Venting Thread 2021

[HomoLudens]

Don't jump out the window until you post about it here first.

[HomoLudens]

0a/0w/8r/1?/13pending

This is awful. This is truly an awful feeling. 

[eleatics]

Feeling stressed here too as I've been placed on several waitlists (at a very wide range of schools lol), but don't have a clear idea of where I am ranked on most of those waitlists. I'm also expecting to "hear back" from several places over the next couple of weeks. It is just a crappy year to apply for grad school in general. Sorry this is happening to you @HomoLudens ? If anything, it's still early on in the season & it looks like you do have quite a few schools left to hear back from!

 

 

[HomoLudens]

1 minute ago, eleatics said:

Feeling stressed here too as I've been placed on several waitlists (at a very wide range of schools lol), but don't have a clear idea of where I am ranked on most of those waitlists. I'm also expecting to "hear back" from several places over the next couple of weeks. It is just a crappy year to apply for grad school in general. Sorry this is happening to you @HomoLudens ? If anything, it's still early on in the season & it looks like you do have quite a few schools left to hear back from!

 

 

This is my second round. I applied to 4 schools in 2019, was waitlisted at two and interviewed at one. I ultimately didn't get off the waitlists.

 

I think I am putting too much stress on myself at the moment. I am going through a lot outside of applications, so every rejection compounds my anxiety. 

[marstheruler]

Feeling super frustrated. I was told to apply to CMU by a PI who I have interacted with through industry research projects. Just got a rejection. Really no idea what I could have done differently, and I'm not sure if I should reach out to the PI to ask what happened...

[OatMilkLatte]

0a/2w/3r/12 pending:

Getting frustrated and just want to know the decisions. I don't even care what they are at this point. Hopefully an accept coming, but got to be realistic too, so not getting my hopes up. I wish I could know where on the waitlists I stand, could give me some sense of relief.

[PhilBlast]

At least some people are on waitlists. I've only heard back from two of fifteen, both rejections. 

[ObamaIsGuiltyOfWarCrimes]

I wonder how much my referees have to do with where I have gotten in so far. MSU has close relations with two of my four referees and it has been relayed that one of my referees and someone at Calgary are close personal friends. It makes me wonder if I am actually doing this on my own merits. I also wouldn't have applied to so many places if I could better gauge myself in the applicant pool given the pandemic. I think December/January broke me, mentally. Now I check my email four times an hour - check here, the results page, and Facebook about twice a day - and open all of the portals once or twice a day. My partner cannot stand it.

[PolPhil]

6 minutes ago, JonnyPhil said:

I wonder how much my referees have to do with where I have gotten in so far. MSU has close relations with two of my four referees and it has been relayed that one of my referees and someone at Calgary are close personal friends. It makes me wonder if I am actually doing this on my own merits. I also wouldn't have applied to so many places if I could better gauge myself in the applicant pool given the pandemic. I think December/January broke me, mentally. Now I check my email four times an hour - check here, the results page, and Facebook about twice a day - and open all of the portals once or twice a day. My partner cannot stand it.

Don't be down on yourself. You are the cause of your success. No one is going to accept you just because they know your letter writer. At most, that gets your foot in the door. Everything after that is all you

Edited February 16, 2021 by PolPhil

[ObamaIsGuiltyOfWarCrimes]

1 minute ago, PolPhil said:

Don't be down on yourself. You are the cause of your success. No one is going to accept you just because they know your letter writer. At most, that gets your foot in the door. Everything after that is all you

Thanks ❤️

[unixotic]

I've been feeling super down on myself, too. I applied to 7 grad programs, and I've only been officially accepted into one. I have another interview coming up next month, but the only two schools that seem to want me are private schools. I've, so far, been rejected 3/7 and I don't know what I did wrong during my applications. What sucks even more is that the schools won't let me ask what I did wrong or appeal, so I have to sit here and wait out the other ones. I've seriously been questioning the validity of my acceptances to my other schools and I just feel a huge cloud of insecurity and imposter syndrome with it.

[HomoLudens]

I feel like I am in a weird position. I don't actually feel imposter syndrome. Maybe it is because I am doing an MA now and so I already worked through it two years ago? I would be interested in hearing other people who did an MA.

