend has an associates degree and grew up in a trailer park. This has very little to do with how I view him as my partner. He is one of the smartest people I've ever known, he's just not great at structured learning. Amazing self teacher though. He's probably a better learner than me in a lot of ways even if I look better on paper.

One thing I've learned with time is that I care less about the status of my partner than how he treats me. If your priorities are different that's your decision, but don't punish your (apparently very loyal) boyfriend because of it. Either deal with it or leave him and find some bajillionare with 3 doctorates to date.

I am sorry but this thread is such a hilarious example of "white people problems." Oh no, your boyfriend won't get his Ph.D. until two years after you! The horror!

My boyfriend has an associates degree and grew up in a trailer park. This has very little to do with how I view him as my partner. He is one of the smartest people I've ever known, he's just not great at structured learning. Amazing self teacher though. He's probably a better learner than me in a lot of ways even if I look better on paper.

One thing I've learned with time is that I care less about the status of my partner than how he treats me. If your priorities are different that's your decision, but don't punish your (apparently very loyal) boyfriend because of it. Either deal with it or leave him and find some bajillionare with 3 doctorates to date.

I've been rejected off waitlists twice in past admission cycles, so I know what that is like. That doesn't change the fact that deadlines are in place to protect applicants from being forced into earlier decisions, when they themselves might be waiting for wait list decisions. Comparing me *following the deadline* with being mean to strangers is taking it a bit far, IMHO. Until the last few days, I was waiting to hear from one other program (now I have given up) so I had my reasons for delaying.

I am sorry but this thread is such a hilarious example of "white people problems." Oh no, your boyfriend won't get his Ph.D. until two years after you! The horror!

My boyfriend has an associates degree and grew up in a trailer park. This has very little to do with how I view him as my partner. He is one of the smartest people I've ever known, he's just not great at structured learning. Amazing self teacher though. He's probably a better learner than me in a lot of ways even if I look better on paper.

One thing I've learned with time is that I care less about the status of my partner than how he treats me. If your priorities are different that's your decision, but don't punish your (apparently very loyal) boyfriend because of it. Either deal with it or leave him and find some bajillionare with 3 doctorates to date.

I am sorry but this thread is such a hilarious example of "white people problems." Oh no, your boyfriend won't get his Ph.D. until two years after you! The horror!

My boyfriend has an associates degree and grew up in a trailer park. This has very little to do with how I view him as my partner. He is one of the smartest people I've ever known, he's just not great at structured learning. Amazing self teacher though. He's probably a better learner than me in a lot of ways even if I look better on paper.

One thing I've learned with time is that I care less about the status of my partner than how he treats me. If your priorities are different that's your decision, but don't punish your (apparently very loyal) boyfriend because of it. Either deal with it or leave him and find some bajillionare with 3 doctorates to date.

I am sorry but this thread is such a hilarious example of "white people problems." Oh no, your boyfriend won't get his Ph.D. until two years after you! The horror!

My boyfriend has an associates degree and grew up in a trailer park. This has very little to do with how I view him as my partner. He is one of the smartest people I've ever known, he's just not great at structured learning. Amazing self teacher though. He's probably a better learner than me in a lot of ways even if I look better on paper.

One thing I've learned with time is that I care less about the status of my partner than how he treats me. If your priorities are different that's your decision, but don't punish your (apparently very loyal) boyfriend because of it. Either deal with it or leave him and find some bajillionare with 3 doctorates to date.

I am sorry but this thread is such a hilarious example of "white people problems." Oh no, your boyfriend won't get his Ph.D. until two years after you! The horror!

My boyfriend has an associates degree and grew up in a trailer park. This has very little to do with how I view him as my partner. He is one of the smartest people I've ever known, he's just not great at structured learning. Amazing self teacher though. He's probably a better learner than me in a lot of ways even if I look better on paper.

One thing I've learned with time is that I care less about the status of my partner than how he treats me. If your priorities are different that's your decision, but don't punish your (apparently very loyal) boyfriend because of it. Either deal with it or leave him and find some bajillionare with 3 doctorates to date.

I am sorry but this thread is such a hilarious example of "white people problems." Oh no, your boyfriend won't get his Ph.D. until two years after you! The horror!

My boyfriend has an associates degree and grew up in a trailer park. This has very little to do with how I view him as my partner. He is one of the smartest people I've ever known, he's just not great at structured learning. Amazing self teacher though. He's probably a better learner than me in a lot of ways even if I look better on paper.

One thing I've learned with time is that I care less about the status of my partner than how he treats me. If your priorities are different that's your decision, but don't punish your (apparently very loyal) boyfriend because of it. Either deal with it or leave him and find some bajillionare with 3 doctorates to date.