Visitations and Impostor Syndrome

[thegrey]

Two of the programs I applied to accepted me with funding (one of them with a generous fellowship offer, yay!) before interviews/visits, which is amazing and beyond what I had hoped for, but as recruitment events approach I feel my impostor syndrome going full throttle. My fear, which I know is irrational, is that they will meet me and realize they've made a mistake. I know I can't be the only one battling this. How do you all cope with these feelings? Tell me your favorite brain hacks to hold more gratitude and confidence, and move away from feeling like a fraud 

[Mise]

I understand your having impostor syndrome, but try thinking that the people you are going to meet are not, hopefully, judgmental nor stupid? This is a tact I use when I present at conferences. 

[birdy-bear]

The Hello PhD podcast had two back-to-back episodes on Imposter Syndrome! I highly recommend this podcast, even if you're not in the hard sciences--I credit Hello PhD and the Grad Cafe Forums for being my two sources of sanity through the application and waiting process.  

http://hellophd.com/2017/04/070-imposter-syndrome/

http://hellophd.com/2017/04/071-practical-advice-overcoming-imposter-syndrome-dr-maureen-gannon/

[Monsieur Vénus]

I've also had this exact same fear (as well as a related one that all of the professors I tell about my acceptance will think, "Why the heck did they accept this dummy?"). Honestly the best refuge for me has just been talking it through with some close friends who are also in academia/aspiring to enter academia.

[TakeruK]

The very first event at my top choice school's visit: breakfast where everyone introduced themselves. Everyone seemed like they were from Ivy League or Oxford level schools. Felt so out of place! I started panicking but then during the visit days, got to actually talk to people and know them and felt much more like I belonged. Most people are actually quite nice and they probably feel the same way too. I also learned later when I actually counted, it was only like half the room from these schools (not 90% like my panicking brain was thinking at the time). Going from public Canadian schools to private US schools was a big change and many cases of imposter syndrome popped up during the years but it's manageable!

[Carly Rae Jepsen]

I'm afraid this will happen to me as well. It takes me back to when I attended an interview for undergraduate and everybody was flaunting their volunteering trips to other countries and the stress they felt taking IB classes (my school did not have an IB program, needless to say, and I had only taken 2 AP classes too). At the end, I think schools put these things into perspective. My interview ended up in me being awarded a scholarship that allowed me to finish undergraduate debt-free, so I had no reason to feel the way I did back then. It's hard to control those feelings, of course, but if you were selected it's because they saw your potential and achievements!

[ashley623]

I've been suffering with this quite a lot, and I haven't even heard back from any schools - I have a feeling if I get accepted somewhere and go to visit, it will be even more severe. My fears are less of what others think of me, and more about me totally not fitting in at all, not having an interest/understanding of classes, etc. I think, like a lot of things, imposter syndrome is something that gets easier with time after you matriculate into a program. 

At least I'm hoping. 

[surprise_quiche]

Every time an IRB review board rejects my proposal....

[tsimon27]

whatever you do don't be yourself

 

and eat a lot of ice cream 

[AP]

Imposter syndrome is more common than you think. I had it for real when I began writing my dissertation. I would just stare at the blank page on the screen tryin to figure out why the heck they picked me if I cannot write. I have friends that are having job interviews and campus visits and they come with that feeling: "they think I am so great, they don't know that I'm just a regular applicant". 

Right now, the most important thing you can is develop some techniques so that it doesn't hinder your enjoying recruitment. 

[petrichordant]

I'm right there with you.  I'm attending a prospective student weekend, and the department is holding a mini conference on one of the afternoons.  The director of graduate studies emailed me and invited me to present a short paper while I'm there.  The email was very nice and said no pressure if I didn't want to, but yikes!  What a great opportunity to make a fool of myself in front of all the faculty and other students before I even start there. 

In these situations, I just try to remind myself that all these people have been in the same situation and that they're generally all kind and supportive people.  

[iwearflowers]

I'm a bit late to this party, but I'll add my two cents anyway. One of my letter writers took me aside when I first told her I was applying and told me that the entire PhD process - application through dissertation - is basically designed to wear down your self esteem. She encouraged me to start actively fighting this now, so I've really upped my meditations and mantras. I also keep reminding myself that these people are experts with tons of experience selecting students. If they think I belong here - that I'm capable of success here - then I do.

[serenade]

I think everyone at an interview has some level of imposter syndrome going on (with the notable exception of a guy at my interview who had already decided to go to Princeton but only came to our interview to go on Tinder dates - yes really, true story). 

But FWIW, I went to the bathroom directly after my in person interview and cried for like 30 minutes because I thought I did terribly. And then ended up getting admitted. Just this week I was talking to the professor I TA for who told me that back when he was on the job market, he struggled with getting to the interview stage and then getting cut. He assumed (most likely erroneously) that he looked good on paper until a committee met him in person. He said that before one interview at a conference, he had to lay on the floor of his hotel room and experienced a mild panic attack for the first time in his life. He ended getting a TT job at a highly ranked R1. So it's totally normal . . . but the outcome is often better than you think! 

[thevphone]

A couple of weeks ago I went to visit a university where I was already accepted, and I was super anxious because I thought that they would get to know me and realize that they had made a huge mistake. Instead, they were vey complimentary and really made an effort to keep me there, and I kept thinking stuff along the lines of: "They must be bullshitting me", or "I am really not THAT good. They know that it takes me forever to read articles" 

So thank you guys! This thread is making me feel incredibly better! I am not alone in feeling this way