 

If it isn't imposter syndrome, then what am I feeling? Maybe it is frustration that I think I have produced good work and it isn't being recognized, and I have the firm conviction that I can keep learning and producing better work in the future. In that case, I must be feeling a kind of narcissisms and resentment (which makes sense considering my personality). 

[anti-theorem]

5 minutes ago, HomoLudens said:

I feel like I am in a weird position. I don't actually feel imposter syndrome. Maybe it is because I am doing an MA now and so I already worked through it two years ago? I would be interested in hearing other people who did an MA.

 

If it isn't imposter syndrome, then what am I feeling? Maybe it is frustration that I think I have produced good work and it isn't being recognized, and I have the firm conviction that I can keep learning and producing better work in the future. In that case, I must be feeling a kind of narcissisms and resentment (which makes sense considering my personality). 

I completed my MA about 15 years ago and have been teaching ever since.  Knowing that I've been teaching on the university level during that whole time and getting consistently rejected for PhD programs is a hell of a feeling as well.  You shouldn't feel like an imposter.  You're part of the club, just membership is tiered. Resentment is normal, just maybe not healthy.  I know it isn't for me!

[Outer Heaven]

I spent the whole fucking summer doing applicant seminars for different programs. My sample will be getting published in May and 2 of my LoR are top hume and sellars scholars. 

[PHILOKEV]

9 hours ago, HomoLudens said:

0a/0w/8r/1?/13pending

This is awful. This is truly an awful feeling. 

I had something similar last year, 0 for 7 out of 8.  The very last one bit.  Do not despair.  Hitting on that last #8 certainly gave me direction...LOL.  You have hope and cause for optimism here.  ?

[Potato Cactus]

I still have a passion for cooking even though I'm not a professional chef and sometimes screw up making toast. Same thing for sports or any other passion. Unless I'm Gordon Ramsey or Tony Hawk or, *dun dun dun* - Saul Kripke, someone is going to be better and more successful than me at my passions. But that shouldn't stop me from pursuing my passions.

Burn that toast and pick it up; look at it strait in the whole wheat and say, "you suck but you're still mine and I don't need a Michelin star to make more toast." 

 

[Potato Cactus]

Also, for anyone this might help, please don't turn to drinking, drugs or other unhealthy habits during this time. Once you're hooked those crutches will be worse than these rejections. 

[ObamaIsGuiltyOfWarCrimes]

On 2/16/2021 at 11:43 AM, HomoLudens said:

0a/0w/8r/1?/13pending

This is awful. This is truly an awful feeling. 

 

23 hours ago, OatMilkLatte said:

0a/2w/3r/12 pending:

Getting frustrated and just want to know the decisions. I don't even care what they are at this point. Hopefully an accept coming, but got to be realistic too, so not getting my hopes up. I wish I could know where on the waitlists I stand, could give me some sense of relief.

 

20 hours ago, unixotic said:

I've been feeling super down on myself, too. I applied to 7 grad programs, and I've only been officially accepted into one. I have another interview coming up next month, but the only two schools that seem to want me are private schools. I've, so far, been rejected 3/7 and I don't know what I did wrong during my applications. What sucks even more is that the schools won't let me ask what I did wrong or appeal, so I have to sit here and wait out the other ones. I've seriously been questioning the validity of my acceptances to my other schools and I just feel a huge cloud of insecurity and imposter syndrome with it.

I think as long as you have at least 50% of your applications outstanding, there is still time and opportunity available to you. It is a difficult cycle and I know this won't help mentally, but run a Bayesian analysis on your chances. They are higher than it feels like. I hope you all get into top choices!

 

20 hours ago, HomoLudens said:

I feel like I am in a weird position. I don't actually feel imposter syndrome. Maybe it is because I am doing an MA now and so I already worked through it two years ago? I would be interested in hearing other people who did an MA.

 

If it isn't imposter syndrome, then what am I feeling? Maybe it is frustration that I think I have produced good work and it isn't being recognized, and I have the firm conviction that I can keep learning and producing better work in the future. In that case, I must be feeling a kind of narcissisms and resentment (which makes sense considering my personality). 

I did an MA as well, but feel a mixture of imposter syndrome and like I've put every bit of my life into this. Feeling like you've worked hard and on something novel is ok and not indicative of narcissism. Your frustration is warranted. Adcomms cannot know every applicant so well and might not put their time into seeing the great parts of most dossiers. They burn through them so fast that they might miss out on excellence you and your referees have highlighted.  

