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Anyone else losing their damn mind?


gradorbust

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I am done with all of my applications as of 12/13. The last few months have been the perfect sh*t storm with a lot of personal, family, and school related problems, not to mention health and anxiety problems for the first time in my life.

I am also feeling the void that comes with having nothing to do other than waiting. But I plan on using this time to completely detach and wind down. I've been doing way too much lately and it's time to just be. This is the perfect time to practice letting go of everything that causes thoughts about what may or may not happen. We did what we had to do, and we did the best we could. Now there's nothing more to be done. So, just let go.

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Ok, now I'm worried that it's all going to get worse once I finish the applications.

Don't worry, it will. I did apps last year and the majority of January and February were absolute torture. I found myself pulling my phone out every 5 minutes to look for that notification. I could barely sleep some nights. I got to the point that people would look at me and ask "Are you going to be ok?" because I looked like some kind of tortured soul. Not cute at all.

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Got my apps submitted last month, I felt relieved. This relief was replaced by constant dread. One of my recommenders has habitually refrained from submitting the LoR until right before the app deadline. In one case, missing the deadline by a day. All nine apps finally done, with all LoRs, as of today. Relief again... no, wait. That's not relief. There's no relief. Not even a shread. And the more threads I read here, both the less and more stressed I become. At least we're all in this together! This is my first post; long time lurker, had to finally break down and share on this thread. Thanks for sharing everyone.

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Awwww... I've changed the settings on my phone to give me reminders for every email I receive instead of consolidating it every hour. Sigh....

I also still have recommenders that haven't submitted....and the deadlines have past...weeks ago. :(

Oh well...

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Since submitting 1 month ago, all I can think about is whether I'll be in or not.

"If I get in here, will I get funding? Well.. maybe I can see what some of the CVs of current Ph.D. candidates in that program look like to compare against. Wow, all of these people went to Caltech or MIT for undergrad, had a 4.0, and had 5 first author publications by the time they got accepted. Shit, I'm not getting in anywhere. Might as well start training to be a plumber."

Then, 20 minutes later,

"I think I'll read this guide on graduate school applications for the 80th time, EVEN THOUGH I ALREADY SUBMITTED ALL OF MINE. Wow, this says that letters of rec are the most important part. Mine all went to top 5 schools and say I was the best student they've ever had. I'm getting in everywhere!"

Rinse and repeat. It's a roller coaster, and it's not going to stop for the next couple of months. Like most of you, family, friends, and girlfriend think I am going insane. I'm not arguing with them either :)

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I enjoyed the weekend break from neurotic email checking. Oh well, back to it.

I've heard that a few programs interview in January. I would assume they have to notify soon to allow for buying flights and all?

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I enjoyed the weekend break from neurotic email checking. Oh well, back to it.

I've heard that a few programs interview in January. I would assume they have to notify soon to allow for buying flights and all?

eh if you're an international student you can't fly over just for an interview?! :unsure:

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I desperately just want to enjoy the holidays, but two of my programs are known to send out invites by Christmas. I received one of the invites, but am anxious for the other. Once that is out of the way, I can just relax, since the rest of them will be sent out after the new year.

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Oh no mccamel, I think that in my own psychological state, I would have had very choice words for that telemarketer. I would've told them to take me off the list and if they knew what was good for them, they would inform as many people as they know not to disturb me until April 16th!

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Just received a phone call from a mysterious number... my heart rate shot up and I jumped up and nearly ran outside with my cell... ... HEALTH INSURANCE TELEMARKETING :(

They obviously know you applied to grad school and therefore are a target for their company due to higher likelihood of cardiac arrest, stroke, or death by anxiety and negative thinking.

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They obviously know you applied to grad school and therefore are a target for their company due to higher likelihood of cardiac arrest, stroke, or death by anxiety and negative thinking.

Thanks for the much needed and appreciated laugh!

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Just received a phone call from a mysterious number... my heart rate shot up and I jumped up and nearly ran outside with my cell... ... HEALTH INSURANCE TELEMARKETING :(

I feel you. This happened to me today with a dentist, just a secretary giving me my 6 month reminder...

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One thing that this waiting period does create is a sense of solidarity. As stressful as the next couple of months are going to be, the knowledge that you are involved in the process along with so many other people is comforting. At the very least you know that you're not in this alone, and that there are so many people who know exactly what you are going through and are going through the same thing.

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Agreed gnmcclur. People in my life are sympathetic, but they really have no idea the stress we are under.

 

I have started to hate those emails that I am getting more frequently that say, "you're application is currently being reviewed, a decision will be made.....". Ok thanks, but just do it, don't tell me about it. The anxiety of seeing an unopened email message from a school is ridiculous.

Edited by ion_exchanger
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Agreed gnmcclur. People in my life are sympathetic, but they really have no idea the stress we are under.

 

I have started to hate those emails that I am getting more frequently that say, "you're application is currently being reviewed, a decision will be made.....". Ok thanks, but just do it, don't tell me about it. The anxiety of seeing an unopened email message from a school is ridiculous.

 

Yes.  I had a school send me a snail-mail letter in a heavy envelope, so I thought it was something important.  Turns out it was just a letter saying they were reviewing my application and a magnet.

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Yes.  I had a school send me a snail-mail letter in a heavy envelope, so I thought it was something important.  Turns out it was just a letter saying they were reviewing my application and a magnet.

ETA: That is just mean.

I don't know why my original post isn't working. Sigh.

Edited by DaisyAdair
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I'm fine most days, but once every week or so, I'll have a hyper-realistic dream about getting into one of my schools and wake up feeling like a million bucks, only to realize it wasn't reality. O, cruel fate, why taunt me with these dreams.

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