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The waiting is the hardest part


storiaitaliana

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I can relate with the internal terror. The silence is deafening. I am trying not to talk about it, because I know all my friends are sick of hearing about it.

Glad I have you guys!

Today I got a notice that I was missing a writing sample, no big, except my hard drive crashed last month and I lost all my work from the last five years. I wish they would have let me know sooner, as I applied in November....

Took me a while, but I found a paper copy of a research project, and had to re-type it all so I could email it. (Couldn't scan it, prof's comments all over it.)

Sheesh.

(But,,,, I have to admit it was strangely comforting to have something to do!)

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I am so over waiting too. I think in the past few days there has been a shift in how I feel about it - I'm almost ready to say screw the top choice later-notifying programs and go w/the birds in hand.

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The worst part is a terrible feeling of limbo, like I can't work on or plan anything until I know if I've been accepted. We haven't planned a vacation this year, because if I get into school I'm quitting my job and doing the Appalachian Trail. We want to move apartments, but why look for a new one in town now if we might be moving 500 miles in a couple of months?

The only thing I feel like doing, alas, is playing video games.

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I went into exhaustive stress last night. Didn't feel like doing anything, didn't want to watch TV, didn't want to cook.

I hate the limbo. I don't like my job, but what's the point of quitting if I'm going to be going to grad school in several months? My wife's in the same boat, she's hoping we can move so she can have a good reason to quit her job too. I can't really look at apartments and houses for rent because we don't know where we'll have to live. I go back and forth between good days ("I have more research experience than most, I should be a shoo in, despite my GPA") to my bad days ("They haven't sent me a letter yet cause they've already cut me and won't sent out the negative letters until last"). It's not very fun.

I guess this is what I get for wanting to be in such a new field.

Edit: Tonights, I agree fully about the video games. Heh, if there are enough people on here with, say, Mario Kart Wii we can all get online and have a Future Grad Student 500 :-D

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Edit: Tonights, I agree fully about the video games. Heh, if there are enough people on here with, say, Mario Kart Wii we can all get online and have a Future Grad Student 500 :-D

As soon as my Wii gets back from being repaired in a few days, I'm so in for that. Fabulous idea.

In the absence of the Wii I've been playing Bioshock on our 360, which I highly, HIGHLY recommend. It's EXTREMELY distracting. I barely think abut grad school at all while I'm splattering genetically-enhanced crazy people all over the underwater city.

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I also am exhausted from the stress, its like a constant voice in my head saying "did they send an email? When are they going to accept me? Why haven't they replied yet? WHen when when?" Its super fun!! And to add a new dimension to my torture my best friend, also in the same program as me, just starting getting acceptances and its to somewhere we both applied. So now I am happy for her of course but it makes my life worse.

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I actually think it's worse to have so much to do right now while waiting on app results... because I am so preoccupied that everything I work on reflects that. I was fine until I heard from one school- now it seems that results from others could come -any minute- so I have stalled in my ability to be productive.

I actually started getting acupuncture to help with the stress :P

And my husband's reaction to all of this is 'why do you want to stay in academia again?'

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I walk around all day in a stress-induced haze. This is bad because I teach high school, so I'm letting my students get away with all sorts of stuff I would have totally nailed them for in the past... I'm sure they talk about me after class, like "what the heck is wrong with mrs. g?" or more likely "it's so awesome that mrs. g has stopped being hardcore and lets us watch movies all the time now!" Of course I can't tell anyone here that I'm hoping to quit and move on next year until I actually get an acceptance. Which hasn't happened yet. Even though I check my email and phone messages constantly.

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Like many people , I don't like to wait anymore. I have been checking email quite often at night after I am back from work. Since I live in Asia, the day time in the US is night time here. Sometimes, I just sit in front of the computer and keep on checking. I have got an acceptance email from one school of my top choices (which arrived at the time when I was about to switch off the computer a couple of days ago) and I feel good about having a school to attend for sure. Yet, I just can't help checking the results of the other 10 schools I have also applied to. This is very unhealthy for me since I have been sleeping very late these days. I am wondering how often people check their mail/ the website of the schools they have applied for? For me, I would say I spend an average of at least an hour just going through the site and checking the result page.