[HomoLudens]

1 hour ago, ObamaIsGuiltyOfWarCrimes said:

 

 

I think as long as you have at least 50% of your applications outstanding, there is still time and opportunity available to you. It is a difficult cycle and I know this won't help mentally, but run a Bayesian analysis on your chances. They are higher than it feels like. I hope you all get into top choices!

 

I did an MA as well, but feel a mixture of imposter syndrome and like I've put every bit of my life into this. Feeling like you've worked hard and on something novel is ok and not indicative of narcissism. Your frustration is warranted. Adcomms cannot know every applicant so well and might not put their time into seeing the great parts of most dossiers. They burn through them so fast that they might miss out on excellence you and your referees have highlighted.  

LOL thanks ObamaIsGuiltyOfWarCrimes, your words and your name cheered me up. 

[semiotic_mess]

@HomoLudens and everyone else, I know its super hard, but don't get down on yourself and don't give up hope! I can't take my own advice and this is my second season, so I understand the pressure and frustration. I have had many panic episodes and other anxiety induced behaviors this season (and it is still so early), but I was literally in the middle of crying (like in actual tears having just come down from hyperventilating) while having a panic attack about being sure I was getting shut out because of a few rejections and an implied rejection from one top choice and rejected after an interview at another top choice (that one really stung) and then I got an acceptance email with anxiety tears still running down my face. I then also found out that my app at the other top choice (which I thought I was rejected from) never even made it to the department and since it was an issue with the graduate school the committee is going to look it over (I am not sure how that is going to work exactly. If it is successful, maybe added to the waitlist?), but it just goes to show that you never know what to expect. There is so much left of this season and there is plenty of time for something great to work out!

[Outer Heaven]

I've cried a fair bit this season. 

[Olórin]

9 hours ago, Outer Heaven said:

I've cried a fair bit this season. 

Grad school admissions is organized sadism (in the words of an old friend). Everything about it is horrible, I hate what it does to people.

[Stencil]

16 hours ago, Outer Heaven said:

I've cried a fair bit this season. 

Don't worry, you're far from the only one. If there's one thing that academic philosophy has taught me, it's that it'll break your heart over and over again.

[StringOfSymbols]

Distractions are good for dealing with the stress. For example, I attend a film club where a movie is streamed over discord every Thursday evening on a philosophy server, tonight it's The 400 Blows. I'm not sure if it's kosher to post an invite link since it might be considered advertising, but the group is public so I'm happy to post a link if that's okay ?

[aristotleonchipotle]

I've taken some time off of Gradcafe for the past two days to clear my mind and think about my situation rationally. I would like to first apologize to @PolPhil for making unsubstantiated, emotional, and irrational claims and charges against them. I am not sure why I was so antagonistic and belligerent a couple of days ago. I think it was just a mixture of my own inferiority complex and resent towards those who were accepted to the programs that I was rejected from, which I now understand is irrational and immature. I have nothing against those who were accepted to many top programs and I genuinely would like to congratulate them on their success this cycle. 

Further, I do want to agree with @PolPhil that rejections from these top schools do indicate that my application is weak, and there's nothing necessarily wrong with that. Maybe I can try again next cycle with an improved dossier and perhaps that would yield a better result. Further, so far I've only gotten rejections from 4 schools out of 16 I applied to so I shouldn't necessarily despair yet. If I do get rejected from all of them then so be it, but I guess I shouldn't necessarily be too depressed or anxious prematurely before all the decisions are released, although that is definitely easier said than done. Nonetheless I shall try my best.

Now for the vent: In the case that I get shut out this cycle, it is just somewhat disheartening to see that my philosophical aptitude is not as high as I thought it was. I've been receiving many compliments and encouragements from my professors in my institution and I've always thought that I had a good chance in the admissions but perhaps I was too arrogant and self-centered. Of course everyone applying to philosophy graduate schools would have been "the number one student" of their schools. Also, it just sucks that many people are getting some kind of positive responses such as acceptance or waitlist and I've been only getting rejections. I can't do anything about it but this just makes me sad and depressed. And yes, I know the cycle isn't over yet but my anxiety and depression regarding the results are killing me. 

Let's all keep our hopes up, even though I know very well that it is hard to do so (especially this cycle with the increased competitiveness). Again, my sincerest apologies to @PolPhil.