Good luck to everyone

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I walk around all day in a stress-induced haze. This is bad because I teach high school, so I'm letting my students get away with all sorts of stuff I would have totally nailed them for in the past... I'm sure they talk about me after class, like "what the heck is wrong with mrs. g?"

I teach too, and this past Monday I was suddenly self-aware in the middle of a class and went "wow, my head is so jumbled that I am not explaining ANY of this properly!" I felt like a terrible teacher.

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I teach too, and this past Monday I was suddenly self-aware in the middle of a class and went "wow, my head is so jumbled that I am not explaining ANY of this properly!" I felt like a terrible teacher.

Hi, I teach as well but I think for me teaching is the best therapy for grad school application anxiety. While teaching or preparing to teach at school, I could channel my attention on teaching only. Strangely enough, I rarely think about the results. Part of this is because mainly the result will come up at night time (US day time). For me the bad time is when I go back home in the evening. I can't help checking the mail though I have lots of work to finish at night. Totally can't concentrate and have to spend at least an hour exploring gradcafe site!

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Happy Monday!

Yes, let the anxiety and fretting begin!! :wink:

I don't even want to know what my mailman thinks of me. I run to the mailbox seconds after he's stuffed it.

I'm going to start focusing my energy on going to the gym and my undergrad studies. I feel very disconnected from my courses now...

Anyway, Good luck this week!!

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The worst part is a terrible feeling of limbo, like I can't work on or plan anything until I know if I've been accepted. We haven't planned a vacation this year, because if I get into school I'm quitting my job and doing the Appalachian Trail. We want to move apartments, but why look for a new one in town now if we might be moving 500 miles in a couple of months?

I know what you mean! I'm almost certainly moving out of my apartment this year, some friends want to discuss moving in together next year, and I have to keep saying "I want to but I don't know what city I'll be in!" I just hope I get acceptances and figure this out before they make other plans...unlike your SO, friends are not guaranteed to move with you. And I can't even commit to cover for people who need days off at work in March because I'm hoping I'll be going on some campus visits. It's not just a feeling of limbo, it actually IS limbo to not be able to commit to things you would normally have no problem with!

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Hi all. I just got my first response to my apps, a wait list at UCLA. I found this site looking for information on what exactly my chances are there on the list.

Anyway, this seemed like as good a thread as any to pop in and introduce myself since, like the intro to Casablanca, I'm waiting, and waiting, and waiting...

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Anyway, this seemed like as good a thread as any to pop in and introduce myself since, like the intro to Casablanca, I'm waiting, and waiting, and waiting...

Welcome! Yes, the longer it goes, the more I become certain that this process is an exercise in existentialism.

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I teach, but in between classes I scurry back to my office to check the computer.. school websites, email, grad cafe, wgi and wgi lounge etc.. i have an hr between each class yet am completely unproductive..

I really have become like a zombie..

and no word yet!

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I've become a time thief at work! In between my work I'll read a post or two on grad cafe, cyburbia, or check my email. I feel like I'm looking at porno. Everytime I hear footsteps coming my way I scramble to minimize! I still get all my work done and then some, I just didn't realize how much this has consumed me though.

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Tonights wrote:The worst part is a terrible feeling of limbo, like I can't work on or plan anything until I know if I've been accepted. We haven't planned a vacation this year, because if I get into school I'm quitting my job and doing the Appalachian Trail. We want to move apartments, but why look for a new one in town now if we might be moving 500 miles in a couple of months?

I know what you mean! I'm almost certainly moving out of my apartment this year, some friends want to discuss moving in together next year, and I have to keep saying "I want to but I don't know what city I'll be in!" I just hope I get acceptances and figure this out before they make other plans...unlike your SO, friends are not guaranteed to move with you. And I can't even commit to cover for people who need days off at work in March because I'm hoping I'll be going on some campus visits. It's not just a feeling of limbo, it actually IS limbo to not be able to commit to things you would normally have no problem with!

I think I finally realized that I may be moving to a different city was when I wanted to buy some new bedding. But I also was asked if I wanted to get an apartment with one of my current roommates next year, and I can't tell them yes or no!

The most nerve wracking?

I'm applying to a couple jobs, just in case I don't get in.

But I don't know how to tell these people, or how to disguise, the fact that I don't really think I'll be working there. So how can I fake excitement for the position?

Is anyone else applying to jobs as a backup for grad programs?

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